Oct 13 2009 Power Wheels Modded Into Halo Warthog
I was never allowed to have a Power Wheels growing up because my parents were too afraid I'd back over my own head, but that's neither here not there, it's just one of the reasons I have parent issues. Anyway, some lucky tyke's father went and modded his to look like a Warthog from Halo. Sweet!
Fortunately, thanks to the folks at Bungie, we're all that much more knowledgeable about the DIY Power Wheels modder set. All it took was one M12 Light Reconnaissance Vehicle--better known as the Warthog--fashioned from the guts of a Power Wheels miniature truck--a "very used 2001 G3740 Street Scene Silverado," according to its creator.
That creator, flux83, has done a capable job of turning that Silverado into a teeny-tiny Warthog that looks to seat a maximum of two wee Spartans.
OMG how different my life would've been if only I'd had a Warthog Power Wheels growing up! I probably would have been popular in school and maybe even had a girlfriend. And you know what having a girlfriend means! Nagging, LOTS of nagging. Oooooh, swift burn to the ladies!
Hit the jump to see a video of the awesomeness in action and a link to the build page.
Jun 30 2009 Pew Pew, Kids, Pew Pew!: TIE Fighter Fort
Do you spoil your kids? You shouldn't. Which is exactly why you should buy this $75 TIE Fighter playset for yourself and never let them touch touch it. Rope it off in the corner of the living room and sit in it making PEW PEW PEWs while they stare longingly at all the fun you're having. Ask them who wants to play space battle and then tell them you've changed your mind and you'd trade either one of them for a new lawnmower in a heartbeat. Then, send them to bed with no dinner. It's what my parents did, and look how well I turned out. I AM A CATCH. And by catch I mean hellhound. Ladies? GRRRRRRR!
Tie Fighter Playhouse Recruiting For The Dark Side Early [io9]
Thanks to Julian, who can play space with the best of them.
Jun 4 2009 I Want: Turbo Heather XTreme Racedoll
Why didn't we have cool toys like this when I was growing up? I only had one toy. And now I have wolf palm and bottle-cap glasses.
Look out! Here come the Extreme Radio-Controlled Southern Belles! [dvice]
Thanks to whoever sent me this last week, hit me up again and I'll give you a proper what-for.
May 19 2009 Baaaaad Idea: Cheap Terminator Costumes
Just in time for the new movie, Toys-Я-Us is selling $13 T-600 (looks more like a T-6 if you ask me) costumes for children. I mean, it's not even Halloween. You let your kid run around the neighborhood with this thing on and it's game over, man! Wait, that was Aliens. Anyway, the costumes were made to compliment the rest of the crap they're marketing to children under 13 who shouldn't even be allowed to see the movie. Just sayin', my dad took me to see the original Terminator when I was 4. It all makes sense now, doesn't it?
Thanks to Reason, who once killed a T-600 with a laser beam and then called its mother Robo-Cop.
May 8 2009 Brotherly Hate: Now With More Lightsaber!
This kid is pure evil -- just look at him. If evil were a Tetris level on Game Boy, this kid would be a 20. As a matter of fact, I wouldn't be surprised if, in a few years, I heard he'd brought a lightsaber to school in his backpack.
Thanks to Romeo, who once broke his thumb shooting ping pong balls out of his mouth at his babysitter. Just kidding, that was me.
May 4 2009 Tattooed Barbie: You're No Daughter Of Mine!
Mattel's new 'Totally Stylin' Barbie doll comes with a bunch of sticker tattoos you can apply all over her forehead and neck to make her look way more totally stylin'. Make her a little R2-D2 backpack and that is one fine piece of plastic ass (note to self: verify Barbie's age before using this). Plus, the doll comes with a fake tattoo gun and ink tattoos so your daughters (and sons) can apply tattoos to themselves! Shockingly, some parents aren't cool with the idea.
Barbie-maker Mattel has said the tattooed Barbie provides a way for kids to "be creative" with the doll. Some parents, naturally, see it differently, suggesting that a "Totally Pierced Barbie" or a "Divorce Barbie" could come next.
As for the tattooed Barbie, Mattel says it's selling better than expected and there are no plans to pull it from the product lineup.
Personally, I don't care, but that may just be because I don't have any daughters. No, I'm the proud father of three very handsome boys (woman always on top). Just kidding. But now that you know how they're made, ladies?
Tattooed Barbie Stirs Up Controversy [inquisitr]
and
Amazon Product Page
Thanks to Steven, whose daughters are only allowed to play with G.I. Joe's.
May 1 2009 Swine Flu Origin, Self Diagnosis Website
If you haven't seen this already, allegedly, this is how it all began (but not really, so PLEASE don't email me about it). And, with the world in hysterics, DoIHaveSwineFlu.org has developed a web-based self diagnostic tool for the detection of swine flu. It takes just one minute to complete, so I urge you all to take the time to run through it, just to be on the safe side. Go on, do it for me. Well? Be honest. ZOMG, YOU HAVE IT DON'T YOU?!? Jesus, don't leave a comment -- you'll kill us all!
Thanks to Bailey, trishna87 and Michael, who are holding out for the ewe flu.
Mar 26 2009 When Dinos Are Packaged Together, I Win
Pfft, that ain't no fail. That, my friends, is a win. A big 'ol Geekologie Writer win. Now who wants to drive me to the toy store?
Packaging Fail [failblog]
Thanks to junkyard dog, who knows quality children's toys when he sees them.
Mar 8 2009 Souper!: b/c 'The Plane' Doesn't Always Work
If there's one thing I learned about feeding kids it's that you have to take the tape off their mouths or they spill all over themselves. And then the daycare starts questioning your credentials and arrest history. Thankfully, you caught the manager banging the married parent of one of your charges so you're pretty much indispensable despite your penchant for getting high in the custodial closet and drinking the Mop & Glo. Anyway, for those of you who can't get their kids to eat without "HERE COMES THE PLANE, NEEEEEOOOWWW"ing it into their fat little faces, here's comes the SOUPER! from Fred & Friends. It's a spoon that looks like a superhero action figure. It's great for both cereal and beanie weenies and will be available next month for about $12. But, if you can't wait that long, you can always rip a G.I. Joe's head off and wedge a spoon down his neck hole. Because that's what we did during the war, and knowing is half toe battle. I'm talking trench foot, bitches.
Thanks to Chris, who doesn't need a souperhero spoon to eat because he's hooked up to a chocolate milk IV. Nice Chris, I like your style.
Feb 19 2009 13-Year Old Fathers Son, Plays Video Games
In the heartcooling story of the week, 13-year old Alfie Patten (who looks six) fathered a baby with his 15-year old girlfriend. The little smurf was only 12 when he got the ogre pregnant.
The four-footer -- who looks no more than eight -- said: "I know I'm young, but I plan to be a good dad."
As he went on the PlayStation with 15-year-old girlfriend Chantelle Steadman, he added: "I think we'll be good parents. I'll have to work extra hard at school."Chantelle looked up from 18-rated action game Saints Row II to admit her first night out of hospital since having 7lb 3oz daughter Maisie had been tough and had left her "in a daze".
Yes, you'll have to work extra hard at school. Middle school. Was that not the saddest thing you've heard all day? No? Okay, try this one: you know that hamster you had as a kid that you thought lived eight years? It didn't. Your parents chose a solid brown one for a reason.
"I Know I'm Young, But I Plan To Be A Good Dad" [kotaku]
Thanks to Julian, Eric, JD, Alexander, Kenny and Juggernaut, who will probably never have children because most hookers make you wrap it up.
Feb 17 2009 I Can And Will Shoot: Terminator Salvation Toys Make You Look Like A Killer Robot
Want to look like a Terminator? Well I shoot to kill, just sayin'. Apparently this Terminator Salvation toy features a fist that shoots off to hurt your enemies. It costs $74. Which is pretty steep considering you're going to lose the fist, rendering your Terminator arm stupid. Hit the jump for two more toys, a voice-changing Terminator helmet ($74) that has red glowing eyes, and some pieces of plastic that look like metal that you strap to your face ($21). Note: Wearing either of which will get you BB'ed in the neck if you walk by my house at night. Jesus, whatever happened to kids playing with good old fashioned toys? Like matches.
Hit it for the other two.
