Nov 13 2009 NASA: 'Significant' Water Found On The Moon. Yeah, But What About Dragons?!

Remember how NASA tried to blow up the moon to get at its molten cheese core? Well apparently they discovered a 'significant' amount of water in the process. Adult swim!

The discovery was announced by project scientist Anthony Colaprete at a midday news conference. "Indeed, yes, we found water," he said.

The find is based on preliminary data collected when the Lunar Crater Observation and Sensing Satellite, or LCROSS, intentionally crashed October 9 into the permanently shadowed region of Cabeus crater near the moon's south pole.

After the satellite struck, a rocket flew through the debris cloud, measuring the amount of water and providing a host of other data, Colaprete said.

"The discovery opens a new chapter in our understanding of the moon," the space agency said in a written statement shortly after the briefing began.

Hell yes a new chapter in understanding the moon!

CHAPTER 6: Water On The Moon

There is water on the moon. Specifically, frozen water.

THE END

NASA finds 'significant' water on moon [cnn]
and
Picture [juliefainart]

Thanks to AZ-TRO-NOT, joey, STephen and Lizze, who found Kool-Aid on the moon but you probably never heard about it because of the massive conspiracy.

Sep 16 2009 Booze The Way God Intended: Boob Ice Luge

If God didn't want us drinking from boobs our whole lives, then why did he make them so appealing in adulthood? Also, why don't dinosaurs have nipples? These and many other life changing questions will be answered in my forthcoming tell-all, "The GW: A Life of Blogging". But honestly, when I first saw these $25 Boob Ice Luge molds I didn't even know what I was looking at. And did that stop me from ordering 20? No, my bank account balance did. But I still got 12!

Are you tired of your boring old Ice Luge? Planning a racy bachelor party and need an exciting way to chug your alcohol? Then you need this fabulous Boob Ice Luge! Just fill the breast mold with water, and in two days, you will have two rock hard boobs waiting to be filled with an alcoholic beverage of your choice!

"Rock hard boobs". Wow, that was a turn off. Don't get me wrong, I'd still drink out of them all night, I just wouldn't hang around after the party and try to take them home with me. Yes, yes I would. I don't even care if the nipples melt off!

Hit the jump for the uncensored shot.

Continue Reading " Booze The Way God Intended: Boob Ice Luge "

Aug 31 2009 Branded Jägermeister Cooler With Tap

I can't drink Jäger because it makes my clothes fall off and catch fire and me fight people and break stuff and all kinds of other awesome things that I have to start saving for special occassions. But hey, if you do regularly enjoy black licorice flavored unicorn blood, you're in luck.

The cooler holds 6 bottles of your drink, with two of them hooked into the built-in dispenser. There's plenty of room for other drinks (ie. Red Bull) so as to keep things interesting. If you really love Jägermeister, then $120 (drinks not included) will get you this branded cooler.

I assume it'll work with any bottle that's short enough to fit in the cooler. Which isn't a terrible idea, but you could just get a regular cooler, and then screw the cap off and pour the drink whenever you want some. Archaic, I know, but you did just save yourself $100. And you know how many extra bottles of Jäger that is? I don't -- I TOLD YOU I DON'T DRINK THAT SHIT. Bourbon. So hot it burns my lips.

Keep Cold Jägermeister On Tap Anywhere You Go [ohgizmo]

Jun 17 2009 Oh Great: NASA Plans To Blow Up The Moon

That's right folks, NASA plans to shoot a giant missile at the moon and make it go boom. BOOM SHAKE SHAKE SHAKE THE MOON!

In an unprecedented scientific endeavor -- and what may be one of the coolest space missions ever -- NASA is preparing to fly a rocket booster into the moon, triggering a six-mile-high explosion that scientists hope will confirm the presence of water.

The four-month mission of the Lunar Crater Observation and Sensing Satellite (LCROSS), which will be directed from NASA's Ames Research Center at Moffett Field, is to discover whether water is frozen in the perpetual darkness of craters near the moon's south pole. As a potential source of oxygen for life support and hydrogen for rocket fuel, that water would be a tremendous boost to NASA's plans to restart human exploration of the moon.

Come on NASA -- as pro blowing stuff up as I am, there has got to be an easier way to find out if there's water on the moon. Like, oh I dunno, ASKING THE MOON PEOPLE. Hey, moon-chick, is there water in the moon? "ZIP ZAP ZIP YES WE DRINK IT". Ta-da, mystery solved. But while you're here, how about flashing those blue cheese boobs in my direction one more time?

NASA/Ames ready to explode one of the coolest space missions ever [siliconvalley]

Thanks to meeotch, who wants to ride the rocket when it goes. Me too, meeotch, me too.

Jun 4 2009 Boom Drink: How To Make Exploding Cocktails

You just freeze a mint flavored Mento in an ice cube and then make a drink for a friend (read: enemy). Any artificially sweetened soda should work, but preferably something darker so the frozen Mento isn't so obvious. Then, a few minutes later when the Mento is exposed to the soda, BOOOSH! Alternatively, garnish your friend's glass with a live hand grenade.

Mix an Exploding Drink [wired]

Thanks to Towhee Monster, who once bit a Snap-N-Pop to make it explode because she's hardcore.

Mar 13 2009 Vroom Vroom: Pow-Pow-POWER WHEELS!

This is a video of some folks riding over-powered Power Wheels. It looks like they're having about as much fun as one can have in the snow without a Woolly Mammoth. Which, I am happy to announce, is like *this close* to being cloned. Suffice it to say SOMEBODY has been loading up on Trojan Magnums -- and I think it's you!

Over-Powered Power Wheels [liveleak]

Thanks to Julian, who drove his Power Wheels right into a telephone pole and lived to come back and cut the pole down with a chainsaw.

Feb 16 2009 Luxury Ice Comes At A Cost (Hint: $8 A Ball)

I had no idea there was a market for luxury ice and I'm still hoping there isn't but California-based Glace Luxury Ice Company is hoping differently. The company is selling 2.5-inch "luxury" ice spheres for $8 a freaking ball.

The Glices are supposedly hand-carved in Canada (sure they are) and delivered in "elegant packaging" complete with dry ice, and are designed to compliment even the most expensive of drinks. And besides their claims that a sphere is "among the most efficient ways to cool your drink" the company does use purified water to ensure there are no contaminates in the ice spheres to alter the taste of premium drinks or liquors.

I swear, you people and your "premium drinks or liquors". You know what I drink? Radiator wine. Recipe: Set one bottle of apple juice on the radiator in front of your dorm window for one semester. Drink. Also, Skittle Brew. Recipe: Add your favorite flavor combination of Skittles to one bottle of vodka. Shake and let sit overnight. Drink with breakfast. Speaking of which....

Mmmm, grapealimey.

Hit the jump for more ridiculous pictures of expensive spherical ice.

Continue Reading " Luxury Ice Comes At A Cost (Hint: $8 A Ball) "

Jan 22 2009 Strange Lights In The Sky Can Only Mean One Of Two Things: The Aliens Are Coming Or Some Boring Natural Phenomenon

It's a well-known scientific fact that aliens have a light fetish. So these columns of light seen above the town of Sigulda, Latvia can only mean one thing: they're here. Needless to say, there's a cover-up in effect.

But experts are agreed there may be a more prosaic explanation - ice crystals in the air.

The air above the town was notably cold and filled with suspended ice crystals.

It is believed that the columns were formed by those reflecting light from the bright streetlamps and other lights on the ground - beaming it back downwards again.

Yeah, no. Aliens, bitches, they're coming. Now I'd hate to start a bunch of fearmongering without doing something to help, so I'll cut straight to the chase: I'm selling tin-foil hats and butthole tape on eBay.

Hit the jump for several more pictures of the mysterious alien beams.

Continue Reading " Strange Lights In The Sky Can Only Mean One Of Two Things: The Aliens Are Coming Or Some Boring Natural Phenomenon "

Dec 3 2008 Okay: Sled Works In Winter AND Summer

The Ice Meister Slicer isn't only horribly named, it's also a monster piece of crap that costs $70. For a molded piece of plastic. Anyway, if I haven't (or the nozzle in the pictures hasn't) turned you off already, the sled is ride-able in both the winter AND summer. How? Look at the picture. It comes with two molds you fill with water and then freeze. Attach the blocks to the bottom of the sled, and TA-DA -- why's that kid wearing a helmet? He looks like my roommate the time he shat in the cat's litterbox. Which I may or may not have filmed. Rule 34 baby.

And, to get you in the holiday spirit:

Eddie: I don't know if I oughta go sailin' down no hill with nothin' between the ground and my brains but a piece of government plastic.
Clark: Do you really think it matters, Eddie?

Ice Meister Slicer lets you sled down hills all year [dvice]

Dec 2 2008 That's Cold!: Ice Sculpture Carving Fail

If there's one thing I love in life it's another person's misfortune. A close second is dessert. One time I was scarfing grimace proportions of peach pie a la mode in a restaurant and some guy tripped and busted his face open on the sidewalk. I whip creamed my pants. So this ice sculpture fiasco was a real treat. Of course, it helped that I was finishing off the last of the pumpkin pie while I watched. And taunting a bum with a half eaten turkey sandwich.

Note: The Geekologie Writer actually takes no pleasure in other people's misfortune. He is a caring and sensitive man-boy who volunteers at the local strip club and once saved a busload of schoolchildren from alligators because their teacher was hot. Did I mention he has a wang the size of Texas? Because he does. Unless that's too big, in which case it's one of the Carolinas (take your pick) but shaped like Florida (cooking accident). Laaadies?
Youtube
via
Failblog

Thanks to Colin, who once made love to an ice sculpture mermaid.

Nov 26 2008 Rubber Duckies To Solve Global Warming

No, not really. But the yellow buggers are helping scientists track the speed of melting glaciers. Whee?

Should Greenland's 2.17 million square miles of ice ever melt completely, the water could raise sea level world-wide by 24 feet, swamping coastal cities that are home to millions of people. As Dr. Behar at the Jet Propulsion Laboratory soon discovered, though, there isn't much money for global-warming experiments in Greenland.

Consequently, Dr. Behar and his colleagues at the University of Colorado this past August released 90 yellow rubber ducks into the melt water flowing down a chasm in the largest of Greenland's 200 glaciers -- the Jakobshavn Isbrae -- which has been thinning rapidly since 1997.

Each duck was imprinted with an e-mail address and, in three languages, the offer of a reward.

Geez, what shameless litterbugs. Wait, did that say reward? What do you think it is, $100? Okay, now what's $100 times 90 -- $900,000 right? Let's charter a boat!

Rubber Duckies to Help Track Speed of Melting Glaciers [foxnews]

Thanks to Sam, who doesn't play with toys in the bath anymore.

Nov 26 2008 Remember: Drive Safely This Holiday Season

With the holidays rapidly approaching (read: Thanksgiving's tomorrow) there's a whole lot of traveling going on. And for those of you that will be out on the roads -- be careful. Winter weather is upon us, and so are all the crazies. So be safe, and don't drive like this. You know, like a woman. OH SNAP! Haha, now my girlfriend is kicking me in the nuts. It kind of hurts and feels good at the same time. Okay, that one just hurt. Honey, please, not the rolling pin!

Hit the jump for another one. But seriously folks, be safe, they've banned Geekologie in most hospitals.

Continue Reading " Remember: Drive Safely This Holiday Season "

Nov 21 2008 Soda Dispenser Dispenses From The Bottom

This piece of crap from Scotsman Beverage Systems dispenses ice from the top, and soda from the bottom. ZOMG, sorcery! It's supposed to revolutionize the beverage serving industry but it's not going to. What it is going to revolutionize is landfills. The system works thanks to special glasses with a non-return valve in the bottom that are set on top of a special filling unit. Now why is this necessary? Oh right, so Scotsman can charge $6 apiece for the glasses. Can somebody say "shenanigans"? Nice. Now say "Don't worry, I'll pick". Great -- finish it off with an "up the tab". Bartender, you heard the man, keep the bourbon flowing.

Magic system fills glasses from the bottom up somehow [dvice]

Nov 20 2008 7-Legged Spider Drawing Sells On eBay

Remember my personal hero David Thorne and his seven-legged spider drawing that was idiotically refused as payment for a $233.95 bill? Well the spider just sold on eBay -- for $10,000. And guess who won? This guy. *pointing at self* Ow, my eye. But yeah, I thought about just printing out a copy of the drawing, but then decided that would be immoral. Because I don't steal things -- except women's hearts! I keep them in a cooler full of ice and sell them on the black market. "Hearts! Get your hearts here! Also, ice cold beer."

UPDATE: Somebody on eBay is now selling accessories for seven and eight-legged spider drawings. Hit the jump to see their Santa hat and Buddhist's robe.

Continue Reading " 7-Legged Spider Drawing Sells On eBay "

Nov 6 2008 Scientists Still Hope To Clone Extinct Species

Scientists, spurred on by the passing of Michael Crichton, have kicked their efforts of cloning extinct species into high gear. And I think I speak for all of us here when I say, sex with dinosaurs: it's about freaking time.

Japanese scientists have produced clones of mice that have been dead and frozen for 16 years -- a feat that could lead researchers to one day resurrect long-extinct species, such as the mammoth.

Researchers had thought that frozen cells were unusable because ice crystals would have damaged the DNA. That belief would rule out the possibility of resurrecting extinct animals from their frozen remains. But the latest research -- published in the journal, Proceedings for the National Academy of Sciences -- shows that scientists may have overcome the obstacle.

Yes please! Now tell me somebody's got some frozen dinosaur remains around here somewhere. If not, we're going to need to go back in time and get some. Damn, sometimes my profound logic amazes even me.

Scientists hope to clone extinct species [cnn]

Thanks to Jonathan, who fears for a dinosaur apocalypse. Which, incidentally, is my dreamworld.

Oct 27 2008 What A Wonderful Super Mario World

Geekologie songwriter in residence brentalfloss is back at it, this time with a ditty called "Super Mario World", sung in the style of "What a Wonderful World". And, as a longtime Louis Armstrong fan and guy who drank his weight in gin & tonic (I hate gin) in New Orleans last week: I lost a contact in an ice-filled urinal and had to beat up a stripper. True story.

Youtube

Thanks to brentalfloss, the man behind the microphone.

Oct 20 2008 Explorers Find Alleged Yeti Footprint

On the left, a human footprint, and on the right, an alleged Yeti footprint. And possibly a turd. Japanese explorers stumbled across the print on an expedition in the Himalayas to track down the elusive beast.

The large hairy creature resembling a human or bear is said to live in the regions of Nepal and Tibet. While the scientific community largely regards the creature as folklore, given the lack of evidence, reports of the yeti go back hundreds of years.

Yoshiteru Takahashi, the leader of the Yeti Project Nepal, made the discovery leading his Japanese team's third attempt at tracking down the half-man-half-ape.

Half-man, half-ape, huh? Somebody's developing a new crush!

"Yeti" Footprints Discovered, Japanese Explorers Claim [huffingtonpost]

Oct 9 2008 Uh-Oh, I Think We're Sinking: Titanic Ice

A couple of days ago it was ice bullets and today, ice boats. The Titanic to be precise. Gin & Titonic ($7.49) by Fred are little boat and iceberg shaped ice molds meant to resemble the Titanic. Buy several sets to play drinking Battleship!

Product Page

Thanks to Karina, who I'd risk drowning in a sea of gin to save any day.

Oct 7 2008 Make Your Own Ice Bullets For Killer Cocktails

Can you believe that title? I'm a freaking idiot, true story. But I do like these ice cubes. The Bullet Ice Cube Tray makes ice cube rounds that look like AK-47 bullets and costs $13.25. Unfortunately, you have to add your own gunpowder if you want to fire them. But, as an added bonus, the bullets will melt before the police arrive. The perfect murder? MWAHAHAHAHAHA. No.

Hit the jump for a look at the trays.

Continue Reading " Make Your Own Ice Bullets For Killer Cocktails "

Sep 12 2008 It's A Sign!: Global Warming Is Real, Phallic

Finally, photographic evidence that proves, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that the North Pole has melted and Santa's penis floated out to sea.

Hit it for the uncensored ice junx.

Continue Reading " It's A Sign!: Global Warming Is Real, Phallic "