Jul 8 2009 UPDATE: Highly Questionable, The USB Chainsaw

The i.Saw is allegedly the first USB-powered chainsaw. Supposedly it's real and available for $60 pre-order, but I dunno. I mean, a USB chainsaw would be handy to have around the office, I just question it being a real product. Because $60 sounds a little too good to be true. And with the amount of dead hookers yours truly The Superficial Writer The IWatchStuff Writer disposes of on a weekly basis, this thing would practically pay for itself (but not literally so we'd still have to sell drugs).

UPDATE: Unsurprisingly fake. Thanks to reader Owen who pre-ordered and received this email:

Hello:

We love that you liked the i.Saw enough to pre-order.

Truth is, you already own a chainsaw. Your keyboard.

Help save more trees by cutting down on unnecessary printing. Download
PaperCut, a free application that plays the sound of a chainsaw each
time you press Ctrl-P.

Questionable video after the jump.

Continue Reading " UPDATE: Highly Questionable, The USB Chainsaw "

Sep 17 2008 Woops: How Not To Dispose Of A Sex Doll

The best way to dispose of a sex doll is to hump it until it melts. But if you don't have superhuman stamina or a laser penis, your options are limited. So what do you do? Dump it like a dead hooker.

A 60-year-old man, having lived with his rubbery companion for a few years after his wife passed away, but when he decided to move in with his kids we felt like it was time to move on. He was too attached to chop his former lover up into pieces and toss her out with the trash, so he did what any respectable guy would do: stuck her in a sleeping bag, brought her to a remote, wooded area and dumped her.

Unshockingly, hikers stumbled upon the sleeping bag and notified authorities. One very brief post-mortem exam later, and the guy finally came forward to claim his former lover. He faces littering charges and future relations with a once-dead sex doll. You know, this reminds me of the time a dead hooker came back to haunt me. If I told her once, I told her a million times -- I'm still not paying you one-legged ghost of a whore!

Dumping Someone is Hard, Even if that Someone is a Sex Doll [gizmodo]

Jun 26 2008 Brothel On Wheels Gets Busted, I Weep

Well folks, in an attempt to take away our Eighth Amendment right (the right to pay for and receive sexual acts in the back of a moving vehicle) the FBI busted what they're calling a "brothel-on-wheels" in Miami.

Miami Beach undercover detectives who paid a $40 entry fee and boarded a stretch limousine bus Sunday found women onboard offering oral sex and lap dances for money, authorities said.

Authorities arrested Christine Morteh, 29, of Miramar, and the driver, Clyde Scott, along with four other people Sunday. Miami-Dade jail spokeswoman Janell Hall said Morteh faces charges including offering to commit or engage in prostitution, conducting business without a license, directing another to a place of prostitution and deriving support from prostitution.

Whoa, whoa, whoa -- those sound like some pretty serious charges. Completely inappropriate. I was thinking more along the lines of a gas card and handicapped parking sticker.

Cops bust alleged brothel-on-wheels in Miami [cnn]

Thanks Romeo, but I kind of wish you had notified me about this service earlier.

Jun 4 2008 Shoes For The Gaming Hooker With No Purse

In case you couldn't tell or are having your mommy read this aloud while you eat a bowl of breakfast cereal, these are some prostitutey shoes with embedded Gameboys. I assume they're either 1. for gaming hookers that don't carry purses, or 2. for those who service johns that think their penises are just nonfunctional joysticks and only frequent prossies to cry about how hard their favorite Zelda games are. *sniffle* Your money's on the Wii, now make like the Water Palace in Ocarina of Time and get lost.

Several more styles after the jump, in case you're in the market.

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May 15 2008 Awesomest News Story Ever Is So Awesome

This is the awesomest news story ever, and it all started when Ralph Hardy, a 13-year old, ordered another credit card from his dad's existing account. Then he and his friends went on a $30,000 shopping spree and ordered some hookers to a hotel room where they were playing Halo on Xbox.

Asked why he ordered two escorts, Ralph said he thought it was the thing to do when you win a "World of Warcraft" tournament. They told the suspicious working girls they were people of restricted growth working with a traveling circus, and as State law does not allow those with disabilities to be discriminated against they had no right to refuse them.

Oh my freaking goodness kids are getting so smart these days. What a great lie!

The $1,000 a night girls sensing something up played "Halo" on the Xbox with the kids, instead of selling their sexual services. They told the arresting officers something was up when the kids said they would rather play Xbox than get down to business.

Awh man, they got them there and then bailed out? At 13 I could've definitely hit pause for two minutes (give or take a minute and a half) to bang a hooker.

But sadly, this all happened because of a father that forgot his son's birthday.

Ralph had reportedly told police that his father wouldn't mind, as it was his birthday last week and he had forgot to get him a present. The father, a lawyer said he had been too busy, but would take him on a surprise trip to Disneyland instead.

Oh yeah, the ol' forgotten birthday and promised trip to Disneyland. Been there. Ralph was actually smart just sneaking a credit card in his dad's name. I'm still waiting for my freaking trip.

UPDATE: Story may be a hoax. If that's the case I'm gonna help my little brother make it a reality.

13 Year Old Steals Dad's Credit Card to Buy Hookers [money.co.uk]

Thanks Aaron, I'll let you know just as soon as my dad's new card gets here

Feb 7 2008 PS3 Rainbox Six Mod Is A Little Las Vegas

This PS3 console diorama was created by German modder Butterkneter for a special UbiSoft Rainbow Six Vegas promotion. As you can see it's a little mock up of Las Vegas casinos. It looks good, but takes up a lot of room. I don't think that would fit in my entertainment stand. Besides, where are the hookers? No Las Vegas diorama is complete without a couple scantily clad streetwalkers. Like Sparkles and Ginger, who both treated me really well the last time I was there ;)

Honey -- if you're reading this that was just a joke. I really was at the convention the whole time, I didn't even have time to gamble (snicker) let alone visit prostitutes. Seriously, I swear.

Sparkles and Ginger -- You owe me for the free advertising.

A couple more pictures of the mod after the jump.

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