Nov 2 2009 You're Doing It Wrong: Crazy Fork Lift Accident
I got to operate a fork lift once, and let me tell you: I've never seen Lowe's employees run so fast. WHERE WERE YOU WHEN I NEEDED PAINT MIXED?! Anyway, this is a horrible fork lift accident that destroys nearly $250K of precious vodka in distribution center. Oh the humanity! Still, it is pretty awesome. And by awesome I mean devastating. And by devastating I mean very, very awesome. FULL CIRCLE BABY, who's down for an elephant walk?!
Fork Lift Accident Brings Down The Warehouse [break]
Thanks to Closet Nerd, Zach and Kelly, who don't destroy booze, booze destroys them. Same here, guys.
Sep 1 2009 I LIKE BIG LETTERS: WOMAN FIRED FOR USING CAPS IN A COMPANY EMAIL
Yelling, as you may well know, is a great way to get your point across. And capitalization is yelling's written equivalent. Don't believe me? LET'S TAKE THIS OUTSIDE!
An accountant in NZ has been awarded $17,000 NZD for unfair dismissal after her boss fired her without warning for using uppercase letters in a single email to co-workers. The email, which advises her team how to fill out staff claim forms, specifies a time and date highlighted in bold red, and a sentence written in capitals and highlighted in bold blue. It reads: 'To ensure your staff claim is processed and paid, please do follow the below checklist.' Her boss deemed the capital letters too confrontational for her co-workers to read after they woke up from naptime.
I love capital letters. I don't want to marry them or anything, but I would go out on a couple dates and maybe slip a big W the tongue. Don't judge me -- I'LL TELL EVERYONE YOU BANG NUMBERS AND SYMBOLS!
Woman Fired For Using Uppercase In Email [slashdot]
Thanks to Jen, who once popped a caps lock in some bitch's ass for frontin'.
May 14 2009 How To Quit: The Best Resignation EVER
Now you see folks, THAT is how you quit a job. Remember: the goal whenever leaving an organization is to ensure it crumbles behind you as you walk out the door. So, at that very moment, your employer realizes just how under-appreciated you were. And then is crushed under the rubble.
Hit the jump for three more resignations, which were all part of Cracked's 'I Quit' Photoshop contest.
Apr 29 2009 How To: Quit Your Gaming Development Job
Farbs, a game developer working for 2K Australia quit his job, and this is how he submitted his two six weeks -- with a custom game (A Message for 2K Australia)! And I'll tell you -- it sure takes the cake over this resignation! *brutally punching myself in the balls*
Farbs will no longer be working for 2K Australia come June 5th, having resigned his position in order to work full time creating games like the most excellent ROM CHECK FAIL.
Combining elements of Mario and a small splash of his own game, Polychromatic Funk Monkey, Farbs delivers one of the more entertaining "I Quit" notices you're ever likely to find.
Nice. Now call me old fashioned, but whatever happened to the old 'stop showing up for work' method of resignation? It's classic -- you just stop showing up for work. Everyone will start to get all worried and think you're dead. Which, I think we can all agree, I did for the lulz.
How To Quit Your Game Development Job [kotaku]
Thanks to Simon and Julian, who have both quit jobs by crashing their cars into the office lobby. Nice guys, I like your style.
Apr 13 2009 Awh Man, I Want To Be Like A Boss
NOTE: VIDEO IS CLEAN VERSION. UNCENSORED ONE AFTER THE JUMP.
If you haven't seen this already it's the latest video from The Lonely Island's album Incredibad. This particular ditty is called 'Like A Boss' and it's all about a normal day in a boss's life. It's pretty much what I do everyday too, except I'm not responsible for managing anybody. I can barely manage my own penis! Now where is that guy?
Make sure your mother isn't standing behind you and then hit it for the dirty version!
Apr 10 2009 Mmmm, Brain-y: A Darth Vader Coffee Mug
I'm sure this isn't the first Darth Vader coffee mug, but it is the first I've seen with a removable cap that keeps your morning cocktail hidden from the prying eyes and noses of non-alcoholic coworkers.
Let Darth Vader watch over your coffee as you drink deeply from the dark side with the Dark Lord of the Sith! This attractive (and oh-so-shiny) black ceramic mug holds 24-ounces of your favorite beverage, but what's really special is that it features a removable helmet that keeps your drink from getting cold too quickly. Vader will use the Force to guard and keep it at the proper temperature.
The mug costs $17 and could only be cooler if it had a misshapen ceramic head inside that was slowly revealed as you drink your morning apéritif. And speaking of which -- I think the secretary is on to me. God, mind your own business, sugartits!
Thanks to Don Chi Chi's, who once drank jungle juice out of Vader's real helmet at a party and then threw up.
Mar 19 2009 Mmmm, The Most Delicious Resignation Ever
When Neil Berrett decided it was time to put in his two-weeks notice he did it deliciously -- with a cake! The cake reads as follows:
Dear Mr. Bowers,
During the past three years, my tenure at the Hunters Point Naval Shipyard has been nothing short of pure excitement, joy and whim.However, I have decided to spend more time with my family and attend to health issues that have recently arisen. I am proud to have been part of such an outstanding team and I wish this organization only the finest in future endeavors.
Please accept this cake as notification that I am leaving my position with NWT on March 27.
Sincerely,
W. Neil berrett
Nice one, Neil. I typically like to go out with an f-bomb parade or a good old fashioned Xerox'ed penis, but hey, whatever cracks your tractor.
Man resigns from job by handing in notice on cake [telegraph]
Thanks to Julian, who resigned from his last job with a gallon of gasoline and box of matches. Oooh, going away fireworks!
Jan 13 2009 No Need To Apply, Folks, I've Got This In The Bag: Austrialia Posts My Dream Job
Australia's Queensland state is looking to hire a "Great Barrier Reef Island Caretaker" at a rate of $105,000 (US) for six-months of service. What kind of service?
The "island caretaker" would be expected to stroll the white sands, soak up the sun, snorkel the reef, "maybe clean the pool" -- and report to a global audience via weekly blogs, photo diaries and video updates.
The winner, who will stay rent-free in a multimillion-dollar three-bedroom beach home complete with pool and golf cart, must be an excellent communicator and be able to speak and write in English.
F*** yes, I can do some of those things!
The job, according to the Daily Telegraph, seems too good to be true -- work 12 hours a month for six months while carrying out such duties as feeding turtles, watching whales and writing a blog.
The Daily Telegraph reported 850,000 people clicked on the site within the first 24 hours, but as of As of 11 a.m. EST, the Web site for job-seekers had been taken down.
Don't even bother, folks, this job was made for me. And I hacked the application site, so you can pretty much forget about it. However, now I'M accepting applications for a few lucky ladies to join me. Applicants must be able to blog, create photo diaries, and video updates. Also, feed turtles and keep a secret.
Australia Offers 'Best Job in World' On Paradise Island [foxnews]
Thanks to Bryan and Michael, who can come if they agree to feed themselves to sharks while my female crew takes pictures.
Jan 8 2009 Learn: How To Excel In A Job Interview
And that, dear reader, is how I became The Geekologie Writer.
Thanks to Tim, whose special skills aren't just limited to a 20-inch dong.
Dec 17 2008 World Of Warcraft Players Discriminated Against In The Workplace, Also, Life
So apparently World of Warcraft players are discriminated against for employment, according to an f13 discussion forum. Which, let's face it, is practically a legitimate news source (not unlike Geekologie).
I met with a recruiter recently (online media industry) and in conversation I happened to mention I'd spent way too much time in the early 2000s playing online games, which I described as "the ones before World of Warcraft" (I went nuts for EQ1, SWG and the start of WoW, but since 2006 I have only put a handful of days into MMOG playing - as opposed to discussing them - I've obsessed over bicycles and cycling instead).
He replied that employers specifically instruct him not to send them World of Warcraft players. He said there is a belief that WoW players cannot give 100% because their focus is elsewhere, their sleeping patterns are often not great, etc. I mentioned that some people have written about MMOG leadership experience as a career positive or a way to learn project management skills, and he shook his head. He has been specifically asked to avoid WoW players.
Wow, poor WoW'ers. But if it makes you feel any better, bloggers are discriminated against too. Something about us being wickedly freaking handsome and having such pretty hands. Back me up here, Superficial Writer. Damn, nice cuticles, bro.
Should employers discriminate against World of Warcraft players? [boingboing]
Thanks to Darwinpolice, who's just waiting for you to kill yourself in an unbridled act of stupidity.
Sep 19 2008 Macs Used To Help Make New Microsoft Ad
Uh-oh. It's been discovered that some of the images used in Microsoft's new 'I'm a PC' commercial were created with Macs.
Four of the images that Microsoft made available on its PressPass site today display the designation "Adobe Photoshop C3 Macintosh" when their file properties are examined. The images appear to be frames from the television ads that Microsoft will launch later today.
One of the images is of a real Microsoft engineer, identified only as "Sean," who resembles John Hodgman, the actor who plays the PC character in Apple Inc.'s iconic ads.
Well seeing how Microsoft hired ad agency Crispin Porter + Bogusky to create the commercials, it's not surprising that they were using Macs since there wasn't a "no Macs" clause in the agreement. Probably should have been though. I told you to let me handle the law, Microsoft, I'm mad legal. Ha, well technically I'm 17, but I have a good fake.
On a side note, today is International Talk Like A Pirate Day, so get out there and avast, ye maties and whatever the hell else pirates do.*
*Raping unacceptable, pillaging fine.
Microsoft's 'I'm a PC' ad images made on Macs [computerworld]
Thanks to Stephen and Huggy Bear, who are both half PC, half Mac, but 100% pirate.
Aug 29 2008 Steve Jobs's Obituary Accidentally Published
For those of you who haven't heard, Steve Jobs's 17-page prewritten obituary was accidentally published when somebody at Bloomberg chose the wrong button after some routine updating to the information. Woops. You can read the whole thing after the jump, it's nice and wordy and names Jobs as Apple Co-Founder and Arbiter of Cool Technology. Bitchin' title! You know, this story really got me thinking -- what will people say about me when I'm dead? You think I'll get 17 pages?
FUTURE UPDATE:
Geekologie Writer, Writer of Technology, Penises, 39
The Geekologie Riter was a monster freaking asshole. Thankfully, now he's a ded one.
Wow, fourteen words and two misspellings. I'm killing myself.
Hit it to read all the amazing things Jobs has done.
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