Nov 13 2009 Free Willy!: Whale Penis Leather Interior Dropped As Option On Luxury SUV's
Remember the Dartz Prombron Monaco Red Diamond Edition armored cars we reported on last month? You know, the ones that came with a 'whale penis leather interior' option? Ha, how could you forget? -- you called the company to find out if you could just buy seats. Well, after many complaints from whale-loving organizations like Greenpeace, the WWF and PETA, the company has decided to drop the option. Per their absolutely terrible press release. And I mean terrible:
We have no any ideas to kill the whale or something like that. All we want - to make just luxury car. Real luxury car which will be world number one car. [...] All we want to unite luxury and armoring traditions of RussoBalt factory in one car, which brand celebrated 100 years now. At 1922 RussoBalt was renamed to PROMBRON' (ex.RussoBalt).
We just looking for most expensive products for this car - and that's why we choosed whale penis leathure when we checked it is most of most. After wave of protest we realised our mistake and make a decision not to use natural leathure at all. We will focus on world most advanced nanotechnologies to achieve interior highest quality using artificial materials which also was never used for cars. We want to tell our hello to all whales: "Our Sea Brothers! We all know that earth are stand on three whales - we will keep You live! We don't Earth fall down to Ocean!
I can only assume that's just a horrible, horrible translation job. Because if not, this is the last car I'd ever want to drive. You can't even put a sentence together, how am I supposed to trust your air bags?! *POOF!* Elephant scrotum, nice.
Hit the jump for two more shots of the most whale-hating-est vehicles in the world.
Continue Reading " Free Willy!: Whale Penis Leather Interior Dropped As Option On Luxury SUV's "
Oct 19 2009 Luxury SUVs: Now With Whale Penis Interiors
Italian leather is okay, but you haven't experienced luxury until you've peeled yourself from whale penis leather on a hot day. And now you can thanks to the $1.6 million Dartz Prombron Monaco Red Diamond Edition armored car! Also, penis leather is fundamentally wrong.
The leather is not the only tacky accessory on the Prombron, which Dartz claims is the world's most expensive SUV.
The bulletproof windows are gold-plated, the exhaust is made of tungsten, the gauges are encrusted with diamonds and rubies and the exterior has a Kevlar coating.The car also comes with three bottles of the world's most expensive Vodka, RussoBaltique, although the website does warn prospective buyers not to drink and drive.
Dartz's armoured vehicles weigh roughly 4 tonnes, are powered by V8s putting out between 300kW and 400kW and are "rocket grenade-proof" according to the website.
For those wondering just how may whales may need to be harvested to outfit the special edition, the answer is not many. The penis of the Blue Whale, for example, can grow up to 2.4 metres.
Yeah, no. If I catch anybody with one of these you can rest assured I'm stealing your windows, exhaust, instrument panel and vodka. AND I MAY RUB MY FACE ALL OVER YOUR SEATS.
The 4WD with seats made of whale penis [sydneymorningherald]
Thanks to Russell and Dan the man, who both drive unicorn penises.
Oct 17 2009 DO WANT: Full-Body Leather Lion Armor
This is a full set of leather armor created by DeviantARTist Azmal. As you can see, it is bad to the ass and I would be proud to rock it into battle any day (except Saturdays, I drink beer on Saturdays). En garde! RAAAAAWR!
Made entirely from leather and nickel finished hardware. Production time was about 3 weeks with the help of a couple friends. Chris and George.
Consists of:
Lion Head Helmet
Articulated Gorget
Breast and Back Plate w/ Overlays
Pauldrons with Heraldic Rampant Lions
Full Arms: Rerebrace, Vambrace, Elbow & Guard
Claw Gauntlets
Tassets
Front Skirting
Full Legs: Cuisses, Knee Cop & Guard, demigreives & full grieves, and sabbatons
All with tons of claws and block dyed tooled borders.
Don't you wish we still lived in a time where you could slap a guy with your gauntlet without fear of him shooting you? I mean, whatever happened to good old fashioned dueling? Also, fair maidens and dragons and all that. Man, the 2000's suuuck.
Thanks to sham, who once slayed a dragon with nothing but her willpower.
Jul 18 2009 Dark Knight Motorcycle Gear Coming Soon
Want a replica of Batman's motorcycle outfit from The Dark Knight to sport on your own crotch rocket? Well get excited, because Universal Designs is about to release them for an undisclosed sum of money. Sorry Robin, but you're still riding bitch.
An Officially Licensed Replica Like No Other is Coming.
- Strong Cordura Mesh Base with Heavy-duty 4 way stretch Spandex
- Removable CE Approved Body Armor in both Jacket and Pants
- Highly detailed, removable lightweight interior lining.
- Form Molded Leather and Kevlar Armor Sections.
- Made from Quality Tanned Cow Hides
No word on cost or when they're actually dropping but THESE THINGS ARE HOT! Unfortunately, my mom won't let me get a motorcycle because she says their too dangerous and she hasn't even removed the training wheels on my bicycle yet. So, give it to me straight: think I'll still be able to pedal in those pants? And, more importantly: would you ride in my basket? Come on -- I'll let you ring the bell!
Thanks to Skroonk, Davie B and FDSY, who have all danced with the devil in the pale moonlight -- and looked up his skirt.
Jun 12 2009 Because You're A Badass: Leather Band-Aids
Let's face it, you're a badass. And a badass needs something equally bangarang to cover his booboos when he falls and skins his leg or cuts himself with a laserbeam. Enter leather band-aids. A pack of 3 will set you back $18, which is a little steep considering they don't come with matching chaps. Also available: genuine Louis Vuitton leather band-aids (SADLY NOT JOKING). Personally, I like to dress my wounds oldschool: in tuxedos.
Hit the jump for one more shot.
Continue Reading " Because You're A Badass: Leather Band-Aids "
Mar 16 2009 TA-DA!: Hubless Motorcycle Runs On Magic
This is a motorcycle with hubless wheels. Unfortunately, due to my tiny, dinosaur(loving) brain, I'm incapable of understanding how such future technology works. So this is when I copy/paste some quotes and wait for the next meteor to hit.
Hubless wheels work by fixing the rotating parts (brake ring, bearings, hubless rim) onto the outer side of a non-rotating inner ring that attaches to the motorcycle's swingarm or forks.
Advantages include decreased unsprung weight, reduced structural stress (no spokes to transmit forces through), increased braking leverage, more accurate steering, reduced vibration and a lower center of gravity.
Well hot damn! Let me just grab my leathers and we'll hit the road. I get to ride on the back though -- I'm rocking my chaps commando style. Hey, car behind me, get a load of this sexy ass! Haha, I know where you're going -- straight to BONERTOWN, USA! Oh, looks like you naturally swerve a little to the left.
Hit the jump for more pictures and a video of the magical wheels.
Continue Reading " TA-DA!: Hubless Motorcycle Runs On Magic "
Dec 16 2008 My Wrist, It's Blinky: Tokyoflash's Latest Flash
What would a week on Geekologie be without another watch from Tokyoflash? A hot day in heaven, that's for sure. Anyway, the Tokyoflash Waku ($130) is the latest from the wily watchateers.
Waku's wrist band, uniquely positioned between the frame and LEDs, is designed like a belt and features rows of punched holes which continue through the frame to expose the bright lights beneath.
Touch Waku's button and a simple animation sparkles before the time is presented in three easy-to-read steps. Hours are shown first, one LED indicates each hour 1-12. Groups of 15 minutes are next, three LEDs indicate 15, 30 and 45 minutes past the hour. Finally single minutes are presented, fourteen LEDs indicating minutes 1-14. Count the LEDs in columns of 5 and reading Waku becomes really easy!
The watch comes in three different bands: brown leather, black croc-effect, and natural fur, and each is available with either single or multi-colored LEDs. That's six different options! And again, no, I don't get paid for posting these. It's called relations, folks, and I have them. Mostly with women, but sometimes (and I'm thinking last year's holiday party here) with Joel from HR dressed up as Santa.
Hit the jump for several more views and a link to the buy site.
Continue Reading " My Wrist, It's Blinky: Tokyoflash's Latest Flash "
Oct 23 2008 eBay: Back To The Future II Jacket Replica
eBay seller bendianamj is selling a jacket he/she made to look like the one in Back To The Future II.
You are bidding on a Back to the Future Marty McFly Jacket from the "Back to the Future Part II" in Men's Size Large but fits like a Medium. It is the same future year 2015 style jacket that Michael J. Fox wore it in his moive (Back to the Future Part II). It is a great costume made by our own registered brand. The jacket is brand new and the condition is great. It is a Every BTTF Fans must have item!!!
They'll make one in any size you want, which leads me to believe that you're not getting an actual auto-fit jacket like the one in the movie. Which you should for freaking $400. And also, free shipping. I don't care if it's coming from Hong Kong, I wouldn't pay $40 to ship myself to the moon.
UPDATE: Okay, I take back the moon thing. But for $40 I better get a whole shit-ton of packing peanuts -- I get hungry on long trips.
Hit the jump for several more pictures, including one from the movie, and a link to the auction.
Continue Reading " eBay: Back To The Future II Jacket Replica "
Jun 24 2008 Fugly As Hell Jacket Has A Camera On The Back, Monitor On The Sleeve, But No Style
Paul Coudamy is a guy who has been beat up from behind one too many times. And, instead of just buying a pair of those rear-view spy glasses or rip-away underwear, he made a jacket. A denim one that looks awful and has a camera on the back and a monitor in the sleeve. That way Paul can sleep comfortably at night knowing that the next time he gets jumped or mugged, they definitely won't want his hideous freaking jacket.
Paul Coudamy's Hard-Wear jacket watches your back when no one else will [engadget]
Thanks to Julian, who, like me, just wears a bike helmet everywhere. You know, the kind with the little mirrors.
Jun 19 2008 A Villain Chair For Plotting World Domination
The Villain Chair is made by SUCK UK and is perfect for planning world domination, but versatile enough to relax in and do the Sunday crossword. Made with genuine leather, chrome, steel and aluminum, the damn thing costs $7,200. Yeah, $7,200 and you don't even get to beat the shit out of it with a sledgehammer. Talk about a ripoff. While I do appreciate a good villain chair, I'll just stick to my bone throne for the time being. After all, you can't spell "world domination" without hot wings.
Thanks Rachel, my tattered desk chair has never felt so inadequate
May 29 2008 Man Admits To Having Sexual Relations With Over 1,000 Vehicles. This Just In: I Vow To Never Rent A Car Again
Edward Smith has sex with cars and doesn't care if you think he's a demented perv (which he totally is).
The 57-year-old Washington state native first had sex with a car at age 15, and says he has never been sexually attracted to people, female or male. And he feels no need to change. His current flame is a Volkswagen Beetle that's he's named Vanilla, and considering a typical woman's reaction to Smith's spreading himself around, she's very low maintenance (not counting trips to the mechanic or pricey imported auto parts).
Smith says his fetish took root when he was a teenager. "When I was 13 and the famous Corvette Stingray came about, that car was pure sex and just an incredible machine. I wanted it." He continued, "There have been certain cars that attracted me and I would wait until nighttime, creep up to them and just hug and kiss them."
Wow, it doesn't get much worse than that.
Despite his passion for his four-wheeled friends, Smith has occasionally strayed. His most intense sexual experience ever, he says, was with a helicopter. It totally chopped his nob off.
Holy shit, it did get much worse!
Read the whole article for more ridiculousness.
Man who's had sex with 1000 cars gives new meaning to auto-erotic [nydailynews]
Thanks Jaden, I'll never look at my Neon the same again
Feb 26 2008 It's About Freaking Time: Strap-On Chairs
I hate standing. Partly because I'm so portly, but mostly because I bought a pegleg out of the bargain bin at Deadeye Dave's Palace of Prostheses and it chaffs like something fierce. So boy was I excited when I saw these Strap-On Chairs. You strap them on some poor sucker's back or chest, and presto, a comfortable seat. Although I doubt that dude standing in the picture would remain upright for long if I sat in that chair. Of course I never actually would sit in that chair because that would put his privates too close for comfort. The kneeling guy though, I'd sit on that one. His design is better anyways because it's not just a chair, it's transportation.
Feb 5 2008 Adidas Halo Shoes Are Highly Questionable
Adidas is only making 100 pairs of these Halo inspired sneakers. As you can see, they're constructed of black leather, some other material with guns printed on it, and come complete with blue accents. They cost $110. Personally I don't know why they made them. Hardcore gamers like myself don't buy or wear crap like this, we wear slippers. And it takes a real man to admit that. It also takes a real man to admit that you pee in a wastebasket because you refuse to take a break from gaming. Which, uh, I may admit to if enough people agree it makes me a real man.
UPDATE: Girlfriend just caught me peeing in wastebasket. Relationship over. Evidently not real man.
Ugly-Ass Halo Shoes [albotas]
Jan 31 2008 For The Ladies: Sweet Doggie Bags!
Now these are some of the sweetest doggie bags I've ever seen. They're little dachshunds! How cuuute. Precious actually. Except for the eyes. I'm thinking they should have gone with googly eyes instead of the X eyes. They come in black, brown, and red and will set you back a staggering $250. Of course you could probably sew your own together for far cheaper. This would make a great gift to get your special lady for Valentine's *wink, wink*. What could be better than a little wiener dog purse? Well, besides a real dog. Just be careful and don't buy them from the guy on the street corner that sells them out of his jacket. Because I bought a miniature schnauzer from him and it turned out to be a sewer rat. I tried to return it and the dude just stabbed me.
Two more pictures of the bag after the jump.
Jan 4 2008 Buy: Indiana Jones LEGO Sets Now Available
The Indiana Jones LEGO sets just went on sale, and I must say: I love Indiana Jones and LEGO! There I said it, the cat is out of the grocery bag. I know what you're thinking -- so do you! That is so rad, we should totally get together sometime and have a big ol' Indiana Jones party and build LEGO sets at the same time. My favorite is the Last Crusade. Yeah I would totally do the blonde chick in it, but I'd have to kill her right afterwards because she's a Nazi. You like the one where the guy gets chopped up in the plane's propeller? Me too! Yes, yes, and the one with the guy who pulls your heart out of your chest -- another great one! So icky. He makes Indy drink that blood out of the skull and it makes him go all batshit crazy and he bitchslaps Short Round. So good. Oh my god, I thought the sacred rock looked like a loaf of bread too!
A few more pictures after the jump, but hit the link at the end to see all the sets available.
Continue Reading " Buy: Indiana Jones LEGO Sets Now Available "
Dec 14 2007 Gun Purse Scares Away Would-Be Attackers
The Pursuader (notice the clever name) from designer James Piatt is a leather purse made to look like a gun.
For the girl on the move the Pursuader features a handy cell phone compartment in the clip. Constructed by interlocking laser cut leather this handbag has no stitching. This is a combination of old-world craftsmanship and high technology. Create the look no one can refuse.
Interesting. They run $289 and are perfect for scaring away thieves, attackers, and terrorists. To complete the ensemble may I suggest an Army helmet and a real gun in one hand, which should be waved around constantly like you're a crazy person. Which you will be if you take my advice. What the hell do I know about personal safety in the real world, I live in the blogosphere. Not really, the blogosphere is make-believe and a stupid word that I can't believe I just used. I don't live there anyways, I live in my parent's atticsphere.
Two more pictures after the jump, including one of a woman in a bikini which I haven't formed an opinion about yet.
Continue Reading " Gun Purse Scares Away Would-Be Attackers "
Aug 14 2007 Leather Dragon Backpack
Are your attempts at scaring women and small children on the streets failing? Well then check out this leather dragon backpack made by Bob Basset of Ukraine. Bob, who if you can't tell is a dragon fanatic, made the thing entirely out of molded leather and black magic. While I can appreciate all things dragon I just have the feeling that this thing won't go over well anywhere but the annual renaissance fair (or a late night DnD session). All I know is that I used to have a real pet dragon named Firestorm and we would fly all over the world together. Until I slayed him to make the sweetest pair of assless chaps you've ever seen.
A couple more of the bag after the jump.
