Jun 14 2009 Childhood Fears Recreated As Photographs
Joshua Hoffine is a photographer who recreates scenes of childhood fears. They are scary.
My images are not photoshop collages.I use photoshop to finesse details and to adjust color and contrast for printing.I use friends and family members as actors and crew.Everyone works for free. We do it for fun.
Wow -- I know one guy who's gonna be sleeping with his light on tonight. His fleshlight. God, I can't believe I even know what that is. No, no I'm not.
Hit the jump for several of my favorites, then hit the link for a bunch more.
Continue Reading " Childhood Fears Recreated As Photographs "
May 5 2009 Guy Make Fully Functional Wolverine Claws
Not to be outdone by the Tomahawk Skull Gauntlet, some guy went and made his own fully functional Wolverine claws out of a bunch of copper tubing and sharp metal. They're surprisingly impressive and make pretty short work out of a cardboard box. Which, I think we can all agree, is humanity's real enemy. *SNIKT* Die, tree-zombie!
Hit the jump for a longer video of the assembly and dude giving them the ol' block of Styrofoam test (starting around 3:00).
Continue Reading " Guy Make Fully Functional Wolverine Claws "
Apr 25 2009 Bear Grylls Drinks Elephant Dung Juice
This video is like two years old so if you've seen it, congratulations, free Geekologie bumper sticker. Just leave an 'OLD' and your bank account info in the comments and I'll have it transferred first thing Monday morning. Anyway, did you know that in an emergency situation you can drink the juice out of elephant shit? No, because you'd rather die. And I'd imagine puking afterward would probably end up doing more harm than good. But Bear Grylls is all man. Also, I love how a piece of shit almost falls in his mouth at 0:34, classic.
Thanks to Tim, who tried it with baby shit and *HORF*
Feb 20 2009 Woman's Weave Proves Tighter Than A Speeding Bullet, Saves Life From PEW
A woman's tightly woven hair weave allegedly saved her life from a gunshot fired by her ex-boyfriend.
The 20-year-old Kansas City woman told police Juan Kemp, her ex-boyfriend, opened fire on her while she was inside her car at a Kansas City convenience store Wednesday night.
Bonds' back window and tail light were shot out, but it is what police found in her weave that is amazing. Detectives pulled a spent bullet from the back of Bonds' head. It had become lodged in her weave.(Hairdresser Kim) Walton said while the weft is the strongest part of the weave and would be the most difficult to penetrate, she finds it hard to believe a weave could stop a bullet.
Captain Brokenheart of the USS Fails At Life and his friend were later arrested. Now, physicists out there: is this even possible? I feel like it had to be a ricochet or something. There's just no way. But, if there is a way, this guy needs a weave!
Woman's hair weave stops bullet [woai]
and
News Video [yahoonews]
Thanks to Julian, who once caught a speeding bullet in his teeth but lost a filling.
Feb 19 2009 Guy Loses Finger To Neodymium Magnets
What you're looking at there is a dude's fingernail and the remains of a finger that got crushed between two Neodymium magnets. Brutal! Sweet!
Dirk had an accident. It took 1 1/2 hours of surgery to remove the shattered bones and repair the damage. Medically speaking, he crushed his right index finger distal phalange. The magnets had a 50 cm (20 inch) separation when they decided to fly together.
He is lucky that he only lost a finger tip as opposed to his whole hand. The block Neo below is about 4" by 2" by 2" N45 with a pull force of around 700 lbs (320 kg). The disk is about 3" dia. by 2 1/2" thick N45 with a pull force of about 400 lbs (180 kg). That is his fingernail and some of his finger tip caught between the magnets.
Holy hellfire. Hit the jump to see the graphic photos and a link to the whole story. Which amazingly didn't include heavy drinking and/or a bet. Seriously though, Neodymium magnets are not playtoys (unless you got the really small weak ones, in which case, whee!). Remember what they taught you in Boy Scouts: if you can't stand the heat, too many chefs spoil the broth. Life wisdom, folks, I'm full of it.
Hit the jump for graphic pictures of a bloody stump.
Feb 7 2009 Doctoral Student Furious After University Throws Out His Collection Of Lizard Dung
Typically, you don't want bags of crap hanging around for too long. But not Daniel Bennett -- he loves that shit! Now he's furious that Leeds University custodians threw away part of his doctoral work -- a 77lb bag of Butaan Lizard dung it took him 7 years to collect.
"Whether it was the largest collection of lizard shit in the world is uncertain, but it certainly contained the only dietary sample from that little-known species Varanus olivaceus, and probably the most complete dietary record of any single population of animals in South East Asia. Its loss left me reeling and altered the course of my life forever."
First of all, Daniel, I don't think "shit" is the proper scientific nomenclature. And secondly, if losing a bag of crap can alter the course of your life forever, well, it's time you take a long, hard look at your life anyways. Just saying, tons of birdshit on my car.
University apologises for lizard dung clear-out [wigantoday]
Thanks to RyanThePerson, who is an actual human and not just shit stacked that high.
Feb 2 2009 Some Cable Viewers In Arizona Got A Special Adult Film Surprise During The Superbowl
This is a picture of Jesus at the Superbowl. Hey, the man loves facepaint and funny hats. Since he was at the game, he didn't see the porno somebody inserted into the Comcast broadcast of the game in Tucson, Arizona.
With under three minutes left and just after Larry Fitzgerald's heroic comeback(ish) touchdown for the Cardinals, the video feed abruptly switched to a scene from stablemate channel Club Jenna, treating viewers to the sight of seemingly omnipresent porn guy Evan Stone swinging his junk around like a maniac. This interlude lasted about 30 seconds.
Comcast told the Arizona Daily Star that engineers have been "working throughout the night" to figure out what happened, but haven't yet come up with an explanation.
Yeah, wow, I wonder how that happened, Comcast. Definitely gonna have to put your thinking cap on tight to solve this one. Also, I did not post the NSFW video here, but you can see it if you follow the link. I watched it, and, yeah, you can bet your golden ticket I'll be looking for it the next time I enter the curtained mecca at Video Palace.
Prank of the Year: Comcast Tucson Airs Graphic Porn During Super Bowl (NSFW) [gizmodo]
Thanks to Lauren, Louis, Emi and Kokopure, who won't recognize me because I only visit the video store in costume.
Feb 2 2009 What, Why?: A See-Through Glass Pool Table
I don't get it -- I don't need to see my feet while I'm shooting pool. But if you have a foot fetish and some serious coin ($25,150), you can pick up a G1 Glass Top Pool Table. It's freaking glass covered in some patented (and likely cancerous) material called Vitrik that allegedly plays like felt. I don't believe a word of it, but there's a video after the jump so you can draw your own conclusions. And, while you're at it, how about a unicorn for yours truly?
Hit the jump for several more pictures and the video.
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Jan 12 2009 Soiled Pants: The World's Scariest Hiking Trail
And that, my friends, is why I never leave the house.
Youtube
Thanks to The free faller, who took one wrong step.
Jan 12 2009 Girl Sends 14,528 Text Messages In A Month
Reina Hardesty, 13, sent 14,528 text messages last month alone. That's a lot. I wonder if she has carpal tunnel. Or really swollen thumbs.
The online AT&T statement ran 440 pages.
"First, I laughed. I thought, 'That's insane, that's impossible,' " the 45-year-old dad said. "And I immediately whipped out (my junk and) the calculator to see if it was humanly possible." He found it was - barely.It works out to 484 text messages a day, or one every two minutes of every waking hour.
Luckily, Hardesty has a phone plan that allows unlimited texting for $30 a month. Otherwise, he estimates, he would have owed AT&T $2,905.60 at a rate of 20 cents per message.
The average number of monthly texts for a 13- to 17-year-old teen is 1,742, according to a Nielsen study of cellphone usage.
Wow. I can remember (two months ago) when I had to upgrade from 1,500 texts a month to unlimited because I kept going over. Now before you pass judgment, let me explain: I'm mad freaking popular! Just kidding, text sex. No, not with myself! With myself :(
THIS KID'S A TEXT MANIAC [nypost]
Jan 9 2009 Pre & Post Dump Weighing: The Toilet Scale
The Toilet Scale was designed by Haikun Deng so you can weigh yourself while using the john. Personally, I like to sit down while I pee. I'm not sure why I just shared that. Anway, the only problem is you have to make sure your feet aren't touching the ground while it's weighing, or it won't work. So you have to kick your legs out in front of you. Which, let's be honest, we all do anyways. One time I kicked the towel-bar off the wall! This scale is perfect for determining the weight of turds so you can brag to your friends about them later. Wow, a six pounder -- somebody call Guinness! Seriously, I think this warrants a free beer.
Hit the jump for another picture and a little comic of a rabbit sitting on a toilet, in case you've always wanted to see that.
Continue Reading " Pre & Post Dump Weighing: The Toilet Scale "
Jan 6 2009 IT BUUUUUURNS!: Australian Man Dies After Wife Sets His Penis On Fire, Things Go Wrong
That ain't right. You can't just go around setting a man's penis on fire while he's sleeping. I mean, what if he bee-lines it for the curtains?
Rajini Narayan, 44, is alleged to have doused her husband, Satish, with a flammable liquid while he was sleeping. When she set him alight, Mr Narayan jumped out of bed and knocked over the substance, causing the fire to spread.
Prosecutor Lucy Boord said Mrs Narayan had confessed to her neighbours, telling them she was a "jealous wife" and believed her husband was having an affair."I just wanted to burn his penis so it belongs to me and no one else, I didn't mean this to happen," Ms Boord quoted Mrs Narayan as saying.
Hooooooooooly shit! Rajini died from the injuries sustained during the penis fire last week. Now I'm not sure how the criminal law works in Australia, but in my neck of the woods this woman would get life in prison -- provided she survive the vagina dynamiting. Think Wile E. Coyote vs. Road Runner, but the Road Runner is a beaver -- and he's packed with explosives.
Hit the jump for the "IT BUUUUUURNS!" lighter trick idiot. If you've never seen it, watch the whole thing.
Dec 24 2008 A Little Holiday Something From Me To You
No need to thank me folks, just spreading some holiday, um, nipple-stache. And remember, it's not too late to add "new eyes" to your last minute Christmas list.
The nipple mustache [iosoup]
Thanks to Kevin, who allegedly grew a crotch-stache for his senior prom.
Dec 10 2008 Pervert Inventor Le Trung Still Working On Building Robot Girlfriend, Wasting Money
Remember Le Trung? The last time we saw him he was busy groping his robotic lover. Well not much has changed in the interim: he's still going strong, perfecting "fem-bot" Aiko to be his wife.
Inventor Le Trung, 33, created Aiko, said to be "in her 20s" with a stunning 32, 23, 33 figure, shiny hair and delicate features.
Pfft, she's not a day over 14 you sick bastard.
"So far she can understand and speak 13,000 different sentences in English and Japanese, so she's already fairly intelligent. "When I need to do my accounts, Aiko does all the maths. She is very patient and never complains."He said he did not build Aiko as a sexual partner, but said she could be tweaked to become one. "Her software could be redesigned to simulate her having an orgasm and reacting to touch as if she is playing hard to get or being straight to the point," he said.
Sex. With. A. Robot. *HORF*
"Fem-bot" Aiko, who has cost £14,000 (~$21,000) to build so far, is a whizz at maths and even does Le's accounts.Le, a scientific genius from Brampton in Ontario, Canada, said he never had time to find a real partner so he designed one using the latest technology.
Scientific genius my ass. Scientific geniuses don't blow twenty grand building robotic girlfriends. No, scientific geniuses build rocketships to blast off into space and f*** aliens. This is the word of The Geekologie Writer. Amen.
One more of the cute couple after the jump.
Nov 18 2008 Wrong, Just Wrong: Sexy Microphone Video
First of all, these videos are NSFW because they're all of of some chick pleasuring a microphone. Jesus, I feel dirty just posting them. Apparently they're part of some performance piece by artist Wojciech Kosma that has something to do with, um, acoustics, and, uh, bl0wjobs. Actually, I have no idea. But I do know this: I'll never be able to watch an interview the same way again.
Hit the jump for two more equally NSFW videos of the same damn thing. How people can casually sit there and watch is beyond me. Oh, and yes, you are a pervert if you watch these.
Continue Reading " Wrong, Just Wrong: Sexy Microphone Video "
Nov 10 2008 Dance Dance Revolution Musical Coming Out
So, yeah, there's a musical based on Dance Dance Revolution coming out. Why? Because it's the end of the world as we know it, that's why.
It's set in an Orwellian society where a dance prophet named Moonbeam Funk helps dancing youth gangs rebel against a fascist government. The company working on the show describes it as "like Footloose set in the future -- but kind of scarier, and with 40 really attractive, barely-clothed young actors and buckets of free beer."
Wait, is that free beer for the audience? Because I can sit through a lot for a free bucket of free beer. Including, but not limited to, karaoke, and a horrible play based on a video game. And yes, I Photoshopped Zac Efron into the picture for The Superficial Writer. Dude sings that High School Musical bullshit all day long. Damnit, hold on. *leaning over cube wall* SHUT THE FUCK UP!
DDR, The Long Overdue Musical Version [kotaku]
Thanks to Jen, who could dance your ass off. And also, out-costume you.
Nov 5 2008 Mice Killing Has Never Been Easier, More Disturbing, Electrocution-y, Efficient
Have a mouse problem? Stop leaving cheese out yo. But if you want to get rid of them and feel like a sadistic bastard in one fell swoop, look into the Victor Multi-Kill Electronic Mouse Trap. Basically a mouse walks in, up some stairs, gets his electrocution on in the Shock N' Drop chamber, smells like burnt fur, and then falls into a box (which can hold up to ten!). My parents just got one, but mostly because it's safe for kids and pets. Speaking of which -- mom, have you seen Hammy?
NEW! Multi-Kill Electronic Mouse Trap from Victor, The Power Tool of Rodent Control [prweb]
Thanks to Richthegringo and Mike, who kill rats the old fashioned way, with cement shoes. Now they sleep with the fishes.
Oct 24 2008 I've Seen It All Now: Freaky Star Wars Porn
This is some freaky-deaky Star Wars porn by an artist named Miravi. This is the tamest picture I could find, so you can imagine what some of the other stuff is like. Think fully nude hardcore shit that'll burn your corneas out (I can type by touch). So, yeah. There are two more pictures after the jump, and a link to the gallery, which is WAY WAY WAY WAY WAY NSFW. You hear me? You will be fired before you can tell the IT guy "I thought I was being Rick Rolled, I swear!" And on top of being unemployed, you'll be branded perv of the year. But seriously, if anybody actually uses these pictures to, you know, PEW PEW!, make sure to leave a comment so we can all make fun of you. Wait -- actually, don't.
Hit it pervert.
Continue Reading " I've Seen It All Now: Freaky Star Wars Porn "
Sep 30 2008 What?: Man Punches Shark To Save Dog
Some guy allegedly punched a shark in the face to save his rat terrier, quite possibly making him the manliest man womanly enough to actually own a rat terrier.
Man punches shark [cnn]
Thanks to Julian, who once punched a shark in the nads for taking a bite of his tuna-salad sandwich.
Sep 24 2008 Woops: Guy Mishandles Antique
I remember seeing this a while ago, but for those of you who have yet to witness its awesomeness, here it is: some guy showing off his one of a kind antique recording. Warning: he says shit and the host of the show made me punch through my monitor. But still, totally worth a watch.
Old man breaks one of a kind antique [googlevideo]
Thanks to chaosthirteen, who agrees there's just nothing funnier than another person's misfortune.
