Sep 30 2009 Slings Let The World Know How You Did It
This is a series of slings that lets the rest of the world know how you went and broke your arm. And as a guy who's broken his thumb once and arm twice, I've got to admit: it's never stopped me from still doing dumb shit all the time. High-five for never learning lessons! But seriously, now I've got a wonk-arm now with a giant metal plate and screws in it that sends shockwaves up my arm whenever I try to do push-ups. Which is EXACTLY why I don't work out. AND HELL YES I SET OFF AIRPORT METAL DETECTORS! Just like Luke Skywalker -- except I'VE never tried slipping my sister the tongue. Step-sisters don't count!
Illustrative Slings Show How That Arm Got Boned [gizmodo]
Thanks to Romeo, whose magnetic personality alone is enough to set off an airport metal detector.
Sep 8 2009 Robotic Bear Will Kill You In The Hospital
This is a promotional video for RIKEN's RIBA, a robotic pedo-bear that was designed to pick hospital patients up out of their beds and discreetly crush their genitals. Yeah, no thanks. Oh, and don't let the Whinny the Pooh music in the video fool you, this robo-bear would maul your whole damn face off and wear it like a mask for a single pot of oil. Don't believe me? Ask Piglet.
Couldn't find him, could you? Draw your own conclusions.*
*Tigger and I roasted that delicious son of a bitch.
Thanks to ANON, who once got Pooh so high he ate like forty jars of honey and then tried to rob a hive at gunpoint.
Feb 11 2009 Pfft, Stitches, How About A Little PEW PEW?
In an attempt to prove that not all PEWs are bad PEWs, doctors at Tel Aviv University have developed a laser that is capable of sealing wounds safer and more efficiently than traditional stitches.
The laser allows a wound to be welded shut as opposed to sutured, which makes it far more watertight and there's less tearing. It's done by very carefully controlling the temperature of the beam, and Israeli patients treated with the laser have already enjoyed faster healing times and less scarring.
Cool, but can it still blind you if you stare at it too long? And, if not, can you make me one that can? The bully that lives across the street threw a rock at me when we got off the bus yesterday, and I want to burn his eyes out. Also, his older sister is hot. I want to see her naked. PEW PEW?
Hit the jump for a video of the PEW in action.
Continue Reading " Pfft, Stitches, How About A Little PEW PEW? "
Sep 25 2008 Wearable Airbags For The Clumsy, Elderly
Japanese manufacturer Prop is now selling wearable airbags for old folks and people who just can't stand for long.
Its newly announced personal, wearable airbag looks like a cool fanny-pack and weighs a mere 1.1 kilograms (2.4 pounds) -- but springs forth in one-tenth of a second when sensors detect you're headed for the floor, protecting your head and ass with two inflated bags that contain 3.9 gallons of gas each.
Unfortunately, safety comes at a price. And that price is $1,400. Are grandma's delicate bones worth the cost? Hint: Duct tape and pillows.
Wearable airbags keep the elderly from hitting the ground so hard [engadget]
Thanks to Julian and Ross, who both threw themselves down the stairs wearing bubblewrap jackets and lived to tell about it.
Sep 16 2008 Hands-Free Cellphoning Without Bluetooth
This hands-free cellphone holder was designed by Francesca Lanzavecchia and doubles as an excuse to park in handicapped spots. It comes complete with a stretchable rubber skin that fits over it so you can store your phone and cigarettes in there when not in use. Seems pretty freaking impractical. Still, it reminds me of the first time I faked an injury to get some sympathy. You ever tried to cast your own penis before? It isn't easy. I ended up just tying an athletic sock around it and calling it a sling. And you know what? Not a single 'Get Well' card.
Hit the jump for the original model.
Continue Reading " Hands-Free Cellphoning Without Bluetooth "
Aug 21 2008 Why You Don't Kite Surf In Tropical Storms
Why shouldn't you kite-surf in tropical storms? Because they'll f*** you up. Not only will they slam you into the beach, they'll fling you across the street and into a concrete wall for good measure. Now I hate to say this is Darwinism at work, but I will mention the Saber-Toothed Tiger was notorious for freaking around in tropical storms. Coincidence?
Thanks to Julian, who could actually throw you that far.
Jun 10 2008 Hood Airbags To Help Save Pedestrians?
Let's face it, getting hit by a car sucks unless the person driving is filthy rich and you don't get hurt but can fake a good neck or back injury. Well now Toyoda Gosei has begun the testing of hood and grill airbags to help protect people on foot. They're activated via some combination of camera and radar sensors and may or may not launch pedestrians even further than you would have been without them. Whether they make it to actual production awaits to be seen, but if you're regularly running over people I recommend rigging a mattress to your hood during the interim. Or you could, I don't know, STOP DRIVING ON THE FREAKING SIDEWALK.
One more picture of the car after the jump.
Apr 9 2008 Brilliant!: A Wheelchair Pedal Attachment
Who uses wheelchairs? People who are too weak to walk, people with legs that don't work, and me if the grocery store has any complementary motorized ones (my legs tire easily). The common denominator here is walking, or more specifically, a lack of walking ability. So why not just pedal instead? That's the idea behind the Pedalofit (NOT the name I would have chosen). Actually, it's a wheelchair attachment used as a rehabilitation tool for people to help gain the muscle and coordination back in their legs. And as you can see -- holy shit is that Dick Cheney in the picture?
The Dude: This is Cheney...on the left there? So he's a crip-uh...handicap...guy?
Brandt: Mr. Cheney is disabled, yes.
Pedal Powered Wheelchair Seems So Wrong [ohgizmo]
