Nov 13 2009 Ladies: Quick Conversions Cooking Towel
I've never cooked anything in my life except crystal meth and I ended up blowing up the trailer, but I have eaten things before. Including, and virtually limited to: cereal and pudding. What can I say, I'm a health nut. Anyway, the Useful Towel is a $22 piece of fabric with conversions and stuff on it. I think. I actually don't know what they are, it all looks like jibber-jabber to me. But I'd still tie it around my waist and prance around the kitchen bare-assed. Suck it, Jamie Oliver!
Useful Towel Has a Couple of Uses [uberreview]
Nov 3 2009 Interesting: 20,000 Piece Lego Kitchen Island
Listen, I love LEGO. And if I could build a LEGO woman and take her on the bus with me without soliciting funny looks from all the other, REAL crazy people while we partook in a little heavy petting, I 100% would. Unfortunately, I tested the waters with a mannequin and it's a no-go. But did that stop Parisian designers Simon Pillard and Philippe Rosetti from buying a kitchen island from IKEA and covering it with 20,000 LEGO bricks? IT DID NOT! And, damnit, it won't stop them from contracting salmonella either.
Hit the jump for two more shots of the counter.
Continue Reading " Interesting: 20,000 Piece Lego Kitchen Island "
Oct 23 2009 Okaaaay: Kenwood Mixer/Cooker Combo
Kenwood, a company best known for making the aftermarket car speakers in the back of my truck, is making this kitchen appliance. The Kenwood KM070 Cooking Chef is a mixer/cooker combo, capable of mixing shit together and then heating it up to 140°C (240°F) so you can eat it and get all full and then sit around watching TV with your hand in your pants. I've seen you before! And I liked what I saw.
It looks like your standard mixer, with a large 6.7L bowl capacity and 8 mixing speeds, but it also features an 1100W induction heating system that allows you to cook food directly in the mixing bowl.
Temperatures can be set between 20°C to 140°C for warming or actual cooking, and there's even a steam basket attachment allowing you to prepare an entire meal without ever turning on the stove. The only downside is that once again convenience doesn't come cheap, so you can expect to pay around $1,600+ for the Cooking Chef.
I honestly don't know anything cooking except eating pizza and ice creams, but maybe this is a handy appliance. I don't really know how, but maybe it is. But hey, you could write upward of thirty pages about the things I don't know. Why is the sky blue? Why is water wet? Why did Judas rat to Romans why Jesus slept? Kidding, I know all those. I'm sure there's something though.
Kenwood's Cooking Chef Mixer Takes The Stove Out Of The Equation [ohgizmo]
Sep 14 2009 Bacon Is Good For Me: The Remix
This is Sir Eat A Lot's remix of his instant classic 'Bacon Is Good For Me', now with more repetition. Now I'm not saying this song makes me want to adopt the little chubs and call him my own, but it totally does. Say it again, little man! "Bacon is good for me". Haha, here -- have another Beggin' Strip (he doesn't know the difference).
Thanks to Erica, whose hit 'Geekologie Is Good For Me' went like triple plutonium.
Sep 4 2009 Gyro Kid's Bowl Makes Spilling More Difficult
Let's face it: kids were born to make your life a living hell and wreak havoc on your house and mental health whenever possible (note: this is all speculation, I don't actually have any kids. ANYMORE -- they're all growed up!). So why not minimize the damage the little imps can do to your kitchen with a $10 Gyro Toddler Food Bowl? "No matter which way the handles of this bowl are turned, the food in the middle stays upright." Awesome. Wait -- is that caramel corn? TODDLERS DON'T EAT CARAMEL CORN!! What are you, trying to kill the little bastard? Cause you know they fetch a pretty penny on the black market. I mean, I'VE HEARD. Firsthand (meet me behind the Dollar General).
Aug 12 2009 Kettle Plays Song Instead Of Just Whistling
The Musical Kettle, designed by Naoki Kawamoto, has some sort of electronically controlled flute attachment that allows the device to play a song instead of just a boring whistle when the water is boiling. Now, are you thinking what I'm thinking? If you answered, "rocking out with your teabags out to some Jethro Tull", you are. HEY AQUALUNG!
Aug 6 2009 Gotta Eat 'Em All!: More Geeky Cupcakes
If there's one thing I learned in baking school it's how to put out a fire (stop, drop and roll). And there's another, it's how much I enjoyed eating the things other people made. Mine? Mine never turned out because baking is a women's sport. High five, ladies! Wait -- is that batter? Let me lick your fingers. Anywho, this is a little gallery of geeky cupcakes. It's just a grab-bag really, so there's something here for everyone -- including you folks in prison (I slipped a file into the third robot). And for the last time, DON'T SWALLOW IT.
Hit the jump for nine more, including some Dangermouse action. DANGERMOUSE, SON!
Continue Reading " Gotta Eat 'Em All!: More Geeky Cupcakes "
Jul 30 2009 Don't Eat The Pan!: Pac-Man Oven Mitts
This $12 Pac-Man Hothead from Fred is a silicon oven mitt that's "ready to eat the heat". Or, I dunno, your cookies! I like how the inside of his mouth looks like a Pac-Man level, I thought that was a nice touch. But not as nice as yours. No seriously -- this back isn't gonna rub itself.
Product Site (click 'buy' and 'shop online' if you want to find a place that sells them)
Jul 16 2009 Luke, I Am Your Dessert: Star Wars Cakes
This is a little gallery of three different Star Wars cakes. These first two were created by Geekologie Reader doyouloveanapple (I do, I swear), and the Han Solo in carbonite cake after the jump was baked by Geekologie Reader Caro. I swear, you readers have such talent! And speaking of cake-baking talent: I have a birthday coming up next month. Now, who wants to bake my cake? And, more importantly, who wants to jump out of it?
Hit the jump to see the rest.
Continue Reading " Luke, I Am Your Dessert: Star Wars Cakes "
Jun 16 2009 This Tastes Like Poison: Japan's Robot-Chefs
Japanese companies unveiled several new models of robotic-chefs at the recent Tokyo International Food Machinery and Tech Expo., and I, for one, am never eating out again. Kidding, ladies. Here's a breakdown of the video:
0:00 - 0:18: Pancake cooking robot sucks at flipping.
0:19 - 0:25: Robot sympathizer sympathizes with robots. You will not be saved.
0:26 - 0:39: Creepy looking realistic hand robot serves sushi, your fingers.
0:40 - 0:46: Depressed, engineer is depressed.
0:47 - 0:54: Crooked hat robot pleasures itself furiously with cucumber.
0:55 - 1:07: Segway-ass looking robot roofies your drink on it's way from the bar.
There you have it, I'm officially only eating PB&J sandwiches with ingredients processed in non-robotic factories. And if you think I'm joking you've got another thing coming. Namely, *POW* -- my fist.
Thanks to calluless, get100pens, This Is Me Posting, Kai, Marcy, Daniel, 24-bit whore, Julian, Jawn and Draw, who would rather starve to death than eat robot-food.
Jun 15 2009 Alleged Anti-Stab Knife Won't Stab To Kill
Allegedly this New Point knife was designed to be unable to stab someone to death. Questionable, I know.
Mr Cornock, 42, from Swindon, said that the knife will cut vegetables, but will make it almost impossible to stab someone to death and will reduce the risk of accidental injuries.
He said: "It can never be a totally safe knife, but the idea is you can't inflict a fatal wound. Nobody could just grab one out of the kitchen drawer and kill someone.
I call shenanigans. There's no such thing as a stab-proof knife. I could hands-down kill somebody (or something -- I'm looking at you, zombie robot) with this thing. Shit, one time I stabbed a guy to death with a brick.
First Anti-Stab Knife Prevents Deadly Kitchen "Accidents" [gizmodo]
Thanks to Pew³, who doesn't need knives because the dude's made of lasers.
Jun 9 2009 Will Future Ovens Cook With Lasers? (Yes)
Electrolux just ran another one of their harebrained design competitions and this laser-powered oven created by Ludovic Peperstaete was one of the featured designs. It cooks with pews!
Instead of heating elements or an open flame, food is cooked via 3 harmless lasers that are targeted by the cook. And while a single laser supposedly isn't strong enough to cook food, we all know that crossing two lasers can cook anything from a Thanksgiving turkey to the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man.
I, for one, welcome our pew pew oven overlords. Now, bake me a cake! What do you mean, "there's already a bun in the oven"? I thought we did it in the broiler. WELL THEY'RE TOO CLOSE TOGETHER -- HOW WAS I SUPPOSED TO KNOW?!
Could A Laser Oven Be In Our Future? Pew Pew! [ohgizmo]
Thanks to Damian, who cooks his meals the old fashioned way: by leaving it to a woman.
May 22 2009 Retro Gaming Refrigerator Magnet Sets
Looking for some retro-gaming flair you can stick to the fridge? Enter MagnetGames' Etsy shop. Seen here is a small sampling of a 22-piece, $30 Super Mario magnet set. Mario not doing it for you? Hit the jump for some Zelda, Pac-Man and Tetris action. Shit, there might even be an $8 cheeseburger coaster set. And no, I didn't just post this because I threatened the maker with future defamation of character unless I got a complimentary Zelda set. Susan, I hope you're reading this.
Hit the jump for a whole bunch more and link to the store.
Apr 30 2009 Good Eats: A Whole Chicken In A Can
Hungry? Yeah, but are you whole chicken in a can hungry? That's right folks, Sweet Sue's Canned Whole Chicken (without giblets) is an entire cooked chicken in a can (a big one). Equally perfect for camping trips or throwing up everywhere! Hit the jump to see an uncanning in progress, which will leave you wondering why you've ever eaten anything else. Then go get one. You'll be doubled over on the bathroom floor with the runs quicker than you can say "I think I ate the asshole"! Bon Appétit!
Hit it for the uncanning. Really makes me want one.
Apr 15 2009 Hamburger Cake Suitable For All Meals
Well, we ended yesterday with the BA-K-47, and now we're kicking Wednesday off right with a hamburger (technically a cheeseburger) cake. In case you couldn't tell, or your mommy is reading this to you while you eat your oatmeal, a hamburger cake is a cake made to look like a hamburger. And the great thing about it is, it's not just a bunch of fondant -- it's mostly good old fashioned icing! Skill level here appears to be about a 2 out of 10, so, with a shit-ton of practice, even you could make one! Now, back in the kitchen -- I'm ready for my eggs.
Flickr Gallery
via
Hamburger Cake [tellmesomethingidontknow]
Thanks to Matt, who once ate an entire hamburger cake and still saved room for a whole bag of Cadbury mini-eggs. I like your style Matt, freaking love those things. Also, to Hans, whose mother actually made the cake.
Apr 8 2009 Scanwiches: They're What's For Lunch
Scanwiches are cross-sectioned sandwiches that have been carefully digitized using a flatbed scanner. Each one provides a HQ picture of what to expect from a particular sandwich from a certain sandwich shop or deli. For instance, this is a Salami, Coleslaw, Tomato, and Mustard on a seeded roll from Parisi Bakery. Looks delicious! Now, if I just had a taste and smell-o-vision enabled computer monitor, I'd be in porkchop sandwiching heaven right now. But I don't, so you may be wondering why I'm licking the screen anways. You see, The Superficial Writer promised me a sweet boob post this afternoon, so I'm stretching. Now -- bringeth thine boobs, mine tongue awaits! Also, I brought a gauntlet just in case a certain dragon needs slaying.
Hit the jump for several more of the deliciousness and a link to the website.
Mar 31 2009 Dining Table Doubles As Ping Pong Table
The PING-PONG Dining Table by designer Hunn Wai is a luxurious looking table fit for both eating and beating the old ball around after dinner.
PING-PONG Dining table harks back to the origins of table-tennis with its duality of both being a table fit for dining and playing on. What started off as impromptu after-dinner amusement mimicking tennis in an indoor environment for upper-class Victorians became an international phenomenon with rules and standards. This is an official-sized game table with a DuPont Corian surface CNC machine-routed with French Rococo patterns interjected with Ping-pong iconography filled with gold lacquer, supported by stately hand-lathed timber legs. In the middle, a long rectangular vase filled with dainty blossoms does double-duty as a game-net and a table floral arrangement.
I want it. I don't care how much it costs, I want it. I freaking love myself some table tennis. You think I'm kidding? I sleep with my favorite paddle at night. He has a name, and it's Spanky. What's that, Spanky -- I've been bad? Ooooh, [PRIVATE PRIVATE PRIVATE]. 30-love, Spanky, 30-LOOOOVE!! And I'm finished. Now, could you go tell one of your little athletic sock friends to come in here for a minute?
Hit the jump for several more of the opulence.
Continue Reading " Dining Table Doubles As Ping Pong Table "
Feb 4 2009 Pizza Pro 3000: Finally, A Manlier Pizza Cutter
The Pizza Pro 3000 by Fred is a pizza cutter designed to look like a circular saw. That way, you can feel like a real toughass instead of a guy who just baked a frozen pizza for his Friday night Friends marathon. That Chandler, what a nut.
Pizza Pro 3000 Circular Saw [nerdapproved]
Thanks to Michael, who cuts his pizza the way God intended: with Paul Bunyon's axe.
Continue Reading " Pizza Pro 3000: Finally, A Manlier Pizza Cutter "
Nov 20 2008 Cooking With Wookiee: Star Wars Cookbooks
You ever spent time in the kitchen making confectionery love to a Wookiee? Ha, me neither then. But now you can whip up Star Wars-y dishes (sans Wook hair) in no time thanks to this two cookbook set.
Each volume is loaded with different types of inter-galactic recipes: drinks, breakfasts, main courses, desserts, and more. Volume 2 adds some great new culinary concoctions, such as Boss Nass Broccoli, Opee's Sea Crunch, and Darth Double Dogs (doubling as a light saber you can eat!) Age is no issue when it comes to Star Wars cuisine - kids as well as adults will have a great time with these books. Whether you drove to your first Star Wars flick or just had your fifth birthday, there's no reason you can't whip up some Crazy Cantina Chili at near light speed.
The books are available as a set from ThinkGeek and will set you back 15 space bones apiece. Unfortunately, there were no Ewok recipes. I swear, you don't cook those furry bastards just right and they end up all gamey. Now tauntauns, you can't go wrong with those guys. Hoth chickens, that's what I call them.
Thanks to Pedro, a Brazilian reader who doesn't know it yet but is gonna let me crash at his place when I come to Brazil. Isn't that right Pedro?
Sep 30 2008 Watermill Provides Drinkable Water From Air!
The Watermill is a glorified dehumidifier that pulls water from the air and purifies it to drinking quality.
Inside air is up to 70 times more polluted than outside air. The WaterMill is installed unobtrusively on the outside of your home, using outside air, so it won't dry out the air you breathe in your home. And don't worry if your outdoor air is less than pristine - even if you live in a crowded city, the Watermill's filtration system ensures your drinking water will be clean and free of toxins and bacteria - more pure than tap water or even spring water.
The WaterMill provides you with:
* clean, fresh water for drinking and cooking
* up to 12 liters of water per day
* a sustainable, elegant appliance for your home
Sound too good to be true? No, not really. Like I said before, it's just a dehumidifier with an ultraviolet sterilizer attached. Fun fact: ultraviolet sterilization isn't an effective form of long-term birth control. Hello child support!
Thanks to Dan, who's holding out for a BeerMill.
