Jul 30 2009 Cocoa & The Sandersens: Strike 3, Yer Out!

NOTE: VIDEO BEST WATCHED WITH CANDY AND ICE CREAM BUT NOT POP-TARTS.

I honestly didn't know what a strike out was until I watched this, and I think it's pretty safe to say I've been living my life in vain. This video is so jam packed with important life lessons that I'm thinking about writing a book about it. It's gonna be called, 'Striking Out: How Not To Give A Dang'. Yeah, and it's gonna be a bestseller in both self help AND cookbooks because I'm going to include a couple of my favorite stoned recipes like 'Skittles' and 'Ice Cream Right Out Of The Box'. So, Cocoa, what do you say -- me, you, a palace made of candy? BECAUSE I CAN MAKE THAT HAPPEN.

cocoa likes this

Jul 2 2009 You Have Got To Be Kidding Me: Sears Tower Unveils Glass Balconies on 103rd Floor

The Sears Tower opened "The Ledge" to the public today. The Ledge is a 4-foot glass balcony that's suspended 1,353 feet above the ground on the 103rd floor. It provides a panoramic view of Chicago, provided the walls aren't covered in accidents. Fun fact: urine spilled from the 103rd floor can break concrete on the sidewalk below.* And not just if you drank a jackhammer, but it helps.

*No not really, stop emailing me.

Hit the jump for a couple more of the NO I AM NOT AFRAID OF HEIGHTS.

Continue Reading " You Have Got To Be Kidding Me: Sears Tower Unveils Glass Balconies on 103rd Floor "

Jun 25 2009 Stoned Wallabies To Blame For Crop Circles

The title alone might be the most profound thing I've ever written. I smell Pulitzer! So yeah, apparently wallabies are getting into medical poppy fields in Australia and going nuts. Whee!

"The one interesting bit that I found recently in one of my briefs on the poppy industry was that we have a problem with wallabies entering poppy fields, getting as high as a kite and going around in circles," Lara Giddings told the hearing.

"Then they crash," she added. "We see crop circles in the poppy industry from wallabies that are high."

Great, next they're gonna start breaking into cars and selling themselves to koalas to pay for a fix. And right when I was about to visit Australia too. Damn you, junkie wallabies!

'Stoned wallabies make crop circles' [bbcnews]

Thanks to Graf Zeppelin, SquidgyB, Marty the farmer, Ross and Jonny, who can only make McDonald's runs when they're high.

May 12 2009 Denny's: Now With More Dinosaurs, Drugs

This is a new commercial for Denny's advertising how cool it is to get all high out of your mind and then go eat breakfast at 4am -- but not before dropping a handful of acid in the parking lot. I mean, Jesus, the unicorn can't even chew his fries. And while I did appreciate the inclusion of a dinosaur, this commercial is still sending the wrong message to today's youth. One about breakfast being the most important meal of the day. IT'S LUNCH, PEOPLE.

Youtube

Thanks to Verity, who knows how much I love dinosaurs. But not how much I love leprechauns. *wink* Just kidding, those little bastards are creeeeepy.

Apr 23 2009 Geographical: The Alphabet Of The World

Rhett Dashwood, a creative director from Melbourne, Australia, searches Google Maps for geographic letters when he's not busy directing creatively. Or playing with one of those swinging metallic ball thingies.

Over the course of several months beginning October 2008 to April 2009 I've spent some of my spare time between commercial projects searching Google Maps hoping to discover land formations or buildings resembling letter forms. These are the results of my findings limited within the state of Victoria, Australia.

As you can see, I used the letters to spell 'GEEKOLOGIE', but you could use them to write a really cool digital ransom note (ALL YOUR INTERNETS ARE BELONG TO ME UNLESS YOU PAY....). And I think it's pretty cool all the letters came from Victoria. I'm gonna see if I can't make a set using my own location! Kidding, I don't have time for that shit.

Hit the jump to see the whole alphabet.

Continue Reading " Geographical: The Alphabet Of The World "

Apr 20 2009 Sure, Why Not: The NOM NOM NOM Song

Well folks, it's 4.20, and if I was still in college right now I'd be rolling a four-paper dank-blunt and skipping all my classes. But I'm not -- I'm at work -- so I'm smoking swag in the janitor's closet and blowing through a spoof. It's pathetic. Not unlike this video, which, whether you're high or not, will make you want to gouge your eardrums out. Consider it my little gift to you on this, the greenest of holidays. Haha -- suck it, Arbor Day!

NOM NOM NOM Song [collegehumor]

Thanks to Johnathan, who once smoked a whole O of that presidential in a day and then realized he just smoked $350 of weed in one day.

Mar 16 2009 I'm Toasty: Pogo Failures Warm The Heart

Let's face it: watching people hurt themselves is one of life's most simple and rewarding pleasures. Especially when they're doing something as stupid as extreme pogo-ing (if that's even a real thing. read: it's not). The video is 5:30 long, but the last two minutes don't have any pain, so you don't need to watch them. I did though, hoping they were building up to somebody losing the entire stick up their ass, but sadly, no.

Failed Pogo Stick Compilation [break]

Thanks to MoD, who doesn't have time to pogo because there's always a woman between his legs. Nice MoD, I want a woman there -- all I have is a lapdog.

Mar 13 2009 People Still Pogo?: The Flybar Pogo Stick

Sorry for the delay folks, I just got back from the doctor for a checkup. Yeah, and you know that whole 'turn your head and cough bit'? Well, the doctor didn't properly anticipate the weight of my nuts and broke his wrist. True story. Anyway, the Flybar is a ridiculously stupid looking pogo stick that allegedly bounces higher than a regular one.

It does this using some seriously strong elastic bands known as rubber thrusters that increase the maximum bounce height to a whopping seven feet six inches. You can snag a Flybar of your own for a whopping $320.

Pfft, forget the Flybar -- I've got four-and-one-quarter inches of rubber thruster for you right here. *squeak squeak squeak* Anybody?

Flybar is one seriously juiced up pogo stick [dvice]

Feb 10 2009 ZOMG, I'm Bidding: Mr. Miyagi's Stuff On eBay

Pat Morita, best known for portraying Mr. Miyagi in the Karate Kid series, passed away in 2005. And somewhere, in heaven, he's still catching flies with chopsticks. And somewhere, here on earth (Las Vegas, Nevada), his widow is selling his personal effects on eBay. This happens to be a Viking pipe puffed on by Mr. Miyagi himself -- I'm bidding!

YOU ARE BIDDING ON A GREAT PIECE FROM THE ESTATE OF LATE ACTOR PAT MORITA. I AM THE WIDOW AND TRUSTEE OF HIS ESTATE. I HAVE BEEN OFFERING FILM MEMORABILIA. AFTER MANY REQUESTS TO LIST SOME OF HIS PERSONAL EFFECTS I HAVE BEEN DOING SO RECENTLY.

OFFERED HERE IS A GENUINE MEERSCHAUM SMOKING PIPE WITH THE ORIGNAL FELT LINED CASE. THE PIPE WAS USED VERY LITTLE BY MR. MORITA. I PURCHASED IT AS A GIFT TO HIM FOR HIS BIRTHDAY ABOUT 10 YEARS AGO. HE ALWAYS USED TO SAY "THIS IS TOO GOOD TO BE USED" BUT HE ENJOYED IT NEVER THE LESS.

Haha, "enjoyed it never the less" is right. She's talking about that reefer. You know, marijuana. And, in honor of Mr. Miyagi, I am buying this pipe, getting high, and waxing my car. Who's with me? Okay good, you bring the weed and elbow grease.

eBay Auction
and
Mr. Miyagi's other auctions

Thanks to Kyle, who allegedly owns Mr. Miyagi's headband. I'll fight you for it!

Jan 29 2009 Swiss Pot Farmers Busted Via Google Earth

Swiss police happened upon a 'marijuana plantation' while viewing parts of the countryside via Google Earth. 16 people have been arrested, and 1.2 tons of marijuana and $780,000 in cash and valuables confiscated.

The plantation, measuring almost two acres, was hidden inside a field of corn. But officers using Google Earth to locate the address of two farmers suspected of involvement in the drug operation quickly spotted the illegal crop.

The gang is alleged to have sold up to7.7 US tons of hashish and marijuana between 2004 and 2008, with an annual turnover of 3-10 million francs a year, officials said.

Damnit Switzerland, whatever happened to being neutral? I mean, it was just a little chronic. Okay, probably schwag. Whichever the case, I'm still boycotting your knives.

Police Google farmers, find marijuana field [msnbc]

Thanks to chad, the man, not the country.

Dec 6 2008 Dude, Stop Boggarting The Stash: 2,700 Year Old Pot Found Buried In Gobi Desert Grave

Scientists unearthed two pounds of chronic in a Gobi Desert grave this week. The herb, which is believed to have been buried some 2,700 years ago, breaks the previous record for oldest marijuana stash by 2,700 years.

The size of seeds mixed in with the leaves, along with their color and other characteristics, indicate the marijuana came from a cultivated strain. Before the burial, someone had carefully picked out all of the male plant parts, which are less psychoactive, so Russo and his team believe there is little doubt as to why the cannabis was grown.

No shit there's little doubt why the cannabis was grown.

What is in question, however, is how the marijuana was administered, since no pipes or other objects associated with smoking were found in the grave.

Three words folks: up the ass. Try it sometime.

World's oldest marijuana stash totally busted [msnbc]

Thanks to Eric and Matty, who know to pass to the left.

Dec 2 2008 Happy Something! iPhone Has 10,000 Apps

The iPhone now has over 10,000 apps, and to celebrate, somebody made a mosaic. Not exactly how I celebrate (I get drunk as shit), but a little time in front of Photoshop works too. And speaking of iPhone apps, I have like four. Including, and pretty much limited to: rotary dialer, that maze game with the ball, Facebook, and AIM. And I may or may not have that ocarina app (I do). Oh snap, and the booby one. Maybe I'll get some more.

UPDATE: Okay, I got distracted and didn't get any new apps. Folks -- there is porn ON THE INTERNET!

iPhone Mosaic Celebrates 10,000 Apps and Counting [gizmodo]

Nov 21 2008 Record Base Jump Off The Burj Dubai

Two thrillseekers snuck into the Burj Dubai in May while it was being built and jumped off at 650 meters up. You know, because they're crazy. Crazy risk takers. Rumor has it one of the guys even went as far as to have sex with a prostitute without putting a jacket on first. Yeah, and there was a frost warning in effect!

Two Guys Jumped Off the Burj Dubai and Lived to Tell About It [gizmodo]

Aug 21 2008 Why You Don't Kite Surf In Tropical Storms

Why shouldn't you kite-surf in tropical storms? Because they'll f*** you up. Not only will they slam you into the beach, they'll fling you across the street and into a concrete wall for good measure. Now I hate to say this is Darwinism at work, but I will mention the Saber-Toothed Tiger was notorious for freaking around in tropical storms. Coincidence?

Youtube

Thanks to Julian, who could actually throw you that far.

Aug 19 2008 Eye Candy: The Burj Dubai Nears Completion

The Burj Dubai tower, tallest building in the world, is soon to be completed. So photographer David Hobcote took a bunch of high-res pictures from the air to commemorate the 2,087 ft structure. As you can see, the results are breathtaking. And, if you don't start again, potentially lifetaking.

Hit the jump for several more of the ridiculousness.

Continue Reading " Eye Candy: The Burj Dubai Nears Completion "

Aug 13 2008 Coming In For A Landing!: The Mile High Bed

Thanks everybody for all the birthday wishes yesterday. That was awesome, and I love you all. But today's another day, and...wait a minute -- it's International Left Handers Day! Another day of celebration for me! Shake left-handed, eat and drink left-handed, or give yourself a stranger, WHEE!

Anyway, the Mile High Bed was made my MotoArt, the same company that made the engine cowling reception desk and ejector seat office chair. Constructed from two DC-9 rear stabilizers and a C-130 inner flap, the bed promises to comfortably accommodate yourself and two additional passenger (preferably sexy stewardesses). Unfortunately, price is only available via company contact, which means a freaking fortune. Pfft, who needs a Mile High Bed anyways? Not I. Now a 200 MPH Bed -- that's where it's at. Ladies, to the race car bed! But please note: Be quiet coming in, my parents are asleep, and also, I'm entitled to make all the VROOM VROOM noises I want during the race. VROO....oh, checkered flag. Champagne me, I'm ready for a nap.

Kinky MotoArt Mile High Bed with LED Lighting [tfts]

Jul 30 2008 Epic Failure Awesomeness: Lake Launch