Jun 10 2009 Street Fighter II Bonus Stage In Real Life
Alright, I have to lay off the ropacalypse posts for a little bit, I was starting to have heart palpitations. Also, a serious decrease in libido. Thankfully, I just watched Jurassic Park in fast forward, so I think I'll be okay. Anyway, this is the 'beat up the car' bonus stage from Street Fighter II reenacted by a real life Ryu. And, as you can probably tell, he received no bonus points.
Thanks to asiantom, who would have begun with a couple well-placed Hadoukens to get the party started quickly.
May 27 2009 Avery Labels In Cahoots With Tyler Durden?
This is a real package of Avery shipping labels and, as you can see, they've been sending packages to Tyler Durden. It's not Photohaxored either because you can see another picture at their official product site. So, apparently somebody at Avery has a sense of humor (and a bong). Or is going to help bomb a bunch of credit card companies. Quick, somebody call the FBI! *checking credit card balance* Cancel that -- let's see how this plays out.
Picture
and
Product Site
Thanks to biggity2bit, who feels like destroying something beautiful.
Apr 13 2009 Stay Strong, GW: Helpless Robot Almost Cute
I say almost because there's no such thing as a cute robot. They're all just disgusting machines, only interested in the demise of the human race and reproducing like rabbits with their rusty metal phalli. But still, Tweenbots are the closest a robot has ever come to almost being slightly a little-tiny bit cute looking (excluding WALL-E).
Tweenbots are human-dependent robots that navigate the city with the help of pedestrians they encounter. Rolling at a constant speed, in a straight line, Tweenbots have a destination displayed on a flag, and rely on people they meet to read this flag and to aim them in the right direction to reach their goal.
Tweenbots are the brainchild of NYU student Kacie Kinzer and, as much as I hate to say it, are adorable. At least until you try to point it in the right direction and they spray you in the eyes with hydrochloric acid or explodes. Which, I suspect, is being saved for Tweenbot v2.0. Hit the jump for several more pictures, as well as a map and video of it's maiden voyage, on which it took 42 minutes and 29 different people to help the smug little bastard traverse a park. Wow -- I can't even begin to describe how ironic this whole project is. Mostly just because I don't understand irony. Just kidding. Tanks.
Hit it, it's fun.
Continue Reading " Stay Strong, GW: Helpless Robot Almost Cute "
Apr 13 2009 Cute: 2-Year Playing Street Fighter II Turbo
This is a video of a two-year old playing Street Fighter II Turbo HD Remix and pulling off Zangief's Double German Suplex simply by mashing all the buttons. Which, ironically, is how I play.
My two year old son's first time in front of the joystick, playing against another five year old online in Super Street Fighter 2 Turbo HD Remix. Manages to get a couple grabs and finishes the third round with a double suplex. He also did Fei Long's flaming kick and some other special moves in matches I didn't get on video. He's better at flailing at 2 than I was at 22 when SF2 came out in the arcade. :P I'm so proud.
Hearing the father say "push the buttons" gets pretty annoying after the first time, so feel free to skip to the last 15-seconds to watch the kid pull off the suplex. Then, start training your own child for a promising career in video games. Hey, anything can happen. Believe it or not, I even touched a boob once. *poker face* Admit it -- I had you going for a second!
Baby Pulls Off Zangief's Double German Suplex [kotaku]
Thanks to Julian, who once beat Sagat with one eye closed, just to be fair.
Apr 7 2009 Violence Escalates Between Twilight Fans (Twihards) And Non-Twilight Fans (Anti's)
That's right folks, diehard Twilight fans (Twihards) are waging war on their non-teen vampire loving brethren (Anti's) for talking smack on the series. Thankfully, there's a discussion board that has collected all the cases of Twihards attacking Anti's with books, bricks, knives and flare guns. I'm sure some of them are fake, most are poorly written, but a couple of them were pretty funny. They're broken into categories, depending on the severity of the attack, ranging from slap on the wrist, to police worthy, to felony. You know, I always suspected these books were brainwashing readers into lives of violence. This Twilight series is even worse than gangster rap! And, oh God, my girlfriend is one of them! BURN IT WITH FIRE!
The Twihard Attack Directory [twilightsucks]
Thanks to Watch, who once called Dracula a blood-sucking taint and then peed in his sleeping-coffin.
Mar 3 2009 Now Turn Away Son While I Blow Up Your Toy
This is a Wolverine punching bag. I bought one for my son. Blowing it up was my first homosexual experience. But it won't be my last.
Mar 3 2009 Failure At Life Stuffs Six-Month Old Kitten In World's Worst Homemade Bong To 'Calm It'
20-year old Acea Shomaker is a failure at life who shouldn't even be allowed to have a cat. I mean Jesus, just look at that bong. Pathetic.
Deputies discovered the cat trapped in the device after responding to a domestic disturbance call at a home that Schomaker shares with his grandfather, Sgt. Andy Stebbing said.
Deputies resolved the dispute and left the house, but they returned minutes later after discovering there was an arrest warrant on Schomaker that alleged possession of drug paraphernalia.Upon re-entering the house, deputies saw Schomaker smoking marijuana through a piece of garden hose duct-taped to a Plexiglass box, in which the cat had been stuffed, Stebbing said.
Shomaker told police the cat was too hyper and he was just trying to calm it down. The kitten is now in good condition in the care of Capital Humane Society. Wow. Now I'm all about some vigilante justice, so I suggest we dose Shomaker with a taste of his own medicine. Namely, we stuff him in a Rubbermaid full of acid. And not the happy face-melting kind either. I'm talking the real face-melting stuff -- that hydrochloric joint. IT BUUUUUURNS!
Hit the jump to see the kitty and the face of a failure.
Jan 23 2009 No, No, No, We Don't Pierce The Kitties!
Holly Crawford is a 34-year old sadistic dog groomer that decided to pierce the ears, necks, and tails of some cats and sell them as "gothic cats" on the interwebs. After being tipped off by PETA, her home was raided and she was arrested.
She defended herself saying that she did not see any difference between piercing a cat and piercing a human. She said she used sterile needles and surgical soap and that she checked the kittens several times a day to make sure they were healing properly.
Crawford said her dog-grooming business, Pawside Parlor, has plummeted since the raid and that she has received dozens of nasty phone calls.
Piercing pets -- what the f*** is wrong with people? Please discuss. And as a guy with a Prince Albert piercing myself, I've got to admit: sometimes I pee two streams.
'Gothic' pierced cats sold online [thesun]
Thanks to Kathryn, who knows kitties are for loving, not piercing.
Jan 14 2009 Morons Who Named Their Son Adolph Hitler Lose Their Kids To Youth And Family Services
Remember Heath and Deborah Campbell, the two failures at life that named their children Adolph Hitler, JoyceLynn Aryan Nation, and Honszlynn Hinler Jeannie? Well, unsurprisingly, they've had their kids removed from the household by the New Jersey's Division of Youth and Family Services because they're freaking idiots and shouldn't have been allowed to breed in the first place.
No reason was given for why the children were removed, however, and Holland Township police chief David Van Gilson told the site they had not received any reports of abuse or negligence.
Um, naming your son Adolph Hitler IS abuse.
"They're just names, you know," Heath Campbell told the Easton Express-Times in December. "Yeah, they (the Nazis) were bad people back then. But my kids are little. They're not going to grow up like that."
However, Heath reportedly denies the Holocaust and their home is decorated with swastikas.
Real smooth there, Heath, real smooth. Now if you'll excuse me, I've just been informed your nuts won a date with my tire iron. And guess what -- you're paying.
Report: Child named Adolf Hitler removed from home in New Jersey [nydailynews]
Thanks to Shaggy, who, despite my convincing, wouldn't name his son Thundercats.
Dec 22 2008 Wow: Man Breaks Knee Playing Guitar Hero
Some guy broke his knee playing Guitar Hero. Well, it wasn't actually the game that did it, he was trying to do a Rockette high-kick or some shit for extra style points. He failed.
I was face to face with my Arch Nemesis/Very Good Friend/Roommate Craig. It was time to see who could out rock each other while playing Texas Flood.
We were neck in neck in points... I had to do something special. I needed STYLE points. I breathed deep, my rock meter was maxed out and I was going to make this audience feel it. I twisted to the right and threw my guitar in the air! Instead of a roaring audience I heard a loud snap! My knee slid to the outside of my leg and my leg bent sideways as I fell to the ground.Half the people in the room were concerned the other half called me a pussy. One guy, the Geekologie Writer, spilled a drink my couch and then puked everywhere. It was projectile. He left without cleaning it up.
Ha, and don't you ever forget it. I don't just puke, I PEW PEWK.
GuitarHeroBrokeMyKnee.com (complete with grody picture section)
Thanks to Jennaiii, who once broke my heart during a game of Rock Band.
Dec 1 2008 Man Teaches Robot To Play Pong, Robot Taunts Man, Man Foolishly Doesn't Kill Robot
Some fool went and taught a robot how to play Pong. Next thing you know, the crazy bastard will teach the archangel of the apocalypse how to play Donkey Kong, and from there, well, I think you can imagine what happens next. Hint: we all die. I must admit though, I did almost chuckle before pissing my pants when the robot taunted the guy. He says, "No, no, no, and no. You are a loser." Man, if I had a quarter for every time a girl's told me that, well, I could play pinball for decades.
Thanks to Marc and Pedro, who could both school that robot at Pong then kick its head off and say something insulting about its mother (who I heard had sex with a Speak & Spell -- BURN!)
Oct 17 2008 Cosplay Friday!: Street Fighter's Chun Li
Ah, cosplay. I love it. And furplay, that's cool too. I think. So anyway, Francesca Dani is trying to give Jenni Källberg (aka the love of my life) a run for her cosplay money. And here she is as Chun-Li from Street Fighter. Looking good! Oh man, this reminds me -- remember when Street Fighter II came out for home consoles and you could do Chun Li's Spinning Bird Kick (the one where she spins around upside down like a helicopter) and pause the game to see her underwear? Yeah, I never did that either.
Hit the jump for a few more and a link to Francesca's cosplay page.
Alright folks, I'm off to New Orleans, wish me luck. And boobs. I'll see you all bright and early Monday morning, with bells on and puke in my shoes.
Continue Reading " Cosplay Friday!: Street Fighter's Chun Li "
Sep 4 2008 Showing Off: How Not To Win A Fight
This is how not to win a Capoeira fight. It really got me thinking -- If I'm ever in a real fistfight, I'm pretty confident my opponent will break me like the pasty little Eloi that I am. Unless, of course, I happen to be packing a taser and don't deep fry my own scallops trying to get it out of my pocket.
Thanks to Ian, who once punched a guy back to the future.
Jul 23 2008 George Lucas Pulls A Han Solo In Carbonite
First we saw Han Solo in chocolate, then some jackass in carbonite, then a Han Solo in carbonite fridge and desk, and now, a George Lucas in carbonite display. It was made for some Star Wars convention in Japan and looks pretty accurate. I got to see it in person, and I've got to say, I had a thing or two to say to frozen George.
Me: Hey George, mind if I call you Lucas?
George:
Me: Good, Lucas it is.
Lucas:
Me: Listen, I have a bone to pick about the prequels you made to Star Wars.
Lucas:
Me: I didn't like them.
Lucas:
Me: I don't care how much money you made, you gotta admit you f***ed up with that whole Jar Jar thing.
Lucas:
Me: I'm here to teach you a lesson. *slips member in George's frozen hand* Quick, someone take a picture!
Lucas:
Me: *zipping up* You've been learned, now don't let it happen again.
Hit the jump for several more. Unfortunately the one with my junk got deleted off the camera.
Continue Reading " George Lucas Pulls A Han Solo In Carbonite "
Jun 23 2008 Fire Footbag: Fiery Hackey Sack Surprisingly Not Endorsed By Your Local Fire Department
The Fire Footbag is pretty much a Hackey Sack made out of Kevlar that you douse with kerosene and then kick around until you've burnt the entire neighborhood down. They're similar to these magic balls (but more kickable), and cost $25.
THIS PRODUCT IS EXTREMELY DANGEROUS USE EXTREME CAUTION!
This product is also extremely fun! You will need white gas, kerosene, or 'tiki torch fuel' to light this bag. Tiki torch fuel is does not burn as hot as most other fuels. Do not use gasoline! Use only a small amount and test it first! Overly soaked bags can be EXTREMELY dangerous since excess burning fuel can stick to clothing and/or skin. Keep your fuel source completely away (100 yards minimum) from your kicking area.
Now I'm all about kicking around a flaming turd, but come on -- 100 yard minimum distance from your fuel source? That's a freaking football field. I'm a pretty wild kicker, but I don't think anyone has accidentally womped the hackey that bad. Why not go the extra mile and include a "Do not play with the Fire Footbag in states that sell gasoline" warning. Oh, and it definitely needs a "Only one flaming sack at a time: under no circumstances should you play wearing loose-legged shorts."
Hit the jump for the VIDEO of a guy doing some pretty cool tricks and dropping the thing a bunch.
May 6 2008 "Verb For Shoe" Shoes Are Available, $700
The Verb for Shoe "smart shoe" has been in the works since 2004. It was developed by MIT spinoff company VectraSense and they're finally accepting preorders. What do you get for your $700?
An embedded computer that automatically adjusts the shoe to your feet, syncs with your PC, and communicates with the shoes of others to exchange contact information.
Wow, for all that functionality I was expecting to pay at least $1,000. Of course, if you don't have $700 you could just, oh I don't know, buy a pair of shoes that fits and write people's contact information on your hand. For that kind of Pillsbury dough I was expecting flubber soles, a couple burning lasers, and a money back guarantee that you can't lose a bar fight if you're wearing them. I guess what I'm getting at is this: I lost a bar fight last night. I was wearing sandals. And, contrary to popular belief, beating someone in the head with a flip-flop doesn't do shit.
Verb For Shoe "smart shoe" finally goes on sale for $700 [engadget]
Apr 14 2008 I Want To Be A Pusher When I Grow Up
This is the job I want when I grow up. And no, not because it gives you a great opportunity to cop the occasional feel.
Oshiya, or "pusher", is an informal Japanese term for a worker who stands on the platform of a railway station during the morning and evening rush hours, and pushes people onto the train. This video is a good example of just how crowded it gets on Japanese trains.
Oh man that's great. I love how the pusher starts shoving the guy in the white coat when he's nowhere near the door. So awesome. I could totally do that for a living. I'd love my job so much I'd even go above and beyond the call of duty, constantly honing my ability to efficiently get people on the train. I've already got a few new proprietary techniques in mind. Namely kicking and pile driving.
Thanks to Robin, who would make the best pusher sidekick ever, for the tip
Feb 20 2008 Officer Rivieri Is Just Plain Nuts, Loud, Roidy
Apparently Officer Rivieri, the Baltimore police officer best known for his Grammy-winning single "Don't Call Me Man Or Dude" and title role in Roid Ragin' - Return Of The Teenage Headlock goes off the deep end on a fairly regular basis. Shown here is a Washington D.C. art student's video of his confrontation with Rivieri last summer. Now I'm not totally sure how a video of people's reactions to a shoebox with a radio controlled car underneath is considered art, or fun, or anything, but whatever. Rivieri to the rescue.
Thanks to Brendan, who fights everyday to keep the world a safer place, for the tip
