Nov 12 2009 Science-y!: Thermal Imaging Of A Toot

This is what a toot likes like under thermal imaging. Looks kind of like a ghost, don't you think? The ghost of dinners past! Get it?! Me neither. Also, I totally just made you stare at a man's ass. Women don't do that! Right? Women don't do that....right?

Picture

Thanks to Kelly, who thought it looked like musical notes.

Sep 30 2009 It's About Time!: A Dinosaur Serving Spoon

I can honestly say I've never wanted to have sex with a bowl of noodles so bad in my entire life. Well, that's not entirely true.

Product Site

Thanks to Carolina, who only eats her pasta the way god intended: with Mario and Luigi.

Sep 27 2009 Mobile Bar: Beer Bike Totes Two Kegs, Pizza

The Beer Bike was designed and created by Hopworks Urban Brewing of Portland, Oregon, and features two kegs and taps, plus a hot pizza storage unit. Impressive, but I can't even imagine pedaling two full kegs of beer around. I mean, those bitches are heavy. Sure, I've dated three-keg girls before, BUT I NEVER OFFERED THEM RIDES ON MY HANDLEBARS, NOW DID I?! I didn't. I demanded piggybacks!

Beer Bike! [mostlyhere]

Thanks to Kevin, who built a bike with an actual mobile brewery on the back.

Sep 24 2009 For The Ladies: This Ridiculous-Ass Shoe

Yes, that's a shoe. And it's ridiculous looking, isn't it? I know -- what's the matter with flip-flops? I don't get it either. YES I'M JUST JEALOUS!

And a high heel shoe at that. Designed by London architect Julian Hakes, the Mojito shoe is made of carbon fiber--to give it strength and spring--and laminated with rubber on the bottom and leather--from furniture manufacturers in High Wycombe, England--on top.

I can't even begin to imagine how you put that thing on. You could lock me in a room with a pair of these for an hour, and when you came back and I've one have on dangling from an ear and a high-heel sized bulge in my shorts. Yeah, I'd be waving it at ya.

Wait, This Is a Shoe? [gizmodo]

Aug 31 2009 Fire Hazard: The Wrist Mounted Flamethrower

If you've been reading long enough, you may recall Everett Bradford's Pyro System from early last year. Well now Everett is back with the Pyro System 2.2. Basically, it's a bunch of 3rd degree burns waiting to happen. Ever seen a man melt his own face off before? I have, but only because I was tired of shaving. Suck it, electrolysis!

Youtube

Thanks to Ethan, Jeff and Matty, who all have flamethrowers mounted on their bikes so you won't follow too close behind. Also, they just look cool.

Aug 25 2009 "Don't Be Afraid" He Murmured, His Velvet Voice Unintentionally Seductive

That's right folks, now there's a Twilight/vampire themed sex toy. It's a sparkly dildo and marks the coming of the apocalypse.

Updated by popular request... Yes the The Vamp retains hot and cold temperature. Toss it in the fridge for that authentic experience (OR A FIRE!).

JUST IN TIME FOR HALLOWEEN! Who doesn't love those dark and mysterious vamps on the screen and in the books we all thumb through lustfully? That's what we thought. For those of us who fantasize about being spellbound and tantalized by the forbidden comes The Vamp. We promise this vamp won't be the only thing coming for you in the night.

The Vamp is a realistic form based appropriately on our Sire's design but with a deathly pale flesh tone reminiscent of the new moon's glow. Since it's a Tantus toy, The Vamp is made from Tantus' own unique blend of 100% Ultra-Premium Silicone. Don't be surprised if this toy seduces you, its long sleek shaft and deliciously ridged head calling to you in the twilight. But don't save this for just nocturnal escapades, try taking our Vamp out in the sunlight and watch him sparkle.

Yes, out in the sunlight. Because a public park is the perfect place to vamp yourself. Also, to rollerblade. Don't forget your pads and helmet!

NSFW Product Site (with video!)

Thanks to Shannon, LisaMarie, Joemo, Cloie, Ashley, sham, Evy, rya and anyone else I may have forgotten, for all chipping in and ordering me one. You did order me one, right guys?

Aug 14 2009 Solar Shower Provides Hot Water In 2 Hours

The $200 Solar Power Shower can heat up to 8 liters of water to 140° Fahrenheit in as little as two hours, provided it's outside in the sun and not in your basement.

It's a lot more sophisticated than a simple camping solar shower, because this one mixes that 140° water with cool water from the garden hose, giving you plenty of toasty warm water at just the right temperature.

Impressive, but I don't really have a need for a solar powered shower. I do, however, have a need for that chick in the picture. Seriously, I'm getting hungry. HIYO!

Solar Shower heats water in two hours [dvice]

Jul 30 2009 Don't Eat The Pan!: Pac-Man Oven Mitts

This $12 Pac-Man Hothead from Fred is a silicon oven mitt that's "ready to eat the heat". Or, I dunno, your cookies! I like how the inside of his mouth looks like a Pac-Man level, I thought that was a nice touch. But not as nice as yours. No seriously -- this back isn't gonna rub itself.

Product Site (click 'buy' and 'shop online' if you want to find a place that sells them)

Jun 26 2009 It Buuuuuurns!: India To Make Chili Grenades

India's Defense Research and Development Organization has plans to start manufacturing hot chili grenades. Hot chili grenades are exactly what they sound like: hot. chili. grenades.

Indian defence scientists are planning to put one of the world's hottest chilli powders into hand grenades.

They say the devices will be used to control rioters and in counter-insurgency operations.

The chilli, known as Bhut Jolokia, is said to be 1,000 times hotter than commonly used kitchen chilli.

Wow, this might very well be the second most delicious grenade I've ever heard of. But NOTHING tops a good tear-gas grenade. I eat sadness!

India plans hot chilli grenades [bbcnews]

Thanks to i like it spicy, whose urine can melt concrete.

Jun 25 2009 Invention Of The Century: In-Car Pizza Oven

I think I speak for us all when I say, it's about damn time. This 12-volt pizza oven plugs right into a car's cigarette lighter or power point so you can cook a breakfast pizza on your commute to work. Or a dinner pizza on your way home! Or burn your car to the ground! The $36 oven is a real product and I just bought two. One for the front seat, and one for the kids in the back. What in the -- damnit kids, I smell burning army men! *sniff* I'm just so proud.

portable pizza oven lets you cook-a nice-a pizz-a pie in a moving car [technabob]

Thanks to FDSY and gnome king, who cook their pizzas on the radiator like normal people.

Jun 11 2009 I Like: Today's Woot Shirt, The Monalisaur

Today's shirt.woot is the Monalisaur. I bought one. It cost $10 shipped. I'm going to wear it. Then I'm going to cut a hole where the mouth is and wear it out. Yow yow! I've never made love to a dinosaur-woman hybrid before but I've always wanted to. Although, to my credit, I did make love to a woman with alligator skin once. She was a retiree in Florida selling citrus by the roadside. Best tangerines ever. And I'm not talking about her tits either.

Shirt Woot

Thanks to Corinna and Gizmoduck, who know what I like (read: dinosaurs).

Jun 9 2009 USB Microwave Is World's Smallest, For Beans

The Heinz Beanzawave is being billed as the world's smallest microwave and measures a scant 7.4 inches tall by 6.2 inches wide and 5.9 inches deep. It's equally suited for heating a can of beans/soup at your desk or frying your nuts so you can't have children.

The mini microwave is being developed as a partner to Heinz Snap Pots, baked beans in single-serving containers. The Snap Pots, available in the U.K., fit perfectly into the Beanzawave. But the $160 device will only be released commercially if consumer feedback is positive and if component prices drop in the near future.

Well you can count me on board. I'M ON A BOAT! Just kidding, I wish I was though. No, right now I'm just laying in bed topless braiding my penises. Now where'd I put that scrunchie?

Beanzawave: The World's Smallest Microwave [fastcompany]

Thanks to scottsc, who cooks his beans at work the old fashioned way: on a campfire in the boardroom.

Jun 3 2009 Miss Atom 2009: Nuclear Power In My Pants

So apparently Russia has been holding the Miss Atom contest since 2004 and I have yet to be a guest judge. That's some sauce, Russia. Vodka sauce. Anyways, here is Miss Atom 2009, Yekaterina Bulgakova, who was picked out of the 350 contestants that all work in the Russian nuclear power sector. Nice. Now I know what you're thinking, and yes, I was hoping for three boobs too.

Official Site
via
Russia selects Nuclear Beauties 2009 [mosnews]

Thanks to Void, who slept with like thirty of the contests and now glows in the dark.

May 25 2009 Girls Dressed Up As Daleks From Dr. Who

This is a picture of three girls dressed up as Daleks from Dr. Who standing in front of some liquefied petroleum gas. Needless to say, it's the sexist thing I've seen all Memorial Day and would do all three of them in this order: 2,3,1. You know, for America. U-S-A! U-S-A!

Picture [retrothing]

Thanks to "I know you are a sucker for girls in geeky costumes" Brocknoviatch, who speaks the truth.

May 22 2009 Magical Wolf Shirt Receives Rave Reviews

A shirt being sold by Amazon that features three wolf heads howling at the moon has receiving over 500 reviews and seriously increased sales. Most of the reviews mention the shirt's magical properties. Here's the one that got it all started:

This item has wolves on it which makes it intrinsically sweet and worth 5 stars by itself, but once I tried it on, that's when the magic happened. After checking to ensure that the shirt would properly cover my girth, I walked from my trailer to Wal-mart with the shirt on and was immediately approached by women. The women knew from the wolves on my shirt that I, like a wolf, am a mysterious loner who knows how to 'howl at the moon' from time to time (if you catch my drift!). The women that approached me wanted to know if I would be their boyfriend and/or give them money for something they called mehth. I told them no, because they didn't have enough teeth, and frankly a man with a wolf-shirt shouldn't settle for the first thing that comes to him.

I arrived at Wal-mart, mounted my courtesy-scooter (walking is such a drag!) sitting side saddle so that my wolves would show. While I was browsing tube socks, I could hear aroused asthmatic breathing behind me. I turned around to see a slightly sweaty dream in sweatpants and flip-flops standing there. She told me she liked the wolves on my shirt, I told her I wanted to howl at her moon. She offered me a swig from her mountain dew, and I drove my scooter, with her shuffling along side out the door and into the rest of our lives. Thank you wolf shirt.

Pros: Fits my girthy frame, has wolves on it, attracts women
Cons: Only 3 wolves (could probably use a few more on the 'guns'), cannot see wolves when sitting with arms crossed, wolves would have been better if they glowed in the dark.

There you have it. The review was so popular that wolf shirt sales have gone through the roof (up 2,300%), with everybody else trying to score a piece of the magic. Hell, the BBC even did a story on it. Now, if you'll excu....*ripping track jacket off* OW OW OOOOOOOOOWWW!! Come on -- who likes it hairy?

Amazon Product Site
and
Joke review boosts T-shirt sales [bbcnews]

Thanks to gizmoduck, The Superficial Writer, pironic, debaser, Mubbly, Ben, Jacob, Danimal, Pete, Yopoleo, Richard Belding, Brett and Ryan, who know a shirt that will get that ladies when they see it.

May 4 2009 Steampunk 'Massager' Really Steam Powered

This steampunk vibrator was created by metal worker Ani Niow and really works, provided you don't mind melting your hand off to pleasure yourself (I came close once after a 14 hour marathon).

While it technically does run off steam, Niow cautions you'll need to wear insulated welding gloves to handle it without getting burned. This is why she's temporarily using compressed air for now.

If she can secure a smaller portable boiler she'll give the thing a run at full power, as was intended.

Good looking, Ani, I like a hint of danger in my sex life. Reminds me of the time I used a live crocodile for a condom.

Fully Functional Steampunk Vibrator Might Scald Your Privates [gizmodo]

Thanks to Julian, who tried dating a toaster but ended up getting burned.

Apr 28 2009 Sure, Why Not?: Animal-Shaped Radiators

Guus van Leeuwen's Domestic Animal radiators heat your home without all the shedding and feces associated with keeping a real animal in the house.

[The] radiators are made using between 40 and 60 pieces of steel tubing which are bent using a computer and then welded together by the Eindhoven-based designer. The radiators can then be connected to the heating pipes via the tail. The pelts are real and have been filled with wheat seeds in order to conserve the heat.

Well it's about time! You hear that, Mr. Badger? It's time for you to make like a tree and get out of here. I mean it -- OUT! Oh, being stubborn are we? Fine. *BLAM!* Badger steak for everyone! And, on a 100% completely unrelated note that has absolutely nothing at all to do with sleeping with a badger -- anybody know how to get blood out of bedsheets?

Hit the jump for closeups of the different animals.

Continue Reading " Sure, Why Not?: Animal-Shaped Radiators "

Apr 22 2009 What The?: Questionable Sub Commercial

I love Quiznos. Or, I should say, I loved Quiznos before I found out their ovens encourage employees to have sex with them. I mean, WTF? This isn't how you sell delicious, oven-baked subs, this is how you....damnit, now I want Quiznos.

Youtube

Thanks to Jordan and Reiko, who have never gone anywhere near a toaster with their junk exposed. Or so they say.

Apr 16 2009 Bacon Torch Burns Hot, Hot Water Burn Baby

Some guy went and built a thermal lance (cutting torch) that runs on pure oxygen and the fat from bacon (well, prosciutto). As you can see from the picture, the 5,000°F grease-flame is hot enough to burn through a pan, and straight to our hearts. *swoon*

A thermal lance, typically made of iron instead of bacon, is used to cut up scrap metal and rescue people from collapsed buildings. It works by blowing pure oxygen gas through a pipe packed with iron and magnesium rods. These metals are surprisingly flammable in pure oxygen, releasing a huge amount of heat as they are consumed. The result is a jet of superheated iron plasma coming out of the end of the pipe. For sheer destructive force, few tools match a thermal lance. But iron isn't the only thing that's flammable in a stream of pure oxygen.

There's a video after the jump that explains how he made it, but I'm not into following directions so I just glue-sticked a bunch of bacon to grandma's oxygen mask. Here goes nothin'! *FWOOOSH!* Uh-oh, looks like I'm gonna need another grandma. Quick -- to the old folks home before my parents get back!

Hit the jump for an instructional video.

Continue Reading " Bacon Torch Burns Hot, Hot Water Burn Baby "

Apr 13 2009 For When It's Cold: Sleeping Bag Coats

Lippi Selk'bags cost $125-$150 and look like wearable sleeping bags. Because that's what they are -- sleeping bags that you wear. Any of you lovely ladies interested in sharing one with me? Awesome -- I get it on weekends!

Lippi's Selk'bag is made for mobility, comfort and a more recuperative sleep. Designed and tested in the Andes, the Selk'bag was named in honor of the lost Selk'nam natives of Chile who were known for their ferocity and ability to withstand harsh conditions.

In a recent comparison conducted by Consumer Reports, a Selk'bag actually ripped a Snuggie's sleeves off and defecated down its head hole. Which, you're right, would have made a great commercial.

Sleeping-Bag Suit Makes Snuggies Look Even Wussier [asylum]

Thanks to Stephen, who can endure temperatures down to -40 degrees Celsius because he's inside a tauntaun.