Aug 25 2009 Wrong, Just Plain Wrong: Two Robots Kissing

Listen, as long as you're human I firmly believe you should be able to kiss and have relations and relationships with whoever you want (provided they feel the same about you). I don't care if you're black, brown, yellow, blue, red, white, clear, striped, dotted, Canadian, from Australia, have food allergies, are bi, straight, gay or super gay, I say go for it. Robots, not so much. Robots should all burn in a fire.

Video: The first (televised) kiss between robots [engadget]

Thanks to Xavier, Mr. Robbot, Peterman, Joe Mamma, 3d, Kenneth and Captain Awesome, who swear they've never tried kissing themselves in the mirror and are all terrible liars.

May 13 2009 UPDATE: Zapatag Calls Out Bad Drivers

Zapatag is a user submitted database of bad/inconsiderate/female/rude/raging drivers' license plate numbers and their alleged infractions. I have no idea of the legality of such a system, but quite frankly, I don't care -- I think this is a great idea. Provided, of course, I never see a GK WRITR tag pop up. If you don't like the way I drive, stay off the sidewalk! That said, I change my mind about the GK WRITR thing -- make as many sightings as you can around the DC area talking about how handsome I am and how I can make light turns green by unbuttoning my shirt. Also, maybe mention that it looked like my truck was dragging its muffler but it turned out to be my penis. Ladies?

UPDATE: Click HERE to see all my infractions to date.

Zapatag

Thanks to The Jerk, who already has like fifty listings.

Dec 16 2008 Parents Take Halo 3 Away From Teenage Son, He Shoots Them Both, Killing Mother

17-year old Daniel Petric shot both his parents, killing his mother, for taking his copy of Halo 3 away from him. You can hit the link to read the story of how it went down, but I don't feel like copying it here.

Lawyers for the accused delivered a brief statement at the opening of the trial, explaining that their client had be under a large amount of stress after being homebound for a year due to a snowboarding accident with nothing to do but watch television and play video games.

It's just an amazingly heart-wrenching story, made even more so by the following exchange between father and son related by Mark Petric (Daniel's father) during testimony:

"Dad, I'm so sorry for what I did to Mom, to you and to the family," Daniel Petric said, according to his father. "I'm so glad you are alive."

"You're my son," Mark Petric responded. "You're my boy."

Teen Shot Parents Because They Took Away Halo 3 [kotaku]

Thanks Jesus and Kevin.

RIP Susan Petric

Nov 26 2008 Israeli Software 'Beautifies' Ugly Faces

A group of Israeli computer scientists think they've developed a program that can beautify a human face based on the innate preferences humans have. As you can see from the "beautified" Mona Lisa there, they've failed. I could have done a better job in Microsoft Paint.

"We were able to fit a mathematical model to this set of data that we've gathered, namely the images that we showed to people and their responses in terms of the beauty scores that they chose to give to each image," said Lischinksi.

Um, dude? Your mathematical model blows monster dino-dick.

The team then applied the model to modify images so as to make them appear more attractive. They are now exploring a variety of potential commercial applications for the software, Lischinski said.

"This is something we're looking into," he said. It remains to be seen whether women would simply use the improved image as a guide to more effective makeup application or whether people take it to a plastic surgeon and say: "Make me look like that."

Ladies, this is such garbage -- you're all beautiful just the way you are. Especially naked. And I mean that.

Keep the pictures coming.

Hit the jump for a real human face comparison.

Continue Reading " Israeli Software 'Beautifies' Ugly Faces "

Jun 24 2008 Video: How To Play Guitar Hero On The DS

This is a video explaining how to play Guitar Hero: On Tour with the Nintendo DS. It ranks right up there with the Star Wars Dance Competition in things that are unbearable to watch. Seriously, I almost killed myself while watching it. I was just slipping my head through the noose when it ended. Don't believe me? I dare you to watch the whole 3:30 and then tell me with a straight face you didn't entertain cutting yourself. Because you did. You also entertained finding out where Mr. Eyeliner lives and cutting him. Go on, admit it.

Guitar Hero: On Tour promo video makes grown men cry [engadget]

Thanks for the warning Julian, but curiosity got the best of me

Dec 28 2007 German Poontang Juice Is Horrible Smelling

Some crazy German company makes a product called Vulva that smells like a woman's nether-regions. You take the glass vial, give it a shake, and then rub some on the back of your hand. They sent a free sample and I must say I'm actually getting sick while I write this. Currently the original scent is the only one available, but Eighteen and Exotic scents are coming soon. One vial runs about $29 and is disgusting. Yep, I'm puking in my mouth. Geez, I can't believe I even managed to type all this. Now if you'll excuse me I need to wash the back of my hand before I get any sicker. Wait, the dog is licking it. Oh the humanity.

Official Website - WARNING: VERY NSFW but features a must see video when you're in the comfort of your own home.

A big thanks (I think) to Miles for the very disturbing tip