Nov 17 2009 I'm Taking 'Em With Me!: The Gerbil Shirt (Exclusively For Pudgy Red-Headed Kids)

Gosh, it seems like only yesterday I was hard at working fashioning a bong out of my gerbil's old Habitrail. But it wasn't, it was this morning I'm doing it right now. Anybody have a hot glue gun?

The Gerbil Shirt wraps your torso in plastic tube passageways, making your bod a super highway of fun for Binky and Bart. The interior surfaces are textured for traction and have air vents for easy breathing.

The inventor suggests you can clean the Gerbil Shirt by attaching it to a faucet (remove pets first please), and you should avoid collisions and falls that could cause pet panic.

Listen, I'm not one to judge, except I totally am BECAUSE I'M SO GOOD AT IT. Wapner? Pfft, that old pantstain couldn't gavel his way out of a wet paper bag. Judy? Wrinkled whore. But a Habitrail vest? That's just a solid product.

Gerbil Shirt [ohgizmo]

Thanks to david, who better not catch you trying to run one of those tubes up your butt.

Nov 1 2009 Stay Fresh: Mad Muffin Beyond Bagel Dome

The Bagel Dome (Dome Dome Dome) is a $40 battery powered vacuum dome made to keep bagels and other oxygen-hating perishables fresh (JUST USE A DYSON, GOD). I contacted the manufacturer and the lady on the phone said it also works for donuts but I have my doubts. Which is exactly why I just invented the Donut Dome, which isn't just a Bagel Dome with 'Doughnut Dome' scratched into the plastic EXCEPT IT IS BECAUSE I'M A GENIUS INVENTOR. I also discover elements and name them after my pets! Rutherfordium? That was me. Great dog.

The Bagel Dome: I'd buy it just based on the name [dvice]

Sep 17 2009 Genius!: Neck Tie Beer Bottle Opener

The After Office Tie, by Argentinian design firm Sinapsis, appears to be an ordinary neck tie when worn under a suit. But little will your boss know that there's actually a bottle opener at the bottom perfect for opening happiness (read: booze) while on the clock! You know, this reminds me: one day I almost finished a whole case of beer at work. *glug glug glug* Aaaaaaaand I did it! Now, who's down for happy hour? I will drink your ass under the table! Oooh, and while you're down there -- you spy any loose Chex mix? I like the cereal bits.

Concept: Tie with built-in bottle opener [crunchgear]

Thanks to Jason, who opens beer bottles with his eye socket like a normal pirate.

Aug 20 2009 About Time!: Glow In The Dark Toilet Paper

The pinnacle of human achievement: glow in the dark toilet paper. Finally, I can sleep at night...knowing that if I have to get up to go to the bathroom, I at least won't sit in the sink again. Or will I? I probably will. It's like a bidet!

Perfect for power cuts, this groovy glowing loo roll means that if you don't want to wake anyone up in your household by turning on the light, it'll cast its green glow over your bathroom, so you can find your way around.

Neat, but each roll will set you back $8 and change. And, as cool as glowing toilet paper is, I can't imagine you'd want something radioactive so close to your privates. I mean, who wants glowing children? Besides everybody! Which is exactly why I just wrapped my penis in a roll. See -- it looks like a mummy!

Product Site

Thanks to naas, who doesn't need glowing toilet paper to find his ass.

Aug 7 2009 Yes, Please!: ChefStack Pancake Machine Cranks Out 200 Pancakes Every Hour

The ChefStack Pancake Machine is my dream come true and can produce up to 200 golden brown patties from heaven every hour IN THREE DIFFERENT SIZES. WEEEEEEOH WEEEEEOH WEEEEEOH! Sorry, that was an ambulance passing. Where were we? Oh yes, I LOVE PANCAKES. One time I even had some with blueberries in them. They were good -- BUT NOT AS GOOD AS THE ONES WITH CHOCOLATE CHIPS AND SPRINKLES! You just throw a bag of batter (pancake only, please) in the machine and you'll be neck deep in circular syrup receptacles before you can say, "Remember when Vito turned out to be gay and made out with Johnny Cakes towards the end of The Sopranos? I thought that was romantic." Aaaaaand now I want some johnnycakes.

Product Site

Thanks to twellve and Mih0, who prefer their pancakes made the old fashioned way: with real cocaine.

Aug 4 2009 Folding Bike Fits Within Circumference Of Tire

24-year old inventor Dominic Hargreaves has designed and built a bike that folds up to the size of the bike's wheels. Not as impressive as a bike that folds up into its own squeaky horn, BUT NOT EVERYONE IS THIS GENIUS.

"I couldn't find a folding bicycle I liked...I wanted something that could take a bit of punishment and that you could have fun with. So I made one myself."

Mr Hargreaves has been in contact with various manufacturers and hopes to get the bike into production soon.

Cool. I've never ridden a folding bike before because I value my safety, but I have ridden a bike with no seat before. It was good times. For both of us.

Inventor's Bike Folds Into Its Own Wheel [yahoonews]

Thanks Pete, now get your top men on a folding jetpack STAT.

Jul 24 2009 Man Climbs Building With DIY Vacuum Gloves

This is a video of inventor Jem Stansfield climbing the exterior of a BBC building to show off a pair of vacuum gloves he made out of an old vacuum. Amazingly, he gets to the top, but I question how much assistance he got from the rope holder. Also, if those gloves are that strong and made out of a crappy old vacuum, imagine Dyson-powered vacuum gloves. It would suck the paint off a building! And, God willing, I would eat those paint chips.

Man climbs building with vacuum gloves [bbcnews]

Thanks to Ross, who once made vacuum boots but didn't tie them tight enough and plummeted eight stories.

Jun 24 2009 I Invented That!: Fan Powered Rocket Board

I'm pretty sure this is every five-year old boy's first invention. Of course, few have the technical know-how to make it happen. And even fewer are allowed to play with power tools. But grownup Ray Bavetta kept the dream alive and slapped a 3.7HP model airplane engine on a skateboard and misnamed it Rocket Board. Do you know what a rocket is, Ray? There's usually fire coming out of the back. Not streamers.

Rocket Board makes skateboarding a bit more interesting [dvice]

Thanks to FDSY, who is fairly certain this is how he'll die.

May 17 2009 Inventor Denied Patent For Human 'Killer Chip'

A Saudi inventor was recently denied a German patent for what is being described as a "killer chip". What is a killer chip? Cooler Ranch Doritos, hands down.

The basic model would consist of a tiny GPS transceiver placed in a capsule and inserted under a person's skin, so that authorities could track him easily. Model B would have an extra function -- a dose of cyanide to remotely kill the wearer without muss or fuss if authorities deemed he'd become a public threat.

The inventor said the chip could be used to track terrorists, criminals, fugitives, illegal immigrants, political dissidents, domestic servants and foreigners overstaying their visas.

"The invention will probably be found to violate paragraph two of the German Patent Law -- which does not allow inventions that transgress public order or good morals

If the aliens have taught us anything, it's that the key to successful human tracking is NOT LETTING THE HUMANS KNOW. You embed a cyanide chip under my skin and guess what -- I'm cutting it out. With my teeth. Oh I'm sorry, was that too hardcore for you? Yeah, well one time I ate two of my own toes because I hadn't eaten dessert.

Saudi 'Killer Chip' Implant Would Track, Eliminate Undesirables [foxnews]

Thanks to Dustin and philip, who track people the old fashioned way: by looking for footprints and shit. Literally, looking for shit.

Feb 26 2009 Kid Designs Homeless Domes Out Of Trash

12-year old Max Wallack is a boy. A 12-year old one. Max Wallack, 12-year old boy, understands the plight of the homeless. Not really, because he's never been homeless, but he still feels for them all the same. Did I mention he's an inventor? 12-year old boy-inventor Max Wallack designed a homeless dome for the less fortunate, out of trash.

12-year-old Max Wallack stole the show at Design Squad's Trash to Treasure contest with his "Home Dome." The dome provides shelter for the homeless and is made from plastic, wire and packing peanuts.

This isn't his first big win. "When I was six," Max said, "I won an invention contest that included a trip to Chicago. While there, I saw homeless people living on streets, and beneath highways and underpasses. I felt very sorry for these people, and ever since then, felt that my goal and obligation was to find a way to help them. My invention improves the living conditions for homeless people, refugees, or disaster victims by giving them easy-to-assemble shelter."

Good looking, Max, I'm proud of you. It's a nice change to see a youngster finally using their superpowers for good. Because if I were you I'd have been x-ray visioning through all my teacher's shirts. ZOMG, check out the chest hair on that shop teacher -- it's like a forest!

Hit the jump for a video about Max and his invention.

Continue Reading " Kid Designs Homeless Domes Out Of Trash "

Sep 26 2008 Sleep Standing Up With The Vertical Bed

Artist Jamie O'Shea's Vertical Bed combines two of my favorite things: sleeping. Standing can go f*** itself, because I hate it. I like lying down.

The Vertical Bed won't save you from poking and prodding, but with sunglasses on, noise-canceling headphones, a neck-pillow for comfort, and an umbrella to keep you dry, that's a pretty good start. The Vertical Bed will keep you upright thanks to hooks attached to the shoes that will lock into subway grates, and braces and concealed harnesses that keep your legs and back supported. It all conveniently folds down into a briefcase.

You know, I tried to sleep standing up once, but when I started to doze I fell over. To my credit though, I was pretty drunk -- on life! Just kidding, it was the shine.

The Vertical Bed: Power nap in the middle of the street [dvice]

Aug 27 2008 Robotic Legs Allow Paraplegics To Walk

Amit Goffer, who was paralyed in a 1997 accident, has invented ReWalk, which gives paraplegics the chance to walk again. Unfortunately, Goffer can't use the system himself, as it requires the use of your arms, which he doesn't have full use of.

The system, which requires crutches to help with balance, consists of motorized leg supports, body sensors and a back pack containing a computerized control box and rechargeable batteries.

The user picks a setting with a remote control wrist band -- stand, sit, walk, descend or climb -- and then leans forward, activating the body sensors and setting the robotic legs in motion.

"It raises people out of their wheelchair and lets them stand up straight," Goffer said. "It's not just about health, it's also about dignity."

Damn, that's probably the awesomest thing I've heard all day. Good looking, Goffer. I just hope these things don't fall into the hands of the non-paralyzed, lest they build a superhuman army.

Again, awesome. Hit the jump for three more pictures, the second of which is Goffer himself.

Continue Reading " Robotic Legs Allow Paraplegics To Walk "

Jul 1 2008 Roll-A-Bout: Because WheelChairs Suck (Hoverounds And Rascals Are Still Legit)

Forget to pay your bookie? Girlfriend beat you in the leg for commenting on the delicious roundness of another woman's posterior? Or did you just slam your leg into the coffee table on the way to the bathroom one night? Whatever the case, the Roll-A-Bout is for you! The $600 - $740 device is made for people with lower leg injuries (one leg at a time, please) that think wheelchairs are for old people and want something a little bit more office chair race-y. The basket comes standard on the model, but the cup holder will set you back an additional $15. Of course, if you want to save some money you could just mod an office chair like a normal person. Just add a little scooter engine, cooler, some turn signals, a microwave, card table, bedpan, a few magazines, pillows, custom mini-rims, naked lady mudflaps, and presto: you still get pulled over doing 8 in a 35.

The Roll-A-Bout - A Questionable Alternative To Crutches Or A Wheelchair [ohgizmo]

Jun 25 2008 Sky Ceilings: Like Sky Lights, But Depressing

Sky Ceilings are probably an old as hell idea. So old. Your mommy probably read you a news story about them when you were a child. Yet, here they are -- weird. Sky Ceilings were designed to mimic daylight and change with the time of day from sun up to sun down. They're for people like me that work in Cubeville and don't see the light of day unless they sneak up to the roof and contemplate jumping. Which I do frequently. The sidewalk just looks so appetizing from up here. Oh -- here comes The Superficial Writer, late as always and trying to sneak in the side door. *hooccckkkkkkkk*

Sky Ceilings make you feel like you're outside even when you're not [dvice]

May 21 2008 Why Didn't I Think Of That?: Resealable Can

Sometimes an invention comes along that is so simple, awesome, and bound to change the world of canned drinking so drastically that you just have to stop and ponder, "Why didn't I think of that?" Well this isn't one of those, but it is can related. Introducing the Resealable Can by Ukranian inventor Johan De Broyer!

You pop the top as usual with this design, and then when you want to re-seal it, you turn the pop top tab and it completely closes up the can again, good as new. The inventor says his invention can create a completely gas-tight and liquid-tight seal. An added incentive toward this idea's adoption is a space on the resealed top for advertising.

Now I know what you're thinking, "I'm a big boy, I can drink a whole can of beer/soda, so why would I ever need to reseal one?" Two words: Because you just peed in it.

Resealable soda can offers room for advertising [dvice]

May 12 2008 Treadmill Bike Makes My Head Explode

Similar to last week's Naturmobil, the Treadmill Bike is half treadmill, half bicycle, and half ridamndiculous. The logic behind it made my head explode. Now my brain is exposed and one of the cats is licking it. Apparently the bike has been out for awhile, but since I have a penchant for the old, and I don't think it has been posted here before, KA-BOOM!, here it blows. Not much to say except I can't believe that guy is actually wearing a helmet -- the damn thing has a top speed of like 2.5 MPH (and that's if you're running like you want to have a heart attack). Horribly energy inefficient, the bike is also inefficiently priced at about $2,500. But can you really put a price on being the stupidest looking cyclist on the streets? Yes, $2,500.

A video of the bike inaction(!) after the jump.

Continue Reading " Treadmill Bike Makes My Head Explode "

Mar 10 2008 KissPhone Replicates Your Kiss For The Person You're Talking To, Looks Horrible

George Koussouros is a freelance inventor, and he developed the KissPhone.

The KissPhone detects percussion speed, pressure, temperature, and sucking force of the lips, when you kiss it. An artificial mouth on the KissPhone receptor can reproduces same parameters. So the customer is able to...
...send or receive kiss from distance,
...leave or receive a kiss in answering machine,
...repeat the kiss saved on the phone or
...relay it to other people,
...download or upload kiss in the web
...receive kiss from a kiss bank as the one from Madonna or from an imaginary Hero!

Company captures market because of distinctive concept and keeps market because of associated services and accessories.

Now I know what you're thinking, "Damn, how have I been living without a KissPhone for so long?" And the answer, my friends, is not easily. Unfortunately they only work if the people on both ends each have one. So I'm going to have to buy two. I really think these may take my long-distance relationship to the next level. That next level being my girlfriend cheating on me.

Kiss Phone detects intensity of virtual kisses [slipperybrick]

A big thanks to Cygnus, who doesn't need kissy phones to keep the ladies happy, for the tip

Feb 22 2008 Self-Healing Rubber Sticks Back Together

Ludwik Leibler is a chemistry professor in Paris that has created an artificial rubber substance that can stick back together with the same strength it had prior to being cut. The unnamed material is made in an earth-friendly manner from vegetable oil and urea (the stuff in urine that makes it delicious).

Break a rubber and the chemical welds - known as covalent bonds - are also broken. The trick was to replace the covalent bonds in rubber with weaker connections known as hydrogen bonds. These are like hands on neighboring molecules that can clasp together, but let go when broken. Dr Leibler quickly realized that this meant not only that the new rubber could be recycled and remolded many times over, but that if separated by a cut or break, the chemical hands at the fresh surfaces would still be waving about ready to bind again.

Now let me tell you, covalent bonds aren't the only things severed when rubbers break. No sir. Your whole life can get split apart. You know what I'm talking about don't you? I'm talking about accidentally having kids. And don't believe that baloney "the stork brings them to your house" nonsense either, it isn't true. That's just a lie your parents told you so they wouldn't have to say the word vagina.

Self-healing rubber bounces back [bbcnews]

Thanks to Frankie, who is both wild and crazy, for the tip