Oct 6 2009 Dinosaurs Disrupt German Television Program
This is a scene from some German television program that gets raided by a bunch of dinosaurs. And let me tell you: when that raptor first came running out I thought it was CG. But it wasn't. And neither were my 30 boners! My God, I've never wanted to be part of a live studio audience so bad in my life.
Thanks to Martyn, Chuck and LewisRedd, who would have run on stage like it was The Price Is Right.
Oct 5 2009 Great News!: All Dinosaurs Go To Heaven
In wonderful news, at least according to this $18 t-shirt design from Threadless (where were you on this, CNN?!), all dinosaurs go to heaven. So yeah, maybe there's a merciful God after all. But, as a guy who wasn't ever planning on seeing the pearly gates: does the Catholic church still do that thing they used to where you pay to have your sins absolved? And, if so, can I borrow some money? Couple mill should do me.
Thanks to Adam, who's trying his hardest to go to hell because he heard that's where all marsupials go. You're sick.
Apr 1 2009 Guy Dies Playing Wii Fit, Sadly Not April Fools
25-year old England native Tim Eves collapsed and died while playing Wii Fit with his girlfriend and best friend. I am officially never working out again.
Tim Eves was 'jogging' on a Wii Fit games console as Emma Tuck and Lewis Hickin looked on, when he slumped to the floor.
The family were told he could have been killed by Sudden Adult Death Syndrome. Also known as Sudden Arrhythmia Death Syndrome, it is a disorder of the electrical system of the heart.Those with the condition are vulnerable to an abnormal heart rhythm. During exercise the heart may stop pumping out blood, causing the brain to become deprived of blood and sudden death. The condition is estimated to kill 500 people a year.
Well Tim, I hope you're enjoying that great Wii Mii parade in the sky. Rest in peace, buddy.
'Healthy' man, 25, collapses and dies playing Wii Fit game [mailonline]
Thanks to Pat and Nathan, who vow to create public service messages about the inherent risks of exercise.
Mar 25 2009 Canned Bacon: Perfect For Stocking Your Robot/Zombie Shelter. Also, Snacking
Canned bacon. Undoubtedly the best course of The Last Supper, Yoder brand canned bacon can now be yours. Plus, it comes in sweet-ass camo cans. Hey, where'd my bacon go?!?
For the first time in almost 20 years, canned bacon is back in this Country. Not available in any store!
More than 2 years went into the development of this bacon, and we're proud to be able to bring this back to you after improving on a what was a very successful brand of canned bacon made years ago by Celebrity Foods (registered Trademark, all rights reserved).Each can is 9 ounces of fully cooked and drained bacon. Between 2-3/4 and 3-1/4 pounds of raw bacon go into each can. Each can is the highest quality fresh #1 bacon slices. Cured to our specifications, cooked and then hand wrapped, rolled and packed in the U.S.
My God that sounds delicious. A single can will set you back $12, but that's not really bad considering it's 3 pounds of cooked bacon and will stay fresh for over 10 years. You know -- this might very well be the most delicious thing to ever come in a can. Well, besides this. Here, open it. *POW POW!* Haha, that was Geekologie brand Whoop Ass, bitch!
Hit the jump for a photo-uncanning.
Continue Reading " Canned Bacon: Perfect For Stocking Your Robot/Zombie Shelter. Also, Snacking "
Feb 2 2009 Jurassic Park Here I Come!: Scientists Clone Extinct Species, Dinosaurs Hopefully Next
That happy little camper is a Pyrenean ibex. He's from Narnia. And sadly, he's dead. Along with all the other Pyrenean ibexes. But scientists just cloned one from frozen cells but then it died too. So there aren't any more. Which is a real shame, they look delicious.
Using DNA taken from these skin samples, the scientists were able to replace the genetic material in eggs from domestic goats, to clone a female Pyrenean ibex, or bucardo as they are known. It is the first time an extinct animal has been cloned.
Sadly, the newborn ibex kid died shortly after birth due to physical defects in its lungs. Other cloned animals, including sheep, have been born with similar lung defects.t has also increased the possibility that it will one day be possible to reproduce long-dead species such as woolly mammoths and even dinosaurs.
Did you read that last bit? I didn't make that up, somebody actually wrote that. Dinosaurs, baby, get excited. Speaking of which, The Geekologie Writer's Heavy-Petting Zoo is currently seeking financial investors. Facebook message me if you're rich. Or want to exchange naked pictures.
Extinct ibex is resurrected by cloning [telegraph]
Thanks to Adam and Mark, who will each receive a free Woolly Mammoth ride.
Nov 21 2008 God's Facebook: Genesis Edition
This is God's Facebook page from the time of Genesis. Unfortunately, I only have screenshots of it because the dude won't accept my friendship request. You sell your soul to the devil for a blogging job ONE TIME....
Hit it for the rest, which I thought was pretty clever.
Nov 3 2008 Damn Son, You Just Got Literally Rick Rolled
Okay, so the wave of literal translations of music videos continues. This time it's Rick Astley's Never Gonna Give You Up, aka the Rick Roll song in case you've been a vegetable for the past year and just came to. And, if that is the case, it's good to have you back. But tell me -- was there a tunnel? Was a bearded man beckoning you towards the light? Did he creep you out at all? One time The Superficial Writer passed out humping the water cooler and said all angels have perfect tits. Is it true? Can you touch them or does your hand just pass through like that time I copped a feel on Casper's mom?
Youtube
Thanks to Lamezoid, who once Rick Rolled Rick Astley and then punched him in the face. Also, to AJ, "if you are going to thank me for the tip, write 'AJ says LSDiesel and Sharpie suck balls'"
Jul 18 2008 Capuchin Monk Plays In Heavy Metal Band. Monk NOT Monkey. The Kind That Wears A Robe And Loves God, Doesn't Throw Feces.
Cesare Bonizzi is a 62 year-old Capuchin monk who sings heavy metal. He was drawn to the music after going to a Metallica concert 15 years ago and has loved the style ever since.
His second heavy metal album, "Misteri" (Mysteries) has just been released.In a sign of Brother Metal's eclecticism, it drew inspiration from a group of women in southern Italy who sang about Mary, the mother of Jesus, and a heavy metal version of that song is on the CD.
Other songs talk about how alcohol warms the heart but excess drinking can damage the liver, and how important sex is to man.
Ha, alcohol does warm the heart, doesn't it, Cesare? And you know what else does? Rescuing kittens. And also, fire. Seriously though, what's next, rapping nuns? No. Freaking. Way. Rapping nuns video added after the jump. And no, it's not Sister Act II.
Hold it now, hold it now, hold it now, hit it.
May 9 2008 Sure, Why Not?: Dissolving Bodies With Lye
Well it's not news that lye has been used in the past to dissolve bodies. But now it's being considered as a possible alternative to burying, being shot out of a cannon, and cremation by the funeral industry.
The process is called alkaline hydrolysis and was developed in this country 16 years ago to get rid of animal carcasses. It uses lye, 300-degree heat and 60 pounds of pressure per square inch to destroy bodies in big stainless-steel cylinders that are similar to pressure cookers.
The resulting brown, syrupy residue can then be flushed down the drain, or, if you're a real sicko, applied to waffles with a little butter. However the procedure does not come without its opponents.
"We believe this process, which enables a portion of human remains to be flushed down a drain, to be undignified," said Patrick McGee, a spokesman for the Roman Catholic Diocese of Manchester.
Hrrm, interesting. So how do you want to go? Personally, I want to go out sticking it to two supermodels. I couldn't care less what they do with my body after that. Just stuff me in a pizza box and throw it out with the trash.
New idea in mortuary science: Dissolving bodies with lye [newsvine]
Thanks Melissa, I hope you live a long, happy life
Feb 26 2008 Reserve A Spot In Heaven & Sin All You Want
Worried about the life you've lived? Don't worry, I'm with you. But now there's hope for even the worst of us sinners thanks to a company selling reserved spots in heaven. That's right folks, for a paltry $12.79 you too can guarantee a pass to the cloudy oasis that is heaven.
The package includes:Heavenly issued certificate of reservation registered in the Book of Light™
A First class ticket to Heaven. Why walk those stairs when you can fly?
The Official Heaven Identification Card so you can get around without getting hassled.
Heaven 101 mini informational guide. Don’t be a victim of culture shock. Get acquainted with the land.
Now if you're not satisfied with the Essential Package you can opt for the All Access Kit for $15.95. In addition to all the basic crap it includes an " all access VIP pass. This pass will grant you access to “VIP exclusive areas” including the Land of Milk and Honey and Thug Mansion, where all the elite get together and kick it." I do like milk and honey, so I may have to drop for the upgrade. Too bad I think this is all a sham. Yeah, it turns out the company also sells reserved spots in hell. That's what tipped me off. Because, let's face it, those spots come free and I've got a whole row reserved.
Heaven Product Page
Hell Product Page
Thanks to Kelly, who doesn't need a stupid pass to be an angel, for the tip
Oct 10 2007 Star Trek Casket And Urn, For Dead Dorks
Eternal Image, a manufacturer of "brand name funerary products that celebrate the passions of life" is releasing a line of Star Trek inspired products. And if Star Trek isn't your thing there's a Precious Moments line. Monuments and vaults will be available next year, along with the casket, but the urn is dropping soon.
The new STAR TREK Urn will feature a bold design reminiscent of the 24th century styling of the United Federation of Planets and Starfleet. The STAR TREK Casket styling has been inspired by the popular “Photon Torpedo” design seen in STAR TREK II: The Wrath of Kahn.
Now I'm not saying that you won't get into heaven if you arrive in one of these, but I do happen to know that God thinks Star Trek fans are dorks. Star Wars fans are straight though.
Oh, and this guy has no chance whatsoever and will burn in hell for eternity.
Product Site [thanks to storm trooper Jay for the tip]
