Oct 7 2009 It's About Time: A Fake iPhone Pocket Scale
Let's face it, we don't all sell drugs *whistling*, but we do all need pocket scales. Maybe you just want to know how much a letter weighs before sending it. Or like to precisely measure ingredients while cooking. Or maybe you sell coke and weed. Enter the fake iPhone pocket scale. With a cover that looks unconvincingly like a real iPhone, this has got to be the cheese-whizziest scale disguise I've ever seen (and I once owned a scale designed to look like a Twilight dildo). Geez, make a scale that looks like a book already! That's what I did (I've got what you're looking for). You're not a cop, right? Cause boy you'd look cute in one of those hats!
Hit the jump to see the display case the scale was spotted in, just in case there was any question to its intended porpoise. Porpoise? I'm a dolphin, bitch!
Continue Reading " It's About Time: A Fake iPhone Pocket Scale "
Sep 3 2009 How To Rob An Apple Store In 31 Seconds
Just like this. IN 31 seconds the thieves made off with 23 Macbook Pro's, 14 iPhones and 9 iPod Touch. Wow. And did anybody else find it annoying how the reporter was speaking during the video? "Watch again as the thieves show skilled practice at bringing down that plate glass door. And savvy enough to wear masks knowing there would be surveillance cameras ALL OVER THE PLACE." Skilled practice, really? THEY THREW A BRICK THROUGH A GLASS DOOR. "Savvy enough to wear masks"? Jesus, it's not like they trained pigeons to rob the store, they tied bandannas around their faces and this guy thinks they're criminal masterminds.
How to Rob an Apple Store [buzzfeed]
Thanks to Greg, Gino, Sarah and The Superficial Writer, who could have done it in 29 seconds AND snagged a couple iPhone cases.
Jul 8 2009 How Much All The iPhone Apps Would Cost
If you wanted to buy all the current iPhone apps, guess how much it would cost? Go on, take a stab at it. But wait till I'm a safe distance away, you wield a knife like a crazy person. BOOM: 55,732 apps for a total of $144,326.06. Which, amazingly, is still $118K over my lifetime earning potential. You know how some people eat ramen? I eat rocks.
Jun 8 2009 Apple's Worldwide Developer's Conference: New iPhone 3GS And Some Other Stuff
Well folks, Apple just wrapped up its Worldwide Developer's Conference in San Francisco, and, (no) surprise!: a new iPhone (and software update) available June 19th. Also, a couple new laptops and a new OS, Snow Leopard (I hope nobody got paid for that). Anyway, the highlights of the new iPhone are as follows:
- Improved performance
- 3-megapixel autofocus camera
- Video recording
- Voice Control
- Digital compass
- Cut, Copy & Paste
- MMS
- Spotlight Search
- Landscape keyboard
- Voice Memos
Wonderful. Especially considering I dropped mine face down on the driveway two days AND THEN STEPPED ON IT AND SKIDDED IT ACROSS THE concrete. Luckily, it didn't break, it just got scratched all to hell. Don't believe me? Hold on, I'll take a picture.
Okay, so you can't take a picture OF your iPhone WITH your iPhone (without using mirrors the way you'd look at your own ass in the bathroom).
Hit the jump for a picture of my wallpaper instead and a visual comparison of the new iPhone and old iPhone.
Continue Reading " Apple's Worldwide Developer's Conference: New iPhone 3GS And Some Other Stuff "
Mar 21 2009 Sad: Text Messages For The Friendless
Fiona Carswell is a friendless hag who lives in the woods and tries to entice children into her gingerbread house to eat them. Just kidding, I'm sure she's cool and has tons of friends. But that didn't stop her from designing 'Cell Stickies', which are electro-static stickers with fake text messages you stick on your iPhone when you're feeling down. Because let's face it, nothing boosts one's spirit like catching yourself sticking a fake text message sticker on your cell phone. Am I right? Oooh -- a text. "You are right. As usual." Haha, just as I thought! And here comes another! "You gave me herpes." Shit.
Cell Stickies For The Truly Delusional [ohgizmo]
Feb 27 2009
Rad To The Power Of Sick $2.5 Million iPhone
That's right folks, a ridiculously stupid $2.5 million iPhone complete with 18-carat gold, 160 small diamonds, and topped off with a 6.6-carat behemoth as the home button. The piece is called the 'King's Button' and is available now if you want it. But, if you're looking for something a little cheaper, forget the King's Button, I've got your Peasant's Joystick right here -- $2.75.
World's Stupidest, Most Expensive iPhone Mod Yet Costs 2.5 Million Dollars [gizmodo]
Dec 24 2008 Best iPhone App To Date Rejected By Apple
iBoobs, undeniably the best iPhone application to date, has been denied the right to be sold in the iTunes store, because Apple claims the app is pornographic. Which, I think we can all agree, is utterly ridiculous. And by "utterly ridiculous" I mean I popped like 16 boners.
Youtube
Thanks to Dylan, who agrees that Apple wouldn't be where they are today if it weren't for pornography. Remember your roots.
Dec 11 2008 Oh Snap, There's A Zune Phone Coming!
Or is there? I don't know, I'm not good at speculation. But I am good at making shit up. And also, making out. Ladies?
According to Trip Chowdhry, an analyst at Global Equities Research, Microsoft CEO Steve Ballmer will announce a Zune-style mobile device during his keynote address at the upcoming Consumer Electronics Show in Las Vegas, on January 7, 2009. In an article in Barron's, Chowdhry claims that the company's new centerpiece will combine the best features of the Zune media player with the hardware design of Danger's mobile Sidekick, in addition to "motion enhancement features," like an accelerometer.
Basically, this means the device will come with a physical keyboard like HTC's G1 and will likely feature a larger screen to accommodate heavy multimedia elements. And since we're all here copying each other's mobile phone features, we'll be shocked if the Zune phone doesn't feature multitouch capabilities.
Wow, way to make my new-phone boner shrivel like a century-old prune. Microsoft, Microsoft, Microsoft. Did you not learn anything from yesterday's lesson? Are you trying to drop hints about a new phone or not? If so, this is how it's done:
Steve Ballmer: Zune phone? Who said anything about a Zune phone? Psyche -- gimme them digits, bitches! BA-DOW!
Remember Microsoft, I'm still available for hire.
Rumor: Zune Phone Is Coming to CES 2009 [wired]
Thanks to Ain, who doesn't need a cellphone because he has two tin cans and long piece of string in his treefort.
Dec 2 2008 Happy Something! iPhone Has 10,000 Apps
The iPhone now has over 10,000 apps, and to celebrate, somebody made a mosaic. Not exactly how I celebrate (I get drunk as shit), but a little time in front of Photoshop works too. And speaking of iPhone apps, I have like four. Including, and pretty much limited to: rotary dialer, that maze game with the ball, Facebook, and AIM. And I may or may not have that ocarina app (I do). Oh snap, and the booby one. Maybe I'll get some more.
UPDATE: Okay, I got distracted and didn't get any new apps. Folks -- there is porn ON THE INTERNET!
Sep 25 2008 Best iPhone Application EVER
paiTouch, an iPhone application created by Japanese blogger Technohippy, is a virtual breast. You can poke and prod it all you want and it kind of jiggles around. It's actually pretty crappy. You can test it out here, just click and drag the cursor around. I've got to admit: if this is what touching a booby is like, I'm not that excited about it anymore. Now a penis....JK!
Virtual Breasts, Coming to Your iPhone [inventorspot]
Thanks to Phil, who touches enough of the real thing to not need a stupid app.
Sep 4 2008 37 Prisoners Caught Hiding Cell Phones In Their Bodies, 7 Require Surgery To Retrieve
In a story that harks back to Captain Sneakapeak and the case of the missing cameraphone, comes this story. 37 Pakistani prisoners at Camp Jail were found to be hiding cell phones in their bodies. All but seven were easily removed. The seven that didn't come out so easily were all smart phones. Those required surgery. Read: removal of the asshole. Just kidding, I don't know what they did. What I do know is I'm starting to get worried why my Bluetooth headset and charger haven't passed yet.
7 Prisoners undergo surgery to remove mobile phones from their butts [newlaunches]
Thanks to Silver Sided, who knows a guy who once snuck an entire phonebooth into jail.
