Jan 22 2010 Yeah, This Will End Well: Scientists Develop "Autonomous Bipedal Robot Built Out Of DNA"

Just when I thought my dino-ribonucleic acids were safe, I get news that scientists have developed autonomous DNA-bots that can biped their little asses around inside me and royally f*** all my insides up.

The walking device consists of a strand of DNA that contains a 5',5' linkage in the middle. One leg is called L-E and the other is called L-O. It walks on a track consisting of a series of stem-loops (T1-T4) that are part of a stiff DX motif. It is fueled by a pair of successive stem-loops (F1 and F2) that are in solution. The driving force for its motion is the formation of more base pairs than exist at any given time.

Right. DNA-scale robots? That's freaking tiiiiny. And I can recall a time in the not-so-distant past when I was confident nothing could possibly be smaller better to crush monster trucks with than my penis.

Autonomous Bipedal Robot Built Out Of DNA [ohgizmo]

Thanks to Dave, who's working on building an army of nano-ants to combat this evil DNA.

Jan 21 2010 This Is Happening Inside Your Body, Right Now!: White Blood Cell Chasing Bacteria

Allegedly this is a white blood cell chasing around some bacteria and eventually subduing it. Of course, I have no proof that's actually what this is because I'm not a microbioscientist. For all I know it's a really bad VHS copy of a Benny Hill chase scene from the end of his show. But where's the music? A DOO DOO DOOTLE OOT DOO DOO DOOTLE OOT DOOT DA DOOT DA DOOT DOOT. Oh yeah, that's the stuff.

Youtube

Thanks to Ian, who destroys bacteria like colloidal silver. Haha, I know science!

Jan 8 2010 Hurt People, So Funny!: Best Fails Of 2009

Because there's nothing more enjoyable than watching jackasses hurt themselves attempting feats of stupid, this is a compilation of the best (and most painful) fails of 2009. It's chock full of future Darwin Award recipients, and I wouldn't be surprised if half these jokers don't make it to 2011 (please exit the gene pool ladder left). Although, as a guy who's shattered his arm twice and now has a Luke Skywalker arm, I want to cut it off and be human again.

Best Fails of 2009[collegehumor]

Thanks to Fran, who has never broken a bone, but has cracked a few skulls.

Oct 14 2009 More Spork Art: This Time A Human Carcass!

After yesterday's Plasticdragon, loyal Geekologie Reader Ashley wrote to inform me that he and his art group recently created a similar figure. Except, instead of a dragon, it's a dead-ass body!

This is a piece we did at Uni early this year and I just saw your feature article on the plastic dragon. The skeleton has been getting some nice features so thought you might be interested! :) It was a comment on the ironic contrast between our disposable fast-food culture and the problem of world famine. This received a D&AD Commendation at the '09 Awards.

Well done, Ashley. I'd like to take this time to point out that I, for one, am 100% against world famine. Now I know that I usually try to avoid getting political, but I firmly believe that all people should eat food. Except the fatties. They should exercise.

Hit the jump for three closeups.

Continue Reading " More Spork Art: This Time A Human Carcass! "

Sep 11 2009 Noooo!: Prego-Bot Gives Birth To Robo-Son

In one of the most f'ed up things I've seen in recent history, the University of Arizona Medical Center has a robotic woman that gives birth to a robotic son so that medical students can witness the horrors of robotic birth firsthand.

Named Noelle, she grunts, screams, yells at the doctors, pees, bleeds -- and yes, even gives birth (to a cute little robot baby named Hal).

Paid for with a $40,000 grant from Miami-based Guarnard Scientific, the university bought Noell, baby Hal, and another, smaller robot-baby in January. Then Noelle was taken out of commission for a while when medical students (yelp!) broke her pelvic bone.

an average of 20 medical students a week diagnose all sorts of birth complications like cesareans and breach births. Noelle can even hemorrhage, all while screaming in pain and yelling things like "don't touch me" at the medical students.

Great, at this rate she's gonna have like 1,000 babies a year. WHO KEEPS KNOCKING THIS ROBOTIC BITCH UP? I'm looking at you, shifty night patrolman! DUM DUM DUM!

University of Arizona Medical Students Help Robot Give Birth to Baby Robot [phoenixnewtimes]

Thanks to Demon Spawn, who get it pregnant with like thirty little devil babies.

Sep 9 2009 Study: OMG Women Have Faces!?

In a unshocking report released by the New Zealand's University of Wellington, researchers found that most men don't know that women have faces. Only breasts. Haha! But seriously -- what's a face?

Researchers found that virtually half - 47 per cent - of men first glance at a woman's breasts. A third of the "first fixations" are on the waist and hips, while fewer than 20 per cent look at the woman's face.

Not only are breasts often the first thing men look at, they also glance at them for longer than any other body part, the experts discovered, the Daily Mail newspaper in the UK reported.

Hey, different strokes for different folks (I always check for a penis first).

Scientific proof that men look at women's breasts first and their face is almost last [dailytelegraph]

Thanks to deadbodyman, who's still not convinced women have faces. OR BREASTS (foot fetish).

Sep 3 2009 Scientists: "All Humans Are Mutants"

Scientists are claiming that each human has between 100 and 200 genetic mutations in their DNA. Me? I have two fingers....I have four fingers.

Joseph Nadeau, from the Case Western Reserve University in the US, who was not involved in this study said: "New mutations are the source of inherited variation, some of which can lead to disease and dysfunction, and some of which determine the nature and pace of evolutionary change.

"These are exciting times," he added.

"We are finally obtaining good reliable estimates of genetic features that are urgently needed to understand who we are genetically."

Listen: you can go right on being a freak all you want, but I ain't no damn mutant. I have never even met Professor X! Who, that old guy? The bald one in the wheelchair? Nobody.

We're all mutants, say scientists [bbcnews]

Thanks to Totex and Slava, who only got the incredibly good looking mutations. Lucky.

Sep 1 2009 Possessed: The Boy Who Cries Wolf Blood

15-year old Calvino Inman is just like any other 15 year old boy. Except he's possessed by the devil and cries tears of blood. BURN HIM WITH FIRE! Now I'm not saying this a hoax, but I am saying I caught Calvino siphoning red food coloring up his ass (strictly by accident, I swear). DUM DUM DUM! Book 'em, Danno.

Youtube

Thanks to leftRIGHTleft, who has to remind herself how to walk or she gets all tripped up.

Aug 24 2009 Do Want: This Human Ingredients T-Shirt

This is $20 t-shirt listing the ingredients of human bodies in percentage order from largest to smallest. Did you know we're 0.25% sulfur? Because maybe that's why you smell so bad. Or maybe it's just your upper lip! BUUUUUUUURN. Your momma wears army boots and dresses you funny!

Product Site

Thanks to Towhee Monster, who is actually 100% awesome.

Jul 20 2009 EATR Robot NOT Designed To Eat Dead Bodies, Or, How A Company Backpedals

Cyclone Power Technologies, the company behind the Energetically Autonomous Tactical Robot (EATR), denies that it was designed to dine on human corpses. Obviously, they're lying through their oil-stained, robot loving teeth.

"We completely understand the public's concern about futuristic robots feeding on the human population, but that is not our mission," said Harry Schoell, CEO of Cyclone Power Technologies. "We are focused on demonstrating that our engines can create usable, green power from plentiful, renewable plant matter."

Let me tell you a little personal story: I used to be vegetarian. Now I eat the hell out of some meat. Draw your own conclusion.

Darpa's Self-Feeding Sentry Robot is Not a Man-Eater, Company Protests [popsci]

Thanks to Rodger and Charles, who know what the future holds because they both have crystal balls. Be careful bicycling, guys.

Jul 14 2009 Great: EATR Robot Feeds On Dead Bodies

Well we've already seen robots that can feed on organic matter, and now, an even scarier one. Wait, does that say chainsaw?

Robotic Technology Inc.'s Energetically Autonomous Tactical Robot -- that's right, "EATR" -- "can find, ingest, and extract energy from biomass in the environment (and other organically-based energy sources), as well as use conventional and alternative fuels (such as gasoline, heavy fuel, kerosene, diesel, propane, coal, cooking oil, and solar) when suitable," reads the company's Web site.

That "biomass" and "other organically-based energy sources" wouldn't necessarily be limited to plant material -- animal and human corpses contain plenty of energy, and they'd be plentiful in a war zone.

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHH! I'm okay, I'm okay. AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH! No I'm not. Hold me. Lower. Little lower. Lower. What?! THIS COULD BE OUR LAST NIGHT ALIVE!

Upcoming Military Robot Could Feed on Dead Bodies [foxnews]

Thanks to everyone who sent this in. No, really, thanks -- I hate sleeping. WITH YOUR SISTER! (snores)

Jul 13 2009 You're Not So Uncatchable Now, Are You?: Anatomy Of A Gingerbread Man

Jason Freeny, the man behind all the other weird anatomy studies we've featured (and possibly a med school dropout), is back at it, this time with a gingerbread man. Which reminds me: one Christmas my mom made a batch of gingerbread cookies before dinner and said I could only have one or I'd spoil my supper. Well, long story short, I ate like fifteen and got so sick I puked under the Christmas tree. I blamed it all on the dogs. You know what -- it feels good to finally tell somebody. I've been meaning to get this off my chest ever since it happened. 2008 was a bad Christmas for the Geekologie Writer.

Moist Production

Thanks to Jason, the man behind the scalpel.

Jul 7 2009 AAAAAH, WHICH ONE IS THE ROBOT?!?

IT'S A TRAP! KILL THEM BOTH AND CHECK THE BODIES AFTER!

Hint: they say the eyes are the window to one's soul. And robots, as we all know, are soulless death machines.

Which One is the Robot? [gizmodo]

Thanks to 42 y/o undead warlock, who blasted them both with Magic Missile just to be safe.

Jul 1 2009 Tiny Bloodbots To Crawl Around In Your Veins

Writing that title alone gave me heart trouble. It was hairy there for a minute, I almost Michael Jacksoned on you. Anyway, more robotic death. Remember: what doesn't kill you makes you stronger. Unfortunately, these will kill you.

Researchers at the Israel Institute of Technology in Haifa have developed a miniature crawling robot, called ViRob, that can crawl through your lungs, find a tumor, and zap it with drugs. The bot, which is one millimeter long and four millimeters from end to end, can snake its way through the body, slipping into blood vessels and navigating through the respiratory and digestive systems

But thanks to tiny arms that help it grip vessel walls , ViRob is the first microbot that can tunnel between different body cavities. It's controlled by an electromagnetic field outside of the robot that creates a vibration that propels ViRob forward.

Wow, that's....wrong. And I, for one, refuse to piss robots.

The Tiny Robot that Can Crawl Through Your Veins--And Treat Your Tumors [discovermagazine]

Thanks to msjessiemeghan, who, please wake me up and tell me it's just been a nightmare.

Apr 14 2009 Worth $500K?: The Human Regenerator

The Human Regenerator is a $553,400 piece of monkey shit that's supposed to make you live longer or something. Personally, I think it looks suspiciously like Superman's tanning bed of solitude.

The Human Regenerator is a Quantum-Pulse-Device that imitates and generates the cellular body's natural frequencies ranging between 0.0005 and 38,000 Hz.

Through intensive treatment with the body's own healthy frequencies, the organism is regenerated in a natural way. This process is enhanced by specially treated silicium and aluminum depots, which with the help of right spinning protos have an anti-aging effect.

Furthermore, longitudinal waves are used as a filter to create more human-like waves, therefore adding pure positive energy to the body.

Very convincing technology there. Unfortunately, only 50 of the devices are being made, and "will be offered to a small circle of prominent figures of our time." But if you showed up with $500K, I guarantee you could get one. And also, maybe some hooker action. Which, let's be realistic, will do a lot more for you than Quatum-Cell-Coding ever will -- provided you wrap it up. Otherwise, cooties bro.

Product Website

Thanks to Mushishi, who's also selling a cellular regenerator that looks suspiciously like a microwave oven with no door.

Apr 5 2009 Let Me Guess, Robots Invented These Too: Little Batteries Powered By Human Blood

It may look like the world's smallest golden wallet, but it's actually a cyborg battery. You see, in the future robots will harvest humans to provide the blood they need to recharge their batteries. Well, happy Sunday to you too!

A small colony of yeast lives inside each battery, and this living core of the fuel cell can draw energy from glucose (sugar) in blood flowing around it. According to New Scientist:

The yeast-based fuel cell produces around 40 nanowatts of power, compared to the microwatt a typical wristwatch battery might produce, Chaio says. That might be enough power for some devices if it were coupled with a capacitor to allow energy to be stored. The yeast could also be genetically engineered to boost its power output.

Great news. No really, that's just wonderful. Currently, scientists are considering the cyborg battery for use in pacemakers and other implantable devices, while robots are considering how much blood they need to power chainsaws and laser blasters. But I'll tell you one thing -- ain't no robotic vampire drilling this neck. Eat oak, Dracu-bot! *tink* Oh shit.

Batteries That Feed on Blood [io9]

Thanks to David, Jon and Jamie, who refuse to donate blood to a damn robot.

Apr 2 2009 What's Under The Zipper?: Sackboy Anatomy

This is another anatomical rendering by Jason Freeney of Sackboy's innards. As you can see, there are guts under that zipper. Of course, I already knew that because I got all stabby on him once when he wouldn't give me his wallet. Yeah, and all the king's horses and all the king's men couldn't stitch Sackboy together again. So, let that be a lesson to the rest of you.

Jason Freeney's Website
and
The Anatomy Of A Sackboy [kotaku]

Thanks to Julian, who took one for the team and pointed out Sackboy's genitalia was modeled after his own so I wouldn't have to.

Apr 1 2009 Guy Dies Playing Wii Fit, Sadly Not April Fools

25-year old England native Tim Eves collapsed and died while playing Wii Fit with his girlfriend and best friend. I am officially never working out again.

Tim Eves was 'jogging' on a Wii Fit games console as Emma Tuck and Lewis Hickin looked on, when he slumped to the floor.

The family were told he could have been killed by Sudden Adult Death Syndrome. Also known as Sudden Arrhythmia Death Syndrome, it is a disorder of the electrical system of the heart.

Those with the condition are vulnerable to an abnormal heart rhythm. During exercise the heart may stop pumping out blood, causing the brain to become deprived of blood and sudden death. The condition is estimated to kill 500 people a year.

Well Tim, I hope you're enjoying that great Wii Mii parade in the sky. Rest in peace, buddy.

'Healthy' man, 25, collapses and dies playing Wii Fit game [mailonline]

Thanks to Pat and Nathan, who vow to create public service messages about the inherent risks of exercise.

Mar 31 2009 Ooh, Scienc-y: Video Of AIDS Spreading

No, it's not unprotected sex, it's a video showing how an infected AIDS cell spreads the disease to other, healthy cells. It's the first time the process has ever been caught on video, and scientists hope the information will help in the search for a cure.

The study was made possible after experts created a molecular clone of infectious HIV and inserted a protein into its genetic code which glows green when exposed to blue light.

They noted that when an infected cell came into contact with a healthy one, a bridge was created between them, called a virological synapse.

"We should be developing vaccines that help the immune system recognise proteins involved in virological synapse formation and antiviral drugs that target the factors required for synapse formation."

Hey, whatever helps find a cure. I can't wait till we wipe out all these STDs and then the only thing you have to get worry about is getting a girl pregnant. Which, at least for me, is no concern -- I have a laptop on my balls 10 hours a day!

Scientists film HIV spreading for first time [telegraph]

Thanks to Joemo, who once got a whole women's volleyball team pregnant just by attending a game.

Mar 10 2009 Remains Of Vampire Woman Found In Grave

What is being hailed by some as the world's first vampire remains have been discovered in a mass grave in Venice, Italy. The woman (who I suspect was a vampire-witch hybrid) was buried with a brick wedged in her mouth, which apparently has some link to being to vampiracy.

During the Middle Ages, many believed that the plague, or "Black Death," was caused by "vampires" chewing on their shrouds after death. According to Borrini, grave-diggers put bricks in the mouths of suspected vampires to stop them from spreading the disease this way.

Borrini, of the University of Florence in Italy, says that the partial corpse he exhumed offers the earliest "exorcism evidence against vampires" to have been forensically examined.

Interesting -- so vampires are buried with stuff in their mouths? Because one time my buddy Jimmy Jimmereeno and I found a naked dead man under a bridge with his own penis stuffed in his mouth. He didn't look like like a vampire though -- he looked Italian.

Hit the jump for another picture of how the skeleton was found.

Continue Reading " Remains Of Vampire Woman Found In Grave "