May 11 2009 Another Montauk Monster Washes Ashore
Remember the Montauk Monster? It's back. Well, another one at least. Escaped from the same top secret government facility as the first, this monster washed up on Southhold, Long Island, just across the bay from Montauk. AND THERE'S VIDEO. AND IT'S GROSS. BUT I'D STILL EAT IT. BECAUSE I'M HUNGRY.
Hit the jump for some guy poking the thing, holding hands with it, and singing Kumbaya and shit.
Nov 21 2008 Wrong, Just Wrong: World's Worst Cookbook
This is the world's worst cookbook. It's called Natural Harvest: A collection of semen-based recipes. I just puked in my mouth a little.
Semen is not only nutritious, but it also has a wonderful texture and amazing cooking properties. Like fine wine and cheeses, the taste of semen is complex and dynamic. Semen is inexpensive to produce and is commonly available in many, if not most, homes and restaurants. Despite all of these positive qualities, semen remains neglected as a food. This book hopes to change that. Once you overcome any initial hesitation, you will be surprised to learn how wonderful semen is in the kitchen. Semen is an exciting ingredient that can give every dish you make an interesting twist. If you are a passionate cook and are not afraid to experiment with new ingredients - you will love this cook book!
The 61-page cookbook costs $25 and looks like a joke. So I put one in my shopping cart and proceeded to the checkout waiting for some sort of April Fool's notification. Nope, I just ordered a jizz cookbook.
Product Page (which, if you go to you can actually use the little picture on the left to look through some of the book. Which I totally didn't do.
Thanks to Julian, who invited me over for dinner. NOM NOM NOM!
Feb 7 2008 Stink Breath Detector Gives It To You Straight
For $10 you can pick up a Halitosis Detector that lets you know if you have funk breath or not. Because you can't always trust the 'breathe into your hand and sniff' method. The unit has a little LCD face that changes based on the severity of your breath. If the little guy screams "oh shit!" and the device catches fire it's time for a whole tin of Altoids. God this reminds me of a professor I had a few years back (who I've mentioned before). She had the rankest damn breath on the planet. You know how people walk their dogs and use a bag to pick up after them? Yeah, well it was like her lunch bag got switched with one of those and she ate the contents anyways. And if you think I'm joking you can ask my buddy -- he had to be hospitalized after going to her office hours one afternoon.
