Sep 10 2009 Are We Having Fun Yet?: New iPod Nano Shoots Video, Voice Records, FM Radios
Apple just released an updated iPod Nano which features a bigger screen, 640 x 480 video recording, voice recording, and FM radio capabilities. As usual, they come in all sorts of fun colors so you can match your media player to your eyes (Chinese girls do not come with green eyes -- anybody?!). 8 giggers cost $150 and 16 bangers $180. Is it worth an extra $30 to double your storage? You be the judge. I'll play the bailiff! Do you swear to tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth? Good, now where were you last night around 10PM? Because I was peeking in your bedroom window but you weren't theeeeere!
Thanks to Kamaren, smith and Todd, who still carry record players BECAUSE THEY'RE OLDSCHOOL LIKE THAT. I swear, you guys are so fresh.
Sep 3 2009 How To Rob An Apple Store In 31 Seconds
Just like this. IN 31 seconds the thieves made off with 23 Macbook Pro's, 14 iPhones and 9 iPod Touch. Wow. And did anybody else find it annoying how the reporter was speaking during the video? "Watch again as the thieves show skilled practice at bringing down that plate glass door. And savvy enough to wear masks knowing there would be surveillance cameras ALL OVER THE PLACE." Skilled practice, really? THEY THREW A BRICK THROUGH A GLASS DOOR. "Savvy enough to wear masks"? Jesus, it's not like they trained pigeons to rob the store, they tied bandannas around their faces and this guy thinks they're criminal masterminds.
How to Rob an Apple Store [buzzfeed]
Thanks to Greg, Gino, Sarah and The Superficial Writer, who could have done it in 29 seconds AND snagged a couple iPhone cases.
May 26 2009 Om Nom Nom: The iPod Shuffle Bacon Case
In a recent interview, I got God to admit that bacon is, in fact, the perfect food, followed distantly by Snack Pack Pudding and Fruit Roll-Ups. So it only makes sense to swaddle your iPod Shuffle in the stuff, right? Enter the $19 Bacon Bits Case by Etsy seller Antjes. Too expensive? Find out where to score that bacon-print felt and make them yourself! Hell, you could make anything! Including, but not limited to: breakfast. What can I say, I like a little fur on my meat. Ladies?
Hit the jump for a couple more shots.
Continue Reading " Om Nom Nom: The iPod Shuffle Bacon Case "
May 21 2009 Girl Miraculously Escapes Darwin Award Despite Diving In Front Of Truck For iPod
Apparently some 16-year old girl dove into traffic because she dropped her iPod in the street and had already blasted her remaining brains out at level 11 volume.
The girl was walking across the street on Tuesday when she dropped her iPod. She went back to grab it in moving traffic and was, unsurprisingly, hit by the approaching pickup truck. She suffered a broken leg, but hey, her iPod is OK!
Now this is the time where I close my eyes and daydream about being the person driving the truck. OH. UH-OH! LADY LOOK OU.... There were no survivors.
Brilliant Girl Jumps In Front of a Pickup Truck to Save iPod [gizmodo]
Mar 16 2009 Steampunk Frankenstein iPod Victrola Thing
I have no idea what you're looking at either. But whatever it is, it's looking back. Apparently it's some sort of custom iPod Nano (1st gen) case and docking station. I SAID STOP STARING AT ME. That's it, where's my laser pointer?
The design is inspired by Mary Shelley's Frankenstein. The "eye-Pod" can be worn on the wrist via the leather cuff, or placed on it's custom Victrola base. Music can be heard either through the Victrola horn or though a portable personal hearing apparatus (in progress).
All functionality of the iPod remain intact an a hidden USB cord retracts from the base to either a wall charger or your computer. There are hidden pressure plates that when touched send a strobing "static charge" into the quartz crystals on either side of the magnified viewing portal.
Cool. Lose the eyeball and I would proudly display it my living room. Just kidding, I wouldn't touch that thing with your penis. It's just not my style. But you know what IS my style? This Members Only jacket. You smell that? It's called freshness, son. Whoa -- except for that, that was partially digested Kid Cuisine. Sorry.
Hit the jump for a couple more of that oldschool joint.
Continue Reading " Steampunk Frankenstein iPod Victrola Thing "
Mar 13 2009 Sissypants Suing Over Exploded iPod Touch
A 17-year old and his family are suing Apple after an iPod Touch allegedly blew up in the sissy's pocket and caused 2nd degree burns.
It claims the boy had his i-pod touch off and in his pocket at school on December 4th, when he heard a pop and felt a burning sensation.
The lawsuit is seeking more than 200-thousand dollars in damages.
Pfft, I've got some 2nd degree burns but you don't see me trying to sue Cup Noodles. No, I think there's more to this story than the family is telling us. Namely, their house is about to be foreclosed and there was a reciprocating saw involved in the explosion. Elementary my dear, Watson. Now, fetch me a glass of the good stuff and come sit on Sherlock's lap.
Family Sues Apple Over Exploding iPod [local12]
Thanks to Douche McAllister, who had an entire sever blow up and catch fire in his pants but refused to sue because he's a real man with wrought-iron genitalia.
Mar 11 2009 New iPod Shuffle Speaks, Lacks Wheel
The new iPod Shuffle's capacity has been doubled to 4GB, and now the minuscule music player doesn't have a control wheel. But how will you ever reign over your music? Simple -- with controls on the earbud cord. WHEE!
The new design keeps the clip and adds VoiceOver -- a new feature that gets around the lack of display by telling you which song is playing and who performs it at the touch of a button on the earbud cable. It'll also call out your playlists and let you navigate to others. Available in black or silver for $80 and your claim to what Apple calls the "world's smallest music player."
World's smallest music player my ass. I happen to own the world's smallest music player. It's a violin. *rubbing fingers together* Can you hear that? It's the REAL world's smallest music player playing "Iron Man" by Black Sabbath. Bitchin'!
Five minute promotional video about the new Shuffle after the jump.
Mar 10 2009 Control Your iPod With Facial Gestures
That's right, thanks to Kazuhiro Taniguchi of Osaka University, soon stopping the music on your iPod will be as simple as sticking out your ass-shaped tongue.
The Ear Switch looks like a normal set of headphones, according to an Agence France Press report, but includes a set of sensors that allows its on-board computer to measure tiny ear-canal movements.
The result, Taniguchi claimed, is that "an iPod can start or stop music when the wearer sticks his or her tongue out".He added that the user can also skip to the next track by widely opening their eyes or skip back by winking. Other facial expressions could also be programmed to control other features.
Well that's a relief. I mean seriously, my fingers get tired of pushing all those little buttons anyways. I can see the bus now: wait, did you just wink at me? I said, STOP THE WINKING! That's it buddy, fisticuffs -- you asked for them!
Boffin unveils facial expression-controlled iPod [reghardware]
Thanks to Rick and krabivana, who control their iPods the way God intended: with child laborers.
Mar 10 2009 Hamster Jackets Harness Piezoelectricity
Finally. I say it's about damn time we fit our hamsters with little jackets that harness all the energy they're wasting when running incessantly in their little wheels. Also, we're harnessing the power of the wheel too, right?
To harness hamster power, the scientists sewed electricity-generating threads one-fiftieth the width of a human hair into a yellow jacket worn by the hamsters as they ran. A human-sized jacket, capable of powering an iPod, could be ready in as little as three years.
"This can totally be scaled up," said Zhong Lin 'ZL' Wang, who co-authored a paper describing the research in this month's issue of Nano Letters. "This is just the first step. The idea is that we would harvest energy from any body movement, from walking, breathing, from any kind of vibration."
Well shit, let's scale it up to dinosaurs then. I could design a hell of a piezo-electric jacket for a T-Rex. And, while I'm at it, maybe some intimates. I'm thinking something lacy with a few silk accents. Did somebody just say crotchless? I like the way you think!
Hamster jackets harness wheel-running power [msnbc]
Thanks to I Won't Be a Menace to South Central While Drinking My Juice on the Geekologie, who can run in his wheel for hours.
Mar 2 2009 Bought It!: Dogs Licking your iPhone Clean
iClean is a 99¢ iPhone/iPod Touch application that makes it look like a dog is lick-cleaning your screen from the inside out. How precious! Currently there are only three lickers available, but more are promised in future updates. I just bought it! Best 99¢ I've ever spent. Well, except for the time I put $1 in a vending machine and got two bags of Doritos. There was a Cool Ranch hanger!
iClean Brings Puppy Lick Fest To Your iPhone [iphonesavior]
Thanks to Seth, who promises to make a human version soon. I can hardly wait! No thanks.
Feb 24 2009 Okay, Sure: A Golden AT-AT iPod Dock
Not to be outdone by yesterday's AT-AT boombox, some cat went and made an AT-AT iPod dock. Which is basically an AT-AT toy with an electronic turntable glued to the side and spray painted gold. Neat. Might be just the thing I need to add a little geeky flair to my bedroom. Just saying, I made buttermilk pancakes for breakfast. With sprinkles, bitches. Who's gangster?
Hit the jump for two closeups.
Jan 20 2009 BOOM, Headshot!: Sniping App For iPhone
Now you can shoot things with better accuracy thanks to BulletFlight, a $10 application available for the iPhone and iPod Touch.
Users can mount their iPod touch to their rifle, and then use the iPod's touch-screen to tap in details about the wind conditions, ammunition type, distance to the intended target and even the wind speed.
"Unlike other apps, BulletFlight does not output information in table format," says the application's iTunes page. "What it does do is dynamically give you the solution you need now to take that shot."
Really? Attaching an iPhone to a sniper rifle? Terrorists everywhere will laugh at you. Thanks but no thanks, I prefer to do my sniping the old-fashioned way -- with a powerful burning laser. PEW PEW!
Sniper rifle software launched for iPod touch [telegraph]
Thanks to Tony and Larry, who only make heads explode with knowledge, son.
Dec 15 2008 Are You Even Surprised?: iPhone Gloves
The $23 Etre Touchy gloves are handwear designed for using your iPhone or other touchscreen device in the harsh months of winter. They're just gloves with the index fingers and thumbs cut off. Which *SPOILER ALERT* you can do yourself to any pair of gloves, even $5 ones. Ha, but not while you're wearing them you stupid idiot!
Etre Touchy gloves won't let winter spoil your texting fun [dvice]
Dec 13 2008 Apple Apples Sadly Aren't McIntosh
Some Apple fan in Japan, one who owns a Fuji apple orchard, decided to profess his love for Macs in the only way he knows how, by growing fruit with the Apple logo and little pictures of iPods on them. How did he achieve the feat? Simply -- with stickers. You just put a sticker on an apple while it ripens, take it off when picked, and presto -- an iPod apple. What about the stickers makes the images appear? F***ing sorcery! And that, my friends, is scientific.
Hit the jump for a close-up.
Oct 16 2008 Magnet Case Keeps Your iPod Stuck To You, And Also, This Is How You Sell Products
The iStik is a $27 iPod case that has neodymium magnets on its two parts so you can stick it to your bikini or running shorts (one magnetic piece goes on the inside, case goes on the outside). Pretty clever. And also, based purely on the above imagery, I just bought a dozen --and I don't even own an iPod! Now that's how you sell products. Advertisers take note: when in doubt, T&A. A letter, a symbol, and another letter to live by.
Hit the jump for another product shot.
Oct 16 2008 The Future Is Now, And Not What I Expected: Walking Powered Shoe Chargers
I hate walking. That's why I run. Or Hoveround (screw you Rascal!). But for those of you that don't mind, how about making the most out of your two legged transportation. NTT has developed a shoe that promises to charge your gadgetry while on the go.
Their soles are filled with water, displaced as the wearer walks and forced through a tiny turbine. Current prototypes generate 1.2 watts of electricity, enough to power your iPod as you strut, but by the time these things hit production in 2010 the hope is to more than double that to 3 watts so that you can charge up your mobile, too.
Sure, why not. But I'd still prefer to see the breast-powered charger instead. Literally, I want to see it in action. And, I dunno, maybe some light touching.
NTT says one of these days these boots are gonna charge your gadgets [engadget]
Thanks to Julian, who's currently out on the the hunt for the best damn burrito in NYC.
Oct 5 2008 Artists Make (Functional) Giant Trippy iPod
Russian artists Aristarkh Chernyshev and Alexei Shulgin made this giant trippy iPod. It's fully functional, including the giant earbuds. Why? you ask, why not? the artists reply. Ha, right, because it's freaking stupid. Jesus, it hurts to look at.
This is your iPod on drugs, any questions? [tuaw]
Thanks to Sev, who used to own a giant Walkman.
Oct 1 2008 Apple Threatens To Close iTunes Store
Apple is threatening to close the iTunes store over a possible royalty hike.
The National Music Publishers' Association, which represents the interests of music makers and songwriters in the U.S., wants rates to be increased 9 cents to 15 cents, which represents a 66 percent rise.
"If [iTunes] was forced to absorb any increase in the ... royalty rate, the result would be to significantly increase the likelihood of the store operating at a financial loss -- which is no alternative at all," iTunes vice president Eddy Cue said.
ZOMG, I'm gonna have to start downloading music illegally again.
Apple Threatens to Close iTunes Store Over Royalties [foxnews]
Thanks to Bryan, who once downloaded a song illegally but then felt bad about it and gave a streetcorner musician a dollar.
Sep 10 2008 Apple Announces New iPod Nano, Whee!
If you haven't heard you probably live in a bomb shelter like we all should be, but Apple announced a new generation of iPod nanos yesterday at their "Let's Rock Out With Our Mac Loving Cocks Out" event in San Francisco. The new nano is thinner, curvier, and comes in a bunch of different colors, as well as 8GB and 16GB capacities. It also has an accelerometer so you can shake it to shuffle your songs and turn it sideways for a wide-screen experience. The device has the new 'Genius' feature as well, meaning it can create playlists by finding songs in your library that go well together. Neato. 8GB's are $150, 16GB's are $200, and I'll throw in some hand action for another $10. Toothless smiles are always free.
Hit the jump for the official commercial.
May 19 2008 HAL (Hybrid Assistive Limb) Suit Gives You Ironman-Like Capabilities. Okay, Not Really
The HAL suit was developed by Cyberdyne (not to be confused with Cyberdyne Systems, the company responsible for manufacturing Terminators). Despite the similar names, the suit is far from having Terminator-like features. Or Ironman for that matter. What is does have are some little blue circles that light up.
When a person attempts to move, nerve signals are sent from the brain to the muscles via motoneuron, moving the musculoskeletal system as a consequence. At this moment, very weak biosignals can be detected on the surface of the skin. HAL catches these signals through a sensor attached on the skin of the wearer. Based on the signals obtained, the power unit is controlled to move the joint unitedly with the wearer's muscle movement, enabling to support the wearer's daily activities.
The system was designed with physical rehabilitation and people with permanent disabilities in mind, but it will also be used for heavy labor at factories, rescue support at disaster sites, and the entertainment field. So it may be comparable to the system Raytheon is developing. But at least this one doesn't look like a heap of scrap metal. It looks like an iPod. And what do we know about iPods? That's right -- they don't work after your wife puts them through the wash. So, logically, neither will this suit.
One more picture of the thing in action after the jump.
