Nov 19 2009 FroliCat BOLT: A Laser Lightshow For Cats

Yay, two laser posts in a row! The $17 FroliCat BOLT is an award winning laser lightshow for cats with owners who are too lazy to wave a laser pointer around or have lost the use of their limbs.

Simply turn it on and projects a red dot and moves it in random patterns for 15 minutes, or until your cat (or dog, or baby) realizes what's going on and attacks the gadget itself.

You know why cats love lasers so much? Because they're from the future. Plus it has something to do with their nightvision. No, really, I'm not just making this up. I took a correspondence college course in beertasting science. I wore a lab coat and everything.

Video of the POS in action after the jump.

Continue Reading " FroliCat BOLT: A Laser Lightshow For Cats "

Nov 19 2009 Laser Crosswalks: Because Pews = Safety

Laser Crosswalks are the crosswalks of the future. You can tell because it has 'laser' in the name. Pretty much anything with 'laser' in it is gonna be a huge hit in the future (including cereal). Don't believe me? Just stare at this laser eye-toy for a minute. Aaaaand now you're blind.

The Virtual Wall is designed as a replacement for traffic lights and if made would use "plasma laser beams" to project silhouettes of moving people into the path of oncoming traffic.

Supposedly this would calm traffic and make drivers more careful around the soft humans as they cross the street. I'd say it would be more likely that the appearance of giant red figures before the windshield would cause panic, crashing and general mayhem.

Hell yes, giant red laser-people. *pew pew* means walk! Plus, if you try driving through it the lasers should cut you up into little pieces. Don't act like we don't have that technology! We have that technology.

Laser Wall Replaces Traffic Light [wired]

Thanks to Fnahra tha evur livin, who loves lasers almost as much as I do but not quite because I have laser-vision. Yeah, so there, Fnahra.

Nov 17 2009 Drunkest/Pilliest Man Ever Battles Laser Wizard At The Convenience Store, Loses

Remember the video of the world's drunkest/crunkest/least stand-uppiest man trying to score some beer from the convenience store? Well it turns out he was battling a previously unseen wizard trying to prevent him from drinking and walking. This security footage, enhanced with technology so advanced you wouldn't even be able to understand it, explains it all. Even better than Clarissa -- AND THAT BITCH KNEW EVERYTHING.

Youtube

Thanks to naas and matt, who are always smart enough to don their anti-invisible wizard capes when venturing out for more brewhaha.

Nov 17 2009 Welcome To The Gun Laser Show: Girl Shows Off Her 'Pew Pew' Tattoos

This is a photo taken by Flickr user Meow Cely of a girl with 'pew pew' tattooed across her fingers. I must admit, I admire her dedication to the pews. You don't see me rocking any pew-y ink (except in THIS post), and I'm one of the the laser blaster's biggest proponents. Funny story: I went to a gun and knife show a few weeks ago and demanded my entrance fee be returned when I found out there weren't any laser guns. Also, I accidentally cut myself with a bowie knife and tried to play it off like I'd been stabbed.

Flickr
via
(Geek) Thug Life!: Pew Pew Tattoo [greatwhitesnark]

Nov 3 2009 Laser-Cut Cash Rules Everything Around Me, CREAM, Get The Money, Dolla Dolla Bills Y'all

Scott Campbell is a famous tattoo artist who recently held an art exhibit appropriately titled 'make it rain', which featured stacks of laser-cut dollar bills. I dig it. And, not to brag or anything, but I made it rain once. Yeah, using an old indian dance. I AM THE L337 WEATHER WIZARD! Admit it, Harry. ADMIT IT OR GET ANOTHER LIGHTNING BOLT!

Hit the jump for five more of the awesomeness.

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Oct 13 2009 Waste Of Good Pews: Kellogg's To Begin Lasering "Kellogg's" Onto Corn Flakes

Kellogg's plans to begin laser-burning the signature Kellogg's emblem onto random corn flakes so you know you're getting the real deal. Pfft, what a waste of a perfectly good laser.

Kellogg's embarked on the project to reinforce that they don't make cereals for any other companies and to fire a shot across the bows of makers of 'fake flakes'.

Helen Lyons, lead food technologist at the company, said: 'In recent years there has been an increase in the number of own brands trying to capitalise on the popularity of Kellogg's corn flakes.

'We want shoppers to be under absolutely no illusion that Kellogg's does not make cereal for anyone else.

First of all, I'd like to point out that, unlike Helen Lyons, I would make a great food technologist. I don't even know what that is, but if it involves cereal and lasers I AM THE MAN FOR THE JOB. As a matter of fact, I just invented a new cereal just thinking about it. They're called Laser Flakes, and they're jam-packed with real bits of blinding laserbeams. Marshmallows? Hell no -- try cut up circuit boards. NOW WHO'S THE FOOD TECHNOLOGIST?!

Kellogg's will use laser to burn logo on to individual corn flakes to stamp out fakes [dailymail]

Thanks to SONJEETA, who doesn't eat cold cereal because her refrigerator broke and the milk spoiled. I like milk chunks!

Oct 5 2009 It Buuuuurns!: Laser Projection Wrist Watch

This conceptual Alessi laser watch by designer Andy Kurovets projects the time onto your wrist with lasers. Pfft, what's the matter with Indiglo technology? That shit's hot! But if you do opt for lasers, just make sure you buy the right powered battery or that bitch might burn right through your arm! Kidding, future laser technology will be kinetically powered by the motion of your arm. So no masturbating. Kidding -- I say go for it!

Concept Watch Actually Projects the Time Onto Your Wrist...With Lasers [gizmodo]

Thanks to charlie and Aisha, who don't need watches to tell what time it is cause they have magnets in their brains like birds or whatever. Yes I paid attention in school!

Sep 28 2009 Stop Smoking The Pew Way: Laser Cessation

Apparently laser therapy has been in practice for awhile, but did you know it could help you stop smoking? I didn't. I'm gonna put the pole down forever! Kidding -- I can't quit you!

* We highly recommend you stop smoking 1-hour prior to your session. (Not required)

* Therapy will take place with a laser technician who will gently stimulate acupuncture points, primarily on the hands, face and ear.
* During the session the emotional and psychological aspects of quitting smoking will be addressed.
* During and after treatment you'll feel relaxed, comfortable and peaceful. There is no pain associated with the treatment.
* Afterwards you'll be able to go back to your normal activities. Most notable effects occur between 18-24 hours after the treatment.
* In general, it takes the average smoker 3-4 days to rid the body of nicotine or its by-products after stopping.

So basically it's acupuncture with a laserbeam. Sounds kind of suspect to me. But who knows, maybe it works. Anybody quit smoking something (anything -- I don't care what) this way? Also, what the hell's about to happen in that picture -- butthurt smoking cessation? Cause that sounds promising.

Product Site

Thanks to Trevor, who actually smokes laserbeams because he's that hardcore.

Aug 5 2009 Cool: When Lasers And Sharpies Collide

I honestly have no idea what I just watched but it had something to do with lasers and Sharpies, both of which I am huge fans of (I love your music!). Something about a laser and music and following a line. Honestly, the video could be fake for all I know. Haha, kidding -- I know everything. Well, not everything. I WAS ASKING FOR YOUR NUMBER, GOD!

Youtube

Thanks to chubo, who once mounted a laser inside a Sharpie and then forgot and burnt a nostril trying to huff it.

Aug 3 2009 It's About Time: Attaching Lasers To Airplanes

Applied Electronics, a company we last saw developing lightning guns, has now been handed a big ass check by the gubment to start strapping lasers to planes. And, I, for one, am all about it. NEEEEEEEEOOOOOOOW -- pew pew!

the Navy and the Marines have given a company called Applied Electronics about a million dollars to attach lasers onto planes. The weapons would be ultra-short-pulse (USP) lasers, which shoot beams of frequent-pulse light that create a path through the air, via which bolts of electricity can travel toward a target.

Okay, I have no idea what all that meant, but I'm pretty sure Zeus just popped like 16 electric boners.

Company Last Seen Making Lightning Guns Is Now Attaching Lasers To Planes [popsci]

Thanks to Mih0, who, for two tips in a row, gets to yell "lightning bolt!" and hit me in face with a foam dart.

Jul 31 2009 A-Ha!: So That's The Other Half Of The Battle

This $20 t-shirt depicts what the other, more mysterious half of a G.I. Joe battle is. Now I would have guessed it's a pork chop sandwich/body massage combo, but what do I know? Besides, oh I dunno, EVERYTHING AND THEN SOME. Numbers? I KNOW MY NUMBERS. You + me + ice cream = <3

Product Site

Thanks to Julian and Rastapopolous, who sunshine day ya a time for de bus rida.

Jul 9 2009 PEW PEW REVIEW: 125mW Green Laser

The folks over at SKYlaser Laser Pointers sent me a 125mW powerful green laser to review. So that's what I did. And let me tell you: there was plenty of pews to be had. That picture I actually made writing with the laser on an 8-foot privacy fence, I just edited the pic of the unit in. Now hit the jump for the pew pew review.

Continue Reading " PEW PEW REVIEW: 125mW Green Laser "

Jul 7 2009 Laser LightLane Creates Your Own Bike Lane

You know what I hate about bicycling? All the pedaling. I have tiny chicken legs and can't even pedal my Big Wheels to the mailbox without running out of steam and crashing into the azaleas. But for your hardier folk, the LightLane is a little laser system that attaches to your bike and provides you with a laser-line bike lane wherever you go. Clever idea. Now are you thinking what I'm thinking? If you answered, "no officer, I was not swerving, I was following the bike lane," you are!

LightLane

Thanks to Rogefgv, Romeo and Mandy, who ride those bikes with the giant ass wheel in the front and the little tiny one in the back. Because they're oldschool killas.

Jun 11 2009 Oh Snap -- You Just Got PEW PEW PEWed!

I don't even have windows in my apartment OR car but that didn't stop me from buying $6,000 worth of Solar Gard Window Films. Because, you know what they say, "Pew makes the world go round". No? "Kill two birds with one laser"? A-ha! "All you need is pew." Amen to that.

Animated gif [threadbombing]

Thanks to TeckniX, who sure knows how to brighten a Geekologie Writer's day.

Jun 9 2009 Will Future Ovens Cook With Lasers? (Yes)

Electrolux just ran another one of their harebrained design competitions and this laser-powered oven created by Ludovic Peperstaete was one of the featured designs. It cooks with pews!

Instead of heating elements or an open flame, food is cooked via 3 harmless lasers that are targeted by the cook. And while a single laser supposedly isn't strong enough to cook food, we all know that crossing two lasers can cook anything from a Thanksgiving turkey to the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man.

I, for one, welcome our pew pew oven overlords. Now, bake me a cake! What do you mean, "there's already a bun in the oven"? I thought we did it in the broiler. WELL THEY'RE TOO CLOSE TOGETHER -- HOW WAS I SUPPOSED TO KNOW?!

Could A Laser Oven Be In Our Future? Pew Pew! [ohgizmo]

Thanks to Damian, who cooks his meals the old fashioned way: by leaving it to a woman.

Jun 5 2009 XM-25 Shoots Laser Guided Exploding Bullets

I haven't decided if the new XM-25 will be a useful weapon against the robotic uprising yet, but I'm leaning towards *pew pew*. Hook me up government, I pay my damn taxes. Well, I did last year anyways.

The system is clever enough to detonate its exploding 25mm bullets within 3 feet of their targets, picking off unfortunate foes with uncanny accuracy, even when they're hiding behind obstacles.

After calculating the target's distance with a laser rangefinder, this lethal weapon sends a radio signal to a chip inside the bullet. That brilliant projectile can precisely measure the distance it's traveled, exploding at precisely the right distance for maximum killage.

Oh shit yeah I need one of these. Maximum killage, that's what I'm talking about. You here that, Skynet -- MAXIMUM KILLAGE. I will ride into battle atop my trusty tyrannosaur steed and pew pew your shit all up. Then, my mount will dine on all the dead Terminators while I reach around him for a job well done.

XM-25 rifle shoots tiny laser-targeted smart bombs [dvice]

Apr 17 2009 Robot Dinos Shoot Beams When They Roar

Robot Dinosaurs That Shoot Beams When They Roar is a little Flash game you can play online (not to be confused with Jetpack Brontosaurus). Basically you're a robotic dinosaur that flies around shooting laser beams out of its mouth to destroy little balls and planes and a spinning laser thingy. I know, I am the king of vivid description. It doesn't take long to beat, so I highly recommend pissing away five minutes of your Friday playing. And if the boss comes by and asks what you're doing, I want you to look him dead in the eyes and tell him to go micromanage his penis. Then yell "BURN!" and initiate a high-five sequence. Alternatively, start packing up your desk.

Robot Dinosaurs That Shoot Beams When They Roar [arcadebomb]

Thanks to Oliver, Asiantom and Chris, who, RRRRAAAAAWWWWRRRR!!

Apr 6 2009 Cool: PEW PEW Laser Fashion PEW PEW

Hussein Chalayan is a fashion *PEW PEW!* designer I've never heard of, but that's *PEW PEW!* okay because there are probably only a handful of names I would *PEW PEW!* recognize anyway. Unlike The Superficial Writer who, *PEW PEW!*, can rattle off their names and collections faster than you a normal man can *PEW PEW!* fire up a chainsaw. In this particular showcase, now to be known as The PEW PEW! Collection, Husssein had engineer Moritz Waldemeyer add servo-driven *PEW PEW!* lasers to the dresses. Nice, guys. As you can see, the *PEW PEW!* dresses are sure to be a big *PEW PEW!* hit at raves. Unfortunately, you may never *PEW PEW!* see one because I'm suing the pants (!) off Chalayan. You see, I burnt my *PEW PEW!* retinas out trying to score an upskirt shot.

Hit the *PEW PEW!* jump for a bunch *PEW PEW!* more.

Continue Reading " Cool: PEW PEW Laser Fashion PEW PEW "

Feb 19 2009 This Has Gotten Way Out Of Hand: Army Robots Will Require A 'Warrior Code'

How many times do I have to emphasize that I am not kidding about a robot apocalypse? Did the Terminator series teach us nothing besides Arnold Schwarzenegger should run for governor? Now, in a recent report by the US Navy, it has been suggested that robots participating in battle be programmed with a 'Warrior Code' to help prevent destruction of the entire human potato-sack race.

"There is a common misconception that robots will do only what we have programmed them to do," Patrick Lin, the chief compiler of the report, said. "Unfortunately, such a belief is sorely outdated, harking back to a time when . . . programs could be written and understood by a single person." The reality, Dr Lin said, was that modern programs included millions of lines of code and were written by teams of programmers, none of whom knew the entire program.

It's been suggested we use Isaac Asimov's Three Rules Of Robotics as a starting point for the 'Warrior Code'. Isaac's Rules were as follows:

1 A robot may not injure a human being or, through inaction, allow a human being to come to harm

2 A robot must obey orders given to it by human beings, except where such orders would conflict with the First Law

3 A robot must protect its own existence as long as such protection does not conflict with the First or Second Law

Being the Geekologie Writer, I got a sneak peak at the Warrior Code in progress, and I've got to say, not good:

1 There is no warrior code

2 PEW PEW

3 PEW PEW

Military's killer robots must learn warrior code [timesonline]
and
Experts Warn of 'Terminator'-Style Military-Robot Rebellion [foxsnews]

Thanks to Bryan, Chris, timgrab, T6000 (what are you doing here!?), Matt, Sprite and Thumperchica, who are all smart enough to know this is life or death, but not smart enough to know I just stole their identities. Hello, credit cards!

Dec 11 2008 LED And Time: A Photographic Gallery

I don't have much more info on these pictures except they were made by Picasa user magnus mouse using LEDs and lasers with a really long exposure. Just like they used to do in the olden days except with a flashlight or a sparkler. So yeah, a laser + long exposure = cool effect. But a laser + my penis = an even cooler effect. PEW PEW! Oh, careful -- don't wanna blind you.

Hit it for a bunch more and a link to the gallery.

Continue Reading " LED And Time: A Photographic Gallery "