Oct 1 2009 Luke, Let's Hit The Sauna: Jedi Bathrobes
I don't really wear robes because I got kicked out of wizard school and I'm more of a boxer and undershirt kind of guy, but I might make an exception for this $95 Jedi joint. Just kidding. Still, it would look good on you though.
Star Wars fans rejoice! The Jedi Dressing Gowns are here! What could be better on an evening than strutting around in your Jedi robe, making sure your little Lightsaber doesn't inadvertently pop out due to your lack of jimmy-jams? The Jedi Dressing Gown is made of soft 100% cotton velour and has a Jedi logo embroidered on the front. The bath robe's large hood, sash belt and wide sleeves are classic features of a Jedi robe. Will you be seduced by the dark side (your smelly old bathrobe with cat hair all over the back) or will you fight for justice...or at least the last Jaffa Cake...in a brand new Jedi Dressing Gown?
Wow. I'm not sure if that's how you sell Jedi robes or not, but I'm guessing not. As a matter of fact, that product description has convinced me to go out and buy the exact opposite of a Jedi bathrobe. Which I don't actually know what is. Maybe a Sith bra or something.
Product Site
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jedi bath robe: obi-wants one [technabob]
Thanks to Smee, who, no stopping me this time, Smee. This is it. Don't make a move Smee, not a step. My finger's on the trigger. Don't try to stop me, Smee. This is it. Don't try to stop me this time, Smee.
Sep 19 2009 Religious Persecution!: Jedi Tossed Out Of Supermarket For Refusing To Remove Hood
Co-founder of the International Church of Jediism, Master Morda Hehol (Daniel Jones, seen above, left), was kicked out of a North Wales supermarket after refusing to remove his super-sweet Jedi hood. He is considering legal action (I would have just Force-choked the assistant manager).
"I told them it was a requirement of my religion but they just sniggered and ordered me to leave. I walked past a Muslim lady in a veil. Surely the same rules should apply to everyone. It was discrimination. I was really upset. Nobody should be treated like that. I'll advise worshippers to boycott Tesco if it happens again. They will feel the Force."
The jediholocronhandbook clearly states that "Jedis must wear a hood up in any public place of a large audience."A Tesco spokeswoman said:
"Jedi are very welcome to shop in our stores although we would ask them to remove their hoods. Obi-Wan Kenobi, Yoda and Luke Skywalker all went hoodless without going to the Dark Side. If Jedi walk around our stores with their hoods on, they'll miss lots of special offers."
Really? You're gonna miss out on special offers? THAT'S the justification you're gonna use for not allowing patrons to wear hoods? Oh, this just in: Tesco security beats the shit out of a blind man.
Jedi tossed out of supermarket for wearing hood [inquisitr]
Thanks to em. MONSTER and Alexis, who only wear their Jedi hoods in the bedroom. YOW YOW!
Sep 17 2009 I'm On To You!: The President Is A Jedi
So apparently President Obama is a Jedi. Okay, maybe a padawan. Fine, just a guy waving a plastic lightsaber around. But that's not what's important. What's important is we arrange a lightsaber duel between him and Star Wars Boy. I'll get the president on the line, you get Obi Un-Coordinated.
Hit the jump for a picture of Obama running his wife through with a pirate sword and staring at some guy's ass, just for the hell of it.
Continue Reading " I'm On To You!: The President Is A Jedi "
Apr 17 2009 Scotland Police Department Heavy On Jedis
Strathclyde Police, Scotland's largest police force, says eight of its officers (and two of its civilian staff) listed Jedi as their official religion on voluntary diversity forms, making them the least feared police force ever.
The details were obtained in a Freedom of Information request by Jane's Police Review.
About 390,000 people listed their religion as Jedi in the 2001 Census for England and Wales. In Scotland the figure was a reported 14,000.The Office for National Statistics did not recognise it as a separate category, and incorporated followers of Jedi with atheists.
Wow, do you think the officers mod their billy clubs to look like lightsabers? Because that would be awesome. And by awesome I mean incredibly sad.
Force is strong for Jedi police [bbcnews]
Thanks to Thumperchica, debaser, Liz, Lee, Patrick and Annie, who once Force-choked a thief till he turned to the Dark Side (blacked out).
Jan 7 2009 ZOMG: New Toy Teaches You How To Wield 'The Force' Using Brainwaves Or Something
Oh yeah, a toy that teaches you how to utilize 'The Force'. You know, from Star Wars.
The Force Trainer (expected to be priced at $90 to $100) comes with a headset that uses brain waves to allow players to manipulate a sphere within a clear 10-inch-tall training tower, analogous to Yoda and Luke Skywalker's abilities in the Star Wars films.
First of all, being able to manipulate a ping pong ball IS IN NOT WAY analogous to Yoda and Luke Skywalker's abilities -- those dudes could throw freaking spaceships around.
A state of deep concentration is needed to achieve a Force-full effect. "When you concentrate, it activates the training remote," says Frank Adler of toymaker Uncle Milton Industries, which is creating the Trainer. "There is a flow of air that will move the (ball). You can actually feel like you are in a zone."
Deep concentration....in a zone....hmmm, that sounds familiar. Of course -- Skee-ball!
Toy trains 'Star Wars' fans to use The Force [usatoday]
Thanks to Menchi, who promises to teach me The Force just as soon as she masters it.
Sep 12 2008 UK University Offering Course In Jedi
Queen's University Belfast in Northern Ireland is offering a course in Jedi this semester.
According to its publicity material, the course, Feel the Force: How to Train in the Jedi Way, teaches the real-life psychological techniques behind Jedi mind tricks.
It also claims to examine the wider issues behind the Star Wars universe, like balance, destiny, dualism, fatherhood and fascism. The course will provide students with the fundamental building blocks they'll need to succeed in careers like never having sex.
Sign me up!
Bring your own light sabre: Uni launches Jedi course [abc]
Thanks to Miriam, who actually trained the very first Jedi.
Aug 28 2008 These Hilarious Star Wars T-Shirts Are Sure To Get Fangirls To Touch Your Saber
Just kidding. I do like them though. This one here, the Jedi EcoSaber is available in 22 different colors and costs $26 or $29 depending on if you want long sleeves or not. Hit the jump for another one with a crashed TIE Fighter Advanced x1 and Darth Vader escaping on an inflatable slide, possibly into a Dagobah swamp. Although I don't see Luke running around with that creepy green puppet on his back, so who knows.
Hit it to see the other.
Continue Reading " These Hilarious Star Wars T-Shirts Are Sure To Get Fangirls To Touch Your Saber "
Jul 9 2008 The Jedi Gym Is Awesome, How Do I Join?
Kind of like the Jedi Academy, comes the Jedi Gym. The video is six minutes long, but actually is worth watching if/when you have the time. Mainly for the guy playing Lando Calrissian (that's him in the still) and the awesome plot twist around 4:00. Now I don't want to ruin anything, but let's just say it was pleasantly unexpected. Kind of like the time I walked in on my girlfriend with another chick. Now I know what you're wondering, and no, I was sadly not invited to participate. I was asked to leave and shut the door behind me. And that, my friends, is the story of how I was almost happy once.
Thanks Brennan, that's just what I needed after the last few traumatizing Star Wars videos
May 13 2008 Video Of Darth Drunkard Attacking Jedis Is Sadly Not Nearly As Exciting As I Had Hoped
Remember when that drunk guy wearing a garbage bag and swinging a lightcrutch tried to beat up on the founder of the Jedi Church? Well it turns out the event was videotaped. But sadly, the scene is nothing compared to the one I had imagined. The only time I got excited was when he swung the crutch and almost caught dude in the nose. But he didn't. He just hit the cameraman over the head and then ran away. Making him the suckiest drunk Darth Vader impersonator ever. I make a better Drunk Vader, and all I do is wear black and breath heavy. Although once I did try to use the Force (read: a grappling hook) to score a free bottle of bourbon from behind the bar. Unfortunately I miscalculated the swing, clocked myself in the head, and fell off the barstool bleeding. Now I know what you're thinking -- "Damn yo, the Force is weak with The Geekologie Writer." And sadly, you're correct.
Oh, and as an update to the story, dude had to pay $500 and won't be serving the 12-month sentence originally expected.
Mar 17 2008 More Rejected Star Wars Promotional Goods
Remember the rejected Star Wars/Pepsi promotional products from a couple months ago? Well it turns out there was a whole bunch more! And here they are. Woo-wee! Who wouldn't want a Jabba bean bag couch, Bantha slippers, cockpit sun-shield, or Star Wars-universe mounted animal heads? Not me! I want several of these pretty badly. And now I would like to offer anyone who can make out with a chick (one without a mustache) on a Jabba beanbag chair $10,000 for the picture proving it.* We'll call it the Fat Chance: Not Even A Long Time Ago In A Galaxy Far, Far Away Contest. You know, because it won't happen. And if it does, well, the chick has really low standards. Or is a freak. Either way, give her my number when you're done Hutting it.
*$10,000 not included.
MUST SEE GALLERY OF ALL THE OTHER PRODUCTS AFTER THE JUMP.
Continue Reading " More Rejected Star Wars Promotional Goods "
Feb 6 2008 Oh Yeah!: Customize Your Own Lightsaber
As this guy, or anybody over at the NY Jedi Academy will tell you, a true Jedi needs their own custom lightsaber. And swinging around a spraypainted fluorescent bulb just doesn't cut it (as much as I want it to). Enter the Force FX Lightsaber Construction Set. As you can see it comes with a variety of different parts so you can mix-and-match your own custom blade. You even get to choose the color of the light, thanks to the tri-color LEDs. It plays authentic sound effects from the movie and you can score one at Amazon for $100. But be careful, because the print there in the lower right corner specifically states "product specifications & colors subject to change". So if you open the box and find your lightsaber has been replaced with a karaoke machine, don't say I didn't warn you.
build your own lightsaber [technabob]
Feb 5 2008 Jedi Ginsu Knife Will Slice Your Fingers Off
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This is an infomercial for a Jedi Ginsu Knife. It looks like a mini lightsaber. It cuts bagels and potatoes. It (sadly) doesn't cut off any of the speaker's fingers. I'm upset about that. I'm also upset about the destruction of rainforests. So I'm going to make a difference. Now that my girlfriend left me I have a lot more free time on my hands and I vow to not just use it watching adult movies online and abusing myself. Starting tomorrow. Alright, no more after this week. 2009 will be my year of action. Goodbye rainforests.
Jan 18 2008 Soft Dark Lord Of The Sith: Puppet Palpatine
Darth Sidious is tired of his a-hole reputation and is making a move to try cleaning up his name. Enter Puppet Palpatine, a softer, gentler Dark Lord Of The Sith. The emperor answers questions from his subjects ranging in topic from weaponry to picking up ladies using the Force. In this video he's explaining the alleged design flaw in the Death Star. Oh my god my roommate just walked through here on his way to the kitchen and he was naked. I swear if he goes for the last Pop Tart I'll kill him. And believe it or not, it won't be the first time I've had to explain why my roommate is naked and dead on the kitchen floor with a half-eaten Pop Tart. That's the way the last one went too. I guess they don't read the sign. It's right there by the pantry and is clearly written.
Please don't eat my freaking Pop Tarts or I swear I will Force-choke you to death like Vader does.
Your roommate,I mean it I will kill you.
Ask Palpatine
