Sep 11 2008 Super Mario Saves The Princess Cartoon

MORE: animation , bowser , cartoon , i don't know , mario , princess peach , princess peach has a penis! , questionable , super mario bros. , video , video game

If you haven't seen or heard already, Seth MacFarlane (creator of Family Guy) is releasing a bunch of web cartoon episodes called Seth MacFarlane's Cavalcade of Comedy. This is one of the first, and it's what happens after Mario rescues the princess in Super Mario Bros. Now not to be a soiree shitter, but I kind of expected more. I mean, Princess Peach didn't even lift her dress to reveal she's swinging a monster Hammer Brother down there. Which, admit it, would have been comedy copper, possibly silver. And hot.

Youtube

Thanks to Silver Sided and Richard, both of whom actually did bang the princess after rescuing her.

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Sep 11 2008 Wait, What?: High Heels For Babies

MORE: babies , boy , children , come on now , cute , geez , girls , good or bad? , i don't know , kids , okay , scarred , shoes , stripper , sure why not , wrong

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Heelarious High Heels are your baby girl's first precious step to a life of stripping. Made for infants 0-6 months old, the $35 shoes practically guarantee a future in exotic entertainment. Okay, so they're actually just crib shoes that have a foam heel, but still, I think we can all agree this is fundamentally wrong. Thankfully, I'll never have a daughter -- I always insist my girlfriend be on top.

FUTURE UPDATE: Wow, three girls in a row. Seriously, this woman on top thing just isn't freaking working. So, to you parents of boys out there -- how did you do it? Is the secret in the butt? Just wink one brown eye if it is. I knew it!

Official Website

Thanks to Melanie, who grew up wearing rocket boots and is now an astronaut.

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