Oct 7 2009 It's About Time: A Fake iPhone Pocket Scale
Let's face it, we don't all sell drugs *whistling*, but we do all need pocket scales. Maybe you just want to know how much a letter weighs before sending it. Or like to precisely measure ingredients while cooking. Or maybe you sell coke and weed. Enter the fake iPhone pocket scale. With a cover that looks unconvincingly like a real iPhone, this has got to be the cheese-whizziest scale disguise I've ever seen (and I once owned a scale designed to look like a Twilight dildo). Geez, make a scale that looks like a book already! That's what I did (I've got what you're looking for). You're not a cop, right? Cause boy you'd look cute in one of those hats!
Hit the jump to see the display case the scale was spotted in, just in case there was any question to its intended porpoise. Porpoise? I'm a dolphin, bitch!
Continue Reading " It's About Time: A Fake iPhone Pocket Scale "
May 19 2009 Baaaaad Idea: Cheap Terminator Costumes
Just in time for the new movie, Toys-Я-Us is selling $13 T-600 (looks more like a T-6 if you ask me) costumes for children. I mean, it's not even Halloween. You let your kid run around the neighborhood with this thing on and it's game over, man! Wait, that was Aliens. Anyway, the costumes were made to compliment the rest of the crap they're marketing to children under 13 who shouldn't even be allowed to see the movie. Just sayin', my dad took me to see the original Terminator when I was 4. It all makes sense now, doesn't it?
Thanks to Reason, who once killed a T-600 with a laser beam and then called its mother Robo-Cop.
May 1 2009 iSnort App: All The Cool Kids Are Doing It
iSnort is a bootleg iPhone app that makes it appear as though you're cutting up coke and snorting it. Unfortunately, it's not even a real app. It's just a video that you have to choreograph your movements to (the iPhone's touchscreen doesn't respond to heavily abused credit cards or rolled up bills). That said, you can pick it up for £5 at their website. Or, put that money towards some real nose candy. Yeah, I'm talking that good shit. Model airplane glue.
TheiSnort
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Perfect Cocaine Simulator Will Never Make It to the iPhone App Store [gizmodo]
Thanks to prestoner, who will be building his first gravity bong in no time. *sniff* They grow up so fast.
Apr 28 2009 The 'Spinning From A Drill' World Record
Ever wanted to see some asshat set the world record for number of rotations completed (141) while hanging from a power drill mounted to the ceiling? Me neither. But I did watch it, and now it's your turn. And, if you just so happens you're one of those people that can't watch videos at work, congratulations, today's your lucky day.
Man Makes 141 Rotations Hanging From a Power Drill, Sets Stupid World Record [gizmodo]
Thanks to Eric, who holds the world record for beating up people with stupid world records. Uh-oh, Eric, you may have to punch yourself!
Apr 16 2009 Viral Samsung Ads: Now With Trickery
This is a viral ad for Samsung's new I8910 camera phone. I found the guy in the video annoying but I would do his girlfriend. Twice. Once with the lights on.
OUR CHALLENGE: GUESS HOW WE DID THIS. This clip was shot on an I8910 HD phone, a new camera phone just released by Samsung with an 8 megapixel camera that can actually record and output video in HD format. It was shot in one take, with no post production or special effects of any kind. Everything you see here was done "in-camera". Our challenge to you is to figure out how we did it. Hint: it's worth watching in HD...
I went ahead and took the time to embed the video in high definition for you. You know, since I'm your little bitch. And now I'll go ahead and ruin it for you. SPOILER ALERT: Not a mirror. Just a hole. A big, gaping hole. Which, SPOILER ALERT: my ex-wife.
Apr 9 2009 ILVTOFU Is An Unacceptable License Plate
Kelly Coffman-Lee is a fairly attractive 38-year old vegan who wanted to share her love of soy with the world through a custom license plate. Unfortunately, she was denied 'ILVTOFU' because of the double ententre. Which is pretty pathetic considering I just heard that steaming pile of shit Britney Spears song on the radio today. I demand justice! And also, 'ILVVGNA'.
'Tofu' License Plate Deemed X-Rated [aolnews]
Thanks to e. and Pat, who love bean curd as much as the next person, which isn't much. Edamame though, mmmm!
Jan 27 2009 Spider Robot Shoots Webs, Catches Criminals
This spider-inspired robot apparently shoots webs to catch criminals in the act of cowering like little girls. Per translated German:
Which like an ugly remote controlled car is in really an awake robot, which is to catch burglars, looks harmless. The Japanese robot manufacturer Tmsuk and the safety enterprise Alacom developed the prototype of the T-34 of robot mentioned.
I have no idea what that means but I think what they were trying to get at is if this thing actually catches you, you're probably the worst burglar ever. Or a magic goat. Probably a magic goat.
Spiderman-Robocop fängt Menschen [stern]
Thanks to Dirk, who once had the opportunity to prevent a liquor store robbery but used the opportunity to guzzle a bottle of wine while the clerk was distracted.
Dec 2 2008 'Tis The Season....To Crack Nuts?
With Jesus's b-day rapidly approaching, it's time to bust out the eggnog and nutcrackers and have a holly jolly boozefest. Am I right? And what sort of holiday spread is complete without nuts? Man, I freaking love nuts. Filberts, walnuts, pistachios, almonds, I gobble them all. And you know what they say about almonds don't you? Eight almonds a day, uh, keeps pederasts at bay? I don't actually know if they say that, but I'm gonna start. Anyway, this is a Star Wars nutcracker set available from Hammburgler Slumlordicus (that's two in one day!). 99 coconuts takes the whole set.
Darth Vader stands 10" tall and is draped in a vinyl cape, capped by his signature black helmet. He holds his red lightsaber and is decorated with details including vinyl boots, his breathing apparatus, and chest control unit. R2-D2 stands 7" tall displaying his handpainted circuitry; his anterior louvered vents conceal the "cracker." Master Jedi Yoda stands 7 1/2" tall with his walking stick and his humble burlap robe. Non-functional, they are for decorative purposes only.
Now wait just a long time ago minute! Non-functional? How hard is it to make the damn things functional? Isn't a nutcracker just a freaking hinge? WTF! I'll tell you what -- you just can't bust a nut like you used to. Wow, did I just go there? I did. I went there, I raged, I burnt the village down, I came back, got drunk again, lost a shoe, and puked in the other one. Now it's all mushy when I walk. And it stinks. But I'd still drink out of it. Hardcore. HARDCORE!
Thanks to James and Allison, who can both crack nuts between their pinky and ring finger because they're from that same planet Superman is from. Krypton. They're from Krypton.
Nov 28 2008 Fool Me Once, Shame On You, Fool Me Twice, Damnit, You Got Me Again: Real X-Ray Specs Here? Geekologie Writer Hopeful
Allegedly David Steele, a pervert, is selling 30 and 58mm lens filters capable of seeing through many kinds of fabric. I've got the feeling they only work with sheer wet t-shirts and fishnets, but whatever: boobs yo, boobs. Each lens costs $200 and purchase includes a free trial subscription to Perv Quarterly, a beard, and a pair of those glasses that tint in sunlight.
40 years later, real X-Ray specs finally hit the market [dvice]
Nov 12 2008 Heat Sensitive Pillows Change Colors, Whee!
The Please Touch Pillow wants you to touch in -- in a bad way. So it can change colors! They cost $160 and are made by witches. The more you wash them the less color changing they get, until, eventually, they're just regular pillows you paid $160 for. Now there was something else I was going to say, what was it? Oh right, I had a Hypercolor shirt 20 years ago! Sucketh thine, Please Touch Pillow -- I shalt not fondle thee!
Please Touch Pillow [outblush]
Thanks again to RyanThePerson, who may or may not be RyanThePillowFondler behind closed doors.
Nov 10 2008 World's Largest Piñata Sadly Not Filled With Thousands Of Airplane Bottles (BOOO!)
The world's largest piñata was recently constructed and displayed in Philadephia, PA as part of a publicity stunt and commercial for Carnival Cruise Lines. "The donkey was 28.5 meters (94′) long, 7.2 meters (24′) wide and 18 (60′) meters tall and fill with 3,628 lbs of candy. (8,000lbs)." Carnival got the crowd riled up by promising to bust the monster ass open with a giant wrecking ball, but never did. Which is pretty freaking disappointing. And you know what else is? That it wasn't filled with cars. Lamest. Fiesta. Ever.
Hit the jump for one more picture.
Sep 25 2008 Best iPhone Application EVER
paiTouch, an iPhone application created by Japanese blogger Technohippy, is a virtual breast. You can poke and prod it all you want and it kind of jiggles around. It's actually pretty crappy. You can test it out here, just click and drag the cursor around. I've got to admit: if this is what touching a booby is like, I'm not that excited about it anymore. Now a penis....JK!
Virtual Breasts, Coming to Your iPhone [inventorspot]
Thanks to Phil, who touches enough of the real thing to not need a stupid app.
Jul 31 2008 Beer Pong Video Game Sparks Controversy
JV Games latest video game title, Beer Pong, has sparked quite a bit of controversy from outraged parents. Why? Because it's a video game about playing beer pong, and received a "T" for teen rating. It's the first in JV's Frat Party Games series (with soon to follow Elephant Walk and Olive Basketball). So you know what JV Games did to get the game out? They changed the name to Pong Toss and removed all the beer-related content. F*** this is stupid. Parents, you do know your kids are banging hookers and killing people in GTA4, right? Probably not, because it's not called GTA4: Banging Ho's and Busting Caps. Anyway, this game may sound horrible, but at least it's not Needle Toss: Riding The H Train. Which, holy shit, is brilliant. Are there Emmys for video games?
The War Against Beer Pong [yahoonews]
Jul 17 2008 Epic Failure: Kid Riding Jet Ski In Hot Tub
This is a short video of an asscap riding a jet ski in a hot tub. It's every bit the epic failure you'd expect. The whole time I was waiting for a cruise ship to come along and crush the dumb bastard to death, but my prayer went unanswered. Something about God hating me.
UPDATE: I'd like to apologize to all of you who were misled into thinking that Captain Numbnuts of the USS Special Ed was going to hurt himself by the inclusion of "epic failure" in the title and post. If it's any consolation, there was nobody wishing him more harm than myself. And also, YAAAAAAAAA! *UMPH* -- there, I just punched myself in the go-go-gadget-gonads for you.
Jul 15 2008 FAKE!: Last Week's Stormtrooper Smash
Remember those Scout Trooper smashing devil-women from last week? Well, as some of you had guessed, a video released yesterday proves it was, in fact, fake. Turns out the dude was in on it the whole time and they were destroying the doll because it was already broken and they needed proof of destruction to get a replacement from Sideshow Collectibles.
Congratulations on the trickery folks, you're all a bunch of assholes! Do you know how many sleepless nights I've had since watching the original video? All of them. Honestly, this doesn't change my opinion of the women whatsoever, and I still suggest they be burned at the stake. Only now, the guy can join them.
Thanks to entropic soul for making me wish harm on all those involved even more now.
Jun 11 2008 Office Rampage Video That Was So Awesome Is Indeed Fake, Viral Marketing For Wanted
Remember the bad-to-the-ass office rampage video from last week? Turns out it's fake after all. And if that wasn't bad enough, it was a viral marketing video made by Russian director Timur Bekmambetov to hype his new movie, Wanted, starring Angelina Jolie and James MacAvoy. Good job Timur, you totally had me fooled. And for successfully pulling off the hoax I will now reward you by boycotting Wanted. And not just because I hate being tricked, but because you're an asshole and the movie will probably suck anyways. So Timur, you better pray The Iwatchstuff Writer says that shit is solid freaking gold, otherwise I'm picketing the hell out of the local theater.
Cubicle Farm Rampage Video Was Just A Viral Marketing Stunt [gizmodo]
Mar 27 2008 Star Wars Golf Bags Shouldn't Have Made It
Come on Star Wars franchise, get with program. With all the other awesome products you had to choose from to release you pick freaking golf bags? WTF!? These golf bags are made in Japan, come in Stormtrooper or Darth Vader styling, cost about $500, and are stupid. Mostly because I'm pissed they didn't release any of that other, cooler stuff instead. I mean Jesus, Star Wars franchise, at least get creative. How about an AT-AT golf cart instead? Death Star golf balls? I mean this thing could have at least been shaped like R2 for Skywalker's sake. #$&!!%! %)#@!!)$#! Star Wars: Episodes 1 and 2 - Attack Of The Phantom French Ticklers am I furious right now.
Another detail picture after the jump.
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Feb 28 2008 President's Home Theater Is Freaking Lame-o
This is a picture of the president's home theater. It looks pretty sucky. Not what I would have gone for at all. Come on pres, where's the Star Wars theme? I mean you could have gone with anything, like Star Trek, Terminator, the Batcave, the Nautilus, Indiana Jones, or just balls-to-the-wall expensive. But no, you go with a red and gold motif and freaking ottomans in the front row. What are you, a woman? Oh, it turns out Laura Bush was the one responsible for the decoration. Well I see who wears the pants in your relationship, Mr. President. That breaks cardinal rule 4 of being a man: Thou shalt not alloweth thine wife to designeth thy home theatereth. You fool!
Another picture of the room, along with one of what it used to look like, after the jump.
Continue Reading " President's Home Theater Is Freaking Lame-o "
