Aug 7 2009 You're Doing It Wrong: Dell Shipping Options

I don't even want to know how much this shipping option is, but one thing is certain: it's not worth it. Not only is the box being crushed, but it's upside down! Dude, you're getting a Dell broken computer.

Thanks to Todd, who, for actually taking the picture, receives today's unsafe driver award. Congratulations!

Jun 4 2009 Rolls Royce: Now With Automatic Purse Rack

The new Rolls Royce 200EX has an automatic purse holder. And no, it's not the floor (although those work great too and come standard in most cars). There's a video after the jump that you have to see to believe, but basically a little gripper arm automatically tightens against the purse to ensure your diamonds and gold bars don't fall out during travel. It's stupid. Because when I'm rich enough for a Rolls Royce I'll be damned if I'm carrying my own purse. No, it will be traveling in it's own Rolls Royce. Inside a diamond airplane. Made of platinum. Don't question my logic, peasant.

Hit the jump for a short video of the 'just another thing to break' in action.

Continue Reading " Rolls Royce: Now With Automatic Purse Rack "

May 12 2009 Denny's: Now With More Dinosaurs, Drugs

This is a new commercial for Denny's advertising how cool it is to get all high out of your mind and then go eat breakfast at 4am -- but not before dropping a handful of acid in the parking lot. I mean, Jesus, the unicorn can't even chew his fries. And while I did appreciate the inclusion of a dinosaur, this commercial is still sending the wrong message to today's youth. One about breakfast being the most important meal of the day. IT'S LUNCH, PEOPLE.

Youtube

Thanks to Verity, who knows how much I love dinosaurs. But not how much I love leprechauns. *wink* Just kidding, those little bastards are creeeeepy.

May 1 2009 Don't Buy .tv Domain Names, Island Is Sinking

If you try to register a website with a .tv domain (country code for Tuvalu) from Godaddy, a pop-up warns you that the island is sinking and recommends you reconsider. I have no idea what this has to do with anything, just thought I'd pass it along in case you were in the market. And not just because I get a cut of all .gw domains registered, but I do. Guinea-Bissau: where the internet happens. Impressed? You should be, I came up with that slogan all by myself. Geekologie: where geniusness happens. Oh shit -- I just did it again!

Godaddy: Don't Buy dot-TV Domains, The Island is Sinking. [boingboing]

Thanks to Chris, who started a petition to create .crs domains, but the idea was shot down by an old World War II fighter plane.

Mar 11 2009 Hopside Down: It IS Worth Crying Over Spilled Beer -- And I'm Man Enough To Admit It

Hopside Down is a beer glass by Fred & Friends that looks like an inverted bottle. It hurts my brain just to look at and I couldn't imagine myself successfully drinking out of it without pouring beer in my shoes. Still, maybe there are a few of you out there that are more skilled in the ways of drinking than yours truly. Ha, that was the biggest lie I've ever told -- nobody beats the GW at the game of life called drinking. Isn't that right, F. Scott?

The Ghost of F. Scott Fitzgerald: It's true -- I have a hangover as Big as the Ritz. I....feel Curiouser Than The Case of Benjamin Button This Side of Paradise. You sir, are indeed the Last Tycoon (BOOM -- literary headshots!). Hey, stay away from my wife!

Me: Shut up, Francis. Hey Zelda -- wanna touch my Master Sword?

Product Site

Thanks to Matt, who only drinks out of his boot because he's a real cowboy. Now let's raise and rope broncos!

Jan 25 2009 T-Mobile's Dance Spectacular Commercial

This is a recent commercial from T-Mobile that is almost identical in execution to this stunt (the second video), except there's like a billion times more dancing in this one. Basically a bunch of confederates (damn you, the north!) are walking around in a train station when they bust out in dance and get all wild up in that bitch while onlookers go "what the f***?" and a couple old people question if they remembered to take their medication. Good times. Oh man -- can you imagine if you were just been passing through on your way to catch a train? You'd have missed it. Then been pissed.

Youtube

Thanks to Jon and Mr M, who did a dance number in the middle school talent show but got booed off stage so they set off a stink-bomb in the back of the auditorium.

Jan 23 2009 Wiilly Bad Ideas: Adding Weights To Wiimotes

Wow, wait till somebody beats their dog in the head or throws one of these through the TV.

Introducing riiflex, a weighted attachment designed for the the Wii™ remote. Soon gamers and fitness enthusiasts alike will be able to turn their Wiimote into a weighted dumbbell.

Be among the first to receive this innovative product by submitting your reservation for preorder today.

* Designed for the Wii™ Remote (Wiimote).
* 2LB and 5LB increments (currently proposed).
* Allows access to all Wii™ Remote functions.

Riiflex: $5 to reserve for pre-order
New flatscreen television: $1,600
Two years of therapy for the kids when you kill the family dog: $9,000
Convincing yourself you'll actually get fit playing Wii with a weighted remote: priceless

There are some things money can't buy, for all the rest, steal.

Product Page

Thanks to Tank, who works out his treads running over the bodies of his enemies.

Jan 20 2009 Cows With Holes Directly To Their Stomachs

And I'm not talking about their mouths either! Or assholes. I'm talking hole holes, like, holy shit(!), that cow has a freaking hole in it!

These cows have been given a fistula, a hole directly into the stomach that scientists can reach into and study to see how certain foods get digested. Through this kind of work, better food can be concocted and studies into stomach cancer and other problems can be conducted. Although it looks inhumane, the cows don't seem to mind.

*HORF* You know, now that I think about it, I think they had a cow like this at Virginia Tech when I was there. Of course, I never saw it because I wasn't allowed anywhere near the animal husbandry department. Funny story -- did you know sheep can file restraining orders?

Hit the jump for some even more disturbing imagery.

Continue Reading " Cows With Holes Directly To Their Stomachs "

Jan 13 2009 Vroom Vroom!: Water Faucet With A Shifter

This is a water faucet with a shifter. Because, let's face it, regular faucets just aren't fast enough. The shifter controls the volume of water flowing, and is completely unnecessary. Still, it looks cool. It's just not practical. Now put a sink in a car -- THEN we'd be talking. That reminds me, did I ever tell you the one about the hooker I picked up that refused to use my complimentary hand-sanitizer? Let's just say you won't see her walking the streets anymore! However, you may see her in Davy Jones' locker. I can't wait to see the look on his face when he opens it at school tomorrow!

Shifter faucet lets you change gears as you do the dishes [dvice]

Dec 16 2008 What?: Russian Man Trademarks ;-) Emoticon

Apparently the Russian patent office granted a trademark to resident doucheweed Oleg Teterin, a man who now allegedly owns the rights to the ;-) emoticon. WTF!

But critics doubt the trademark's legal basis as the emoticon has been in the public domain for years.

"I want to highlight that this is only directed at corporations, companies that are trying to make a profit without the permission of the trademark holder," Mr Teterin said in comments on the Russian TV channel, NTV.

He also said since other similar emoticons - :-) or ;) or :) - resemble the one he has trademarked, use of those symbols could also fall under his ownership.

Wow, what is the world coming to? And where does this Ruski get off trying to trademark MY emoticons. That's right folks, I invented them all. Just kidding, but I do use 8===D a lot, often followed by 'PEW PEW!'

Russian hopes to cash in on ;-) [bbcnews]

Thanks Richthegringo, and good luck on your quest to patent all punctuation. Also, thanks to Abby, my new legal consultant.

Dec 8 2008 Why?: The Type-From-The-Back Keyboard

The Grippity is a real product that will be hitting shelves mid next year for about a hundred bones (big ones, like arm and leg bones -- not the little ones in your ear). I question its usefulness. But then again, I question the usefulness of my third leg too. It drags on the ground, so, I dunno, maybe it's for stability.

You get a full QWERTY keyboard that allows for eight-finger typing yoga straight from the back, while a couple of triggers behind double up as mouse buttons. The learning curve for this would be pretty steep as you will probably have to forget about everything you know and start over. Nice to see the Grippity come with an orientation sensor that enables the 60 QWERTY keys to double up as hot keys whenever the unit is flipped over.

Cool, yes, but why? Like drinking a gallon of milk in an hour, just because you can, doesn't mean you should. Unless a friend bets against you, in which case it becomes a matter of pride. And projectile vomiting.

Hit the jump to see a picture of the back.

Continue Reading " Why?: The Type-From-The-Back Keyboard "

Nov 21 2008 Soda Dispenser Dispenses From The Bottom

This piece of crap from Scotsman Beverage Systems dispenses ice from the top, and soda from the bottom. ZOMG, sorcery! It's supposed to revolutionize the beverage serving industry but it's not going to. What it is going to revolutionize is landfills. The system works thanks to special glasses with a non-return valve in the bottom that are set on top of a special filling unit. Now why is this necessary? Oh right, so Scotsman can charge $6 apiece for the glasses. Can somebody say "shenanigans"? Nice. Now say "Don't worry, I'll pick". Great -- finish it off with an "up the tab". Bartender, you heard the man, keep the bourbon flowing.

Magic system fills glasses from the bottom up somehow [dvice]

Nov 19 2008 What Was That?: Guitar Hero On A Bike

I have no idea what I just watched. I think it was some sort of bicycling/Guitar Hero mashup. It didn't make any sense. Of course, many things in life don't. Like women and universal remotes. I just don't get it -- why's everything have to be so complicated?*

*I'm being spited me for drinking the holy water that one time. God, I was thirsty!

Youtube

Thanks to Richard, P0STMAN, and imasys, who could play Guitar Hero on skateboards while eating Hot Fries. Good choice guys, those things are freaking delicious.

Nov 9 2008 eBay: Questionable Star Wars Iron-On Decal

Always wanted an iron-on decal of C-3PO distracting R2 while he wipes his golden dipstick across his diminutive friend's neck? Now's your chance! Bidding starts at $0.01 with $2.99 shipping.

- The size of this transfer is about 4 x 5 inches.

- Works on 100% cotton or polyester blend fabrics, such as T-shirts, caps, bags, pillowcases or mouse pads, just be creative and let your imagination run wild.
- Homoerotic, and roboerotic.

Remember: BEEPITY BOOP BEEP = No means no.

eBay Auction

Thanks to James, who, even drunk, has never tried to stick it to a trashcan.

Nov 3 2008 British Boy Legally Changes Name To 'Captain Fantastic Faster Than Superman Spiderman Batman Wolverine The Hulk And The Flash Combined'

A 19-year old British kid legally changed his name from George Garratt to Captain Fantastic Faster Than Superman Spiderman Batman Wolverine The Hulk And The Flash Combined. Because, WTF, you only live once, right? Just kidding, this is my second go around.

"I decided on a superheroes theme and whenever my friends offered up suggestions to me, I added them."

He added: "My family have begun to expect these sorts of things from me, and although my friends thought it was ridiculous most people do call me Captain and it's been a great conversation starter."

A spokesman from The Legal Deed Poll Service, said: "We get so many outrageous name changes that these days it barely fazes us, but when this one was brought to my attention I knew there was something special about it."

Oh there's something special about it all right. Listen, Superman and The Flash are the only fast ones out of the bunch, so tacking on all those others is only increasing overall speed incrementally (and the time it takes to write your name exponentially). Snap -- your name just got learned, Captain Fantarded! Also, you're 19-years old man, come the f*** on.

Teenager's new name is fantastic [bbcnews]

Thanks to Chris, who wants to change his name to Captain Kickass Planet, and totally should.

Oct 31 2008 Track That Ass With Some GPS Lingerie

The "Find Me If You Can" lingerie line from Brazilian designer Lucia Lorio comes with a GPS-uplink unit inside so you can catch your woman jumping some other guy's bones if she's really stupid and don't know there's a brick-sized piece of electronic equipment conspicuously sewn into her undergarment. The different styles sell between $800 and $1,100 and definitely aren't worth it. If you really want to keep track of your woman, and on the cheap, I've got three words for you: rope, and tree. Kidding! She's gonna need a water bowl too.

Designer Lingerie Has Embedded GPS-Uplink For Lady Location [gizmodo]

Thanks to Mpoo Zea, who once went geocaching and found a leprechaun's gold. Gimme the gold. I want the gold.

Oct 28 2008 Not Awesome: Worst Body/Case Mod Ever

Not only does this moron have a sarape tacked to the wall as a window treatment, he's got a freaking computer duct taped to his nuts. Now why is he not being electrocuted? And, more importantly, who the hell took the picture? $20 says it was his mom.

Caption Contest: Naked man who is also a computer; eye bleach not included [engadget]

Oct 23 2008 WTF?: Man 'Dances' With Heavy Machinery

This is some guy dancing with a 5-ton digger, and it's every bit as mecherotic as you'd expect.

'Transports Exceptionnels' is an experiment piece created by French dance group Compagnie Beau Geste. Unlike traditional ballets, this piece doesn't doesn't follow a narrative. Instead, the viewer is encouraged to find their own meaning.

Own meaning? Like what? That twisted f*** is trying to court a ditch digger.

Man and machine duet [reuters]

Thanks to Craig, who once danced with the devil in the pale moonlight.

Oct 13 2008 Sony Unveils Ultra-Thin 40" LCD Television

The Sony Bravia ZX1 is not only 9.9mm thin, but "40% more efficient per panel inch compared to conventional flat panel technology" and allegedly uses less power than a light bulb. I'm not sure what kind of lightbulb, but probably not the 5-watt nightlight in the bathroom I use to prevent pissing on the floor. You know, I was just thinking the other day, "self, this LCD flat panel just isn't thin enough -- I really need something in the 9-10mm range." Thanks Sony, I'll take a 40". $6,055? No prob....wait, problem. Huge freaking problem.

Hit the jump for a video of the mother.

Continue Reading " Sony Unveils Ultra-Thin 40" LCD Television "

Oct 3 2008 Magic Hat Makes You Smarter, Look Stupid

This thinking cap promises to make its wearer smarter. How?

Using a magnetic coil to send juice to portions of the left side of the brain, researchers claim that they can turn anyone into a savant, improving memory and creativity by incredible amounts.

Being a skeptic, I went ahead and rigged up my own cap on their design. I made it out of aluminum foil, a bunch of refrigerator magnets, and a car battery. Here goes nothing!

UPDATE: I smell toast.

'Thinking Cap' turns you into a genius [dvice]