Jun 30 2009 Blocky Moonwalky: Michael Jackson As LEGO
This is Michael Jackson in LEGO form. And, because I'm actually made of solid gold classiness, I'm not going there. And by there I mean Michael Jackson jokes. And by not going I mean I heard they're going to burn the body so he can be the king of snap and crackle now too. *moonwalks self in crotch*
Michael Jackson - Moonwalk [mocpages]
Thanks to naas, who danced his ass off one time. Literally, both cheeks, gone.
May 20 2009 Awesome: The Future According To Microsoft
This is a video of the future according to Microsoft. And, despite not owning a Zune, I would totally live there. In a treehouse, bitches, a treehouse. Close your eyes -- can you see it? It looks like Tarzan dry humping Judy Jane Jetson.
Microsoft's REAL Vision of the Future [gizmodo]
Dec 9 2008 Sure, Why Not?: A Keyboard For Blondes
The Keyboard For Blondes is a real $50 product. What makes it for blondes? Well, it has some questionably clever keys in place of the standard ones, comes complete with audio, and a lovely pink coloration.
The all-pink keyboard swaps out standard keys with funnier, dumber key names. The backspace key now says "Oops!" and the entire row of function keys spells out USELESS KEYS. Hit the "$" sign and you get the sound of a cash register clinking.
Blondes can even get a little technical and use special keys that type out "OMG," "ALI" (Absolutely Love It!) or "XOXO." My favorite? The caps lock key now says: "Warning! size XXL letters."
ZOMG, too funny! Go here to see a high-res picture of the peripheral, then stab yourself for even thinking about buying it for somebody. Then buy it for somebody. Then stab yourself again for pissing away $50. Then return it. Then bandage yourself up for doing the right thing. Alternatively, I'll wear a blonde wig while we're having sex and you can call me dumb. Haha, no sneaking in the ass!
Product Page
via
OMG! It's a Keyboard for Blondes [msn]
Thanks to Romeo, Crystal and Jeff, who don't need keyboards because they can all type with their minds. Or voice recognition software, whatever.
Oct 20 2008 Hank The Comedic Robot (Should Die)
Hank is a little animatronic comedian built by Ford which runs a comedy act at the State Fair in Texas. I guess you could call him a robot, but I'm pretty sure (SPOILER ALERT: don't read if you still believe the tooth fairy is an actual fairy and not a goblin that touches you while you're sleeping) Hank just stands there waving his arms around while somebody does all his speaking for him from a hidden location. There, I ruined it. The gig is up Hank, you'll never work in this town again.
UPDATE: Now he's a Walmart greeter. I hit him with my cart!
Hank the robot has State Fair auto show crowds laughing, wondering [dallasnews]
Thanks to Ken, who promised to run into him a few times with one of those complimentary Hoverounds first chance he gets.
Jul 31 2008 OLD!: Tracing The World's Oldest Jokes
The University of Wolverhampton recently published a list of the 10 oldest jokes, and #1 dates all the way back to 1900 BC. It, unsurprisingly, was toilet humor.
It is a saying of the Sumerians, who lived in what is now southern Iraq and goes: "Something which has never occurred since time immemorial; a young woman did not fart in her husband's lap."
Oh man, that's disgusting. I don't even get it but it still sounds nasty.
Joke #2 came from nearly 300 years later.
A 1600 BC gag about a pharaoh, said to be King Snofru, comes second -- "How do you entertain a bored pharaoh? You sail a boatload of young women dressed only in fishing nets down the Nile and urge the pharaoh to go catch a fish."
Oh man, I totally want to be a pharaoh. I was a little surprised there weren't any caveman jokes, but apparently they weren't very funny (like yours truly).
The oldest British joke dates back to the 10th Century and reveals the bawdy face of the Anglo-Saxons -- "What hangs at a man's thigh and wants to poke the hole that it's often poked before? Answer: A key."
More like "what barely hangs past a man's pubic hair". Am I right, guys? No? Just me? Damn. Seriously though, I just wrote a joke. What do you call a woman that makes you wait until marriage to have sex because she secretly has a penis? Just my luck. HIYO!
And yes, I added Drew from Office Space to the picture.
World's oldest joke traced back to 1900 BC [yahoonews]
May 20 2008 R/C Helicockter Interrupts Russian Speech
Did you read the post title carefully? That's right folks, somebody made a flying phallus and flew it into a news conference when Russian chess grandmaster and political activist Garry Kasparov was giving a speech. No idea if Vladamir Putin was the man behind the styrofoam salami, but he most certainly was. A translation of the website I got it from? Sure.
I do not have any sympathy for the Kremlin nor holuyam rumolovtsam nor kasparovsko-limonovskim dissenting, but this event fun ...
в общем, как я понял, румоловцы запустили на каспарова сию аццкую боеголовку: In general, as I understood it live on rumolovtsy kasparova retirement hellish warhead.From the video, obviously, that this "person Kremlin" kasparov strangely was wound circles over Limonovym until it is not brought down any of brave fighters kasparovskih.
Well there you have it, straight from the keyboard of some Ruski. And hellish warhead is right. Seriously though -- so someone flies a weapon of mass (erectile) dysfunction into your conference, big deal. Just make a penis joke and move on. I mean at least it wasn't pierced.
Arguably NSFW picture and VIDEO after the jump.
WARNING: It's a flying, relatively realistic styrofoam penis.
Continue Reading " R/C Helicockter Interrupts Russian Speech "
May 2 2008 Analog GPS Unit Is Just A Piece Of Paper
In this day of Garmin, TomTom, and Magellan GPS navigation systems, it's good to see an analog alternative to the digital market. And here it is, the Paper GPS system. As you can see it's a pad of paper that has little arrows to circle and boxes to write directions and mileage between turns. Each pad costs $6.50 and makes a great gift. You should have seen the look on my girlfriend's face when I told her I got her a GPS navigation system for her birthday! She was so freaking excited (she gets lost easily). Then she opens the box and it's a pad of this paper. Oh man, I laughed my ass off. Unfortunately she didn't have too much trouble finding her way to the door, and, that night, some other dude's bed.
paper gps won't get you lost (if you write good directions) [technabob]
Apr 3 2008 April Fools' Zelda Trailer Made Me Sad, Angry
This is a trailer for a Legend of Zelda movie that was apparently made by IGN as an April Fools' joke. What in the hell is the matter with those sick bastards? Sure the World Of Warcraft thing was awesome, but joking about Zelda? I've killed people for far, far less. I'm trying to not care though. I've been telling myself that Link looks nothing like he should. I mean really, did you ever envision Link as a homeless smack addict? And Zelda? Don't get my started on her. She's far from the boner-inducing princess of my dreams. Looks like she got hit with the Triforce Of Fugly. That two-bit strumpet. I mean I'd still do her. Damn you IGN!
Mar 27 2008 For Geekologie Ladies: A 360 Degree Mirror
This mirror is made so you can see all angles of your head at one time. "The 360 Degree Mirror saves you from constantly twisting your neck while you style your hair by featuring a seven panel 360 view that makes all angles visible simultaneously." It costs $40 and the middle mirror is illuminated using three AAA's. I don't need one though. I know what the back of my head looks like. It's bald(ing) and looks like shit. I'd prefer to go right on thinking that it doesn't exist. I'm sure the wife would go apenuts for one of these though. She's always doing her hair up like that chick in the picture. How she can control a blowdryer and brush at the same time is a mystery to me. Must be a woman thing. Like complaining and buying shoes. Ooooh, burn!
UPDATE: Just kidding ladies, that was a joke. Like your driving. HAHA, gotcha again!
UPDATE: Wife...Has...Balls...In...Vice...Is...Searching...For...Hammer...SOS
360 Degree Mirror [trendhunter]
Thanks to Sebastian, which I would name my son if I was still able to procreate, for the tip
Mar 26 2008 Robotic Bigdog Beta Early Testing Video
Remember Bigdog, the scary as hell and very lifelike robot mule/dog? Well here's a video of an even earlier rendition of the beast. And I must say, I feel much less compassion for this version than the new one. When this one got kicked over I was actually hoping it'd fall over and break its legs. I mean, it's not lifelike at all. I cared so little I was even secretly praying a hunter would spot the pathetic bastard and put it out of its misery with several well placed bullets to the abdominal region.
Video of BigDog Beta Quadruped Robot Is So Stupid It's Hilarious [gizmodo]
Feb 29 2008 Joke Sound Boxes Are Highly Questionable
Remember when the electronic whoopee cushion came out? How hilarious was that? It wasn't was it? No, it sure wasn't. Well following in the footsteps come these Prankster Sound Boxes. They're $10 light sensitive boxes that begin making their annoying sound when it's dark. You can choose from dripping water or barking dog. You know, this reminds me of the office prank I pulled a few weeks ago. What I did was fill the metal tube on my coworker's desk chair with raw shrimp. Slowly they started rotting and he couldn't figure out where the smell was coming from! It was hilarious until he figured it out. I wish you could have seen the look on his face when he finally finished beating the shit out of me. Priceless.
Annoying Light Sensitive Sound Box [7gadgets]
