Nov 19 2009 The Monsters That Didn't Make The Cut: New Star Trek's Deleted Gorn And Salt Vampire

Wonder what the Gorn and Salt Vampire that were supposed to appear in the new Star Trek's deleted Rura Penthe Klingon prison scenes looked like? This. Good lookin', but I'll take a steroid abuser in a dinosaur mask any day. I'm serious, just show up.

J.J. Abrams' Version Of Star Trek's Salt Vampire And Gorn Revealed [io9]

Thanks to Jase, who may or may not have just ordered some Mexican roids and a t-rex mask off eBay. I'll be waiting.

Nov 19 2009 Laser Crosswalks: Because Pews = Safety

Laser Crosswalks are the crosswalks of the future. You can tell because it has 'laser' in the name. Pretty much anything with 'laser' in it is gonna be a huge hit in the future (including cereal). Don't believe me? Just stare at this laser eye-toy for a minute. Aaaaand now you're blind.

The Virtual Wall is designed as a replacement for traffic lights and if made would use "plasma laser beams" to project silhouettes of moving people into the path of oncoming traffic.

Supposedly this would calm traffic and make drivers more careful around the soft humans as they cross the street. I'd say it would be more likely that the appearance of giant red figures before the windshield would cause panic, crashing and general mayhem.

Hell yes, giant red laser-people. *pew pew* means walk! Plus, if you try driving through it the lasers should cut you up into little pieces. Don't act like we don't have that technology! We have that technology.

Laser Wall Replaces Traffic Light [wired]

Thanks to Fnahra tha evur livin, who loves lasers almost as much as I do but not quite because I have laser-vision. Yeah, so there, Fnahra.

Nov 16 2009 For A Proper Burial: Mouse Trap Coffins

Because even problematic varmints deserve a proper burial to ensure their Micky Mouse souls can get into heaven, design studen Sarah Déry created these mouse trap coffins.

This package was developed to solve the problem of neatly disposing of caught vermin by building the trap itself into a mini, rodent-sized coffin. With a simple slogan atop the box (Oh My God! Mouse Trap) the container can be opened using the lid... or not, for the more squeamish pest catchers among us.

Neat idea, but I used to bullseye womprats in my T16 back home, they're not much bigger than 2 meters. And then we'd barbeque them (not unlike Uncle Owen!). Ever had barbequed womprat? Similar taste to Rodents of Unusual Size. ZOMG -- Star Wars and Princess Bride references in the same post, I DESERVE AN AWARD!

Hit the jump for two more shots of the last thing your rat problem will ever see.

Continue Reading " For A Proper Burial: Mouse Trap Coffins "

Nov 15 2009 Trash Light Turns Garbage Into Illumination

The Gaon Street Lamp was designed by Haneum Lee to turn trash into treasure. If light is treasure, which it's not. So I have no idea why I said that. Besides I'm awesome and I meant it.

the Gaon street light/wastebasket concept composts biodegradable waste and uses the methane by-product to power its light, saving energy and eliminating waste while lighting the streets.

but I'm not too sure if the Gaon can be turned into a real product. For starters, how much trash is needed to produce a decent amount of methane, and how long will it take before the trash produces the gas? And remember, only biodegradable waste will produce the methane, but in urban areas a large part of the waste comes in the form of plastic, glass and other non-biodegradable materials.

Interesting, I really like these conceptual green products. Unfortunately, I see gangs stuffing these things full of plastic water bottles so they can mug you under the cover of darkness. Me? I only mug under the cover of a dinosaur comforter. RAWR!

gaon street light/wastebasket turns trash into flash [technabob]

Nov 14 2009 The Million Dollar Man With The Bionic Ass

Ged Gavin, 55, has a bionic ass and doesn't care who knows. Which is good because I definitely just texted everyone in my phone. And by texted I mean sexted. All the kids are doing it. What? Yes I'd jump off a bridge!

Mr Galvin suffered massive internal injuries and had to be fitted with a colostomy bag until surgeons at the Royal London Hospital could perform the complex operation to rebuild his bottom.

The medical team took a muscle from above his knee, wrapped it around his sphincter, and then attached electrodes to the nerves.

These are now operated by a palm-sized remote control that he carries in his pocket.

"They call me the man with the bionic bottom, but that doesn't bother me. My gratitude to the surgeons is endless because what they have done is a miracle."

Colostomy bag or a bionic ass, that's a tough call. I'd probably opt for a bullet in my head. Kidding, suicide is never the answer. Unless you're my ex-wife, in which case it totally is.

Man uses remote to control his 'bionic bottom' [telegraph]

Thanks to Ross, who uses a remote control to chew but is starving because he lost the thing in a couch.

Nov 13 2009 NASA: 'Significant' Water Found On The Moon. Yeah, But What About Dragons?!

Remember how NASA tried to blow up the moon to get at its molten cheese core? Well apparently they discovered a 'significant' amount of water in the process. Adult swim!

The discovery was announced by project scientist Anthony Colaprete at a midday news conference. "Indeed, yes, we found water," he said.

The find is based on preliminary data collected when the Lunar Crater Observation and Sensing Satellite, or LCROSS, intentionally crashed October 9 into the permanently shadowed region of Cabeus crater near the moon's south pole.

After the satellite struck, a rocket flew through the debris cloud, measuring the amount of water and providing a host of other data, Colaprete said.

"The discovery opens a new chapter in our understanding of the moon," the space agency said in a written statement shortly after the briefing began.

Hell yes a new chapter in understanding the moon!

CHAPTER 6: Water On The Moon

There is water on the moon. Specifically, frozen water.

THE END

NASA finds 'significant' water on moon [cnn]
and
Picture [juliefainart]

Thanks to AZ-TRO-NOT, joey, STephen and Lizze, who found Kool-Aid on the moon but you probably never heard about it because of the massive conspiracy.

Nov 13 2009 I'll Be The Prettiest Girl At The Ball And Everyone Will Notice Me!: LED Dress

Just to let this chick know that her LED wedding dress doesn't hold a lumen to a REAL LED dress, somebody went and created the GalaxyDress, which is being touted as the world's biggest LED-covered dress. Yay? Hip hop hooray? Ho -- hey -- ho. I'M NAUGHTY BY NATURE!

The GalaxyDress was constructed using 24,000 LED lights and, to add an extra bit of glitter, another 4,000 Swarovski crystals were included in the silk garment's design.

The dress is currently on display at the Chicago Museum of Science and Industry as part of the FastForward: Inventing the Future exhibit.

Funny story about inventing the future: God did it. There used to only be past and present when he thought to himself, "God, you know what would be super sweet? Flying cars". POOF!: the future. This is the word of the Geekologie Writer. Boomshackalacka.

GalaxyDress: The biggest LED dress in the world debuts [dvice]

Nov 12 2009 I'd Eat Them Both!: Pac-Man Can Art

Ever wonder what Pac-Man eating a ghost would look like constructed out of a shitload of tuna cans? Well now you do. The internet: it's magic, folks. These shots were taken at Canstruction, an annual food-and-drink can stacking event that I can't even believe exists. If there's a damn Canstruction you can bet your bottom diaper there should be a Geekologie-con. Somebody get on that. Somebody, anybody. Not me. And bring snacks booze. Wait, snacks too. Oh, AND YOU BETTER HAVE GOOD ORGANIZATIONAL SKILLS. Kidding, anybody will do.

Hit the jump for two more.

Continue Reading " I'd Eat Them Both!: Pac-Man Can Art "

Nov 12 2009 Early Computing: Children's New Alphabet

Is this how today's children learn the alphabet? No. Is this how tomorrow's children will learn the alphabet? Probably not. Is spanking the best way to teach your children things? My parents thought so, and look how smart I am. Well, you can't physically SEE how smart I am. What you're looking at is called handsome.

How Today's Kids Learn The Alphabet [verybored]

Thanks to Nick, who learned the alphabet the old fashioned way: he didn't. His tip was nothing but wingdings and a link!

Nov 12 2009 You Fools!: Government Convinced Martians Were Going To Make Contact In 1924

In 1924, during Mars's opposition (when Earth, on its inner orbit, passes between the Sun and Mars) the US Navy sent a telegram alerting all its stations to be on the lookout for possible alien contact from the red planet. WOW!

Turns out that during the 1924 Mars opposition--when Mars would be closer to Earth than it had been since 1804--the secretary of the Navy sent a telegram to all naval stations asking them to "COOPERATE ASTRONOMERS WHO BELIEVE POSSIBLE THAT MARS MAY ATTEMPT COMMUNICATION BY RADIO WAVES WITH THIS PLANET WHILE THEY ARE NEAR TOGETHER."

BWAHAHAHAHA -- Martians! Like, aliens from Mars! BWAHAHAHAHAHA! I've got news for you: there aren't any aliens on Mars. Pluto, yes, but they're so pissed off we reclassified their home as a dwarf planet they don't have anything to say to us.

UPDATE: I lied, turns out they do have something to say: "F*** you -- have fun with the global warming".

Navy was ordered to listen for Martians in 1924 [scifiwire]

Thanks to junkyard dog, who eats scrap metal and tires and shit because that's what junkyard dogs do.

Nov 12 2009 I Wasn't Looking For That: Mystery Google Gives You Previous Person's Search Query

Type a search query into Mystery Google and you get the results of the last person's search. For example, I searched for a serious medical condition I have, and got the results for "u'v got a face only ur momma could love". Neat? Yes. Helpful? Absolutely not. But don't let that stop you from blowing a few minutes screwing around with it. Remember: every minute wasted is a minute spent kicking the man in the junk. Go on -- kick him. Now do it again. HARDER! Okay now do me.

Mystery Google

Thanks to Emortal, Blastphemer and Shadow Sushi, who don't search the interweb, the interweb searches them. So are we we talking like full body or what?

Nov 6 2009 Gross: Spit Ball Toys Grow 200x Original Size

Spit Balls are a $ 5 toy from Edmund Scientific that grow to 200x their original size and sound like something that I don't want to touch. Still, for the sake of science, I'd put them in my mouth.

The wonder of polymers makes these slimy spit balls possible. Easy to make and fun to use, spit balls grow to 200x their original size and are slimy to the touch. Slip, slide, and bounce the balls until they explode on target.

"Growing to 200x it's original size"...."slimy to the touch"...."bouncing the balls until they explode on target"....remind you of something else? Yeah, me neither.

Product Site
via
Finally Some Real Innovation! Polymer Spit Balls Grow To 200x Their Original Size [ohgizmo]

Nov 3 2009 Giant Crack In Africa Could Be Future Ocean

Because I love news heralding the end of the world as much as you do, I just read a large crack has recently formed in Ethiopia and may house a future ocean after the apocalypse of 2012.

A 35-mile rift in the desert of Ethiopia will likely become a new ocean eventually, researchers now confirm.

The crack, 20 feet wide in spots, opened in 2005 and some geologists believed then that it would spawn a new ocean. But that view was controversial, and the rift had not been well studied.

A new study involving an international team of scientists and reported in the journal Geophysical Research Letters finds the processes creating the rift are nearly identical to what goes on at the bottom of oceans, further indication a sea is in the region's future.

Note: That's not an actual photo of the crack there, that's just a picture I ripped off the internet. However, I will use this time to propose that the Grand Canyon will also house a future ocean. I called it first! Unless it doesn't happen, in which case it was your idea. Idiot.

Giant Crack in Africa Will Create a New Ocean [yahoonews]

Thanks to Josh, who's smart enough to know the oceans were created when God cried after realizing just how beautiful he'd made me.

Nov 1 2009 Please Stop Breaking Into My Car: "Try Again And I'll Go Gordon Freeman On Your Ass"

Some poor bastard, fed up with his car being broken into, decided to leave this passive aggressive note for the thieves. And not only does he reference Half-Life, THE DUDE KEEPS AN OCARINA IN HIS CAR. ZOMG, do you think he's Link?! Yeah, me neither.

Also, to guy's credit, I added the asterisk to his signature. DUDE MEANS BUSINESS.

Picture

Thanks to gabby, who would have booby trapped the car with Goron bombs.

Oct 30 2009 It's About Time: Glow In The Dark Lingerie

Listen ladies -- if you have to wear glow in the dark lingerie in order for your lover to find all your parts, I've got news for you: you may be dating a middle-schooler. NOT COOL.

LuminoGlow is an Australian company that makes unmentionables that look normal with the lights on, but glow in the dark when they're turned off. Pretty neat, but don't glow in the dark items need to be left in the light for a while before they glow? Are you supposed to wear these around the house all day first just to charge them up before gametime at night? And will they glow through your clothes if you wear a thin shirt or dress?

Unmentionables, I love that term. Because they're actually totaaaaally mentionable. PANTIES PANTIES BRA THONG BOOBIE BELT. See? No big deal. Also, call me old fashioned but I prefer non-glowing genitals. Just sayin'.

Because I love you, hit the jump for four more full-body shots of the undies in action.

Continue Reading " It's About Time: Glow In The Dark Lingerie "

Oct 29 2009 Wal-Mart: For All Your Funeral Needs

I don't know how long they've been doing this, but Wal-Mart now sells both coffins and urns for all your funeral needs. Currently the website stocks 14 different coffins and 104 different urns. Coffins will set you back between $895 to $2899 and urns from $32 to $243. Now I have no idea how much these things normally cost, but I've got to imagine these are the the most moderately priced receptacles. That said, I'm still stuffing all my relatives in Folgers cans.

Wal-Mart Coffins

Thanks to Chuey The Midget, Blastphemer, Kelly, Josh, Lewis, floor Cheetos and Trick or Trey, who all want to buried at sea in nuclear submarines. Sounds expensive.

Oct 28 2009 Save The Nails For Me, Clark: Meat Hands

Meat hands are exactly what they sound like unless you thought they were gloves printed to look like your hands without skin, in which case, God you're sick. No, basically they're meatloaf molded in the shape of hands with onion slices for fingernails and arm bone and some melted cheese on a bed of mashed potatoes. Would you eat them? Because I wouldn't. I don't care how much hair you sprinkle on top! Okay, yes I do. No pubes though! Fine, MINIMUM PUBES.

Hit the jump for several closeups of the arguable deliciousness and a link to step-by-step instructions.

Continue Reading " Save The Nails For Me, Clark: Meat Hands "

Oct 28 2009 Smile Or Suffer The Wrath Of Happiness Hat!

The Happiness Hat is a little beanie that senses if you're smiling and stabs you in the back of the head with a spike if you're not. It was designed by Lauren McCarthy to train your brain to smile, but it would probably just train my brain to leak out the hole it's made. You can't teach an old blogger to smile! Or wear pants to the office. Get an eyeful, Superficial Writer, you know you want to!

Lauren McCarthy's Website

Thanks to Lauren, the mad hatter herself, for Pavlovian dogging the shit out of modern facial conditioning.

Oct 28 2009 Don't Swat Me, Bro!: Ad-Carrying Flies

This is a video of some tradeshow in Germany where a company released flies with advertisements attached to them like those little planes at the beach. It's pretty awesome and really got me thinking about hiring mosquitoes to start promoting Geekologie. And by promoting Geekologie i mean flying a video camera into your sister's bedroom. I am a modern Don Draper!

Youtube

Thanks to Harald, who still advertises in the newspaper. THE NEWSPAPER! What is this, the 40's? Geekologie is where it's at, son!

Oct 26 2009 The Lullabelly: Music To Your (Baby's) Ears

The Lullabelly is a prenatal (I love those vitamins!) musical belt that pregnant women can strap on and connect to an MP3 player so they can play tunes to their babies while the little tykes are in utero. It's supposed to make them smarter or something but it will probably just make them want a drum set when they're young and fill your house with cacophony and make daddy drink more (I say go for it).

There's a volume control dial so things don't get too loud as well as a pocket for holding your player, and the whole thing is machine washable, after you take out the easy-to-remove speaker of course. It's available in 3 different fabric patterns (pink, green or blue polka dots) directly from the Lullabelly website for $55.

Pregnant women are beautiful, aren't they? God, sometimes I wish I could experience childbirth. But not as a father -- as a mother. BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAH! Did I get anybody? You all know me too well.

Lullabelly Prenatal Music Belt [ohgizmo]