Nov 18 2009 Why Don't House Cats Grow Into Lions?

This is a clever answer to a query posed in Yahoo! Answers. You can't argue the answerer didn't give them exactly what they asked for, even if it's not what they wanted. Because, let's face it, a lot of people don't even know what they want. I'm looking at you, Mrs.Takes 8 Minutes To Order at the Taco Bell Drive Thru. Next time I'm ramming!

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Thanks to TARDISlover, who likes it bigger on the inside.

Sep 22 2009 Toy Teaches Children About Life And Death

Now I'm not saying this is the best way to explain to your daughter what happened to Mr. Fluffernutter, I'm just saying I can't think of a better one. Your parents: be thankful I'm not one of them. EXCEPT I TOTALLY AM. Your other father and I made you!

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Thanks to Yopoleo, who made has never run over anything but the time limit when giving an acceptance speech.

Sep 11 2009 Windows 7 Commercial With Cute Little Girl

I don't get the chance to watch much television since my tv got repo'd but if I did I may have seen this Microsoft commercial for Windows 7 featuring Kylie, the cute Asian girl. Admittedly, I did like the ad. But that's because I'm a sucker for any commercial featuring The Final Countdown. Even tampon ones.

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Thanks to jon, who still sells products the really old fashioned way: from cave to cave.

Aug 28 2009 Kitty Noises, Autotune Used To Make Song

This is song made using videos of kitty sounds that have been auto-tuned (think Kanye West, but with less bitching and whining) to produce some funky fresh beats. Yes, I am hip to your jive. I'm a cool cat, you dig? I jest, I am a warm dog. And speaking of which -- in college I lived in a house with five other guys, and we had this one roommate who would always boil hotdogs in the same pot of water and then lid the pot and save the water for next time. Dude got mad pissed if you even joked about touched his hotdog water. And that pot would sit there on the stove for sometimes a week between boilings. He was convinced it gave each subsequent batch of dogs more flavor. We were convinced it gave us dysentery.

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Thanks to Tom and Edd, who once made a song with their voices synthesized to sound like Chipmunks but then deleted it when they realized that shit's not cool.

Aug 26 2009 I Can't Ever Get Enough: Kitty Om Nom Noms

We've already seen a video of a kitty literally OM NOM NOMing it's food, but guess what? I love kitties (I even heart hairless cats, it's true) so here comes another. Plus, as an added bonus, there are two, count them, TWO kitties in this video. And two times five is ten. And ten, my friends, is one hell of a threesome.

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Thanks to josh, who collects little porcelain cats on the window sill in the kitchen because he's your grandma.

Jul 14 2009 Cats Manipulate People With Their Purrs

So apparently cats can exploit their caretakers to get what they want through the use of a special purr. I can't say I'm surprised, that's a picture of two of my old cats there (rest in peace, guys). One minute they were purring -- and the next I was teaching them how to read!

Researchers at the University of Sussex have discovered that cats use a "soliciting purr" to overpower their owners and garner attention and food.

Unlike regular purring, this sound incorporates a "cry", with a similar frequency to a human baby's.

The team said cats have "tapped into" a human bias - producing a sound that humans find very difficult to ignore.

I dunno, I'm not really that big into babies crying. But maybe that's just my fatherly instincts talking. Read: impregnate and run. What can I say -- I'm a nurturer.

Cats 'exploit' humans by purring [bbcnews]

Thanks to FDSY, Sharkey, RealLifeF***up and Ryan, who are all controlled by an entirely different kind of cat.

This post dedicated in loving memory of The Little Man, October, Jimmy and The Terrorist.

Jun 9 2009 Cuuute!: Hello Kitty 'Castle' Opens In Shanghai

It looks more like a house to me, but like the saying goes, "one man's house is another He-Man's Castle Grayskull". So who am I to argue? BESIDES THE BEST DAMN (MASS) DEBATER MY HIGH SCHOOL EVER SAW! Anyway, this is a Hello Kitty castle that recently opened to the feline loving public in Shanghai, China. I have no idea why, I guess it's like a museum or something. A museum of cuteness! See ladies, I can be sensitive. Even more sensitive than old people teeth. But I can still eat ice cream. I'll be at the parlor, call me.

Hit the jump to see several more of the cat ladyness.

Continue Reading " Cuuute!: Hello Kitty 'Castle' Opens In Shanghai "

Jun 3 2009 This Is Important: Cat Crawling Into A Couch

This is by far the most important thing you'll watch all day (suck it, the news!). It's a kitten crawling into a couch. I love how its little legs are poking out before it can pull itself in. Did it remind anyone else of a calf being born, but in reverse? No? Fine, me neither then. Dicks.

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Thanks to Sophia, who knows important shit when she sees it.

May 21 2009 Cutest Thing I've Seen All Day: Whack-A-Kitty

Whack-a-Kitty is just like Whac-A-Mole at Chuck-E-Cheese except instead of winning tickets you win getting to clean litterboxes and waking up at all ungodly hours of the night. That said, this is the cutest thing I've seen in awhile. And I saw a baby duck riding a bunny riding a puppy at the park yesterday, so that's saying a lot.

Whac-A-Kitty Is a Case of Cruel and Unusual Cuteness [gizmodo]

Thanks to Julian, who once got caught picking up field mice and bopping them on the head.

Apr 30 2009 Cat Jumping In And Out Of A Tall Box

Sure it may sound boring, but it's actually entertaining to the power of illegal Mexican fireworks. The first minute of the video shows the cat figuring out how to get IN the box, but the second half is him jumping OUT, which is the awesome part. Watch him launch out at 1:17 (or -0:40 if the timer is counting down) and tell me that's not awesomest thing you've seen all morning. Because if it's not, well, apparently you've already seen some pretty wicked stuff today. Holla atcha boy with a tip, yang.

Cat In A Box [yahoovideo]

Thanks to Conor, who tried training his turtle to jump out of a box but it never would.

Apr 14 2009 It's Dangerous To Go Alone. Take This.

This is probably older than the topical gel I found in the back of my medicine cabinet while hunting for my Valtrex multi-vitamins, but that doesn't affect the cuteness. As you can see, it's a cat dressed up as Link. Making him the coolest cat ever (besides your own, I'm sure). Granted, he forgot the apostrophe in "I'm" and can't capitalize to save his last half-heart, but he's a cat for crying out loud. They're notoriously poor with grammar. And also, in general. MR. WHISKERS -- YOU'RE LATE ON RENT AGAIN!

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Thanks to Spikey DaPikey, who agrees he could only be cuter if he was swinging a wooden sword.

Mar 30 2009 Spock Sackboy Lives Long And Prospers

Somebody went and made a crochet Spock Sackboy (Spackboy) in celebration of the upcoming Star Trek movie. Also, I guess they like Little Big Planet. Which makes sense because of, you know, the, uh, transitive property? I don't know, I failed my college proofs class. And not just because I spent most of the period trying to take camera-phone pictures of the girl in front of me's thong. Haha, that would be ridiculous. But I do have several thousand.

Hit the jump to see a couple shots of Spackboy hanging out with a cat.

Continue Reading " Spock Sackboy Lives Long And Prospers "

Mar 20 2009 He's So Cute!: Ninja Cat Part Two Three

Remember ninja cat? How could you forget, that furry little bastard was cute, cute, cute! And how about ninja cat two? That one was a scrumptious little muffin-top too! And now, ninja cat 3! Oh, and I love the sound the guy makes in the end. Sounds like....victory.

Ninja Kitteh Part 2! [icanhascheezburger]

Thanks to Amanda and Jared, who once battled ninja cats for 14 hours straight before admitting defeat.