Nov 4 2009 Moron Scores DWI In Breathalyzer Costume

18-year old idiot moron James N. P. Miller (because one initial wasn't enough) scored a DWI (you can't even drink legally!) on Halloween while wearing his 'blow here' breathalyzer costume. Not so good lookin', N.P. Can I call you N.P.? You know I'm going to anyways.

According to a police report, 18-year-old James N. P. Miller, of Cincinnati, was seen driving the wrong way out of the entrance to a one-way street at East Park Place in Oxford.

Inside his car, officers allegedly found an open container of Bud Light in the center console.

Officers also found what was left of a case of Bud Light in the passenger side front seat and in the trunk.

The legal limit in Ohio is .08 BAC--Miller tested at .158. He was cited for operating a vehicle while intoxicated (among other violations) and released to his girlfriend.

I actually know a guy that wore the same costume on Halloween and try as I might, I couldn't get a reading. I dunno, dead batteries or something.

Moron In Breathalyzer Costume Busted For Driving Drunk [gizmodo]

Thanks to Chris, who blew even harder than I did.

Sep 22 2009 Idiot Moron Uses 600K Text Messages/Month

Some idiot moron, in an effort to become the world's biggest failure at life, used 662,258 text messages on his iPhone in a month. Plus the jerkbag got the 12,301 page itemized bill sent to him, so he doesn't even care about trees. I did the math, and it comes out to sending a text message just about every 4 seconds, all day every day. So I assume there was some sort of automated program involved. Also, a monster douche.

Hit the jump for two videos of the idiot looking at his bill.

Continue Reading " Idiot Moron Uses 600K Text Messages/Month "

Sep 18 2009 Pathetic: Burglar Stops To Check Facebook On Victim's Computer, Forgets To Log Out

Okay so I just noticed I left the "r" out of "your" in that Facebook update but that's what happens when you stay up till 5 am binge drinking, you know? Also, waking up with strange bruises and an even stranger man in your bed (seriously brah, it's 10:30 -- time for you to go). Anyway, worst burglar ever:

The popular online social networking site Facebook helped lead to an alleged burglar's arrest after he stopped check his account on the victim's computer, but forgot to log out before leaving the home with two diamond rings.

[The victim] told police that someone had broken into her home through a bedroom window.

There were open cabinets in her garage, and other signs of a burglar.

The victim later noticed that the intruder also used her computer to check his Facebook status, and his account was still open when she checked the computer.

Wow, that's almost as bad as the time I broke into a house and accidentally spelled my name out on the fridge in alphabet magnets. Almost -- but this guy is way stupider.

Burglar leaves his Facebook page on victim's computer [thejournal]

Thanks to Joshua, nancypantz, Brian and Fally, who ONLY break into people's places to check their status updates.

Sep 18 2009 Whee: Now You Can Kanye-Ify Any Website

It was only a matter of time before somebody did this. Because when I was watching the VMA's live from the back of the auditorium through the scope of a sniper rifle, I was wondering how long it would take after the Taylor Swift incident (I love you, Taylor -- you belong with me! Creepily) for somebody to make a Kanye-ify website. Apparently four days. Or maybe sooner, but I just found out about it yesterday. Just add http://kanyelicio.us/ to the front of any URL and presto: jackass everywhere!

Kanyelicio.us

Thanks to ViLLaiN, who is working on a Geekologie-ify website. Hell yes, ViLLaiN! I don't care if you are evil, you're a-okay in my book. And to Adam, who used kanyethis.com to make THIS little number. Jerk.

Aug 17 2009 Fail: How Not To Use An Automatic Door

This is a video of an alleged Pakistani engineering student failing to use an automatic door correctly (read: with his face). You just have to see it to believe it. God only knows how he treats escalators.

Engineering Student Takes On Electrical Door, Loses [gizmodo]

Aug 11 2009 How To Lose Your Job Via Facebook Status

We already saw one jackass nearly lose his job over his Facebook status, and here comes a chick that actually managed to go all the way. Congratulations -- you're an idiot moron! This is exactly why you can't be social networking friends with your coworkers. Am I right?

The Geekologie Writer is the Superficial Writer gobbles donkey balls while IWatchStuff lives up to his name.

Note to self: Don't 'friend' your boss on FB and then bitch about your job. [thenextweb]

Thanks to Allison and max, both of whom I talk smack about behind their backs.

Aug 10 2009 I'm At A Loss For Words: An LOL Swastika

For once, I'm at a loss for words. But not bullets.

LOL Swastika Tattoo [buzzfeed]

Thanks to stephen, who went all Inglourious Bastards on this guy.

Aug 10 2009 Man Blames Cat For Downloading Illegal Porn

A Florida man blamed his cat after officials busted the failure at life for downloading over a thousand images of kitty kiddy porn.

Griffin told police he had been downloading music, and that his cat jumped on the keyboard when he left the room. He said "strange things" appeared on the computer when he returned.

He is being held in Martin county jail on $250,000 bond. No word on any charges against the cat.

In related news, all poorly written Geekologie posts were actually my dog. WOOF!

Florida man blames cat for illegal downloads [guardian]

Thanks to twellve, Richard and Chuck Nunchuck, who only blame their pets for missing homework and farting.

Aug 1 2009 You're Doing It Wrong!: Woman Dragging Leashed Child Through A Verizon Store

Melissa Catherine Smith-Means (she is too!), 37, of Gaylesville, Alabama, was arrested for child abuse after dragging her unisex child through a Verizon Wireless store using a kiddy-leash. As punishment, Melissa is going to be leashed and dragged down every aisle of a Best Buy. Just sayin' -- it's Alabama, folks, they do things differently. Like talk and guns. I've lived there, I know.

Woman Drags Child Through Verizon Store [techeblog]

Thanks to trishna87 and gypsyking, who don't drag anything but their feet. Seriously, stop being so lazy you two.

Jul 31 2009 Idiot Moron Facebook Geek Test Is Flawed

So there's this alleged 'Geek Test' on Facebook that I took and I scored a 2 out of 10. A FREAKING TWO! Do you know who I am, you stupid Facebook piece of test? Who wrote you? TELL ME WHO WROTE YOU!! Because I am going to beat them within a micron of their life with a science book and then cut them with a laser. Also, as an added Friday bonus, I left my picture up. So in case you were wondering, that's me. TOO BAD I ALREADY CHANGED IT AGAIN, SUCKERS! And if you haven't already, join the Geekologie fanpage on Facebook OR I WILL DRINK THIS CAT.

Link to Geek Test From Geekologie Page

Jul 29 2009 Unhappy Hump Day: Another Learning Robot

Just look at that picture. Do you see anything wrong with it? If you answered, "yes -- absolutely everything, there is not a single thing right about that photo", congratulations, there's hope for you yet. Anyway, a group of hellbent fools at the Developmental Robotics Laboratory at Iowa State University have developed a robot that they hope will be able to learn things similar to the way a child does.

Rather than pre-program it to perform a set of tasks, the team believes that robots need to experience the same kind of development that humans and animals do.

To that end, their 'bot is equipped with two long arms and a pair of webcam-looking eyes. It can hear and see, and learns to identify objects by picking them up and performing different tests, such as shaking or dropping them.

Yes, shaking and dropping them. Just wait until it identifies a human. Also, whose bright idea was it to give that thing a pair of scissors. I'M NOT EVEN ALLOWED TO USE SCISSORS AND I'M HUMAN! Moooooooom -- the dog made me glue my head to the carpet again!

Video of the learning baby deathbot in action after the jump.

Continue Reading " Unhappy Hump Day: Another Learning Robot "

Jul 20 2009 Kid Drinks Gasoline To Be Like Transformer

Some 14-year old kid in China has been drinking gasoline since he was 9 to become more like a Transformer. Unfortunately, he's become more like an idiot moron.

The youngster was so impressed that he began drinking fuel on a daily basis to "obtain energy" and become a mighty warrior like the Transformers.

"Since my son start to drink gas, his intelligence quotient dropped sharply and he couldn't figure out addition and subtraction of sums within 100," the father said. "Before that, he was a very smart boy, and he could even repair the television. But now he doesn't know the answer of 7 plus 17."

To the boy's credit, I don't know what 7 plus 17 is either (87?). Still, I love the smell of gasoline as much as the next guy, but actually drinking it? That's just crazy talk. I love robots. So was that.

Transformers fan drank gasoline to gain energy [russiatoday]
via
Optimus Prime Cocktail [runawaytheologian]

Thanks to Anthony, who once drank bleach to be more like a washing machine.

Jul 20 2009 Wrong: Creating Advertisements On The Moon

The natural satellite burglars over at Moon Publicity want to create ads on the moon by using robots that can draw in the dust. The whole idea has several problems. 1. robots and 2. ADVERTISING ON THE MOON. Like the aliens don't already hate us enough.

WEST VALLEY CITY, Utah, July 20 /PRNewswire/ -- It's one giant leap for robot-kind. New Shadow Shaping technology creates images on the Moon that can be seen from Earth. Robots are used to create several small ridges in the lunar dust over large areas that capture shadows and shape them to form logos, domains names, memorials or even portraits. Talk about the Man in the Moon! You can even carve your initials in a heart to impress your sweetheart.

As outerspace-y as I am, I just can't approve of etching a bunch of shit in the moon. I mean, it's like a landmark, you know? That would be like giving the Washington Monument a giant pair of balls, which, okay that would be cool.

Idiots Want Robots to Draw Ads On the Moon's Surface [gizmodo]

Thanks to Julian, who agrees GEEKOLOGIE.COM is pretty much the only thing cool enough to belong on the moon.

Jul 20 2009 EATR Robot NOT Designed To Eat Dead Bodies, Or, How A Company Backpedals

Cyclone Power Technologies, the company behind the Energetically Autonomous Tactical Robot (EATR), denies that it was designed to dine on human corpses. Obviously, they're lying through their oil-stained, robot loving teeth.

"We completely understand the public's concern about futuristic robots feeding on the human population, but that is not our mission," said Harry Schoell, CEO of Cyclone Power Technologies. "We are focused on demonstrating that our engines can create usable, green power from plentiful, renewable plant matter."

Let me tell you a little personal story: I used to be vegetarian. Now I eat the hell out of some meat. Draw your own conclusion.

Darpa's Self-Feeding Sentry Robot is Not a Man-Eater, Company Protests [popsci]

Thanks to Rodger and Charles, who know what the future holds because they both have crystal balls. Be careful bicycling, guys.

Jul 15 2009 Geekologie: Legit News Source Cited By CNN

This is the part of the day where I toot my own horn *BLAAAAAT!* because Geekologie is so awesome. So, you remember the post about the texting teen that fell into a manhole? Well CNN cited Geekologie (action is at 0:30) in a television news story about the incident. SHAZAM! Now who's a legitimate news source? This site. Oh, breaking story! -- Geekologie Writer named world's greatest lover. Run with it, CNN.

Texting Accidents: Running Into Posts, Tangled In Dog Leashes [huffingtonpost]

Thanks to Jonathan, who saw the report in the airport and nearly lost his luggage.