Oct 28 2009 Road Rash: Crazy Four-Wheeled Motorcycle

The 2010 Cosmos 4RW V8 Muscle Bike sports four 17-inch wheels, a 250 cubic inch V8 producing 350 horsepower and an extra helping of deathtrap. Want one? Expect to spend $93K. Unless you're Batman, in which case it comes standard in the front end of a Tumbler. Unless he's been drinking, in which case it may come smashed in the grill of an 18-wheeler.

Is a motorcycle still a motorcycle if it has four wheels? [dvice]

Thanks to Chris, who drives a four-wheeled moped which I think we can safely assume has never felt a woman on its Italian pleather seat.

Oct 27 2009 How To: Never Lose Your Remote Again

If you can manage to lose this remote you're doing something seriously wrong. Or drinking a lot, in which case you're actually doing something seriously right. What a dichotomy!

Dad's Lost The Remote For The Last Time [thereifixedit]
via
Never lose your remote control again with this simple, cheap DIY solution [crunchgear]

Thanks to jules and DaveS, who only use the controls on the television because they lost their remotes. Should have had them grafted to you like I suggested!

Oct 21 2009 Anvil Launching: The World's Manliest Sport

Anvil launching is probably the world's manliest sport in front of great white hunting with a soggy pencil. I just happen to excel at both. And this is Gay Wilkinson, the self proclaimed anvil launching world champion about to send one skyward. Hit the jump for a video of the anvil in action (skip to 1:20 for the actual launch), then get out there and shoot your own dangerously heavy objects in the air. Just remember: what goes up is probably going to come down on a bystander. Happy launching!

Hit it for the video.

Continue Reading " Anvil Launching: The World's Manliest Sport "

Sep 17 2009 I Could Eat It: World's Biggest Hamburger

What could be better after an article about a hideous dead monster than a food-related post? Happy lunching west coasters! Do they sell good falafel out there? I'd appreciate some if they do. Also, ripe avocado.

It's the world's biggest burger/heart-attacker and it comes courtesy of Steve Mallie of Southgate, Michigan. Guinness Book of World Records officially declared it the biggest after the burger weighed in at 185lbs.

Steve, who owns Mallie Sports Grill, said it took them 15 hours total to bake the burger, but it was worth it. Being in Guinness was always one of Steve's dreams. Steve said, ''I've worked my entire life to build this restaurant and being able to have the notoriety of Guinness makes it just that bit more rewarding.''

Steve plans to sell the burger at his restaurant for $499.

Who the hell's gonna buy a 200lb, week old hamburger (which, technically, appears to be a cheeseburger) for $500? You know, besides yo momma. BU-BU-BU-BURN! She's so fat she jumped and got stuck. OOOOOOOH, no I di-in't! I just did though is the thing.

KFed Just Came [dlisted]

Aug 10 2009 That Was Quick: How Not To Wash A Car

This is a great example of how not to wash a car. Another example is driving your car into a neighbor's pool. Which, I already told you, I'll have out of there just as soon as I can rent a crane.

LiveLeak

Thanks to Joemo, who once drove a convertible through a car wash and ruined the interior.

May 14 2009 The Study Ball: I Said Do Your Homework!

The Study Ball is allegedly a real $115 product that prevents you from moving from your desk while you're supposed to be studying. Obviously, it's a complete sham unless it weighs at least 200lbs, because I can lift twice that with my littlest piggy.

The Study Ball gadget is a prison-style ball and chain that you can program to keep track of how much time you spend studying. Once you've selected the desired duration, you chain the ball to your ankle and the manacle won't come off until the schedule study time is up.A red LED indicator displays the "Study Time Left" and keeps you informed as to how much longer you've got to keep studying. The ball and chain are made of highly durable steel and weighs a total of 9.5 kg / 20.95 pounds, which makes it difficult to move while wearing it.

21lbs, pfffft. That's not gonna stop anybody from doing anything. Including, but not limited to: robbing a liquor store. ALL THE BOURBON OR YOUR ANKLE GETS IT! What? NO THIS AIN'T NO SKIP-IT!

Product Site
via
Study Ball brings seriously old school methods to child rearing [dvice]

Thanks to e., who actually knows the whole Skip-It jingle. Wow, e., I think I love you.

May 2 2009 DO NOT WANT: Worst MacBook Pro Ever

Ryan went to Best Buy to buy a MacBook Pro. And he did. Or so he thought. Then he brought it home and realized it was a brick. A real brick! Still, it's a step up from rocks.

When I got home I opened the box and found a paving stone packed with bubble wrap, instead of the Macbook Pro. I returned to the store and the manager, "Keith", was not too willing to help me out. He kept falling back on the line "Apple seals the boxes, not us. Take it up with Apple."

I have sent an email to Best Buy corporate and have contacted my credit card company. Unfortunately, they can't do anything until the charge posts.So right now, I paid $2164.89 for a very nice red brick.

ZOMG, I've burnt stores to the ground for less. Like that drug store that was out of Magnums. Okay, that never happened. But if it did....

I wouldn't know what to do with all that penis!

$2164.89 Paving Stone in a MacBook Pro Box Looks Nice, But Won't Run Photoshop [consumerist]

Thanks to Jeremy, who thought he was buying a cinder block but it turned out to be a Ferrari. You lucky dog!

Apr 27 2009 Stone Lifting Robot Attacks Factory Worker

A stone lifting robot attacked a factory worker in Sweden, nearly killing him. Are you surprised? You shouldn't be. At least not if you've been reading Geekologie (The Blog of Truth) long enough. Per Google translation:

When the man went into the building he thought that he broke the power of the machine but he had not. Instead, the robot in time and brought formidable force while in the man's head. He managed to defend itself, but received serious injuries on the body.

The man had big turn. He had four broken ribs and was close to delete with, "says Leif Johansson.

Close to delete. That's Google translation talk for mostly dead. Which is Princess Bride talk for about to kick the bucket. Which is an old idiom that means doing it. YOW YOW! Now, who wants to build a sand castle?

Robot assaulted employee [sydsvenskan]

Thanks to Spikey DaPikey, Ulf, Henrik, Jesper, Kelli, Vince, Christopher, Pike, Edward, Karbalo, MoMan, Adrian, Damien and Matt, who were smart enough to write 'no working with robots' clauses into their contracts.

Mar 20 2009 Bus Stop Shames You Into Joining The Gym

Fitness First is a gym in the Netherlands that installed this advertisement at a local bus stop. It has a scale attached to the seat so when you sit on it (with legs hanging) it shows your weight. It's supposed to make you think about your health and joining the gym. But all it made me think about was how long it takes to cook a 68kg turkey.

Fat Shaming at the Bus Stop [current]

Thanks to Jonathan, who once hid lead weights in his pumpkin to win the heaviest pumpkin contest at the county fair.

Feb 19 2009 Ooh, Monster-y: 'Frankenstein Steampunk' PC

This is a steampunk computer affectionately known by its creater Dana Mattocks as 'Frankenstein Steampunk'. Personally, I would have named it Frankensteam or Steamenstein, but that's just me, and I'm awesome as hell. Except way cooler. HIYO!

The first thing you notice about this mod is its size--it's 8 feet tall, and weighs over 400 pounds. The project apparently took a year to complete, and it shows. Not opportunity for modification is pass up, with everything from the power button (a discreet brass valve) to the air intake (an old church floor vent) gets a neo-Victorian overhaul.

Good looking, Dana. Say, while you're on the classic literature kick, how about a Dracula model? It could look like a casket or something. Can you tell the creative juices are flowing this morning? They are, my shirt is soaked. Oh, false alarm -- I'm just dribbling milk. This cereal is being tricky.

Hit the jump for some worthwhile closeups of the craftsmanship.

Continue Reading " Ooh, Monster-y: 'Frankenstein Steampunk' PC "

Jan 26 2009 Big Pimpin' Hyrule Style : Golden Zelda Bling

Damn, now why didn't I think of that? Oh wait, I did. Screw you you bearded copy-cat, I am the OG!

Gold Zelda Cartridge Bling [buzzfeed]

Thanks to Pablo and Jack, who can only afford silver cartridge bling because they aren't filthy rich like me.

Jan 9 2009 Pre & Post Dump Weighing: The Toilet Scale

The Toilet Scale was designed by Haikun Deng so you can weigh yourself while using the john. Personally, I like to sit down while I pee. I'm not sure why I just shared that. Anway, the only problem is you have to make sure your feet aren't touching the ground while it's weighing, or it won't work. So you have to kick your legs out in front of you. Which, let's be honest, we all do anyways. One time I kicked the towel-bar off the wall! This scale is perfect for determining the weight of turds so you can brag to your friends about them later. Wow, a six pounder -- somebody call Guinness! Seriously, I think this warrants a free beer.

Hit the jump for another picture and a little comic of a rabbit sitting on a toilet, in case you've always wanted to see that.

Continue Reading " Pre & Post Dump Weighing: The Toilet Scale "

Nov 24 2008 PEEEW!: Meteor Blasts Over Canada

A brilliant meteor shone its alien light over Alberta and Saskatchewan at approximately 5:30 p.m. last Thursday.

[The meteor] likely weighed between one and 10 tons and shone brightly enough to be seen over an area 700 km (435 miles) wide.

"It was somewhere between the size of a chair to the size of a desk," said Alan Hildebrand, a planetary scientist at the University of Calgary and a coordinator of a fireball reporting service.

Well damn, you think there were any aliens aboard that mother? I dunno, but rest assured I'll be sleeping underwearless tonight to find out. Report tomorrow.

UPDATE: We aren't alone. Wait a minute -- this is just a broken television antennae!

Meteor lights up skies over Western Canada [yahoonews]

Nov 10 2008 What Could Possibly Go Wrong? (Everything): World's Largest Truck Going Robotic

A group of sickos at Carnegie Mellon have decided to automate the world's largest truck, a 3,550-horsepower, 700-ton behemoth designed to haul 240-ton loads.

Autonomous vehicle technology is pretty much in its infancy," said Tony Stentz, a professor at CMU involved in the project. Stentz expects that over the next five to 10 years, the technology will expand to areas beyond mining, eventually finding its way into consumer cars and trucks.

Autonomous vehicle technology. Really has a ring to it, doesn't it? No, it doesn't -- and anybody that answered yes is a robot sympathizer and officially on the FU-BOTS shit list. Seriously, this is bad news. You know what happens when a 700-ton robot truck gets road rage?

A: Everybody dies.

World's Largest Truck Goes Robotic [discovery]

Thanks to Hayden, who gets a free membership to FU-BOTS for finding this as scary as I do.

Aug 22 2008 Vulcanus Casemod Weighs More Than Yours

The Vulcanus casemod was designed by Czech blacksmith Sergej and forged in the depths of hell. The whole freaking thing is made from hammered steel weighs in at over 110 lbs. Impressive, Sergej, but not as impressive as my case. It's a little something I like to call my PB Case. Get it, instead of PC it's PB because I made it out of lead. Oh, hold on. Damnit Jack, what did I tell you about chewing on daddy's computer? That's right, it's delicious. Now let your sister have a bite.

Hit the jump for some closeups that really show the thing off, along with a video that reminds me of a satanic porno I watched in high school.

Continue Reading " Vulcanus Casemod Weighs More Than Yours "

Jul 18 2008 Capuchin Monk Plays In Heavy Metal Band. Monk NOT Monkey. The Kind That Wears A Robe And Loves God, Doesn't Throw Feces.

Cesare Bonizzi is a 62 year-old Capuchin monk who sings heavy metal. He was drawn to the music after going to a Metallica concert 15 years ago and has loved the style ever since.

His second heavy metal album, "Misteri" (Mysteries) has just been released.

In a sign of Brother Metal's eclecticism, it drew inspiration from a group of women in southern Italy who sang about Mary, the mother of Jesus, and a heavy metal version of that song is on the CD.

Other songs talk about how alcohol warms the heart but excess drinking can damage the liver, and how important sex is to man.

Ha, alcohol does warm the heart, doesn't it, Cesare? And you know what else does? Rescuing kittens. And also, fire. Seriously though, what's next, rapping nuns? No. Freaking. Way. Rapping nuns video added after the jump. And no, it's not Sister Act II.

Hold it now, hold it now, hold it now, hit it.

Continue Reading " Capuchin Monk Plays In Heavy Metal Band. Monk NOT Monkey. The Kind That Wears A Robe And Loves God, Doesn't Throw Feces. "

Jul 2 2008 Good Looking: Optimus 'Scrap Metal' Prime

Being a Transformer and all, we've seen Optimus Prime in a variety of different forms. And here comes another -- scrap metal. Optimus 'Scrap Metal' Prime is made entirely out of welded metal and makes for some serious eye/tetanus candy. Made by Robot-Models, this particular Optimus stands over 7-feet tall, weighs 550 pounds, and costs a whopping $6,896. If you like the style but can't afford to drop a few grand, they also have smaller models in the several hundred dollar range (pictures after the jump). But, being the Geekologist, I had to drop for the big daddy. It arrived yesterday, and guess what my wife had the nerve to ask -- "What in the hell is that piece of junk?" She should have known better. "He's not junk" I replied, "he's an early divorce present for myself."

Hit the jump for two more pictures of this model and a couple of the smaller ones.

Continue Reading " Good Looking: Optimus 'Scrap Metal' Prime "

Jun 24 2008 The 730-Ton Ball That Keeps The Taipei 101 Earthquake Tolerant Is Pretty Big, Heavy

The Taipei 101, once the world's tallest building, sits a paltry 600 feet from a fault line. So is the structure doomed? Nope -- it's rocking a uni-ball of steel.

To counteract the forces working against it, architects installed a $4 million, 730-ton tune massed damper, which is a big ball 18 feet in diameter, made of 41 steel plates, and suspended by strong cables 3 1/2-inches think. It's said to cut down on the swaying of the building by almost 40%.

Pretty cool stuff there. Anything that keeps buildings standing and people safe during an earthquake is A-okay in my book. Even if it is a 730-ton ball. Which, incidentally, explains why I've never taken a fall. *wink* Ladies?

Hit the jump for some more pictures, an animation of how the damper works, along with a video of the ball in action during the recent Chinese earthquake.

Continue Reading " The 730-Ton Ball That Keeps The Taipei 101 Earthquake Tolerant Is Pretty Big, Heavy "

May 19 2008 Dude Undresses Chick With Heavy Machinery

This is a video of some guy undressing a chick with a mechanical digger. I'm petitioning to make it an Olympic sport. It was apparently on some Italian variety show and at first I thought they were using a mannequin. But they're definitely not, it's a real chick (hence the lifelike picture there). At the end of the video she's only wearing underwear and a camisole top or something, so this may be considered a little NSFW. Unless you work for a construction company, in which case this should be required viewing. Anyway, the guy completes the task in just over four minutes, which was pretty impressive. But I could have done it in three -- with a bulldozer.

Hit the jump for the slightly NSFW video.

Continue Reading " Dude Undresses Chick With Heavy Machinery "

May 16 2008 Philisophical Question Of The Day: Can We Use Robotic Suits To Defeat The Robots Of The Apocalypse, Or Will They Turn On Us?

Okay, I posted on the Sarcos Exoskelton Robot Suit back in November, but this week I've been flooded with tips to show it again, so here she blows. Raytheon, impressed with the Sarcos suit, purchased the company, and continues to develop the exoskeleton suit as part of a $10 million Army contract.

The suit can multiply its wearer's strength and endurance as many as 20 times, with relatively little loss of agility, by sensing and almost instantly amplifying every movement the wearer makes.

The suit itself weighs 150 lbs. and the biggest hurdles Raytheon has yet to overcome are the unit's short battery life, incredible cost of production, and clunkiness.

When a soccer ball was thrown at him, he bounced it back off his helmeted head. He repeatedly struck a punching bag and, slowly but surely, he climbed stairs in the suit's clunky aluminum boots, which made him look like a Frankenstein monster. "It feels less agile than it is," Jameson said. "Because of the way the control laws work, it's ever so slightly slower than I am. And because we are so in tune with our bodies' responses, this tiny delay initially made me tense." Now, he's used to it. "I can regain my balance naturally after stumbling -- something I discovered completely by accident." Learning was easy, he said.

"It takes no special training, beyond learning to relax and trust the robot," he said.

Over my dead body. The day you learn to trust robots is the day they turn on you and blast a powerful burning laserbeam straight through your domepiece. I'd rather trust my girlfriend, and she cheats on me like it's her job (which it kind of is, she's a hooker).

So today's philosophical question of the day is this: Can the human race battle robots with robots? Wow, did that just make your head explode? I know, I'm freaking deeper than a well. Suck it, Descartes.

Another video of the suit in action after the jump.

Continue Reading " Philisophical Question Of The Day: Can We Use Robotic Suits To Defeat The Robots Of The Apocalypse, Or Will They Turn On Us? "