Jun 22 2009 Yikes: Sharks Hunt Like Human Serial Killers
A recent study conducted by a group that I can't believe received funding for the project has determined that great white sharks hunt like human serial killers. Get a load of this freakishness:
The sharks feeding at Seal Island could have just hovered right where the seals congregated if they were random killers-of-opportunity, Hammerschlag said. But they weren't.
The sharks had a distinct M.O.They were focused. They stalked from a usual base of operations, 100 yards from their victims. It was close enough to see their prey, but not close enough to be seen and scare off their victims. They attacked when the lights were low. They liked their victims young and alone. They tried to attack when no other sharks were around to compete. They learned from previous kills.
And they attacked from below, unseen.
Okay now I'm a little creeped out. And not just because there's a great white peeking through my bedroom wind....ZOMG THERE'S A GREAT WHITE PEEKI *glass shatters* OM NOM NOM NOM HOLY SHIT HE'S EATING MY FOOT! OH GOD HELP -- IT'S UP TO MY KNEE! OH NO, OH NO HE'S GOING FOR MY PENI....oh, choked to death.
Great white sharks hunt just like Hannibal Lecter [yahoonews]
May 17 2009 Inventor Denied Patent For Human 'Killer Chip'
A Saudi inventor was recently denied a German patent for what is being described as a "killer chip". What is a killer chip? Cooler Ranch Doritos, hands down.
The basic model would consist of a tiny GPS transceiver placed in a capsule and inserted under a person's skin, so that authorities could track him easily. Model B would have an extra function -- a dose of cyanide to remotely kill the wearer without muss or fuss if authorities deemed he'd become a public threat.
The inventor said the chip could be used to track terrorists, criminals, fugitives, illegal immigrants, political dissidents, domestic servants and foreigners overstaying their visas."The invention will probably be found to violate paragraph two of the German Patent Law -- which does not allow inventions that transgress public order or good morals
If the aliens have taught us anything, it's that the key to successful human tracking is NOT LETTING THE HUMANS KNOW. You embed a cyanide chip under my skin and guess what -- I'm cutting it out. With my teeth. Oh I'm sorry, was that too hardcore for you? Yeah, well one time I ate two of my own toes because I hadn't eaten dessert.
Saudi 'Killer Chip' Implant Would Track, Eliminate Undesirables [foxnews]
Thanks to Dustin and philip, who track people the old fashioned way: by looking for footprints and shit. Literally, looking for shit.
Feb 11 2009 Chinese Death Bus Kills You, Pilfers Organs
Wow. The bus seen here is one of forty in China used as a mobile execution chamber for criminals sentenced to death. And no, it doesn't run over you.
The buses provide a setup for lethal injections, and the acts are carried out on streaming video so local authorities can observe and ensure that everything is done legally.
Critics say that the buses help the government secretly harvest organs to sell to the west, as there's already a doctor on hand to administer the injection and they never show the bodies between execution and cremation.
The government is secretly harvesting criminal's organs for sale to the west? Wow, that is freaking wrong. China, get with the program, that shit ain't right.
China's Death Buses Deliver Executions, Organ Harvesting On the Go [gizmodo]
Psst. Over here. Looking for a liver.
Thanks to Hector, who doesn't ride the bus because he bought a car. Nice, Hector, wanna scoop me and go to the mall?
Dec 26 2008 eBay: Pocket Sized Vampire Hunting Kit
Well we've already seen a $15,000 full-sized vampire killing kit. But what if you want something smaller? You know, a little vampire protection that'll fit in your pocket or man-purse? Enter the Vintage Pocket Sized Vampire Slaying Kit.
This is a Vampire killing kit that will travel with you, cause you never know when you may need it. It measures 6 5/8 inches long, and 1 1/4 inch square. One of a kind for sure.
The crucifix is from Paris, as stamped on the back of it, and it is obviously old. The Box also appears very old. The vials are brass, and contain Holy Water in the one with the copper tag with the "H" stamped on it, and the other vial has "G"stamped on it for garlic. The vial corks are sealed in red wax. A small wooden stake completes the set. A "V" is stamped on the copper plate on top for "Vampire".The parts, crucifix, wood box, screws, and metals used are old and tarnished, and most parts of the set are vintage.
Eh, I'd make my own if I were you. But $20 isn't too bad if you're lazy. You just better hope that holy water isn't urine. I hear vampires love that shit. And speaking of vampires -- the lead in Twilight, so dreamy.*
*This message brought to you by The World For A More Effeminate Geekologie Writer.
Hit the jump for a couple more pictures of the kit, and a link to the auction.
Dec 16 2008 Parents Take Halo 3 Away From Teenage Son, He Shoots Them Both, Killing Mother
17-year old Daniel Petric shot both his parents, killing his mother, for taking his copy of Halo 3 away from him. You can hit the link to read the story of how it went down, but I don't feel like copying it here.
Lawyers for the accused delivered a brief statement at the opening of the trial, explaining that their client had be under a large amount of stress after being homebound for a year due to a snowboarding accident with nothing to do but watch television and play video games.*tearing up*
It's just an amazingly heart-wrenching story, made even more so by the following exchange between father and son related by Mark Petric (Daniel's father) during testimony:"Dad, I'm so sorry for what I did to Mom, to you and to the family," Daniel Petric said, according to his father. "I'm so glad you are alive."
"You're my son," Mark Petric responded. "You're my boy."
Teen Shot Parents Because They Took Away Halo 3 [kotaku]
Thanks Jesus and Kevin.
RIP Susan Petric
Oct 23 2008 Man Divorces Woman's Avatar In Online World, Woman 'Kills' Man's Character
Jesus, women. Am I right? Am I left? I am left. Some guy divorced his online wife's avatar in "Maple Story", a Korean virtual world similar (but not really) to "Second Life", and she, in her resulting anger, killed his character.
A 43-year-old Japanese piano teacher's sudden divorce from her online husband in a virtual game world made her so angry that she logged on and killed his digital persona, police said Thursday.
The woman used login information she got from the 33-year-old office worker when their characters were happily married, and killed the character. The man complained to police when he discovered that his beloved online avatar was dead.
Guy was so broken up about his dead character he called the police and had the woman arrested.
She was charged with illegal access onto a computer and manipulating electronic data, police said. If convicted, she could face a prison term of up to five years or a fine up to $5,000.
This just goes to show you: people are crazy. Especially women. Can I get an amen? "AMEN!" Thank you, bitter divorcee. Say, this reminds me of a funny ex-wife story -- she's a freaking bitch!
Angry online divorcee 'kills' virtual ex-hubby [msnbc]
Thanks to Heather and Anthony, who do all of their living in the real world.
Mar 25 2008 Man Allegedly Kills Himself With A Robot
Allegedly an 81 year-old man in Australia killed himself with a robot that he found the plans to build on the internet. The robot held a .22 pistol and fired when the dude pushed a button or something. Now call me crazy, but I don't think we're getting the full story here.
Evidence: 81 year-olds don't know how to use the internet. If they do it's to sign on to AOL and download a shit-ton of viruses or give their bank account information to a Nigerian exile.
Evidence: No 81 year-old can build a robot. All the geriatrics I know don't do anything but piss themselves and suck at guessing prices on The Price Is Right because their brains are so f***ed.
So what can we conclude from this? Government. Conspiracy. Just kidding. But I will tell you what really happened. This man obviously built the robot a long time ago, when he was still reasonably sane (probably in his late 40's - 50's). Then his hearing started to go. Over the years he had to turn the volume on the television up louder and louder in order to watch Matlock and old Westerns. One day the robot got fed up with the noise, ordered a gun online, and blasted him. Case. Closed.
Is This Rubbish Bin a Suicide Machine? [boingboing]
Picture (minus that awesome gun I added) via Emily O on Flickr
Feb 13 2008 Grappling Hook Launcher For Lame Ninjas
I'm a card carrying elite ninja and do all my grapple tossing by hand, so personally I wouldn't be caught dead with a pneumatic grappling hook (although I may be caught dead with a chest full of throwing stars).
A pneumatically launched tactical line-throwing system developed by DFT for Special Operations Forces. The T-PLS can launch a standard titanium grappling hook towing a 7mm Kevlar line in excess of 120 vertical feet using a regulated air source. Minimizing complexity and emphasizing durability, T-PLS brings a much needed capability by mitigating noise and allowing the SOF operator to reach new heights in tactical climbing missions.
The only thing it's missing is a device that automatically sends you up the rope, which obviously us real ninjas would frown upon. However for you out of shape and/or novice ninjas, this may be a necessary evil. I don't know about that marketing picture though. Are they implying that you can grapple all the way to the sun? How ridiculous! Because once I grappled to Mercury to kill an alien warlord, and that climb was about all my arms could take.
Grappling hook back-ups high tech gear [crave]
