Oct 13 2009 Waste Of Good Pews: Kellogg's To Begin Lasering "Kellogg's" Onto Corn Flakes
Kellogg's plans to begin laser-burning the signature Kellogg's emblem onto random corn flakes so you know you're getting the real deal. Pfft, what a waste of a perfectly good laser.
Kellogg's embarked on the project to reinforce that they don't make cereals for any other companies and to fire a shot across the bows of makers of 'fake flakes'.
Helen Lyons, lead food technologist at the company, said: 'In recent years there has been an increase in the number of own brands trying to capitalise on the popularity of Kellogg's corn flakes.'We want shoppers to be under absolutely no illusion that Kellogg's does not make cereal for anyone else.
First of all, I'd like to point out that, unlike Helen Lyons, I would make a great food technologist. I don't even know what that is, but if it involves cereal and lasers I AM THE MAN FOR THE JOB. As a matter of fact, I just invented a new cereal just thinking about it. They're called Laser Flakes, and they're jam-packed with real bits of blinding laserbeams. Marshmallows? Hell no -- try cut up circuit boards. NOW WHO'S THE FOOD TECHNOLOGIST?!
Kellogg's will use laser to burn logo on to individual corn flakes to stamp out fakes [dailymail]
Thanks to SONJEETA, who doesn't eat cold cereal because her refrigerator broke and the milk spoiled. I like milk chunks!
Aug 27 2009 Why Didn't I Think Of That?: Banana Phone
The Banana Cellfoam is a $10 piece of foam rubber that molds around your mobile phone, making it appear as though you're taking calls with a banana. Which I think we can all agree is pretty genius. Plus, you can turn your phone on vibrate and tell a friend to call for an instant sex toy! Kidding, that's icky. Holsters for the banana phone are also available, or you can just keep it in your pocket and save $8 while gaining some much needed respect from the ladies. You know, because they won't think it's a banana -- they'll think it's a gun! And firearms, dear reader, should be respected at all times.
Thanks to Matt, who once tried to impress the ladies with a whole pocketful of bananas but ended up getting beat within an inch of his life by a monkey that escaped the circus riding a tiger.
Jul 13 2009 Why Didn't I Think Of That?: Split-Ring-Key
Sometimes it's the simplest things that are best. Like a bacon sandwich on a crisp morning or tricking a dinosaur into thinking another meteor is coming so you can bed it that night. And then there's this keyring. Which is both key AND keyring. What will they think of next?!?
Carry your keys on your other key. Real working key blank. Key blank can be cut by any key cutter to fit KW1 or SC1 keyways.
You can get a 2-pack for $7, which, according to my calculations, makes a 4-pack about $18. What? I NEVER LEARNED THE MATHS, OKAY? But you know what -- YOU DON'T NEED ALGEOMETRY TO KNOW HOW TO BLOG! Or any skills really. Just a drinking problem.
Split Ring Key [amronexperimental]
Thanks to Scott, who actually invented the thing. Nice, now how about a door that is both door AND knob. Oh I'm sorry, did I just blow everybody's minds?
Jun 29 2009 Michael Jackson: Singer, Dancer, Inventor
Sure the dude danced, but did you know he invented? It's true, Michael developed a shoe that made the impossible forward-lean in his 'Smooth Criminal' dance routine possible.
He did it with special shoes that quickly slid into pegs that rise out of the floor at just the right moment. Also helping the effect were rigid anklets that worked like ski boots, supporting Jackson and his entourage of dancers as they leaned forward at that magic angle.
Cool, but you know what I want? Moonwalk shoes. One time I went to a club with a friend of mine who can moonwalk. He only did it for like five seconds. Thirty women got pregnant.
Hit the jump for a video of Michael performing the stunt, action is at 3:50.
Continue Reading " Michael Jackson: Singer, Dancer, Inventor "
Apr 9 2008 Sure, Why Not: Face-To-Face Tandem Bike
The Face-to-Face tandem bike is the brainchild of Taiwanese inventor Chen Yugang. It took him about a year to work out the logistics and build the thing.
His new bicycle can be ridden face-to-face, conventionally or even back-to-back as the seats rotate and the gears can be set to move the bike in either direction. "The bicycle is very easy to change. Any person can change the riding mode in around 10 seconds without the help of tools," says Chen. "Face-to-face is suitable for a parent and child, or dating couples, while the back-to-back mode gives both riders a good view, and the one at the back can have both hands free to shoot pictures or eat snacks."
I was skeptical about whether or not your knees would bang the other person's when you were riding, so Chen was kind enough to let my girlfriend and I take it for a test spin. It really is great for dating couples -- so romantic. There we were, riding along, eyes locked (practically having eye-sex), when, BAM! I slammed her into the back of a bus. Get well soon, honey.
P.S. But not too soon, I'm trying to put the moves on your roommate.
Video of a similar bike, with front rider riding forward, and back rider backwards, after the jump.
Continue Reading " Sure, Why Not: Face-To-Face Tandem Bike "
Apr 3 2008 Selfy The EasyBed Makes Itself, Is Dangerous
Selfy the Easybed shares its name with a hooker I used to frequent when I was with my first wife. But this one isn't a bucktoothed whore, it's a bed that makes itself. Displayed at the ongoing International Exhibition of Inventions in Geneva, it's the brainchild of Enrico (Suave) Berruti.
The bed sheets are connected to a couple of fasteners which roll along a set of metal rails attached to each side of the bed. Once the sheets are completely spread out, the metal rails automatically lower, creating a neat finish.
Since there's no video and I'm horrible at visualizing things I have no idea what that means or how the hell it works. However, I do have the distinct feeling that it has the ability to crush a still-sleeping lover. After all, what better way to get a one-night stand up and on her way, than, you know, having to call an ambulance.
Selfy The Self-Making Bed [ohgizmo]
Aug 16 2007 Airplane Security Collar
Above is the schematic for an invention by Italian Paolo Valletta that is um, well, it's like a shock collar for dogs, except it injects your neck with a tranquilizer if you start acting up on a plane. Using this device, the flight attendants would be able to knock out any passenger on the plane, or all if necessary. Which, at least for me, is entirely unnecessary. After my typical pre-flight liter of bourbon and handful of sleeping pills I'm usually peaceful. This thing would probably kill me.
Airplane Security Collar [livescience]
Aug 8 2007 Hiccup Curing Device
So someone has developed a hiccup cure that looks a lot like a milkshake. Call me old fashioned, but the "OH MY GOD THERE'S A SHARK IN THE BOAT!" scare tactic has never done me wrong. And if that doesn't work I'll typically let weight lifters punch me in the stomach until I laugh so hard they go away. You know, now that I think about it- I invented something similar to this last year that looked a lot like a blender (well, it was a blender). And let me tell you- not only did it cure your hiccups, it cured your whole face.
Hiccup Curing Device [Patently Silly]
Feb 28 2007 Remote Wrangler puts remotes on your head
Always losing your remotes? Well it'd be pretty hard to if they were all strapped to your face. That's the "idea" behind the Multimedia Remote Control Wrangler (aka Remote Wrangler). And I use the quotes, because I don't think any actual thought went into this. On the plus side, you could always put it on and fight crime as Remote Head Man. I mean c'mon, there has to be better places to store remotes than on your head. Like, say, a table perhaps. A drawer? The face should be your absolute last option, right after the inside of a blender or the toilet.
