Oct 23 2009 Lies!: Germans Have Broken Speed Of Light

Two German scientists claim to have broken the speed of light. They are liars and should lose their science licenses. What do you mean you don't need a license to practice science? WELL YOU SHOULD!

According to Einstein's special theory of relativity, it would require an infinite amount of energy to propel an object at more than 186,000 miles per second.

However, Dr Gunter Nimtz and Dr Alfons Stahlhofen, of the University of Koblenz, say they may have breached a key tenet of that theory.

The pair say they have conducted an experiment in which microwave photons - energetic packets of light - travelled "instantaneously" between a pair of prisms that had been moved up to 3ft apart.

The scientists were investigating a phenomenon called quantum tunnelling, which allows sub-atomic particles to break apparently unbreakable laws.

Dr Nimtz told New Scientist magazine: "For the time being, this is the only violation of special relativity that I know of."

Yeah, no. Is the universe still here? Then these two crackpots didn't shoot shit faster than the speed of light. And speaking of shooting shit faster than the speed of light: the new Black Jack taco from Taco Bell. Plumber!!

'We have broken speed of light' [telegraph]

Thanks to Allegro, who once ran out for beer and returned before he even left (got hit be a street sweeper and passed out in a ditch for a whole day).

Oct 2 2009 Frightening: Conceptual Solar Powered BMW

This is a conceptual solar powered BMW. It may look like a fish, but it's not, it's a car, silly! Well, not a real car, cause it's only a concept. Like me. I ONLY EXIST YOUR INTERNET!

Created by 24-yo German designer Anne Forschner, the Lovos stands fo Lifestyle of Voluntary Simplicity. Each of those scales--which are replaceable and turn constantly to align with the sun--is covered with solar cells.

Now I'm no aerodynamicist, but that shit looks like it'll slow you down. AND I CAN'T DRIVE 55, know what I'm saying? It's against my law! The Geekologie law of awesome. Which, honestly, makes gravity look like a little bitch.

Hit the jump for a bunch more shots of the craziness.

Continue Reading " Frightening: Conceptual Solar Powered BMW "

Jul 31 2009 Teen Suing Amazon For Deleting Book From Kindle, Or, Why I Don't Have My Homework

A teen has filed a class-action lawsuit against Amazon for remotely deleting a copy of George Orwell's '1984' off his Kindle without his knowledge or the right to do so.

Justin D. Gawronski, 17, "now needs to recreate all of his studies," alleges the complaint filed Thursday in Seattle by the law firm KamberEdelson, LLC.

Gawronski took copious notes using the Kindle that were linked to particular passages in the book, the court document says, and while those notes are still accessible, they are useless without the passages they reference.

Amazon has apologized for remotely deleting copies of 1984 and another Orwell novel, Animal Farm, in mid-July without informing customers.

Jay Edelson, the lead attorney in the lawsuit, said in a statement that the plaintiffs "appreciate Amazon.com's new-found contrition, but words are not enough. Amazon.com had no more right to hack into people's Kindles than its customers have the right to hack into Amazon's bank account to recover a mistaken overpayment."

Now I'm not saying Amazon should have done that, but I am saying that Justin is pretty lazy for not just going back through the book and finding the passages again. Not that it matters anyways because I'm pretty sure this is just a sorry excuse for not having your homework ready on time. But seriously, one time my dog really did eat my homework. And by homework I mean weed.

Amazon sued for wrecking teen's Kindle work [msn]

Thanks to Laura and Joemo, who would have just sent their teacher a corrupted file like a normal person.

Jul 22 2009 Ethicists Demand New Laws For Robots

Robot-ethicists are demanding a retuning of Asimov's laws of robotics, which they believe are too simple and do not take into account just how badly robots want to kill us all.

"If you build artificial intelligence but don't think about its moral sense or create a conscious sense that feels regret for doing something wrong, then technically it is a psychopath," says Josh Hall, a scientist who wrote the book Beyond AI: Creating the Conscience of a Machine.

Accordingly, robo-ethicists want to develop a set of guidelines that could outline how to punish a robot, decide who regulates them and even create a "legal machine language" that could help police the next generation of intelligent automated devices.

Wow, psychopathic robots -- I didn't see that coming. And by didn't see that coming I mean I'VE BEEN TRYING TO WARN YOU FOREVER. Also, you're on fire. Now stop, drop and get the hell out of my office -- I'm in the middle of a very important business call. Now, where were we, sexy? Oooooh, right -- now CAW like a Pterodactyl for me.

Robo-Ethicists Want to Revamp Asimov's 3 Laws [wired]

Thanks to roikles, Andy, danny g, Patrick and NetSerk, who think rule one of robotics should be we do not talk about robotics.

Jul 15 2009 That's It, Disney -- Prepare To Be Sued!

Typically I don't post movie posters because that's IWatchStuff's job, but I'm making an exception in this case because DISNEY STOLE GEEKOLOGIE'S TAGLINE. You think you can just change "awesome" to "guinea pigs" (which, incidentally are a synonym for awesome) and get away with it? THINK AGAIN, YOU DIRTY RODENT! Now, which one of you wants to call Disney and pretend to be a lawyer? Somebody with a deep voice.

G-FORCE movie poster [disneydreaming]

Thanks to Ben, who pleads guilty to dead sexiness.

Jun 19 2009 Music Downloader Fined $80,000 Per Song

Jammie Thomas-Rasset, the lady in the high profile illegal music downloading story that was in the news a while back, just had her second federal trial and has been charged with infringing 24 copyrights (for the 24 songs she downloaded). She's to pay $80,000 per song, a total of $1.92 million. Shiiiiiiiiiit.

As for Thomas-Rasset, she appeared shaken by the verdict but didn't blame the jury. "They did their job," she said, "I'm not going to hold it against them." She added, though, that the recording industry would never collect the money. "Good luck trying to get it from me... it's like squeezing blood from a turnip."

The recording industry lawyers, though clearly pleased, had no desire to showboat this one. The massive damage award, which increased from $9,250 per song in the first trial to $80,000, might sounds like a "win," but will probably stoke grassroots anger against the industry's campaign... if the music business tries to collect. There are hints that it might not.

Hey, I want to download stuff and not have to pay for it. Now, let's see what she got:

1. Vanessa Williams - Save the best for last
2. Sheryl Crow - Run baby run
3. Reba McEntire - One honest heart
4. Janet Jackson - let's wait awhile
5. Guns n Roses - Welcome to the jungle
6. Guns n Roses - November rain
7. Def Leppard - Pour some sugar on me
8. Bryan Adams - Somebody
9. Aerosmnith - Cryin
10. Linkin Park - One step closer
11. Green Day - Basket case
12. Goo Goo Dolls - iris
13. No Doubt - Hella Good
14. No Doubt - Different people
15. No Doubt - Bathwater
16. Sarah McLaughlan - Building a mystery
17. Sarah McLaughlan - Possession
18. Gloria Estefan - Rhythm is gonna get you
19. Gloria Estefan - Here and we are
20. Gloria Estefan - Coming out of the dark
21. Journey - Faithfully
22. Journey - Don't stop believin
23. Destiny's Child - Bills, bills, bills
24. Richard Marx - Now and for ever

Wow, worst $2 million playlist EVER.

Thomas verdict: willful infringement, $1.92 million penalty [arstechnica]

Thanks to Dave and Pete, who have never copied floppies.

May 17 2009 Inventor Denied Patent For Human 'Killer Chip'

A Saudi inventor was recently denied a German patent for what is being described as a "killer chip". What is a killer chip? Cooler Ranch Doritos, hands down.

The basic model would consist of a tiny GPS transceiver placed in a capsule and inserted under a person's skin, so that authorities could track him easily. Model B would have an extra function -- a dose of cyanide to remotely kill the wearer without muss or fuss if authorities deemed he'd become a public threat.

The inventor said the chip could be used to track terrorists, criminals, fugitives, illegal immigrants, political dissidents, domestic servants and foreigners overstaying their visas.

"The invention will probably be found to violate paragraph two of the German Patent Law -- which does not allow inventions that transgress public order or good morals

If the aliens have taught us anything, it's that the key to successful human tracking is NOT LETTING THE HUMANS KNOW. You embed a cyanide chip under my skin and guess what -- I'm cutting it out. With my teeth. Oh I'm sorry, was that too hardcore for you? Yeah, well one time I ate two of my own toes because I hadn't eaten dessert.

Saudi 'Killer Chip' Implant Would Track, Eliminate Undesirables [foxnews]

Thanks to Dustin and philip, who track people the old fashioned way: by looking for footprints and shit. Literally, looking for shit.

Mar 13 2009 Sissypants Suing Over Exploded iPod Touch

A 17-year old and his family are suing Apple after an iPod Touch allegedly blew up in the sissy's pocket and caused 2nd degree burns.

It claims the boy had his i-pod touch off and in his pocket at school on December 4th, when he heard a pop and felt a burning sensation.

The lawsuit is seeking more than 200-thousand dollars in damages.

Pfft, I've got some 2nd degree burns but you don't see me trying to sue Cup Noodles. No, I think there's more to this story than the family is telling us. Namely, their house is about to be foreclosed and there was a reciprocating saw involved in the explosion. Elementary my dear, Watson. Now, fetch me a glass of the good stuff and come sit on Sherlock's lap.

Family Sues Apple Over Exploding iPod [local12]

Thanks to Douche McAllister, who had an entire sever blow up and catch fire in his pants but refused to sue because he's a real man with wrought-iron genitalia.

Jan 20 2009 Wow, What A Go-Getter: Kid Buys Back Car To Prove Speeding Ticket Was Falsely Issued

One day Dale Lyle got a speeding ticket in the mail issued by one of those automatic ticketing cameras. It claimed he was doing 98MPH in his 14-year old Honda Civic, a car he insisted could only do 85MPH max on a downhill slope with a tailwind. So what did he do? He did what any badass would do -- he stuck it to the man like dogshit under a cardoor handle.

Mr Lyle, 21, who has a clean driving license, had already sold the car to a friend for £600. He had to take out a bank overdraft to buy it back. Then he had to pay an independent driving expert £600 to test the 1.3litre Civic's top speed at a circuit in Bedfordshire.

The result was as expected. Even when driven flat-out, the Honda could still only do a top speed of 85.4mph in fourth gear and 81.3mph in fifth.

Next, Mr Lyle obtained the mobile speed-camera footage of his alleged offence - travelling at 98mph on a 70mph three-lane carriageway of the A38, near Plymouth, on December 13, 2007.

The three-minute film shows three other cars in the frame at the same time, he said, which he believes means his vehicle was mistaken for another.

Nice, Dale, way to make us all proud. Now make the court give you back all the money you spent. I swear, I wish I was more like you. I probably would have just paid the fines and then vandalized the ticketing camera. Yay, passive-aggressiveness!

Also, somebody make this website a freaking Wikipedia page already. Geekologie demands Wikognition!

Hit the jump for a picture of the test report Dale had run.

Continue Reading " Wow, What A Go-Getter: Kid Buys Back Car To Prove Speeding Ticket Was Falsely Issued "

Jan 9 2009 Wife Cheats On Husband, They Separate, Man Demands Return Of Kidney Or Compensation

Doctor Richard Batista married his wife Dawnell in 1990 and donated a kidney to save her life in 2001. Since then, the whore of a hobag cheated on him and filed for divorce. And now Richard, like any normal person, wants his freaking kidney back (or $1.5 million in compensation).

He told reporters at his lawyer's office in Long Island, New York, that going public was a last resort.

"There is no deeper pain that you can ever express than betrayal from somebody who you love and devoted your life to," he said.

But divorce lawyers say a donated organ is not a marital asset to be divided.

Wow, I feel you Richard. And as a man who's going through a divorce himself, I've got to say: thank God I never gave the bitch an organ. Or a kid. Haha, I'm free!

Divorce man 'wants kidney back' [bbcnews]

Thanks to Pat and Jennaiii, who know the only organ you should ever give your wife isn't internal. Unless you've been swimming for a long time in cold water, in which case, hey, it happens to me too.

Jan 6 2009 IT BUUUUUURNS!: Australian Man Dies After Wife Sets His Penis On Fire, Things Go Wrong

That ain't right. You can't just go around setting a man's penis on fire while he's sleeping. I mean, what if he bee-lines it for the curtains?

Rajini Narayan, 44, is alleged to have doused her husband, Satish, with a flammable liquid while he was sleeping. When she set him alight, Mr Narayan jumped out of bed and knocked over the substance, causing the fire to spread.

Prosecutor Lucy Boord said Mrs Narayan had confessed to her neighbours, telling them she was a "jealous wife" and believed her husband was having an affair.

"I just wanted to burn his penis so it belongs to me and no one else, I didn't mean this to happen," Ms Boord quoted Mrs Narayan as saying.

Hooooooooooly shit! Rajini died from the injuries sustained during the penis fire last week. Now I'm not sure how the criminal law works in Australia, but in my neck of the woods this woman would get life in prison -- provided she survive the vagina dynamiting. Think Wile E. Coyote vs. Road Runner, but the Road Runner is a beaver -- and he's packed with explosives.

Hit the jump for the "IT BUUUUUURNS!" lighter trick idiot. If you've never seen it, watch the whole thing.

Continue Reading " IT BUUUUUURNS!: Australian Man Dies After Wife Sets His Penis On Fire, Things Go Wrong "

Nov 21 2008 Yarrr, Doubloons!: Live Pirate Map Shows You Where The Plundering Is Going Down

Pirates, they used to wear cool hats. Now? Not so much. But you can still check out their exploits on the International Maritime Bureau's "live piracy map" (based on Google Maps). You know, to see where the booty's being plundered.

Just drill down by using the zoom slider, and click on a flag to see what kind of crime took place. All are labeled with the type of ship, as well as whether the pirates successfully hijacked it or merely boarded. Certain areas, like this one off the coast of East Africa, are pirate paradises. The seas around Singapore and Malaysia are also packed with pirates.

You know where else is packed with pirates? My pants. Isn't that right you little swashbuckling bastards? Haha, just kidding -- they're crabs. I still gave them pirate names though. Stop it Captain Clawhands, that tickles!

Hit the jump for one more map and a link to interactive version in case you can't find the one I cleverly hid in the text of the post.

Continue Reading " Yarrr, Doubloons!: Live Pirate Map Shows You Where The Plundering Is Going Down "

Nov 12 2008 Mayor of Turkish City 'Batman' Is Suing Christopher Nolan And Warner Brothers

Huseyin Kalkan, the mayor of Batman, Turkey, is suing (director) Christopher Nolan and Warner Brothers for using the name of the city in The Dark Knight without his permission. In other news, Batman may have elected a retarded mayor. And should totally sue this little twerp.

"There is only one Batman in the world," Kalkan said. "The American producers used the name of our city without informing us."

Kalkan claims he has evidence, which will show the city of Batman was founded before the 1939 debut of Bob Kane's DC Comics superhero by the same name.

Wow. Just wow. It all makes sense now. I mean, Batman, Turkey is like the crime-fighting capital I've never heard of. Why has this been a non-issue for the past 70 years? Simple -- stupid mayors. Somebody send that city a big bag full of cash, pronto.

Christopher Nolan being sued by Batman [msnbc]

Thanks to Morrocco Mole, Marc, and Adam, governors of The Riddler, Penguin, and Mr. Freeze, respectively.

Aug 25 2008 Two Vigilante Ninjas From New Jersey Try To Stop Drug Dealers, End Up Going To Jail

That isn't one of them in the picture. That's a hot female ninja, completely unrelated to the story, but a highly appropriate graphic nonetheless. Anyway, 22-year old Tadeusz Tertkiewicz and 19-year old Jesse Trojaniak were arrested in Clifton, New Jersey, for being the world's worst ninjas.

Calling themselves "Shinobi warriors," the men wore black SWAT-type vests and carried knives, throwing stars, swords, nunchucks and a bow and arrows.

After being arrested early Wednesday in a car on Route 46, the men said they were delivering warning letters to drug dealers and drug users urging them to stop their "impure" activities.

The letters said those who persisted would be stopped with "justified yet, merciful force."

Wow. From an interview with one of the ninja failures:

First we tried sneaking around the bushes, but we couldn't because the bushes were too thick. So we went for the more subtle, just, um, like hit and run approach, where we'd just run in there, slap the letter, and just run out of there as quickly as possible.

Listen, I've got news for any of you would-be Shinobi warriors out there: If your stealthy mission is thwarted by a bush, guess what? You aren't a freaking ninja. Go home and nunchuck yourself in the vagina till you pass out.

Hit the jump for a picture of one of them, along with a link to the news video.

Continue Reading " Two Vigilante Ninjas From New Jersey Try To Stop Drug Dealers, End Up Going To Jail "

Jun 16 2008 WTF?: Sudoku Addicts Ruin Drug Trial

A drug trial in Australia that's been going on for over three months and already cost taxpayers near $1 million has been halted as a result of jurors playing sudoku puzzles instead of paying attention.

Sydney District Court Judge Peter Zahra cancelled the trial of two men on drugs conspiracy charges after the jury foreperson admitted that four to five jurors had been playing the addictive number sequence game, local media reported.

One juror said the game helped them to pay more attention by keeping their mind busy.

"Some of the evidence is rather drawn out and I find it difficult to maintain my attention the whole time," the juror was quoted saying by the Australian Associated Press.

HA! Seriously, I have the attention span of a goldfish so I can completely understand where that person is coming from. But you can't just go sudokuing it up during a damn trail. That's what the DS and PSP are for.

Sudoku addicts halt drugs trial [yahoonews]

Thanks to Ray, who knows that crossword puzzles are where it's at anyways.

Apr 30 2008 SuperMario Plumber May Have Legal Issues

Some UK plumbing firm thought they'd ramp up their business with video game lovers and name their company SuperMario heating and plumbing. Now I don't know if this has already been resolved, but Nintendo may have something to say about that. To be fair though, at least one of the founders is named Mario. Well, Mariusz "Mario" Gruszka. Hrrm, that's pretty questionable. So yeah, Mariusz may need a new o-ring himself by the time the Nintendo lawyers are through with him.

super mario is really a plumber, really. [technabob]

Apr 8 2008 Shirtless Bandit Steals Netflix Discs, Is Caught Red (Mailer) Handed By Hidden Spy Camera

This is the Shirtless Bandit. He likes chips and watching Netflix rentals -- but not his own. He just steals them from his neighbors.

After having to file multiple Netflix movies as "lost in the mail" I began to get suspicious that there was more than just a careless mailman at fault. So what better to do than point a video camera at the mailbox and try to catch a Netflix thief.
Since both my roommate and myself worked second shift jobs, we would be physically unable catch the culprit in action. And although suspicion was strong that it was the white-trash tenants in the first floor of our duplex, suspicion alone would not be enough. We needed something tangible, something we could take to the police if we felt the need. We needed him caught on camera.

Needless to say they did, and he got busted. But not before they drove his head into the mailbox a few times. Just kidding. I would have though. Shit, you steal my Netflix DVDs and I'll pack the mailbox with explosives.

UPDATE: I called a friend at the post office to check the legality of packing a mailbox with TNT, and surprisingly, it's frowned upon. That's okay though, I come prepared. Plan B: Make a mailbox costume, stand by road with a tire iron.

Two more pictures and the VIDEO of Captain Dipshit of the USS Shirts Are For Pussies, along with a link to the whole story, after the jump

Continue Reading " Shirtless Bandit Steals Netflix Discs, Is Caught Red (Mailer) Handed By Hidden Spy Camera "

Feb 25 2008 SIM Card Reader Can Read Deleted Text Messages On Your Cell Phone

New York company BrickHouse Security wants to help you end your marriage/kick your kids out of the house. How you ask? By selling you a $150 SIM card reader that can read deleted text messages.

"Have you ever wished you can spy on your wife, husband, teens or colleague's phone to see what they are up to? Are they being suspicious when on their cellphone? About half of spouses find something bad on their partner's phone. They think they're deleting their messages, but they're wrong," said BrickHouse President Todd Morris.

Todd Morris also said his past two wives have cheated on him and he's using the device to help keep a tight leash on his third. Just kidding, he didn't really say that. He was definitely thinking it though.

Texters, Beware [nypost]

Thanks to Christopher, who is right now enjoying a nice bowl of fruity pebbles N scotch, which he insists is the breakfast of champions (and the unemployed), for the tip