Nov 17 2009 Some Superhero You Are!: Spiderman Busted

Well folks, this just goes to show you can only dangle from rooftops staring into women's bedroom windows for so long before the boys in blue take notice. For shame, Spidey, for shame. And, on a completely and totally unrelated note that has absolutely nothing to do with this story: I have a used repelling harness for sale.

Spiderman getting arrested [jonahray]

Nov 14 2009 Mario And Luigi Rob Cab Driver In New York

Mario and Luigi, best known for plunging shitters and trying to save the Princess from the evil clutches of Bowser, have turned to a life of crime. Specifically, robbing cab drivers. What's the Mushroom Kingdom coming to?!

At around 4 a.m. on November 1, presumably following a Halloween party, a Staten Island cab driver was assaulted and robbed by four men. It being Halloween, it may have been difficult for the victim to describe the assailants, but two of the men were wearing unmistakable costumes - Mario and Luigi.

A surveillance video, which can be viewed on the NYDailyNews, shows two men dressed as Mario and Luigi wrestling a cabbie for his cash while a third man dressed in a tuxedo stood watch.

Anybody with information about the true identities of the two has-been heroes should contact Princess Peach of the Mushroom Kingdom. Oh, and tell her the GW sent you. She doesn't know who I am, and I want you to look stupid.

Men Diguised as Mario and Luigi Rob Cab Driver [tomsguide]

Thanks to Brian, Aron, wes, Cyke101 and sham, who only cosplay for good.

Oct 28 2009 Haha, Sucker!: Bugatti Veyron Gets The Boot

I like making fun of ridiculously rich people because it makes me feel better about not knowing where I'm sleeping tonight. Take this Bugatti Veyron owner, who thought he could park his land-jet wherever the hell he wanted. Think again, Richie Rich! But seriously, you'd think somebody who can afford a $1.2 million car could also afford to hire a band of mercenaries to hover above the thing in a helicopter and scares off parking enforcement with a little friendly fire. I swear, no class.

Bugatti Veyron Illegal Parking FAIL [totalprosports]

Thanks to Asbo, who only parks his van in front of schools. No, that's not creepy.

Sep 22 2009 Coppers Stop To Play Wii During Drug Bust

Admittedly, Wii Bowling is pretty addictive, but I sure as hell wouldn't stop to play some if I was a drug task force member in the middle of a bust. I'd be too busy stuffing a duffel bag full of free drugs!

With guns drawn and flashlights cutting through darkened rooms, Polk County undercover drug investigators stormed the home of convicted drug dealer Michael Difalco near Lakeland in March.

As investigators searched the home for drugs, some drug task force members found other ways to occupy their time. Within 20 minutes of entering Difalco's house, some of the investigators found a Wii video bowling game and began bowling frame after frame.

While some detectives hauled out evidence such as flat screen televisions and shotguns, others threw strikes, gutter balls and worked on picking up spares.

"It was an expansive scene, a lot of searching to be done, a lot of waiting," Boatner said.

The raid cost taxpayers more than $4,000.

Wow, I don't even know what to say. Except I call next! OOH OOH -- let's tape somebody's pistol to the Wiimote first! Come on, I'll let you tase me if I bowl two strikes.

Polk undercover drug investigators play Wii during raid [tbo]

Thanks to Chip, who wouldn't halt a drug bust for anything short of a full-fledged LAN party.

Sep 9 2009 Sticking It To The Man: Guy Dons Monkey Mask To Avoid Paying Speeding Fines

Guys, I know I said I'd have the haiku graded by last night, but I still have 200 to go. Then, I have to choose 4 out of the top 100 I've pulled aside. I WILL DO IT TONIGHT, I PRETTY PRETTY PROMISE. That said, some jackass is speeding around Phoenix, AZ wearing a monkey mask to avoid paying speeding-camera fines. To date, he's already been sent 37 tickets.

"Not one of them there is a picture where you can identify the driver," said Dave Vontesmar, a flight attendant who works at Phoenix Sky Harbor International Airport. "The ball's in their court. I sent back all these ones I got with a copy of my driver's license and said, 'It's not me. I'm not paying them.' "

"We watched him four different times put the monkey mask on and put the giraffe-style mask on," Officer Dave Porter told AZcentral.com. "Based on surveillance, we were positive that Vontesmar was the driver."

"It's obviously a revenue grab," he said of the new photo-enforcement program. "They're required by law to ID the driver of the vehicle. If they can't identify the driver or the vehicle by the picture, what are they doing to identify the driver?"

Really -- monkey and giraffe masks? Save 'em for the bedroom, Dave.

Man Dons Mask for Speed-Camera Photos [aolnews]

Thanks to Pat, who only drives in style -- on the sidewalk with a grocery bag on his head.

Aug 4 2009 Cops May Get Portable Drug Detectors Soon

So apparently law enforcement agencies may have access to roadside drug detectors soon, to determine if you've been been drugging and driving EVEN IF YOU HID YOUR STASH SOMEWHERE REALLY GOOD (read: not your butt, they always look there).

Spit into this little plastic test tube, and you're busted -- any cocaine, heroin, cannabis, amphetamines, and methamphetamine you might be partying with is no longer a secret.

Phillips, a company that makes TVs and all kinds of other techno-stuff, created this sophisticated dope-a-lysing device using nanotechnology, with a clever use of electromagnets and nanoparticles that can separate the sober from the impaired. After 90 seconds, the verdict shows up on a color-coded readout.

Damnit Phillips, you just made it a whole lot harder to talk my way out of a ticket. You know what i told the cop the last time I got pulled over? Me neither, I was high. ON YOUR NATURAL MUSK. Now get over here and let me whiff those pits.

Roadside dope tester on the way [dvice]

Jul 22 2009 Ethicists Demand New Laws For Robots

Robot-ethicists are demanding a retuning of Asimov's laws of robotics, which they believe are too simple and do not take into account just how badly robots want to kill us all.

"If you build artificial intelligence but don't think about its moral sense or create a conscious sense that feels regret for doing something wrong, then technically it is a psychopath," says Josh Hall, a scientist who wrote the book Beyond AI: Creating the Conscience of a Machine.

Accordingly, robo-ethicists want to develop a set of guidelines that could outline how to punish a robot, decide who regulates them and even create a "legal machine language" that could help police the next generation of intelligent automated devices.

Wow, psychopathic robots -- I didn't see that coming. And by didn't see that coming I mean I'VE BEEN TRYING TO WARN YOU FOREVER. Also, you're on fire. Now stop, drop and get the hell out of my office -- I'm in the middle of a very important business call. Now, where were we, sexy? Oooooh, right -- now CAW like a Pterodactyl for me.

Robo-Ethicists Want to Revamp Asimov's 3 Laws [wired]

Thanks to roikles, Andy, danny g, Patrick and NetSerk, who think rule one of robotics should be we do not talk about robotics.

Jan 22 2009 Uh, I've Got The Feeling This Is Illegal: How To Hack Those Programmable Road Signs

Ever wanted to put your own message on one of those portable road signs along the highway? Well now you can with just a little tampering and a whole lot of illegal! Unfortunately, because many children read this website, you'll have to follow the link after the jump to find out how. I'll admit, I gave it a go myself, and it does actually work. Although I did get busted. In hindsight, standing next to the "SHOW ME YOUR TITS" sign with a Motorists Gone Wild t-shirt and video camera probably wasn't the smartest decision I've ever made. But definitely top five.

Hit it for a couple pictures and a link to the how-to.

Continue Reading " Uh, I've Got The Feeling This Is Illegal: How To Hack Those Programmable Road Signs "

Nov 26 2008 Italian Police Find Cellphone Gun: Excuse Me, I Need To Answer This....PEW PEW!

Italian police discovered a .22 caliber cellphone gun during a raid on a Camorra (Naples Mafia) compound.

Fully loaded, the gun's capable of firing four shots in quick succession through the antenna using buttons on the keypad as the trigger. Officers also seized bullet proof vests, drugs, ammunition and thousands of pounds in cash.

Screw the gun, thousands of pounds in cash? Are talking pounds the monetary unit or pounds as in I weigh far too many of them? And if it is the latter, tell me they were all ones. Then give me a stack -- Thanksgiving at the strip club!

Mafia 'mobile phone gun' seized [bbcnews]

Thanks to Georgethefirst, who still rocks a pager gun because he's oldschool.

Nov 25 2008 New Cop Car Designed For Cops, By Cops

The Carbon Motors E7 is a new police cruiser that addresses safety and performance issues neglected due to the current practice of retrofitting Crown Victorias/Impalas.

Right now fire departments, emergency medical technicians, the military, and even mail carriers all use vehicles built specifically for them. But the country's 800,000 law enforcement first-responders drive dangerously retrofitted family sedans.

The E7 is being hailed as THE purpose-built vehicle for police officers. It was designed to jump curbs, safely detain criminals, be fuel efficient (40% more than current cruisers), and detect biological, chemical and radiation threats. In total, it has over 100 new features specifically requested by officers. Unfortunately, not a single one is a cup holder in the back.

Hit the jump for a video of the car.

Continue Reading " New Cop Car Designed For Cops, By Cops "

Aug 26 2008 How To Slow Down Speeders In China

This is how local authorities decided to combat speeders on the Jing Zhuang highway in ShanXi province, China: with two 100 foot long, 2 foot high barriers that require motorists to slow down and wind their way through the passage. Hey, you know what else discourages speeders? Cutting their brake lines. Because then they can only go as fast as they feel comfortable hitting a tree. My wife sure as hell doesn't speed anymore. Or even drive for that matter. You see, she's dead. *sobbing*And the sad part is *sniffle* I hate cooking for myself.

Jump for one more picture of the foolproof anti-speeding deterrent.

Continue Reading " How To Slow Down Speeders In China "

Aug 25 2008 Two Vigilante Ninjas From New Jersey Try To Stop Drug Dealers, End Up Going To Jail

That isn't one of them in the picture. That's a hot female ninja, completely unrelated to the story, but a highly appropriate graphic nonetheless. Anyway, 22-year old Tadeusz Tertkiewicz and 19-year old Jesse Trojaniak were arrested in Clifton, New Jersey, for being the world's worst ninjas.

Calling themselves "Shinobi warriors," the men wore black SWAT-type vests and carried knives, throwing stars, swords, nunchucks and a bow and arrows.

After being arrested early Wednesday in a car on Route 46, the men said they were delivering warning letters to drug dealers and drug users urging them to stop their "impure" activities.

The letters said those who persisted would be stopped with "justified yet, merciful force."

Wow. From an interview with one of the ninja failures:

First we tried sneaking around the bushes, but we couldn't because the bushes were too thick. So we went for the more subtle, just, um, like hit and run approach, where we'd just run in there, slap the letter, and just run out of there as quickly as possible.

Listen, I've got news for any of you would-be Shinobi warriors out there: If your stealthy mission is thwarted by a bush, guess what? You aren't a freaking ninja. Go home and nunchuck yourself in the vagina till you pass out.

Hit the jump for a picture of one of them, along with a link to the news video.

Continue Reading " Two Vigilante Ninjas From New Jersey Try To Stop Drug Dealers, End Up Going To Jail "

Aug 4 2008 'The Joker' Tries To Steal Movie Posters From Local Theater, Fails, Gets Himself Arrested

Spencer Taylor, a 20-year old from Three Rivers, Michigan, dressed up as The Joker and tried to steal a bunch of Dark Knight movie posters and cardboard cutouts at a local theater.

At the time of his arrest, Taylor was wearing a purple suit and had made his face up with white foundation and red lipstick to resemble the character played by the late Heath Ledger, who played the comic book villain in the blockbuster, before his untimely death earlier this year.

Police made Taylor pose for his mugshots both in and out off costume. He has been charged with larceny and malicious destruction of property.

Wow, way to suck, Spencer. On a related note, some guy dressed as the Dragon Emperor from the new Mummy movie stole a Brendan Fraser poster and everyone just felt sorry for him.

Hit the jump to see The Aborted Joker without makeup and a picture of the real one.

Continue Reading " 'The Joker' Tries To Steal Movie Posters From Local Theater, Fails, Gets Himself Arrested "

Jul 29 2008 Guy's Mower Won't Start, He Shoots It

Keith Walendowski is (based on his picture) the last man in the world I'd expect to be a raging alcoholic and own illegal weaponry. But he is, and he does. One day, Keith, who had already eaten his bourbon breakfast, decided to partake in a little Russian-toe-roulette and mow his yard (which, incidentally, is also his mother's -- he still lives at home with her). So what did ol' Keith do when the mower wouldn't start? What any other freaking idiot in his situation would do, blast it with a sawed-off shotgun. Forget checking the gas and oil, when a mower doesn't start all it needs is some holes.

Police officers said Mr Walendowski had told them: "It's my lawn mower and my yard, so I can shoot it if I want." He was charged by police in Milwaukee with disorderly conduct and possession of a sawn-off shotgun. He could face a fine of up to $11,000 and a maximum prison sentence of six-and-a-half years if convicted.

Geez, six-and-a-half years? I assume that's mostly for the shotgun. But, uh, just out of curiosity -- blasting a weed-wacker is totally legit, right?

Hit the jump for an example of what a Mad Max collectible "sword"-off shotgun looks like.

Continue Reading " Guy's Mower Won't Start, He Shoots It "

Jul 28 2008 Kids Dig Up Corpse To Make Skull Bong

Wow, just wow. Kevin Wade and Mathew Richard, two 17-year olds from Houston, Texas, were recently arrested for abusing a corpse. They didn't try to have sex with it, but they did remove the skull to make a bong.

Police were interviewing Jones about the debit card fraud when he told them about the grave theft.

Asked why Jones would volunteer the information police sergeant John Chomiak said: 'We can only speculate and guess to what goes on in the criminal mind.'

Come on sergeant, the kids didn't mastermind a bank heist, they dug up a corpse to make a bong. I'm pretty confident there isn't shit going on in their heads.

Teens make human skull bong [metro]

Thanks Gypsy and Paige, now come over and we'll take GB's out of my roommate's fishtank.

Jul 9 2008 Idiot Kid Tries To Feed Cops LSD Cookies

Christian Phillips, 18, of Lake Worth, Texas, was arrested for delivering baskets of drugged cookies to police departments in the Dallas area. Christian, who we will now refer to as Dishonorable Captain Meltyface of the USS Acidprise, decided to be charitable with his stash of LSD and make some psychedelic cookies for the area police force. He was arrested after police were "tipped off that someone was falsely claiming to deliver treats on behalf of Mothers Against Drunk Driving." Wow man, that was kind of a dick move. You could have at least manned up and said you were from NORML or something.

"Our officers took a good whiff and thought they smelled like marijuana," McGuire said, adding that preliminary tests instead detected traces of LSD.

The suspect denied trying to contaminate the goodies or harm anyone and said one of his friends might have been smoking pot while Phillips was baking, McGuire said. The suspect is not affiliated with MADD, the chief said.

In Fort Worth, at least three officers got sick after eating some cookies and candy from a basket delivered to that police station Monday night, authorities said.

First of all, Captain Meltyface, you should have made donuts. And secondly, police, you don't get "sick" from eating laced cookies and candy, you get "tripping". You know, like the ceiling looks really awesome and and you see faces in a brick wall. Sick is a fever and diarrhea. Tripping is light trails and crawling around on the floor because the ceiling is two feet high.

Hit the link for the full story.

Teen Accused of Giving Cops LSD Cookies [aolnews]

Thanks Pat, you wanna drop and then walk around town and comment on people's yards?

Jul 1 2008 T3 Mobile Defender Rocks A Powerful Air Gun

Lamperd Less Lethal's T3 Mobile Defender wasn't inspired by T3:Rise of The Machines, but it does look like the bastard lovechild of a Segway and the Big Wheels I had growing up. But with one worthwhile difference -- a powerful air gun and holographic sight system. The aiming system was designed to ensure body shots only, as a headshot could, well, kill you. Lamperd plans to sell the goofy looking things to the Army at first, but law enforcement organizations will have them available soon after.

"An eyepiece shows a red target dot, and then transmits an image of the target to a monitor, which relays the information to the gun." According to creator Barry Lamperd, if the holographic sight is on target, you can't miss.

Can't miss, huh? That's a pretty bold statement. Because I've had my member resting on the urinal cake before and still missed. Just saying, the dude next to me got pissed.

Hit the jump for a couple more pictures, you know, if cops riding little standup trikes is your scene.

Continue Reading " T3 Mobile Defender Rocks A Powerful Air Gun "

Apr 30 2008 SuperMario Plumber May Have Legal Issues

Some UK plumbing firm thought they'd ramp up their business with video game lovers and name their company SuperMario heating and plumbing. Now I don't know if this has already been resolved, but Nintendo may have something to say about that. To be fair though, at least one of the founders is named Mario. Well, Mariusz "Mario" Gruszka. Hrrm, that's pretty questionable. So yeah, Mariusz may need a new o-ring himself by the time the Nintendo lawyers are through with him.

super mario is really a plumber, really. [technabob]

Feb 8 2008 I Don't Know About This: The Taser Shotgun

The taser shotgun is a shotgun that shoots taser rounds. It sounds scary as shit because it is. I don't want to get hit by a shotgun or a taser, so this would be like a double whammy. A double whammy of pain. And pain, my friends, is bad. We all know that. What we don't all know is why the hell there's a taser shotgun on the market. So I'll ask my trusty Magic 8 Ball. "Outlook not so good." I couldn't have said it better, Magic 8 Ball, I couldn't have said it better.

A promotional video that's supposed to give you a boner after the jump. I put it up from Liveleak and Youtube, because the Youtube ones seem to get taken down.

Continue Reading " I Don't Know About This: The Taser Shotgun "

Nov 2 2007 Man Files Patent For Taser-Proof Clothing

The picture above is a diagram from an Arizona man's US Patent application showing his taser-proof clothing. Or if you want to get technical it's the patent for an "energy weapon protection device". It's basically conductive and non-conductive material in layers that prevent an electric charge from ever reaching the body -- because yelling "Don't tase me, bro!" just doesn't work. This stuff wouldn't be such a bad idea if you get tased on a regular basis, and if you had pants and a mask made out of the same material. While a jacket is a good start, you don't want to be zapped in the face and/or testicles because the coppers find out you're wearing a tase-proof jacket.

TASER-Proof Gear is Great for Students, Political Activists, Criminals [gizmodo]