Nov 19 2009
Air Blower iPhone App Really Blows Air (See What I Did There? There's More To Come!)
Looking for the latest and least greatest in iPhone apps? Check out the $1 "Blower" app. It sucks blows sucks and blows is f***ing stupid.
Thanks to the new "Blower" app, iPhone owners will now be able to blow out candles with their handset. Just "switch on your app, turn the iPhone volume to the max and feel the air flowing from the speaker opening."
Unlock the new mind-blowing secret feature on your iPhone. Turn your iPhone into a real Air Blower!
Mind-blowing secret feature my ass. An x-ray camera, now THAT'S a mind-blowing secret feature. Or the ability to make calls to the dead. Phone developers, are you getting all this? Because I'm not buying another phone until I can talk to George Washington and take pictures of Martha's underwear. Just saying.
Hit the jump for a video of the app blowing out candles. WHEE, what a birthday!
Sep 28 2009 Not Just For Vampires: Blood Energy Drink
Blood Energy Potion is a $6 energy drink (availableJanuary 2010) that was made to look -- and have the same nutritional value -- of real blood. That's pretty gross.
"The fruit punch flavor packs 4 hours of energy along with iron, protein, and electrolytes. Not only does Blood Energy Potion have a similar nutritional makeup to real blood, but it has the same color, look, and consistency of blood. Get real blood nutrients without that real blood taste! The re-sealable transfusion bag style pouch provides the convenient delivery of fluids for vampires and humans alike! Contains no real blood, just synthetic! "
Pfft, forget synthetic blood. I drink the real deal. ISN'T THAT RIGHT, MY FALLEN ENEMIES?! Say, none of you had AIDS, right?
Product Site
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Blood Energy Drink [likecool]
Thanks to Ste, who is holding out for a bile energy drink. HORF.
Sep 22 2009 Idiot Moron Uses 600K Text Messages/Month
Some idiot moron, in an effort to become the world's biggest failure at life, used 662,258 text messages on his iPhone in a month. Plus the jerkbag got the 12,301 page itemized bill sent to him, so he doesn't even care about trees. I did the math, and it comes out to sending a text message just about every 4 seconds, all day every day. So I assume there was some sort of automated program involved. Also, a monster douche.
Hit the jump for two videos of the idiot looking at his bill.
Continue Reading " Idiot Moron Uses 600K Text Messages/Month "
Sep 2 2009 Silent But Violent: Students Made Gas Detector
Two college students went and made a fart detector. Nice one guys, but I can honestly say I never made anything like this in college. ALL I MADE WERE STRAIGHT C's AND LOVE TO WOMEN. Ooooooh!
I'm sure the two Cornell computer engineering students who made it are quite bright, and combining a hydrogen sulfide monitor, a thermometer, a microphone and custom software was impressive.
Um, no. You see, I don't know if you knew this or not but God gave us all our own fart detectors. Take a big whiff. Does it smell like ass? Congratulations, you shat yourself.
Fart detector solves a problem I've never encountered [dvice]
Aug 28 2009 Kitty Noises, Autotune Used To Make Song
This is song made using videos of kitty sounds that have been auto-tuned (think Kanye West, but with less bitching and whining) to produce some funky fresh beats. Yes, I am hip to your jive. I'm a cool cat, you dig? I jest, I am a warm dog. And speaking of which -- in college I lived in a house with five other guys, and we had this one roommate who would always boil hotdogs in the same pot of water and then lid the pot and save the water for next time. Dude got mad pissed if you even joked about touched his hotdog water. And that pot would sit there on the stove for sometimes a week between boilings. He was convinced it gave each subsequent batch of dogs more flavor. We were convinced it gave us dysentery.
Thanks to Tom and Edd, who once made a song with their voices synthesized to sound like Chipmunks but then deleted it when they realized that shit's not cool.
Aug 9 2009 Kid Plays Guitar Hero, Solves 2 Rubik's Cubes
This is a video of a kid playing Guitar Hero on expert and solving two Rubik's cubes simultaneously. Now I'm not sure where that's gonna get him in life, but I'm guessing far. Far, far away from the ladies. Kidding little buddy -- now you go out there and get 'em, tiger! No, put the cube down first.
Thanks to Julian and Chuck Nunchuck, who can play Guitar Hero on expert while solving Rubik's cubes AND texting and eating a cheeseburger.
Jun 10 2009 You Fool!: Man Builds Giant Mecha In Garage
You thought I was kidding about it being Robotic Apocalypse Awareness Day, didn't you? I wasn't. First the Israeli snake robot, then Gundam, and now, another mecha. Plus, the day isn't over yet. Holy shit, more to come. Truth? You can't handle the truth!
Carlos Owens, 31, an army mechanic by trade, began building his own personal mecha in his garage in 2004. Five years, later, TA-DA -- tetanus on two feet.
Owens is working on two more prototypes, modifying the design to make it lighter and more maneuverable. For the new prototype of his mechanical suit, Carlos Owens is planning to feature a chest plate that swings open so he doesn't have to climb in from underneath.
He foresees mechas having uses in the military and the construction industry but acknowledges that right now they're best suited to entertainment. The first application he has in mind: mecha-vs.-mecha battles, demolition-derby style.
Demolition-derby style mecha wars, huh? Well at least you've got your priorities straight, Carlos. And, since I was born complete with pirate cannonballs, I challenge your mecha to the death. Go on, climb up in there. The fight will begin as soon as....*PEW PEW PEW PEW!* Now somebody haul this scrap to the junkyard.
Hit the jump for a closeup of Carlos in the thing. Alternatively: face tetanus.
Continue Reading " You Fool!: Man Builds Giant Mecha In Garage "
May 21 2009 Dunlop Sponsored Car Sets Loopty-Loop Record, There's A Loopty-Loop Record?
Dunlop, in a move to prove that their tires won't explode even while upside-down, made a giant loopty-loop and had some tiny car ride through it. Not much more to say, except I could have done two consecutive loops. On fire. While banging a dinosaur. In the backseat.
Loop-the-Loop Dunlop World Record [metro]
Thanks to Andy, who once rode a roller coaster with his hands up the whole time.
Dec 8 2008 Why?: The Type-From-The-Back Keyboard
The Grippity is a real product that will be hitting shelves mid next year for about a hundred bones (big ones, like arm and leg bones -- not the little ones in your ear). I question its usefulness. But then again, I question the usefulness of my third leg too. It drags on the ground, so, I dunno, maybe it's for stability.
You get a full QWERTY keyboard that allows for eight-finger typing yoga straight from the back, while a couple of triggers behind double up as mouse buttons. The learning curve for this would be pretty steep as you will probably have to forget about everything you know and start over. Nice to see the Grippity come with an orientation sensor that enables the 60 QWERTY keys to double up as hot keys whenever the unit is flipped over.
Cool, yes, but why? Like drinking a gallon of milk in an hour, just because you can, doesn't mean you should. Unless a friend bets against you, in which case it becomes a matter of pride. And projectile vomiting.
Hit the jump to see a picture of the back.
Dec 1 2008 Haha, I'm Rich!: Fiber Optic Placemats
The LumiTable table runner is made from woven fiber optic strands and glows while you dine in the dark. Available in a variety of hideous colors, each 63"x13" runner will set you back a costly $200, but is sure to get the neighbors talking. Talking about what a tacky freaking idiot you are. Seriously, the only people that eat in the dark are vampires. And if there's one thing I know about vampires, it's that I tried to stab myself to death with my nachos watching Twilight this weekend.
Luminous tablecloth adds an eerie glow to your dining experience [dvice]
