Sep 18 2009 Whee: Now You Can Kanye-Ify Any Website
It was only a matter of time before somebody did this. Because when I was watching the VMA's live from the back of the auditorium through the scope of a sniper rifle, I was wondering how long it would take after the Taylor Swift incident (I love you, Taylor -- you belong with me! Creepily) for somebody to make a Kanye-ify website. Apparently four days. Or maybe sooner, but I just found out about it yesterday. Just add http://kanyelicio.us/ to the front of any URL and presto: jackass everywhere!
Thanks to ViLLaiN, who is working on a Geekologie-ify website. Hell yes, ViLLaiN! I don't care if you are evil, you're a-okay in my book. And to Adam, who used kanyethis.com to make THIS little number. Jerk.
Sep 11 2009 Beef Jerky: Now With More Caffeine
Perky Jerky is beef jerky with caffeine added (via guarana) to help keep you awake and focused on trying to look busy and not like you're just reading Geekologie.
Perky Jerky caffeinated beef jerky is the world's first performance enhancing meat snack. Put simply, we've combined the most tender and flavorful beef jerky, with an extra dose of energy (caffeine, from the Guarana we add) to provide a jerky experience you won't find anywhere else.
Performance enhancing meat snack. I dunno about all that. But if you want to try it, a 2 oz bag will set you back $5. Alternatively, a 2 oz bag of good weed would be like $700. So, yeah, cheaper than good weed.
Thanks to Ryan, Mr. Robbot and Towhee Monster, who get their energy the old fashioned way, directly from the sun. Transform and photosynthesize!
Aug 18 2009 God Bless Ameriiiiiiiica: Preamble Of The Constitution In Vanity License Plates
This is the Preamble to the Constitution on license plates (all 50 states and Washington DC). And in case you aren't hip to special needs L337 speak, here's how it reads:
We the People of the United States, in Order to form a more perfect Union, establish Justice, insure domestic Tranquility, provide for the common defence, promote the general Welfare, and secure the Blessings of Liberty to ourselves and our Posterity, do ordain and establish this Constitution for the United States of America.
USA! USA! USA! Truthfully, this piece is actually OLD. It was created by Mike Wilkins in 1987 and is on display at the Smithsonian. Which I might have actually seen if I didn't always shoot straight towards the museum of natural history. BUT ONLY BECAUSE THE STREET VENDORS AROUND THERE HAVE THE BEST FALAFEL. I kid, I kid, I bang the dinosaur skeletons. Also, which ever one of you jerks keeps stealing my 'GK WRITR' license plates better stop before I give it to you. And I don't mean 'the business' either. Yes I do. BUT LIKE IN PRISON.
Preamble [ordinaryfinds]
Thanks to Matt, who tried to recreate the Gettysburg Address in license plates but stopped at 4 SCR. Valiant effort, Matt.
Aug 5 2009 I Knew It, I Knew It!: Toad Is A Rude Jerk
That's right folks: that no good, mushroom topped jerkbag Toad has been flipping us off for almost 25 years now. And honestly, I'm not surprised. I always got a bad feeling from the guy. I mean, I bust my ass to get through a castle to rescue the princess, AND THERE HE IS ALREADY STANDING AT THE END OF THE LEVEL. Anybody else find that a little fishy? Like, why didn't you save her yourself? UNLESS YOU'RE WORKING FOR KOOPA! *DUM DUM DUM* But seriously bro, I want to eat your head and go to a concert.
Thanks to 4thirty, who once licked like six Toads and then talked to a parking meter for 12 hours.
Apr 24 2009 Best Business Cards Ever: Meat Cards
Meat Cards are business cards with your info burnt into them using a 150 watt CO2 laser. They are far superior to card stock for obvious reasons (read: meat and lasers).
Screw die-cutting. Forget about foil, popups, or UV spot lamination. THESE business cards have two ingredients: MEAT AND LASERS.
Unlike other business cards, MEAT CARDS will retain value after the econopocalypse. Hoard and barter your calorie-rich, life-sustaining cards.
Mmmm, meat and lasers: definitely two of the finest ingredients on earth. PEW PEW, NOM NOM! Now, blast me in the eye with your laser pointer right as I swallow. What? Don't judge me.
Thanks to Chloe and Julian for eating all my cards. No, really, thanks a lot guys.
Aug 11 2008 Weapon Wielding Wobots Worry World
This is one of the most disturbing videos I've seen in a long time. It's two robots going at it with medieval weaponry. I have no idea why they exist, or what they're demonstrating, but I can't believe some shmuck programmed robots to swing weapons. WTF were you thinking? Like I don't already have enough to worry about. This is definitely gonna give me nightmares and daymares. But hopefully not a rash. I just got over the last one and can finally sit down on the toilet again. I freaking hate hovering.
Youtube
Thanks Brian, I love fearing for my life.
Jul 23 2008 'Spam King' Sentenced To Four Years In Prison, Hopefully A Really Rough One
'Spam King' Robert Soloway is headed to a federal pound you in the ass (I hope) prison for 47 months. He recently pleaded guilty to fraud, spamming, tax evasion, general douchery, asshatness, and sucking at life. We should probably just give him the chair. I really hope a fellow inmate down a handful of those penis pills he was always emailing me about and spams his ass.
Hit the link for the full story.
Top Spammer Sentenced To Nearly Four Years [yahoonews]
Thanks Julian, now let's stone him.
Apr 3 2008 April Fools' Zelda Trailer Made Me Sad, Angry
This is a trailer for a Legend of Zelda movie that was apparently made by IGN as an April Fools' joke. What in the hell is the matter with those sick bastards? Sure the World Of Warcraft thing was awesome, but joking about Zelda? I've killed people for far, far less. I'm trying to not care though. I've been telling myself that Link looks nothing like he should. I mean really, did you ever envision Link as a homeless smack addict? And Zelda? Don't get my started on her. She's far from the boner-inducing princess of my dreams. Looks like she got hit with the Triforce Of Fugly. That two-bit strumpet. I mean I'd still do her. Damn you IGN!
Dec 19 2007 Liquor Lock Protects Your Precious Booze
The Liquor Lock is a little $15 combination lock that's supposed to protect your stash of the good stuff from others. Unfortunately the thing works on the premise of an expanding stopper, which makes me wonder just how safe your booze really is. I do like the idea though, because many a party I've thrown only to find some dick has been sneaking into my hidden bourbon stash. That’s why now I lock all the good stuff in a safe and fill a couple of top-shelf bottles with bleach and hide them in a cabinet. Not only is my bourbon safe, but the jerks who snoop around for the good stuff end up drinking bleach. It's win-win. Me: 1 and very drunk, Thieving bastards: 0 and very dead.
