Sep 22 2009 Mad Scientist: We'll All Be Immortal Cyborgs In 20 Years. GW: In 19 Years I'm Offing Myself

Some crazy-ass jive talking nutjob (61-year old scientist, Ray Kurzweil) is convinced we'll have the technological capabilities and biological know-how to all be loveless immortal cyborgs within 20 years time. Uh-oh.

He says theoretically, at the rate our understanding is increasing, nanotechnologies capable of replacing many of our vital organs could be available in 20 years time.

Mr Kurzweil calls his theory the Law of Accelerating Returns. Writing in The Sun, Mr Kurzweil said: "I and many other scientists now believe that in around 20 years we will have the means to reprogramme our bodies' stone-age software so we can halt, then reverse, ageing. Then nanotechnology will let us live for ever.

"If we want to go into virtual-reality mode, nanobots will shut down brain signals and take us wherever we want to go. Virtual sex will become commonplace. And in our daily lives, hologram like figures will pop in our brain to explain what is happening.

First of all, The Sun is not an accredited scientific journal. And secondly, I prefer real sex to virtual reality any day. Trust me, it's not all that (I once tried making out with the television but she only shocked my tongue).

Immortality only 20 years away says scientist [telegraph]

Thanks to greenman and mystrb, who are already gonna live forever through their written words (in bathroom stalls).

Jan 5 2009 Little Jellyfish Cheats Death, Death Is Pissed

So apparently there's this little jellyfish creature (Turritopsis nutricula, a form of hydrozoa) that doesn't ever die. Biology is beyond me, so I'll let somebody else do the talking while I make a sandwich have a sandwich made for me.

What these little folks do is they revert completely to a sexually immature, colonial stage after they reach sexual maturity. They're even cooler than that. When they're young they've got only several tentacles, but at a mature stage, they get to 80-90 of them.

They're able to return to polyp stage due to a cell change in the external screen (Exumbrella), which allows them to bypass death. As far as scientists have been able to find out, this change renders the hydrozoa virtually immortal.

Did that make any sense? I didnt' bother reading it, but I think it had something to do with being able to regenerate your arm like a starfish. *sawing through bone*

UPDATE: Um, so does anybody have the number for Luke Skywalker's doctor?

Meet the world's only immortal animal [zmescience]

Thanks to Emile, who only wants to live long enough to see a hovercar.

Mar 28 2008 Watch Bears Sad Reminder, I Am Depressed

My life is filled with enough depressing thoughts as it is, so I don't have much interest in being reminded of my mortality whenver I want to know what time it is. But for you sickos out there that like thinking about your own death, maybe The Accurate Watch is for you. It costs $145 and features an hour and minute hand that, together, read "remember you will die". Wow, like my wife's handgun isn't reminder enough.

The Accurate Watch Reminds You Of Unavoidable Death [ohgizmo]