Apr 27 2009 Stone Lifting Robot Attacks Factory Worker
A stone lifting robot attacked a factory worker in Sweden, nearly killing him. Are you surprised? You shouldn't be. At least not if you've been reading Geekologie (The Blog of Truth) long enough. Per Google translation:
When the man went into the building he thought that he broke the power of the machine but he had not. Instead, the robot in time and brought formidable force while in the man's head. He managed to defend itself, but received serious injuries on the body.
The man had big turn. He had four broken ribs and was close to delete with, "says Leif Johansson.
Close to delete. That's Google translation talk for mostly dead. Which is Princess Bride talk for about to kick the bucket. Which is an old idiom that means doing it. YOW YOW! Now, who wants to build a sand castle?
Robot assaulted employee [sydsvenskan]
Thanks to Spikey DaPikey, Ulf, Henrik, Jesper, Kelli, Vince, Christopher, Pike, Edward, Karbalo, MoMan, Adrian, Damien and Matt, who were smart enough to write 'no working with robots' clauses into their contracts.
Apr 20 2009 Matthew Perry Seeks Medical Attention After Injuring Hands Playing Video Games
Matthew Perry, with nothing to do since Friends went off the air like twenty years ago, has taken to playing video games. Like an addict. Seen here about to take his first hit with Snoop Dogg, Matthew has a serious gaming problem. So serious he had to seek medical attention after damaging his hands.
The actor admits he spends days on end glued to the screen playing war games on his XBox, ruining the muscles and tendons in his hand.
Perry says, "I play a lot of video games a lot of XBox 360. I played Fall Out 3 so often I had to go to a hand doctor. I used my hand too much and had to get injections in it."
Nice try, Mr. Perry, but I suspect the real culprit here is a little thing I like to call chronic masturbation. Been watching a few too many Friends reruns, have we?
Perry's videogame-mangled hand [yahoonews]
Thanks to Edd, who particularly likes the episodes where you can see Rachel's nipples through her shirt (read: all of them).
Mar 19 2009 Aww: Injured Bat Blasts Off For Outerspace
A Free-Tailed Chiroptera bat, believed to have recently injured its wing and shoulder, clung to the foam exterior of the Space Shuttle's fuel tank just before launch on the morning of Sunday, March 15th. And moments later, as the shuttle took off, he became....Space Bat.
*music fades in* I believe I can fly, I believe I can touch the....oh shit -- broken wing, I'm screwed. Quick, I'll just hold on to this thing. Whoa, what was that noise? Oh God, oh God -- WHEEEEEEEEEE!!
Per NASA:
The animal likely perished quickly during Discovery's climb into orbit.
*music abruptly stops* Wow NASA, way to inspire. You know what -- I don't even want to be an astronaut anymore, I want to be a policeman.
This post dedicated to the memory of Space Bat, who reminds us all: Aim for the moon....even if you miss, you'll burn up in the atmosphere.
Tribute video to Space Bat after the jump.
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Feb 11 2009 Pfft, Stitches, How About A Little PEW PEW?
In an attempt to prove that not all PEWs are bad PEWs, doctors at Tel Aviv University have developed a laser that is capable of sealing wounds safer and more efficiently than traditional stitches.
The laser allows a wound to be welded shut as opposed to sutured, which makes it far more watertight and there's less tearing. It's done by very carefully controlling the temperature of the beam, and Israeli patients treated with the laser have already enjoyed faster healing times and less scarring.
Cool, but can it still blind you if you stare at it too long? And, if not, can you make me one that can? The bully that lives across the street threw a rock at me when we got off the bus yesterday, and I want to burn his eyes out. Also, his older sister is hot. I want to see her naked. PEW PEW?
Hit the jump for a video of the PEW in action.
Continue Reading " Pfft, Stitches, How About A Little PEW PEW? "
Sep 25 2008 Wearable Airbags For The Clumsy, Elderly
Japanese manufacturer Prop is now selling wearable airbags for old folks and people who just can't stand for long.
Its newly announced personal, wearable airbag looks like a cool fanny-pack and weighs a mere 1.1 kilograms (2.4 pounds) -- but springs forth in one-tenth of a second when sensors detect you're headed for the floor, protecting your head and ass with two inflated bags that contain 3.9 gallons of gas each.
Unfortunately, safety comes at a price. And that price is $1,400. Are grandma's delicate bones worth the cost? Hint: Duct tape and pillows.
Wearable airbags keep the elderly from hitting the ground so hard [engadget]
Thanks to Julian and Ross, who both threw themselves down the stairs wearing bubblewrap jackets and lived to tell about it.
Sep 16 2008 Hands-Free Cellphoning Without Bluetooth
This hands-free cellphone holder was designed by Francesca Lanzavecchia and doubles as an excuse to park in handicapped spots. It comes complete with a stretchable rubber skin that fits over it so you can store your phone and cigarettes in there when not in use. Seems pretty freaking impractical. Still, it reminds me of the first time I faked an injury to get some sympathy. You ever tried to cast your own penis before? It isn't easy. I ended up just tying an athletic sock around it and calling it a sling. And you know what? Not a single 'Get Well' card.
Hit the jump for the original model.
Continue Reading " Hands-Free Cellphoning Without Bluetooth "
Aug 26 2008 Move Over, Goblin Shark: Robots Are Scarier
I told you. I told you robots would kill us all. This is a clip from a new BBC show, The Wrong Door, which is about robots and how much they want to hurt us. And speaking of the wrong door, I accidentally opened my roommate's after grabbing a snack in the middle of the night. Hello anime comic, hello penis in hand! Hello awkward silence, lifelong scarring, new roommate wanted ad.
The Wrong Door: If Terry Gilliam Directed Transformers as a TV Variety Show [gizmodo]
Aug 21 2008 Why You Don't Kite Surf In Tropical Storms
Why shouldn't you kite-surf in tropical storms? Because they'll f*** you up. Not only will they slam you into the beach, they'll fling you across the street and into a concrete wall for good measure. Now I hate to say this is Darwinism at work, but I will mention the Saber-Toothed Tiger was notorious for freaking around in tropical storms. Coincidence?
Thanks to Julian, who could actually throw you that far.
Jul 1 2008 Roll-A-Bout: Because WheelChairs Suck (Hoverounds And Rascals Are Still Legit)
Forget to pay your bookie? Girlfriend beat you in the leg for commenting on the delicious roundness of another woman's posterior? Or did you just slam your leg into the coffee table on the way to the bathroom one night? Whatever the case, the Roll-A-Bout is for you! The $600 - $740 device is made for people with lower leg injuries (one leg at a time, please) that think wheelchairs are for old people and want something a little bit more office chair race-y. The basket comes standard on the model, but the cup holder will set you back an additional $15. Of course, if you want to save some money you could just mod an office chair like a normal person. Just add a little scooter engine, cooler, some turn signals, a microwave, card table, bedpan, a few magazines, pillows, custom mini-rims, naked lady mudflaps, and presto: you still get pulled over doing 8 in a 35.
The Roll-A-Bout - A Questionable Alternative To Crutches Or A Wheelchair [ohgizmo]
Mar 7 2008 London Pads Lamp Posts To Help Prevent 'Texting While Walking' Related Injuries
I'm not a big fan of text-messaging while walking, but that's because I have the coordination of a newborn. Apparently a lot of people do it. And apparently a lot of people get hurt doing it (allegedly 1 in 10 London texters) . So now the city is starting to pad its lamp posts to prevent people from running into them while they're busy texting. I personally think this is a horrible idea. It makes the lampposts look stupid and prevents injuries to people who probably deserve it (and should learn a valuable lesson). You have to look where you're walking! Next they're going to start padding cars for people who walk and text-message. I say screw the padding, add sharp spikes to the poles. If you can't manage to look where you're walking then you deserve to lose all that blood.
A painful video after the jump if you forgot what it looks like when someone runs into a pole.
Continue Reading " London Pads Lamp Posts To Help Prevent 'Texting While Walking' Related Injuries "
