Nov 19 2009 Laser Crosswalks: Because Pews = Safety
Laser Crosswalks are the crosswalks of the future. You can tell because it has 'laser' in the name. Pretty much anything with 'laser' in it is gonna be a huge hit in the future (including cereal). Don't believe me? Just stare at this laser eye-toy for a minute. Aaaaand now you're blind.
The Virtual Wall is designed as a replacement for traffic lights and if made would use "plasma laser beams" to project silhouettes of moving people into the path of oncoming traffic.
Supposedly this would calm traffic and make drivers more careful around the soft humans as they cross the street. I'd say it would be more likely that the appearance of giant red figures before the windshield would cause panic, crashing and general mayhem.
Hell yes, giant red laser-people. *pew pew* means walk! Plus, if you try driving through it the lasers should cut you up into little pieces. Don't act like we don't have that technology! We have that technology.
Laser Wall Replaces Traffic Light [wired]
Thanks to Fnahra tha evur livin, who loves lasers almost as much as I do but not quite because I have laser-vision. Yeah, so there, Fnahra.
Nov 3 2009 Laser-Cut Cash Rules Everything Around Me, CREAM, Get The Money, Dolla Dolla Bills Y'all
Scott Campbell is a famous tattoo artist who recently held an art exhibit appropriately titled 'make it rain', which featured stacks of laser-cut dollar bills. I dig it. And, not to brag or anything, but I made it rain once. Yeah, using an old indian dance. I AM THE L337 WEATHER WIZARD! Admit it, Harry. ADMIT IT OR GET ANOTHER LIGHTNING BOLT!
Hit the jump for five more of the awesomeness.
Oct 5 2009 Wow: Plane-Mounted Laser Burning A Truck
This is a short video of Boeing and the Air Force testing a plane-mounted laser's ability to burn the everliving shit out of a stationary object during a flyby. Mission accomplished!
This video shows the effect of the high-energy laser beam from the Boeing Advanced Tactical Laser (ATL), fired at a stationary truck from a US Air Force NC-130H (Hercules) flying over White Sands Missile Range, New Mexico, on August 30, 2009. The ATL is a chemical oxygen iodine laser (COIL), and is a scaled-down version of the megawatt-class high-energy laser in the Boeing YAL-1 Airborne Laser (ABL).
Did that say scaled down? Because this thing was powerful enough to set a truck's hood on fire from who knows how far away. Now imagine the much more powerful megawatt laser pointed at your face. You'll have to wear glasses after that for sure!
Thanks to Zach, who has one of these lasers mounted on his arm to heat frozen burritos. Good lookin', Zach, love those things.
Sep 14 2009 Yes, Please!: Pew Pew Laser Cheeze
Youtube (from pictureisunrelated)
Thanks to chris and NumberOneSpatula, who once robbed a bank with cheese sticks. Pretty gutsy, guys. Also, delicious (pass the marinara).
Aug 5 2009 Lasering Your Face: Another Death Star Tattoo
Sure it's not heart-shaped, but I still like it. And I'd like it even more if it were finished (work in progress) and the laser beam went all the way to the person's eye. But that's definitely not a superlaser you want to look directly at. Am I right, Alderaan? Oh I'm sorry -- too soon?
Thanks to Maggie, who once Death Starred in a Broadway play and was a huge hit.
Aug 5 2009 Oh That's Cold: Laser Pointer And Dog Trick
This is a video of a guy performing a very special trick with his dog and a laser pointer. Now I don't want to ruin it for you, so I'll just say this: at least he didn't draw on the dude's face, because that would have been wrong (his shoes are, in fact, off). Also, not to start a heated debate in the comments about cropping a dog's ears, but I just did. FIGHT! FIGHT! FIGHT!
How Not to Play With a Laser Pointer [gizmodo]
Thanks to Ryan, who once meant to bring a laser pointer to a presentation but accidentally grabbed his girlfriend's dildo instead. He pointed with it anyways.
Aug 4 2009 What Took So Long?: A Death Star Cookie Jar
I don't know if you could tell, but that's not an actual photograph. It's just some concept art for what the cookie jar should look like when it's actually manufactured in some third world nation for pennies. Available in September for $50, this Death Star cookie jar protects your delectables with a giant, planet destroying laser beam. Okay, maybe just a lid. BUT A LASER WOULD BE COOL TOO, AM I RIGHT? No, I'm left. Haha, who's sinister now?! I kicked an old lady!
Product Site
via
Death Star Cookie Jar Keeps Sweets Safe From Everything But the Force [gizmodo]
Thanks to Julian, who once used the Force to taste brownies while they were still in the oven. Impressive.
Jul 9 2009 PEW PEW REVIEW: 125mW Green Laser
The folks over at SKYlaser Laser Pointers sent me a 125mW powerful green laser to review. So that's what I did. And let me tell you: there was plenty of pews to be had. That picture I actually made writing with the laser on an 8-foot privacy fence, I just edited the pic of the unit in. Now hit the jump for the pew pew review.
Jun 17 2009 Star Face: Girl Asks For 3 Stars, Gets 56
Allegedly Kimberley Vlaminck, 18, went into a tattoo parlor and requested three stars on the left side of her face by her eye. However, she claims she fell asleep during the procedure and woke up with 56. I suspect she's lying.
Rouslan, who runs the tattoo parlour called The Tattoo Box in Courtrai, said Kimberley was awake and actually looked in the mirror several times during the procedure to see how it was going.
'He said she knew 'exactly what she wanted. The trouble all started when she went home and her father and boyfriend threw a fit. They are saying things now like I doped her or hypnotised her. What rubbish!''She asked for 56 stars and that's what she got.'
Well, I hope you've all learned a valuable lesson from this story. One about how sweet Kimberley would look with a little rocketship added right by her mouth. I WILL SUPERNOVA YOUR FACE!
Thanks to Chuck Nunchuck, Rémy, STOMPY, Joemo and Menace, who all went to the same dentist to get their teeth cleaned and walked out swinging 2X manhammers.
Jun 15 2009 Raytheon Gets Contract For Laser Weapon
Raytheon, a company best known for my brother and I both swearing we saw an airplane land on top of one of their buildings in Huntsville, Alabama, has received a Navy contract to draw up the initial design of a powerful burning 100-kW Fee Electron Laser (which may or may not look like an automotive engine) to be mounted on seagoing vessels. Pew pew? No. PEW PEW!
Once designed, the naval operators could adjust the wavelength of the laser, which wasn't possible with conventional lasers. This helps compensate for the varying humidity associated with ship-borne situations.
The laser beams could be used against missiles, airplanes, or even boats.
I need one of these for my car. Seriously, I'm tired of sitting in traffic. And let me tell you, I don't just road rage, I road man-rage. You ever seen a guy tear off his own steering wheel, jam it down an air-conditioning vent and then sob uncontrollably? If you've ridden with me you have.
Navy/Raytheon working on 100kW weaponized laser: cue the 'pew-pew' sound effects [dvice]
Jun 2 2009 PEW PEW!: World's Strongest Laser Unveiled
The world's strongest laser was unveiled in California last week. It's not actually a single laser though, it's 192 individual ones all focused on the same spot. Cheating! It's going to be used to ensure the US nuclear weapon stockpile is still functional in case Russia starts bitching out. Also, some space shit.
The super laser, officially known as the National Ignition Facility, was unveiled Friday before thousands of people at the Lawrence Livermore National Laboratory.
Beginning next year scientists will use the laser for experiments aimed at creating controlled fusion reactions similar to those found in the sun."More energy will be produced by this ignition process than the amount of laser energy required to start it. This is the long-sought goal of energy gain that has been the goal of fusion researchers for more than half a century," said NIF director Edward Moses.
'National Ignition Facility'? That's the worst name ever. Why wasn't there a contest to get to name the thing? Because it'll always be the PEWINATOR to me. Which, haha, is the same thing I named my junk penis. But seriously, don't stare directly at it.
World's strongest laser unveiled at Calif. lab [sfgate]
Thanks to Watch-303, catch22, Luis, Doug, Hunter and Phil, who did stare directly at it and paid the price. $10.
May 29 2009 Geekologie Reader Makes Himself Lightsaber
Geekologie Reader Ike, the same one who successfully played poker on a roller coaster, went and made himself a lightsaber. Although, truthfully, it was modeled after Travis Touchdown's beam katana from No More Heroes. Ike made me promise not to tell you how he made it, but suffice it to say there were lasers and smoke and selling your soul to a sorcerer involved.
Here's a real fun tidbit- with enough money (I think about $600) I could make this sucker burn. That's right! Fully functional lightsaber! It also extends and spins. Woot.
Nice, Ike, I want one. Except mine MUST be of the burning variety. How else am I gonna start a fire while camping -- rubbing two sticks together? Pfft, what do I look like, a cub-scout? I AM ALL MAN-SCOUT! Don't believe me? I've humped bears before. Haha -- admit it, Yogi!
Hit the jump for a couple videos of the saber/katana in action, including one with some Travis Touchdown cosplay.
Continue Reading " Geekologie Reader Makes Himself Lightsaber "
Apr 30 2009 Dead Bugs + Old Watch Parts = 'Cybugs'
Mike Libby is a Maine-based artist who glues old watch parts on dead bugs to create steampunk looking insects. Which actually seem pretty cool until you realize that this is what robots will really look like in a few years. True story: one time I let a beetle crawl into my ear just to know what it would feel like. Unfortunately, it burrowed into my head (not unlike a Ceti eel) and I had to brain myself with an ice pick to get it out. If you couldn't tell, that was a pickup line. Ladies?
The artist, who holds a degree in sculpture from the Rhode Island School of Design, says his Insect Lab began after he found a dead, intact beetle. He thought the bug looked and operated like a little mechanical device, and decided to combine the two in a statement about the similarities and contradictions between nature and technology.
And speaking of statements about the similarities and contradictions between nature and technology: I just zip-tied a laser pointer to my penis. Now -- who wants to see some REAL art?
Hit the jump for a bunch more, including a ROFLCOPTER.
Apr 24 2009 Best Business Cards Ever: Meat Cards
Meat Cards are business cards with your info burnt into them using a 150 watt CO2 laser. They are far superior to card stock for obvious reasons (read: meat and lasers).
Screw die-cutting. Forget about foil, popups, or UV spot lamination. THESE business cards have two ingredients: MEAT AND LASERS.
Unlike other business cards, MEAT CARDS will retain value after the econopocalypse. Hoard and barter your calorie-rich, life-sustaining cards.
Mmmm, meat and lasers: definitely two of the finest ingredients on earth. PEW PEW, NOM NOM! Now, blast me in the eye with your laser pointer right as I swallow. What? Don't judge me.
Thanks to Chloe and Julian for eating all my cards. No, really, thanks a lot guys.
Apr 21 2009 Man Wants Camera Installed In Prosthetic Eye, Temporarily Settles For Terminator Eye
Rob Spence has had eye problems since a shooting accident at 13. Now 36, Rob had the eye removed three years ago and decided he wants a video camera in it's place. Only problem: getting a video camera in its place.
Thus far, they've built devices that create wireless NTSC signals--the sort of standard wireless signal a television uses--and are now working on getting this to work in sync with a miniature camera and a battery, all attached to a printed circuit board, all of which has to fit inside a prosthetic eye.
So in the meantime Rob sports the Terminator eye to drum up interest in the project and try to score some funding. Good luck, Rob. And by good luck I mean I won't hesitate to go John Connor on that ass if I have to.
Hit the jump for one more shot and a link to the superlong article.
Apr 17 2009 Super Mario Theme Played On Laser Cutter
This is the Super Mario Bros. theme being played using the step motors of a laser cutter. It sounds just like you think it would (read: PEWLESS). Still, it's kinda cool. Not as cool as a cold one, but *glug glug glug* my God that's delicious. Now, what were we just talking about? Right, you getting me another beer. I vote yay.
Video: Laser cutter plays Super Mario Bros. theme [offworld]
Thanks to Sr. Laser Mario, who once played the Mario theme on a powerful burning laser and lost four fingers on one hand and two on the other. Still, it was beautiful, Sr. Mario.
Apr 5 2009 Let Me Guess, Robots Invented These Too: Little Batteries Powered By Human Blood
It may look like the world's smallest golden wallet, but it's actually a cyborg battery. You see, in the future robots will harvest humans to provide the blood they need to recharge their batteries. Well, happy Sunday to you too!
A small colony of yeast lives inside each battery, and this living core of the fuel cell can draw energy from glucose (sugar) in blood flowing around it. According to New Scientist:
The yeast-based fuel cell produces around 40 nanowatts of power, compared to the microwatt a typical wristwatch battery might produce, Chaio says. That might be enough power for some devices if it were coupled with a capacitor to allow energy to be stored. The yeast could also be genetically engineered to boost its power output.
Great news. No really, that's just wonderful. Currently, scientists are considering the cyborg battery for use in pacemakers and other implantable devices, while robots are considering how much blood they need to power chainsaws and laser blasters. But I'll tell you one thing -- ain't no robotic vampire drilling this neck. Eat oak, Dracu-bot! *tink* Oh shit.
Batteries That Feed on Blood [io9]
Thanks to David, Jon and Jamie, who refuse to donate blood to a damn robot.
Mar 17 2009 Scientists Build Mosquito-Killing Laser Beam
In an attempt to take a bite out of malaria (suck it, McGruff!), scientists are developing a mosquito laser capable of protecting an entire village from the evil, biting bastards. Think bug-zapper times a thousand, to the power of PEW.
The laser, which has been dubbed a "weapon of mosquito destruction" fires at mosquitoes once it detects the audio frequency created by the beating of its wings.
The laser beam then destroys the mosquito, burning it on the spot.Developed by some of the astrophysicists involved in what was known as the "Star Wars" anti-missile programs during the Cold War, the project is meant to prevent the spread of malaria.
Lead scientist on the project, Dr. Jordin Kare, told CNN that the laser would be able to sweep an area and "toast millions of mosquitoes in a few minutes."
Sounds good to me, I hate mosquitoes. I used to post up in front of the bug-zapper in a lawn chair with a case of beer and just watch those suckers get toasted. And speaking of which -- HAPPY ST. PATRICK'S DAY EVERYONE, I'M DRINKING GREEN BEER! Or pickle juice, I can't tell! WHOO!
'Star Wars' scientists create laser gun to kill mosquitoes [cnn]
Thanks to xhaju, Bryan, spudtheimpaler, Jason, Blinzler and Fong, who can catch mosquitoes with chopsticks because they trained with Mr. Miyagi.
Mar 5 2009 Blind Man Sees The Light With Bionic Eye
Ron is a 73-year old who went blind 30 years ago due to mysterious circumstances (the article didn't say). He hasn't been able to see anything since. I'm talking nothing. Pure blackness. But now, thanks to bionic eye surgery, he can finally see the light (again). Did somebody say laser vision? PEW PEW!
It uses a camera and video processor mounted on sunglasses to send captured images wirelessly to a tiny receiver on the outside of the eye. In turn, the receiver passes on the data via a tiny cable to an array of electrodes which sit on the retina - the layer of specialised cells that normally respond to light found at the back of the eye.
When these electrodes are stimulated they send messages along the optic nerve to the brain, which is able to perceive patterns of light and dark spots corresponding to which electrodes have been stimulated.He says he can now follow white lines on the road, and even sort socks, using the bionic eye, known as Argus II.
Whoa whoa whoa -- let's slow down a minute. I'm all for bionic eyes, but don't you think it's a little early to be out on the road? Just saying. Quick Ron, how many fingers am I holding up? *POW* -- a fistful! Ron, can you see me? Ron? Uh-oh. Bionic eyes aren't expensive, are they? Looks like he might need a nose too.
Bionic eye gives blind man sight [bbcnews]
Thanks to Mal, who can see you through the internet. Mal, now describe to me what the ladies are wearing.
Feb 28 2009 Astronomers Photograph the Eye Of God
Finally, a clear shot of God's eye.
The European Organisation for Astronomical Research in the Southern Hemisphere, aka (mercifully) ESO, has released an impressive image of the Helix Nebula captured by La Silla Observatory in Chile.
The nebula, lying at around 700 light-years away in the constellation of Aquarius, has quickly been dubbed the "Eye of God", for obvious reasons.
I've got news for you folks: this is not, in fact, God's real eye. How do I know? Well you remember in Raiders of the Lost Ark when the Germans finally opened the Ark of the Covenant? What happened? Precisely -- ghosts and shit flew out and shot through their stupid Nazi faces and killed them all. That one dude even melted. So, you still alive? Exactly.
Stargazers peer into the 'Eye of God' [theregister]
Thanks to Tim, who knows the true eye of God burns like a laserbeam.
