Apr 27 2009 I Want Out: Electrocuting Rubber Duckie

MORE: bath , dangerous , death , don't do it! , electricity , fake , health , help , i'm here for you , no no no , no thanks , rubber duckie , shocking , water , wrong

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Looking for a way out but second guessing your decision to dive into a volcano? Enter the Electric Bath Duck, a suicide assistance device that allegedly works better than a toaster. Thankfully, it's fake. But listen -- I don't want any of you killing yourselves anyways, you hear me? Because then who would read the words I write? Nobody, that's who. My family doesn't even read my diary anymore and I leave it open on the coffee table. So if you are having suicidal thoughts, seek help. And remember folks, I'm here for you. God may have spited me downstairs, but I do have big ears.

Hit the jump for a shot of the back.

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Jan 31 2009 Cheers To You!: Sadly Not A Drinking Game

MORE: amazing , depressing , depression , drinking , for sale , highly questionable , holy smokes , i'm here for you , i'm speechless , inspirational , it really works! , no freaking way! , no thanks , product ideas , questionable , real , sad , sadness , unbelievable - wait - actually - believable , wow

Many of you have probably already seen this since it was featured on the Ellen Degeneres Show, but for those of you who haven't -- Cheers To You!

Hit the jump for the much better metal-remix.

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