Oct 5 2009 For The Apocalypse: Bra Turns To Gas Masks

Doctor Elena Bodner won this year's Ig Noble Prize for Public Health with a bra designed to turn into two functional gas masks should the need arise (and why wouldn't it?).

The aim of the awards is to honour achievements that "first make people laugh and then make them think".

The Ig Nobel Prizes were presented to the winners by genuine Nobel laureates.

Past winners also returned to take part in the celebrations. They included Kees Moeliker, the discoverer of homosexual necrophilia in the mallard duck, and Dr Francis Fesmire, who devised the digital rectal massage as cure for intractable hiccups.

Wow, what an elite group. You've got to admit though, a gas mask bra is pretty clever. Granted, not as clever as the gas mask underwear I just invented, but you act like you've never seen a guy with worn panties on his face before. THIS IS NORMAL IN JAPAN!

Hit the jump for the worthwhile complete list of winners.

Continue Reading " For The Apocalypse: Bra Turns To Gas Masks "

Oct 4 2009 Bangladeshi Man Kills 83,000 Rats, Wins TV

Seen here doing God knows what, 40-year old Bangladeshi farmer Mokhairul Islam killed 83,450 rats from January to September and won the coveted #1 Rat Slaya title. His reward: a 14-inch color television.

Proof of his accomplishment came in the form of 83,450 rat's tails delivered by Mr Islam to local officials.

"Rodents are the most feared enemy for farmers, so it is an honour to win this prize," he said.

The competition aims to reduce the damage done to crops in the impoverished land, with an estimated 6.5 million rats killed this year. The Government estimates that as much as 10 per cent of Bangladesh's annual harvest of rice, wheat and potatoes is devoured by rodents.

Pfft, for that kinda prize I woulda killed at least twice that many rats. WITH LASERS. Just saying, you ever had laser-roasted womp rat before? I have -- on Tatooine! Also, don't tell Luke but I've seen Leia naked. He might get jealous!

Farmer wins TV for killing record number of rats in Bangladesh [timesonline]

Thanks to trishna87, who's actually Bangladeshi and I've promised to help win the title next year. I hope we get a cassette player!

Oct 1 2009 Huge Cache Of Dinosaurs Eggs Found In India

In promising dinosaur-cloning news, hundreds of football-sized Sauropod eggs have been uncovered in India. Secretary, book me a flight! Oh, wait, they're all infertile. Secretary, cancel that flight and order me a pizza!

"The important finding is that these eggs have been found in different layers that means the dinosaurs came to the place over and over year after year," he said.

"The second important thing is that we have got volcanic ash deposits on the eggs which suggests that volcanic activity could have caused their extinction.

"The other thing we have found is that all these eggs are unhatched and infertile. So what made the eggs infertile? We need to carry out further studies to learn more from the findings."

Dr Ramkumar and his team have called on the central and state governments to protect what they are calling a "Jurassic treasure trove".

Hell yes, Jurassic treasure trove. That's better than pirate gold in my book. And my book is awesome and has COLOR ILLUSTRATIONS OF ME BONING DINOSAURS (tasteful ones). Just saying, go ahead and send the Caldecott to my parent's house.

Dinosaur eggs are found in India [bbcnews]

Thanks to Spikey DaPikey and Awesome Saucer, who have a time machine and may or may not be responsible for some of those eggs (read: the eggs are infertile so I suspect they are).

Sep 10 2009 Finally: The Buckyball Haiku Contest Winners

First of all, I'd like to apologize for taking so long to grade your haiku, but I took my time and read EVERY SINGLE ONE. I just wasn't expecting 1,600 entries, since I didn't even get that many comments ON MY BIRTHDAY. Read: everyone who entered but didn't wish me a happy birthday was disqualified. I jest. But seriously, you all did great and I'm very proud of the quality of poetry (most of) you wrote. Also, a bunch of you are clearly special needs. But that's okay, so am I. We'll have more contests in the future just as soon as people contact me with free swag to give away (I'm looking at you, Mercedes). Also, I can't stress how near impossible it was to choose winners. I haven't slept in four days trying to sort through all this awesome. And now, the moment you've all been waiting for, the winners:

Grand Prize:

407. AM

Powered by man flesh
Robots hunt down last blogger
Cry Geekologie

Runners Up (in no particular order):

1014. pellaz

Red skies born in flame
Metal masters torment us
Prophet was ignored

74. Matt

On the internet,
Dangerous to go alone...
Take Geekologie

1221. well thats nice

The Robots bring doom
So before we are all killed
Post Zelda Side Boob

There you have it, I guess I was really feeling Zelda and the robot apocalypse (but don't think I didn't enjoy your dinosaur entries -- they made me so hot!). I will be contacting the winners tomorrow. And again, it really was impossible to choose winners. I had the field narrowed down to 190 (including yours) and had to choose four. But don't worry, you'll win next time. Thanks for participating everyone, and I don't care what everybody else says: you're all winners in my book.

Get Buckyballs

Aug 12 2009 I Made It!: Your Geekologie Writer Is 28 Today

Dearest Geekologie Reader,

Against all odds I've survived another year and made it to 28. TWENTY EIGHT! That's like, almost a quarter of a century. So yeah, that's a real picture of me taken a few years ago after I drank my weight in Kool-Aid and went on a sticker binge. Damn I looked good back then. Seriously -- what happened? Anyway, I'm gonna be flying up to New York City today to treat myself to a birthday celebration fit for a Geekologie Writer (read: ice creams). And, because I love you, I already wrote several posts so you lovely folks won't miss me too much while I'm flying. Feel free to fill the comments with birthday wishes or how much you hate me (I'll read them all, so now's your chance to say something), and I'll be back with a full day tomorrow from New York.

Love,

Your Geekologie Writer

P.S. Where's my dinosaur cake. No, really.

Jul 28 2009 HOORAY!: HAPPY 4,000TH POST TO ME!

Dearest Reader,

That could be a cash register for all I know, the important thing is that I WOULD TOTALLY EAT THOSE GUMDROP KEYS. Also, this is my 4,000th post as your Geekologie Writer. FOUR-THOUSANDTH! I honestly can't think of a single other thing I've done that many times. Not one. I swear, it seems like only yesterday (it was actually back in February) I was tooting my own horn for 3,000 posts fairly well done.

I'd like to thank all you regulars (you know who you are) for constantly filling the comments sections with crap (although you should start more fights, I miss the fights). You've racked up 115,543 comments on the posts I've written, 100,000 of which are My Brute links. But seriously, thank you all for reading everyday (EVERYDAY -- not every-other day or a couple times a week, EVERYDAY). And for those of you new to Geekologie, it's a pleasure to meet you, say hi sometime. Thank you all (and Anticlown Media) for giving me the means to lay around the house all day and fill your interweb with awesome. Here's to the next thousand!

Love,

Your Geekologie Writer

P.S. A very special thanks to Cocoa, for teaching me everything I know about NOT GIVING A DANG.

Jun 26 2009 Swedish Women Win Right To Tan Topless

In what will probably be the awesomest news I'll hear all day, Swedish women in Malmö have officially won the right to go to public pools with their knockers hanging out. *sniff* I think we're really making progress here.

...some on the council had lobbied for wording which would have required women to keep their nipples covered, but Forsberg explained that attempting to enforce such a rule would have been too complicated.

"We don't define what bathing suits men should wear so it doesn't make much sense to do it for women. And besides, it's not unusual for men to have large breasts that resemble women's breasts," he said.

OH HO, you just had to sneak a manboob burn in there didn't you? I'M WORKING ON THEM, OKAY? And by working on I mean fondling. Oooh la la.

Yay Sweden! Swedish Women Won Rights to Bathe Topless [neatorama]

Thanks to Mags, who was in shock I hadn't already motorboated this story.

Jun 18 2009 It's A Boy!: Periodic Table Gets New Element

That's right young'n, the periodic table finally gave birth to element 112, temporarily named 'Ununbium', until it's official name 'Geekologium' can be verified by the International Union of Pure and Applied Chemistry (IUPAC), who I may or may not be holding at gunpoint. I SAID SIGN THE PAPERS!

More than a decade after experiments first produced a single atom of the element, a team of German scientists has been credited with its discovery.

The team, led by Sigurd Hofmann at the Centre for Heavy Ion Research, must propose a name for their find, before it can be formally added to the table.

To create element 112, Professor Hofmann's team used a 120m-long particle accelerator to fire a beam of charged zinc atoms (or zinc ions) at lead atoms. Nuclei of the two elements merged, or fused, to form the nucleus of the new element.

Oh yeah? Well I was born when a beam of charged awesome atoms were fired at badass ones. Nuclei of the two elements merged, or fused, to form my nuts. Then, a stork wrapped me in a blanket and flew off. But mid-flight I cut myself out of the sack and parachuted behind enemy lines, where I shot the everliving shit out of them. And that, my friends, is how I became the youngest recipient of the Congressional Medal of Awesome.

Periodic table gets a new element [bbcnews]

Thanks to Ari and Julian, who were born after a sperm fused with an egg.

Jun 10 2009 New Futuramas Coming To Comedy Central

Sad they stopped making new Futurama episodes? Well cry no more my puffy-eyed compadre, Comedy Central just signed a deal for 26 new episodes beginning mid-2010!

When the series returns with original episodes in 2010, it will be seven years after the show's last original episode aired on Fox. That's a much longer hiatus than the three years Family Guy spent on the bench before being summoned back by Fox.

All key voice cast members are expected to return for the new episodes, along with the series' core writing team.

Nice, now I can finally reignite my love-hate relationship with Bender. Good to see you again buddy, wanna drink? What am I saying -- I'll kill you! Unless you have naked pictures of Leela, in which case, BFFs!

I'll kill you in your sleep.

Comedy Central gives Futurama new future [abc]

Thanks to Rigo, Nick, Julian and Sarah-Ashton, who have never received a package from Planet Express on time.

Jun 5 2009 NEW MONKEY ISLAND GAME COMING OUT

Let's kick this Friday off right, huh? THERE IS A NEW GAME IN THE MONKEY ISLAND SERIES COMING JULY 7th! Not only that, Lucasarts is releasing a remake of the original Secrets of Monkey Island, also set to drop this summer (for XBox Arcade, PC and Mac). Quick, grog me so we can cheers!

Tales of Monkey Island (PC and WiiWare) will be released in five monthly serials by Telltale Games beginning July 7th in the same fashion as the recenter Sam & Max and Strongbad games. You can preorder now for $35. I just preordered with two different credit cards in case I screwed something up the first time. And I may do it a third just to be safe. Now, granted the style of graphics really isn't my favorite, but that's okay. MONKEY ISLAND, YO! One of the Jonas Brothers could play Guybrush and I'd still buy it. Kidding, I'd cannonball myself in the face.

Hit the jump for two VIDEOS, one about each of the games coming out.

Continue Reading " NEW MONKEY ISLAND GAME COMING OUT "

Apr 22 2009 Scientists Find Watery, Earth-Like Planet?

Earth Day Fools! Oh, wait, no. Apparently this is real, and only 20.5 light-years away! Ladies and gentlemen -- start your rocket engines. PSSSSHOOOOOOOOW! PEW PEW.

The Gliese 581 planetary system now has four known planets, with masses of about 1.9 (planet e, left in the foreground), 16 (planet b, nearest to the star), 5 (planet c, center), and 7 Earth-masses (planet d, with the bluish colour).

Michel Mayor, a well-known exoplanet researcher from the Geneva Observatory, announced the find today. The planet, "e," in the famous system Gliese 581, is only about twice the mass of our Earth. The team also refined the orbit of the planet Gliese 581 d, first discovered in 2007, placing it well within the habitable zone, where liquid water oceans could exist.

Planet Gliese 581 d, is that really the best they could do? GIVE IT A REAL DAMN NAME ALREADY. I propose Waterworld. And speaking of which, that was a hell of a movie, was it not? Oh, I'm getting a "no" from The IWatchStuff Writer. But he had gills, man, gills!

Nearly Earth-sized Planet, Possible Watery World Spotted Near Another Star [universetoday]

Thanks to Morgana, who, for an Earth-related tip on Earth Day, wins a free trip to Gliese 581 d, just as soon I finish my rocketship.

Mar 17 2009 The World's Most Cussingest Video Game

Goes to Sega's The House of the Dead: Overkill for the Wii, with over 189 f-bombs dropped throughout the game. This knowledge comes to us from the ever diligent Guiness World Book of Records, who have apparently started recording the number of bad words in video games in addition to the world's longest toenails. Good for you. And what did Headstrong Games' writer Jonathan Burroughs have to say about the feat?

It is a dubious honour to receive such an accolade working in an industry where so often the fruits of your labours are derided and dismissed for being puerile or irresponsible, but in the case of The House of the Dead: OVERKILL a little puerility was the order of business. Parodying the profane excess of grindhouse cinema was Headstrong Games' objective and I am flattered that this record acknowledges that we not only rose to that challenge, but entirely exceeded it.

Nice. Do you see what happens? Do you see what happens, Jonathan? DO YOU SEE WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOU FIND A STRANGER IN THE ALPS!?! Congratulations. And also, OVER THE LINE! Mark it zero dude, next frame.

House Of The Dead: Overkill Sets World Record For Swearing [vgchartz]

Thanks to Julian, who once got kicked out of a class in college for cussing but then went to visit his professor during office hours and totally made out with her. Yeah, on her gradebook and everything. So, high-five for that, Julian.

Mar 9 2009 The Compact Disc Turned 30 Yesterday

That's right, March 8th marked the "historic demonstration of the first CD prototype codenamed 'Pinkeltje' on March 8th, 1979." Well congratulations, compact disc, I almost forgot you were still here.

While many would argue that the CD is on its way out in favor of smaller, highly portable MP3 files, the disc has definitely left a lasting mark on the industry. To date, over 3.5 billion audio CD players have been sold alongside 240 billion discs.

Damn -- that's a lot of discs! That's almost a quarter of a trillion dollars. And a trillion dollars, my friends, is how much money I have in the bank. It barely fits! Just sayin', bling bling, money ain't a thing. I'm talking skating rink ice. Ladies?

Compact Disc turns 30, MP3 doesn't bother to send a gift [engadget]

Thanks to Julian, who still buys tapes because he's smart enough to understand that technology comes in cycles.

Feb 20 2009 WOOT!: This Is My 3,000th Geekologie Post

That's right folks, you are looking at a model of prolific writing. Well technically, a Zelda shield cake I just looked up on the internet. But that's not what's important, that's just what you're going to bake me tonight for forgetting this momentous occasion. 3,000 articles, wow. And you guys have contributed 70,425 comments to said articles -- good looking! I remember back when I wrote my 100th post I was pretty confident I was going to run out of things to say soon. Yet, another 2,900 later, here I am in the same soiled boxers. Thanks to all of you that read the site regularly and enjoy it. And even to those of you that read the site regularly but hate me and wish I'd go screw off and bang a dinosaur. Because I will totally do that. Thanks everyone!

Zelda Cake: Never Say Never [kotaku]

Feb 18 2009 Universal Cell Phone Charger Here By 2012

The major cell phone manufacturers (Apple excluded) have agreed to adopt a universal microUSB charger for cell phones by 2012. And I think I speak for all of us when I say I say, "it's about freaking time!" And also, "can you hear me now?" *slamming balls in dictionary* Jla`#@82[wa;g@!h.!! I deserved that.

As a result of the universal standard, smartphone makers may well end up incorporating both a micro USB adaptor, and a proprietary one for specialist data transfers to their devices. That'll require at least an extra lead or two in the box, losing some of the environmental benefit, and placing a constraint on product designs. Maybe that's why those cellphone makers who agreed to the standard have only promised "the majority" of cellphones will use the connector by 2012, and avoided a binding agreement.

Wow, that seems kind of ridiculous. I hate to break it to you, folks, but I can charge cellphones with my mind. Don't believe me? Take your cell phone out of your pocket and look at it. Does it have a charge? I did that. Now call me, I've got rollover minutes about to expire.

Cellphone Makers Agree on Universal Charger, But is it a Good Idea? [fastcompany]

Thanks to mike and Klye, who charge their phones the way God intended, like a bull.

Jan 28 2009 Exclusive Follow Up: A Match Made In Halo

Remember Desirai Labrada and John Henry, the couple that met playing Halo and planned on getting married this month in a Halo-themed wedding at Otronicon? Well they did it folks, the couple is how happily married and PEW PEWing away to their hearts content together.

The ceremony started just after 1 p.m. in the Science Center's theater. Onstage, a screenshot from Ivory Tower, one of the wedding couple's favorite "Halo" levels, was projected, and a string quartet played songs from the game's soundtrack. Atop an incline of stadium seating, Master Chief began his walk down to the stage followed by John and his groomsmen, their ties marked with the winged-sword emblem of John's "Halo" character. Bridesmaids -- including a matron of honor who just months before had confessed that she didn't know who Master Chief was -- proceeded to their positions. And then, instead of "Here Comes the Bride," Desirai entered to the dramatic score of the "Halo" menu music.

Awesome. Congratulations Desirai and John, Geekologie wishes you the best and many kills to come. Also, I've been inspired to have my own video-game themed wedding the next time I get married. Zelda all the way, baby. Isn't that right honey? Honey? Goddammit.

Hit the jump for a couple more pictures, a video, and some exclusive insight into the awesomeness provided by my bridesmaid tipster, evilcharismatic.

Continue Reading " Exclusive Follow Up: A Match Made In Halo "

Jan 20 2009 Wow, What A Go-Getter: Kid Buys Back Car To Prove Speeding Ticket Was Falsely Issued

One day Dale Lyle got a speeding ticket in the mail issued by one of those automatic ticketing cameras. It claimed he was doing 98MPH in his 14-year old Honda Civic, a car he insisted could only do 85MPH max on a downhill slope with a tailwind. So what did he do? He did what any badass would do -- he stuck it to the man like dogshit under a cardoor handle.

Mr Lyle, 21, who has a clean driving license, had already sold the car to a friend for £600. He had to take out a bank overdraft to buy it back. Then he had to pay an independent driving expert £600 to test the 1.3litre Civic's top speed at a circuit in Bedfordshire.

The result was as expected. Even when driven flat-out, the Honda could still only do a top speed of 85.4mph in fourth gear and 81.3mph in fifth.

Next, Mr Lyle obtained the mobile speed-camera footage of his alleged offence - travelling at 98mph on a 70mph three-lane carriageway of the A38, near Plymouth, on December 13, 2007.

The three-minute film shows three other cars in the frame at the same time, he said, which he believes means his vehicle was mistaken for another.

Nice, Dale, way to make us all proud. Now make the court give you back all the money you spent. I swear, I wish I was more like you. I probably would have just paid the fines and then vandalized the ticketing camera. Yay, passive-aggressiveness!

Also, somebody make this website a freaking Wikipedia page already. Geekologie demands Wikognition!

Hit the jump for a picture of the test report Dale had run.

Continue Reading " Wow, What A Go-Getter: Kid Buys Back Car To Prove Speeding Ticket Was Falsely Issued "

Jan 14 2009 26 Years Later, Man Solves Rubik's Cube

It took Graham Parker 26 years to finally solve the Rubik's Cube he bought back in 1983. If you can't tell by the picture, he's really proud of himself. Kind of reminds me of the first time I ate a 72-oz steak and got my picture on the wall.

'I cannot tell you what a relief it was to finally solve it,' the 45-year-old from Portchester, Hampshire, said. 'It has driven me mad over the years - it felt like it had taken over my life.

'I have missed important events to stay in and solve it and I would lie awake at night thinking about it.

'I have had wrist and back problems from spending hours on it but it was all worth it. When I clicked that last bit into place and each face was a solid colour, I wept.'

Wow, Graham, so you're a little crybaby, huh? Now I'm not saying there's ever a time when a person should just accept their own mental inadequacies and bail on a project, but damnit Graham, that time was 25½ years ago.

Man takes 26 years to solve Rubik's Cube [metro]

Thanks to Praveen, who can solve a Rubik's in under a minute using either the "hammer" or "new stickers" methods.

Jan 8 2009 Super Mario Bros. Knocked Off As Best-Selling Video Game Ever, Your Wii Mii Rejoices

That's right folks, Wii Sports is now the best-selling video game ever. And not just because it comes bundled with the Wii, but 100% because it comes bundled with the Wii.

Shocked? Don't be. Unlike most video games that can be bought at retail, Wii Sports comes bundled with the Wii hardware in every territory other than Japan and Korea. In other words, if you bought a Wii, you bought Wii Sports whether you liked it or not (chances are, you liked it). With over 45 million Wiis sold worldwide to date, it's only logical that Wii Sports would start smashing records sooner or later.

And before you brand Wii Sports a false champion due to being bundled with hardware, consider that Super Mario Bros. was also sold as a bundle with the original Nintendo Entertainment System during its mid-80's heyday.

Well hooray. More importantly, did anybody notice that I Photoshopped Mario's fingers so he's now holding up two (for second place!) instead of one? Because I did that. I also took the pinky off his other hand. Gambling debt.

Wii Sports is best-selling game ever [yahoo]

Thanks to D.K., who may or may not still attend anger management classes for all the barrel throwing.

Dec 2 2008 Happy Something! iPhone Has 10,000 Apps

The iPhone now has over 10,000 apps, and to celebrate, somebody made a mosaic. Not exactly how I celebrate (I get drunk as shit), but a little time in front of Photoshop works too. And speaking of iPhone apps, I have like four. Including, and pretty much limited to: rotary dialer, that maze game with the ball, Facebook, and AIM. And I may or may not have that ocarina app (I do). Oh snap, and the booby one. Maybe I'll get some more.

UPDATE: Okay, I got distracted and didn't get any new apps. Folks -- there is porn ON THE INTERNET!

iPhone Mosaic Celebrates 10,000 Apps and Counting [gizmodo]