Oct 13 2009 I Said Protect The Leftovers!: Plasticdragon

Raise you hand if you like dragons. Whoa, that's a lot of hands. Okay, let's try this -- raise you hand if you don't like dragons. What the hell's the matter with you -- HOW CAN YOU NOT LIKE DRAGONS!? What about Falkor the Luck Dragon? Yeah, I bet you feel stupid now, don't you? Well you should. Anyway, meet Plasticdragon. He's best friends with Metaldragon. Unfortunately, they had a falling out with Leatherdragon, which is a shame because dude's cool as shit.

A Dragon made entirely out of Plastic Kitchen Utencils (Spoons, Knives, Forks abd cups glued together using a glue gun)

approx 80 hours
material cost: all from 99 cent store

completely freestyle - no plans/blueprints/drafts

Plasticdragon was made by DeviantARTist ~toge-NYC and protects leftovers in the breakroom from hungry coworkers. Which is a good idea. Just sayin', you ever been stabbed with a plastic fork before? You have? Jesus, what were the circumstances?

~toge-NYC's DeviantART Page (with a nice high-res picture)

Thanks to sham, who doesn't need a dragon to guard her leftovers because she booby traps the fridge. Smart.

Sep 21 2009 Not For Airline Travel: Ninja Kunai USB Drive

A dangerously metal USB drive shaped like a ninja knife, it just makes sense. The 2GB Ninja Kunai drives cost $125 and are in no way, shape or form safe for airplane travel. Or train. Now that I think about it, I wouldn't even drive anywhere with one. Because I used to keep a little pen knife on my keychain and now I push the gas with a peg. Which brings me to an important point: Pirate for hire. Now I know what you're thinking, and yes, I do bachelor parties.

Ninja Kunai USB Drive: the tech equivalent of getting a foreign language tattoo [engadget]

Thanks to Harrison, who once stabbed a foe with a traditional USB drive and lost all his data.

Jun 18 2009 Gorilla Gets All Stabby At Calgary Zoo

A gorilla at the Calgary Zoo picked up a knife left by one of its keepers and threatened to stab another primate if it didn't reveal the whereabouts of its banana horde. Okay, not really. But it did swing the knife around menacingly. I lie. BITCH I'LL CUT YOU!

"He grabbed the knife exactly in the correct position and he smelled it and looked at it," said Calgarian Joe Scheffler, who was at the zoo with his wife, Heike. "A few seconds later, another gorilla came and he was very interested.

"He tried to get the knife, but the gorilla with the knife lifted the knife for his buddy . . . it seems to me that the gorilla with the knife was a little bit angry and he lifted his hand with the knife.

"It was just (like) a scene from a crime," added Scheffler, whose wife snapped photos of the incident.

Suddenly, as though it sensed danger, Scheffler said the second gorilla stepped away and the knife-wielding gorilla walked a short distance and placed it on an old chair in the exhibit.

Oh man, animals with weapons. This reminds me of the future!

Gorilla caught holding knife at Calgary Zoo [calgaryherald]

Thanks to Jeremy, who once brought a lightsaber to a knife fight but was disqualified for cheating.

Jun 15 2009 Alleged Anti-Stab Knife Won't Stab To Kill

Allegedly this New Point knife was designed to be unable to stab someone to death. Questionable, I know.

Mr Cornock, 42, from Swindon, said that the knife will cut vegetables, but will make it almost impossible to stab someone to death and will reduce the risk of accidental injuries.

He said: "It can never be a totally safe knife, but the idea is you can't inflict a fatal wound. Nobody could just grab one out of the kitchen drawer and kill someone.

I call shenanigans. There's no such thing as a stab-proof knife. I could hands-down kill somebody (or something -- I'm looking at you, zombie robot) with this thing. Shit, one time I stabbed a guy to death with a brick.

First Anti-Stab Knife Prevents Deadly Kitchen "Accidents" [gizmodo]

Thanks to Pew³, who doesn't need knives because the dude's made of lasers.

May 24 2009 Finally: A Venn Diagram Of Hybrid Cutlery

This is a Venn Diagram of hybrid cutlery. As you can see in the middle, the splayd incorporates all three standard eating utensils in one, high questionable design. Of course, I wouldn't want to eat cereal with it. Or you. YOU'RE DRIBBLING MILK ON MY CARPET YOU HEATHEN!

Towards a Grand Unification of Cutlery [eatmedaily]

Thanks to Andrew, who eats with his hands because he's an animal.

Apr 27 2009 Devil Worshipping Mega Fail: The Satanist Star I Cut Into My Arm

This is definitely NOT how you pledge your allegiance to the dark lord. You show up at the Pit of Eternal Damnation with this thing on your arm and a bunch of imps are just gonna laugh at you and then take turns packing your asshole full of hot charcoals. Just sayin', tsssssssssss.

I Cut the Satan Star Into My Arm! [youthink]

Thanks to Yopoleo, who once beat the devil in a fiddling contest and never received his golden violin prize. I warned you, Yopoleo, you can't trust that horned bastard.

Feb 25 2009 Even Parking Meters Are Out To Get Us

Thought you were safe from robotic parking meters? Think again. Apparently the clever little bastards are pretending to be broken, then, once you've limped away without feeding them, auto-correct themselves and POW, parking ticket.

How is this possible? One explanation, according to DDOT, is that 74 percent of D.C.'s 15,453 meters are designed to self-correct, but are also "at the end of their useful life." So a person who parks at a meter displaying a "fail" message may return an hour later to find a working meter flashing zero time and a ticket on the windshield -- a process that may repeat several times a day.

"It was a news flash to me that we had this huge number of meters that are self-repairing," Ward 1 Councilman Jim Graham, chairman of the public works committee, said Thursday.

First of all, I think it's time for a new Ward 1 Councilman. And secondly, I live here in DC and just write BROKEN in black Sharpie across the glass of all parking meters. Law breaker or handsome vigilante -- you decide. But if you decided law breaker you should reconsider. Because -- you see this? No, down here. Yeah, the knife in my hand -- It's got your spleen's name on it. Well, it will. What's your spleen's name? Okay, now what'd I do with the Sharpie?

Parking Meters Out to Destroy the Human Race [nbcwashington]

Thanks spudtheimpaler, you in DC? We should drink beer together.

Feb 6 2009 True Love: Guy Wakes Up After One Night Stand, Woman Carved Her Name Into His Arm

Oh wow, I thought this sort of thing only happened in romance novels. Apparently Wayne Robinson, went over to Dominque Fisher's house for a little sex after a night of drinking and Valium, and woke up the next morning with her name carved into his arm and a bunch of other cuts. Valium: sleep through anything.

When I woke I was covered in blood. Dominique was snoring. I just had to get out of there. I didn't even wake her to ask what she'd done.'

'I'm scarred for life,' he told The Sun. 'I wish I'd never met her.'

He said: 'I went to her place for sex, not to be tattoed. I can't believe she did this to me and I hate her.

Haha, that's what you get, Wayne. Getting cut is the non-collegiate equivalent of waking up with a giant Sharpie penis on your cheek. That said, don't lie -- you'd hit it again.

Hit the jump for a picture of the couple (both very good looking) and another of the rest of the damage.

Continue Reading " True Love: Guy Wakes Up After One Night Stand, Woman Carved Her Name Into His Arm "

Feb 4 2009 Pizza Pro 3000: Finally, A Manlier Pizza Cutter

The Pizza Pro 3000 by Fred is a pizza cutter designed to look like a circular saw. That way, you can feel like a real toughass instead of a guy who just baked a frozen pizza for his Friday night Friends marathon. That Chandler, what a nut.

Pizza Pro 3000 Circular Saw [nerdapproved]

Thanks to Michael, who cuts his pizza the way God intended: with Paul Bunyon's axe.

Continue Reading " Pizza Pro 3000: Finally, A Manlier Pizza Cutter "

Nov 20 2008 Feel Just Like Wolverine, Minus The Cool

The Tomahawk Skull Gauntlet costs $40 and surprisingly doesn't have any customer reviews yet. Although I just wrote one. Unfortunately, it looks like it might be moderated first. Booo. UPDATE: Review is now up on the product page.

With this gauntlet strapped to your arm there is no question you are the man in charge! The three piercing spikes stretch 11 1/2" long and are constructed from solid stainless steel. The palm cover is cast metal construction with unique details down to each "bone". With an overall length of 17", this monstrous handspike will not only protect your grip but will send your foes running in the other direction.

Sweet, now you can pretend to be Wolverine. PEW PEW! What do you mean Wolverine doesn't go PEW? I mean, he has a laser blaster doesn't he? He doesn't? Well who am I thinking of then? Oh, right, me. PEW PEW bitches!

Product Page

Thanks to Richthegringo, who promised me a back scratch as soon as they arrive.

Oct 29 2008 Where Are All The Forks?: A Utensil Table

Welding a bunch of flatware together to make a table, brilliant. As you can see, it's got all the standard utensils like forks and butter knives. Oh shit, and the other ones that have the little bowl at the end. Those.

This limited edition table/sculpture by Objection Design, entitled Precious Famine, is a found object piece made entirely of Cristofle silverware.

Precious Famine -- what a clever name for a flatware table! Actually, I don't get it. But honestly, I don't get a lot of things. Like laid, or paid for writing this.

Objection Design : Precious Famine [myninjaplease]

Thanks to ray, whose spork table was actually the inspiration for this piece. F***ing hacks!

Oct 27 2008 Knife Skills: Pumpkin Carving Champion

Well folks, with Valentine's just around the corner I figured I'd do a bunch of holiday-related posts this week. And what better way to get things rolling than with some dude's L337 pumpkin carving skills?

Congratulations to Ray Villafane, a sculptor for DC Comics on his win Sunday night on the Food Network's Pumpkin Carving Challenge. The six and half hour event pitted four pumpkin carvers against each other in a three part competition. Part one involved a traditional Jack o Lantern. Part two: 3D sculpture. The final part, which was worth half of the points was the freestyle competition.

Ray dominated all three parts of the competition and took home $10,000 and two pumpkin groupies.

Hit the jump to see the two other pumpkins and the cutest damn werewolf-child ever.

Continue Reading " Knife Skills: Pumpkin Carving Champion "

Oct 24 2008 The Incredible, Edible (Healthy) Death Star

This is a Death Star made out of a cantaloupe. It's probably a lot healthier for you than the cake version. And less tasty. Far less tasty. But if you had two, well, then I'd have to stick my face in between them.

Fan Made: An Edible and Healthy Death Star [cinematical]

Thanks to Pat, a fellow melon fan.

Sep 5 2008 Gungan Delight: A Jar Jar Binks Salad

A Star Wars fan and culinary artist wanted to make a Star Wars-y dish, but was reluctant to eat any of the cool characters. The solution? You guessed it -- Jar Jar.

Jar Jar Binks was easily the worst thing about The Phantom Menace. If I could create a scrumptious salad out of him and serve him up with a tasty crostini, perhaps I might have my revenge.

Jicama proved to be just the right medium for my sculpture -- it's a tuberous root vegetable that is perfect for food carvings. It's crisp, cuts easily and doesn't dry out quickly. Jicama doesn't taste like much but readily absorbs the juices and flavors of a marinade or sauce.

Hit the jump for a bunch more pictures of edible Jar Jar, including one with a knife in his head, along with a link to the DIY page. And if you do decide to make one yourself, remember: save the neck for me, Clark.

Hit it!

Continue Reading " Gungan Delight: A Jar Jar Binks Salad "

Aug 19 2008 Now With Movement!: Slow Motion Bullets

Yesterday we had still images of bullet destruction, and today -- video! It's actually a PSA created by a London radio station's "Peace on the Streets" campaign against gun violence. Just watch it. Then argue in the comments section about gun control like you all love to do. I'm not taking sides though because I'm an unbiased reporter, but I will say this: I once brought a knife to a gunfight and accidentally stabbed myself pretty bad.

Youtube

Thanks to Charlie, who knows that the pen is mightier than the WMD.

Jul 28 2008 No Thanks: Psycho Inspired Shower Curtain

Personally, I like the classic model we posted a while back. But in somebody's unending quest to eff up a perfectly good original, here comes a new and "improved" version. Not only does this curtain have gratuitous blood splatterings, it makes noise! That's right, the $20 curtain has a motion sensor and when you enter the bathroom you get the REEE REEE REEE and Psycho scream! Shit, that'll never get old. I could listen to it upwards of, I dunno, once.

Bloody Serial Killer Shower Curtain Brings Murderous Fun Into the Bathroom [gizmodo]

Jul 22 2008 Gun + Knife = Gnife Knun Knife-Gun

The Knife-Gun is the lovechild of a small caliber handgun that humped a switchblade at the monthly gun & knife show they hold at the civic center. I couldn't find much more information on it, except that they're allegedly for sale and it looks like it shoots a pretty small caliber round. Probably more effective than the WASP Knife at a distance though. But it probably sucks underwater. Still, I love hybrid weapons, and this little puppy inspired me to invent the boomerang grenade. See, you pull and pin and throw it, and then it flies around and comes ba....okay, so it needs some work.

Youtube

Thanks Lee, I owe you a beer. Haha, just kidding.

Jul 21 2008 B21 Kitchen Robot (AKA: The Kitchen Killer)

The B21 Kitchen Robot was designed to know where everything in your kitchen is via RFID tagging and help you prepare meals. In reality, the robot will probably just stab you. The blue barrel bastard was created by the Technical University of Munich and even has the capability to learn how to use new tools (read: knives, read: oh freaking great).

(By using RFID tags) the robot knows where everything is, and it can learn simple tasks simply by observing the movements of the objects.

"Setting the table is very easily recognized from cups and plates disappearing from the cupboard and appearing on the table, and cleaning up later is characterized by the same objects disappearing from the table and appearing in the dishwasher."

The team is also working to integrate a number of open-source software packages to enable the robots to get instructions from the internet, in the same way that some search for images.

Oh yeah, that's just what I need -- a robot that's getting instructions from the interwebs. So let me get this straight: There's a robot in my kitchen. It knows where the knives are, and it's being controlled by someone whose goal is to type F1RST! in the comments? Thanks, but I'll just keep my wife chained to the stove. Damnit, hold on.

I SAID OVER EASY!

Robot chef gets a boost from wireless kitchen [newscientist]

Thanks Bo, now I have to destroy my kitchen so there's nowhere for this evil bastard to live.

Jul 21 2008 Wasp Knife In Action: Goodbye Watermelon

Remember the WASP Knife we posted last month that injects a ball of compressed gas into the stabee and explodes their organs? Well now the company has released a video of the knife versus a watermelon. After all, nobody can sell deadly knives like a jackass in a wetsuit and safety goggles stabbing a watermelon in his backyard. If this was an infomercial I'd have called immediately and gotten two and a free LED keychain bonus gift. Just imagine all the time you could save carving the Thanksgiving turkey. Minutes.

Hit the jump for disturbing watermelon carnage. Seriously, If you can blow up a watermelon with this thing, I don't even wanna know what you can do to a cantaloupe.

Continue Reading " Wasp Knife In Action: Goodbye Watermelon "

Jul 10 2008 Tie Napkins: Who Wears A Shirt To Dinner?

I typically eat alfresco, which for some might mean outdoors, but for me means butt-ass naked. I don't care if it's a 7-course dinner or a box of Oreos, I need to be comfortable. Well, for those formal tie-only affairs come these Dress For Dinner Napkins. As you can see, they're napkins with ties printed on them. They come in four tie patterns and a box of twenty will set you back $5.95. Not bad considering the money you'll save on dry cleaning bills. The only problem is, I'm having trouble finding a place to tuck them in. Hold on, I've got it. I'll just make a little incision here below the Adam's apple and...I'm bleeding. Wow, a lot. Like a lot a lot. Great, now my napkin tie is rui....

Dress For Dinner Napkins [ohgizmo]