Nov 20 2009 Holy Grail? You Decide: A Bacon Chalice

I can't even imagine weaving bacon so tight as to not let liquid (well, molten cheese) through, but apparently somebody did. My hat oven mitts are off to you, bacon mug maker. Cause one time I tried weaving bacon and it didn't even make a solid placemat. It did, however, make a solid after-school snack. Kidding, I'm vegetarian. Did you feel that? That was your head imploding.

Bacon Beer Mug [thisisfreakingridiculous]

Thanks to Profound, mike469x, Dominican Joe, Freedom and KilgoreTrout XL, one of which is Kurt Vonnegut's plus-size alter-ego, the other three of which are fighting over who gets to eat the cup.

Apr 20 2009 HOLY NOMs!: Jesus Appears In Kit Kat Bar

On Good Friday (OLD, LATE, BLOW ME GW!) Jesus revealed himself in the form of a half-eaten Kit Kat bar. Because, well, the son of God hates Twix. As you can see in those deliciously crispy layers, the Lord's face looks eerily similar to that on the shroud of Turin (Sunday school, son, TA-DOW!). However, the divine bar is not without it's hell-burning naysayers.

Other witnesses were less impressed. "It looks more like Darth Vader," said one.

Really -- Darth Vader? Now why on earth would Darth Vader appear in a damn Kit Kat bar? The man only likes dark chocolate. Get it, because of The Dark Side? I don't either. No, you're the Nutter Butter!

Sweet Jesus, his face is in a choc [thesun]

Thanks to Richie-Con-Carne and ash, who both agree they should replace communion wafers with Kit Kats.

Mar 12 2009 I'm In Love: New Samus Cosplay Girl *Swoon*

Sweet mother of Metroid, will you look at that. In competition for sexiest Samus Aran ever is deviantartist and cosplayer Yukilefay (26-year-old Thaís Jussim). What do you think? How does she compare to the current reigning Samus? I have to admit, I was hoping she'd have a Zero Suit too, like Jenni did. Regardless, great freaking job.

The beast of a bounty hunter suit is lit by 73 battery powered LEDs and set Jussim back $350 in material costs.

Jussim, who created the suit with the help of friends and family, says the suit weighs about 23 pounds and is surprisingly not very comfortable. Who would have guessed. Jussim also reveals that there's, uh... Zero Suit Samus cosplay in the works, by the way. It's her next project.

Oh snap -- I hadn't even read that when I was writing the opener. Hot damn! I will have to reserve final judgment then until after I see the Zero Suit. But for right now, at least according to the bone-ometer, Jenni's still up by a head length.

Hit the jump for several more, including Samus at a rock concert, as well as a link to the full gallery.

Continue Reading " I'm In Love: New Samus Cosplay Girl *Swoon* "

Mar 9 2009 Yaaaar!: Finally, A Ship Fit For Hungry Pirates

Want to build you own 17,000 calorie pirate ship? No problem, pick up these ingredients and then follow the picture tutorial after the jump.

Ingredients:

~20 sausages
~48 rashers of bacon
1.2kg of sausage meat
1kg of pork mince
10 franks
1kg of pastry (not 100% meat this time)
1 onion
1 mushroom
2 packets of chipolata sausages
various food colorings
sage

My god that looks delicious. I've always known I wanted to be a pirate, I just had no idea how badly I wanted to be a meatpirate. Yaaar, surrender yer sausage! Haha nothing, I'm being serious -- now drop trow ye scalawags!

Hit the jump for the making of the ship.

Continue Reading " Yaaaar!: Finally, A Ship Fit For Hungry Pirates "

Oct 24 2008 I've Seen It All Now: Freaky Star Wars Porn

This is some freaky-deaky Star Wars porn by an artist named Miravi. This is the tamest picture I could find, so you can imagine what some of the other stuff is like. Think fully nude hardcore shit that'll burn your corneas out (I can type by touch). So, yeah. There are two more pictures after the jump, and a link to the gallery, which is WAY WAY WAY WAY WAY NSFW. You hear me? You will be fired before you can tell the IT guy "I thought I was being Rick Rolled, I swear!" And on top of being unemployed, you'll be branded perv of the year. But seriously, if anybody actually uses these pictures to, you know, PEW PEW!, make sure to leave a comment so we can all make fun of you. Wait -- actually, don't.

Hit it pervert.

Continue Reading " I've Seen It All Now: Freaky Star Wars Porn "

Jul 30 2008 Cheeto Jesus, Dubbed "Cheesus", Found In 99¢ Snack Bag, Contains No Trans-Fat

Not to be outdone by last week's Allah meat gristle, Jesus decided to show himself to a Montana woman in a 99¢ bag of Cheetos.

Most of her family and friends believe it looks like a mini orange sculpture of Jesus on the cross. Ramey and her husband call it "Cheesus." Ramey doesn't plan to sell the Cheeto because it's bringing a lot of joy into her home. She will keep it in a safe deposit box or put it on display so more people can enjoy it.

This is clearly a sign. A sign that, if I'm reading it correctly, indicates Cheetos are, as I've long suspected, The Chosen Snack. Every orange crumb in your keyboard is sacred, and also, delicious. One more sign like this and I'm seriously converting.

UPDATE: I found a Virgin Mary ice cube in a frozen Mountain Dew. It's been fun folks, but I'm going to priest school.

Hit the jump for a video of the holy snack.

Continue Reading " Cheeto Jesus, Dubbed "Cheesus", Found In 99¢ Snack Bag, Contains No Trans-Fat "

Nov 23 2007 Angelina Jolie Tomb Raider Gun For Sale

The replica Heckler & Koch 9mm that Angelina Jolie used in the original Tomb Raider movie is for sale on eBay. It's made mostly of rubber, look pretty good, and comes with the holster that was worn on Angelina's leg. So yeah, you can own something that touched Angelina's leg. The bidding starts at $5,000, and nobody has made a move since the auction started four days ago. Because who the hell wants to blow 5K on a rubber gun? Not this guy. It's not like Angelina had sex with the gun or anything. At least not that I know of. If she did that would be a completely different story. A story that ends with that gun in my pants.

eBay via [uberreview]

Aug 21 2007 Ugly Man Takes Han's Place in Carbonite

In one of the saddest turn of events I have read recently, some guy managed to secure a direct casting of Han Solo in carbonite from the original prop, and then had the face sawed off and replaced with a mold of his. This is in no way, shape, or form cool at all. What was this guy thinking? You have an iconic piece of one of the best movies of all time, and you go and deface it (literally). He probably has the Holy Grail chalice from Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade too, but decided it wasn't cool enough and had to glue plastic rhinestones on it and write "Pimp Juice" on the side with puffy paint.

A closeup of the world's ugliest Star Wars fan after the jump, along with the forever dreamy Harrison Ford original carbonite.

Continue Reading " Ugly Man Takes Han's Place in Carbonite "