Aug 9 2009 Kid Plays Guitar Hero, Solves 2 Rubik's Cubes

This is a video of a kid playing Guitar Hero on expert and solving two Rubik's cubes simultaneously. Now I'm not sure where that's gonna get him in life, but I'm guessing far. Far, far away from the ladies. Kidding little buddy -- now you go out there and get 'em, tiger! No, put the cube down first.

Youtube

Thanks to Julian and Chuck Nunchuck, who can play Guitar Hero on expert while solving Rubik's cubes AND texting and eating a cheeseburger.

Apr 15 2009 6-Year Old Finds Pron On New PSP, Cries

A six-year old found a bunch of nudey pictures on the PSP his mother purchased for him from Walmart and got all upset about it and cried to his mommy.

Tamatha said she found a memory card inside the PSP containing hundreds of pornographic pictures. She claimed it's not hers and it was in the PSP before she opened the box.

She then called the store wanting to speak with a manager about the problem. "I explained the situation and his response was, 'well, bring the machine down and we'll let your son pick out a new game,'" she said. "And I was like, no I don't think you heard what I said."

Tamatha is demanding a new gaming system, apology, and written promise her son won't grow up to be gay. Good luck with that Tamatha, but I've got news for you: he's been that way since birth. I mean, he cried when he saw a naked woman. What? Well, yeah, but I only do it sometimes.

Mom Finds Porn on New PSP [myfoxboston]

Thanks to Chris and Asiantom, who would have felt like they just won the fapping lottery.

Mar 24 2009 Kid Plays Mos Eisley Cantina Song On Harp

This is 12 year old Benjamin playing the iconic song from the Mos Eisley Cantina on a harp. He's pretty good. You know, I always wanted a harp growing up but my parents were too cheap to buy me one. So to spite them, I picked up the skin-flute. *TOOT TOOT TOOT TOOTLE TOOT* Whoa, Link, what are you doing here?

Youtube

Thanks to Tim, who just wants to bang on his drums all day.

Feb 3 2009 Cute Little Kid After Drugs At The Dentist

This is a video of David in the car after being gassed to have a tooth pulled. It almost made me want a child of my own until I realized you can't keep the little tykes gassed all the time. Or can you?

UPDATE: You can't. Come back to me little bro!

Youtube

Thanks to Chuck Nunchuck and Aaron, who have never gotten a cavity. Search. Yet.

Jan 9 2009 TURN YOUR SPEAKERS DOWN: Stupid Kid Gets Wii For Christmas, Doesn't Deserve It

TURN YOUR SPEAKERS DOWN, SERIOUSLY. This is a video of some kid getting wiidiculous after he opens a Wii on Christmas. And let me tell you: based on his behavior, I would have taken that shit right back to the store. But in all seriousness kid, your parents don't love you. Don't believe me? Where was your Wii on Christmas 2006? 2007? Exactly.

NOTE: To everyone else that didn't get a Wii until this Christmas, I'm sure it was just a supply shortage issue.

Youtube

Thanks to Edgar (aka the-iguana) and Sarah, who hope the box was filled with coal almost as much as I do.

Oct 2 2008 Aaaaaaah!: Scary Ass Robot Girl

This is a robot girl named Repliee R-1. She's an android built by Osaka University and based on an actual 5-year old girl. And I think I speak for everyone when I say they chose their model pretty freaking poorly.

Liveleak

Thanks to Firuz, Tytus, Jake, and Justin, who all agree the only good robot is -- wait, there are no good robots.

Jul 30 2008 The Vortex: Not Your Grandmother's Fountain

The Votex Fountain doesn't shoot water out of a lion's mouth or pour from a bare-breasted woman's water jug, but it is expensive and comes with a lifetime tackiness guarantee. Basically, it's a giant acrylic cylinder with a pump that created a vortex in the center. Because I'm made of money, I bought one and had it installed in the front yard so all the neighbors will know who rules this street. Yep, I'm officially the richest person in the neighborhood and the only one with a....*gazes through window at fountain*....neighbor's brat shitting in their Vortex. That's it, the little bastard's going in.

Video added after the jump, thanks Icon.

Continue Reading " The Vortex: Not Your Grandmother's Fountain "

Jul 22 2008 Kid Makes Cardboard Halo Weapons

What good is cardboard Halo armor if you don't have matching cardboard weapons to wave around? Exactly, no good. That's why Youtube user fartbuttface (who looks and sounds suspiciously like my little brother) made them all in his parent's garage. On the pool table. Next to his Litttle Tikes play car. I love how you can hear the crinkle of packing tape whenever he moves around, that's a sign of quality. The video is kind of long, so feel free to skip around. But make sure to hit 0:35 for some teabagging/Halo humping action, 2:20 for how to reload the rocket launcher with wrapping paper tubes, and 3:15 when he totally should have mounted his machine gun on the Little Tikes car and pretended it was a Warthog. Good job, little guy. You keep this up this level of dedication and you've got a bright future in virginity ahead of you. Kidding, I'm just jealous my mommy doesn't let me make cardboard guns. She's teaching me to cross-stitch.

Hit the jump for a couple more of his videos, including one of him running around in the woods behind his parent's house in full Halo regalia and another of him pointing his sniper rifle at his neighbor's house. If you're really bored at work today you can read some of the comments on his videos at Youtube. There's some funny stuff in there.

Continue Reading " Kid Makes Cardboard Halo Weapons "

Jul 15 2008 Evan, 5, Gets Transformers Cake For Birthday

Evan, a 5-year old from Whoknows, Orcares, got a Transformers cake for his birthday. As you can see, it's fairly well made and features a lead-based Transformers logo on top. But don't eat the figurines, Evan, or your fifth birthday may transform into your last. HAHA AHAH! Seriously though, Evan, I had a real-life Transformer at my 5th birthday. He started off as my dad, but after a bottle of Evan Williams transformed into a guy that made out with the magician's assistant and sat on my cake.

Hit the jump for a close-up of the logo.

Continue Reading " Evan, 5, Gets Transformers Cake For Birthday "

May 9 2008 Kid Icarus Coming To Wii? I Hope So!!!

Kid Icarus is one of the best games ever made. If you've never played it you've never lived, but I'll give you a brief plot description anyways. Pit is an angel who has been trapped in the Underworld. He's given a magical bow by Palutena, Goddess of Light, to help destroy Medusa, Goddess of Darkness and Fugly, and restore peace to the world. Basically Pit rolls around kicking ass, avoiding those little grim reapers and eggplant throwers, looking good, and eventually sticks it to Medusa. It's good ol' fashioned fun and is available for the Wii Virtual Console. You should buy it, then we can take our relationship to the next level (possibly even holding hands).

Well now there are rumors that Kid Icarus franchise is going to be revived (after a single NES game, Gameboy game, and appearance in Smash Brothers)! OMGWTFANGELWINGS! Allegedly this is some very early concept art and looks nothing like what Pit resembles now.

The artwork we've published comes from a pitch document we got our hands on in the early part of 2008. Since then, sources have told us the game's artwork has advanced considerably. Despite this artwork not being reflective of the game's current standing, we've decided to share it so fans can get a look at what Factor 5 has experimented with.

The last nugget of information we have to share with you is in regards to the game's plot. At the time of the document's writing, Factor 5 had imagined a plot starring a grown-up, adult Pit, who is "cursed for thousands of years for a crime and becomes a 'fallen angel.'" The pitch adds that "a tattoo on Pit's arm bears the inscription of Pit's crime."

If you look closely you can almost make out the inscription. It says "I broke The Geekologie Writer's heart by not starring in more video games during the late 80's and early 90's when he needed me most". Oh my God, I think I'm crying.

UPDATE: False alarm. I thought I was tearing up but it turns out the wife spit in my eyes when I told her I'd trade our marriage for an early copy of the game.

More concept art after the jump, along with a link to the 30+ image gallery.

Continue Reading " Kid Icarus Coming To Wii? I Hope So!!! "

Apr 17 2008 Another Kid Gets Stuck In A Claw Machine

Do you remember the story from two years ago where the kid in Wisconsin climbed into a crane game trying to score a free Spongebob? If not here's a link to it, and that's actually a picture of him there. Well folks, it happened again, and this time in Australia in a game called Lucky Dip. Weird I was just talking about my love of crane games yesterday don't you think? Coincidence or superpower? You decide. Anyway, there's a video of the amazing rescue (taking off the side of the machine) after the jump. Although I think that was a little over the top. Not to brag or anything, but I could have snagged the little bugger by the head with a single quarter. Sure it wouldn't have done anything seeing how he's just standing in the prize chute, but it would have taught his parents a valuable lesson. A lesson about not stuffing your child into a vending machine for a "time out".

Video of the action packed after the jump.

Continue Reading " Another Kid Gets Stuck In A Claw Machine "

Mar 5 2008 9-Year Old Tears Up Guitar Hero III On Expert, Puts My Untalented Children To Shame

This is a video of 9-year old Ben tearing up Through the Fire and Flames for Guitar Hero III on expert. His little fingers move so fast. Just imagine how well he'd work on my child-labor powered assembly line. I bet he could really ramp up my production numbers. Don't get a big head though Ben, just because you can rock some Guitar Hero doesn't mean you're better than my kids. No sir. They're talented in other ways. Take my youngest son, Jimmy Jimereeno for instance. He sucks at video games but he can pick his nose. Yeah, and eat it. He's up there with the best of them. And not only that, he's not limited to his own nostrils. Just the other day I saw him jamming his chubby little finger up the dog's nose. Great kid, lots of talent.

Youtube

Thanks to Tim, who can play Guitar Hero blindfolded and with one arm tied behind his back, for the tip

Feb 29 2008 Super Mario Bath Bombs Are Fizzy, Awesome

Super Mario Bath Bombs are effervescent balls of fun you drop into the tub whenever you're bathing. Once they hit the water they begin fizzing and foaming, "releasing a fragrant scent as they fill your bath water with yellow foam." Hrrm, no mention of what the scent is, and I'm not the biggest fan of yellow foam, but I can look past those things to get at the little Mario figurine hidden inside. And at only $6 a pop I'm going to collect them all! Man, these are way cooler than the bath bomb my little cousin had when I was bathing him. Yeah, it came out of his ass. It was gross and I left it in the tub for his mother to clean up.

Super Mario Brothers Bath Bombs [coolestgadgets]

Feb 26 2008 3-Year Old Knows Star Wars Better Than I Do

This is a video of a 3-year old girl describing what happens in Star Wars. She's really cute. According to the girl's dad:

She explained the whole movie to me in much greater detail but unfortunately I didn't have the camera going. When I finally caught her talking about the movie again she delivered this truncated, but still funny, version...Believe it or not, she has seen the movie only once, and I spread it out over three days so it wouldn't be too much all at once for her.

Wow little girl, wow. I don't even remember that much. If I was describing Star Wars it would go something like, "There were these two robots, one looked like a trashcan and I think the other may have been a rapper. There was a guy with a laser sword, it was freaking sweet. Then a dude in all black with a wicked voice choked a dude without even touching him. And get this, it all happened in space! Oh, and there was a hot chick with cinnamon rolls for hair.

3-Year-Old Summarizes Star Wars [gizmodo]