Nov 20 2009 They're All The Rage: On/Off Head Switches

Want to look like you're a cyborg or some shit? I couldn't imagine why (unless you want me to brain you with a crowbar), but if you do, just glue an on/off switch to the back of your head like Dominic Wilcox did. But, WARNING: your hats won't fit the same! Neat idea, Dominic, but this is exactly the kind of thing that'll get you killed if you roll with the crew that I do. THAT SAID, I JUST I JUST HOOKED MYSELF UP WITH A VOLUME KNOB. WHAT? OH SORRY -- SOMEBODY TURNED ME UP TO 11!!

Hit the jump for a picture of the installation process.

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Nov 17 2009 BURN IT DOWN!: The Bender Head House

The Bender House looks like Bender's dome from Futurama. If you've never seen Futurama I'm going to assume you don't have a television or internet so you probably aren't even reading this. Unless they print out copies of Geekologie and distribute them in Africa, which, I think we can all agree, is the best idea you've ever heard. Anyway, I'm gonna go ahead and start taking bets on how many beers it takes me to crash out of Bender's right eye and lay bleeding in the driveway -- oh -- oh -- *crash* Fourteen and a couple buttery nipples. Now somebody call 911 411, this guy needs a pizza.

I want this house [warmingglow]

Thanks to Marcie, who used to live in a house that looked like Robbie the Robot but it mysteriously burnt down. *whistling* Weird.

Oct 28 2009 Smile Or Suffer The Wrath Of Happiness Hat!

The Happiness Hat is a little beanie that senses if you're smiling and stabs you in the back of the head with a spike if you're not. It was designed by Lauren McCarthy to train your brain to smile, but it would probably just train my brain to leak out the hole it's made. You can't teach an old blogger to smile! Or wear pants to the office. Get an eyeful, Superficial Writer, you know you want to!

Lauren McCarthy's Website

Thanks to Lauren, the mad hatter herself, for Pavlovian dogging the shit out of modern facial conditioning.

Oct 27 2009 Clever, Very Clever: Three Worf Moon T-Shirt

Well there's the original three wolf moon t-shirt, a three keyboard cat moon t-shirt, and a three Teen Wolf moon t-shirt, so why not a three Worf moon t-shirt? I have no idea if these are actually for sale, but send me $25 and a blank t-shirt and I'll see if I can't iron one on for you. Sadly, I won't be able to.

Picture

Thanks to Blastphemer and Riker, who don't have to wear shirts because they're so hairy. Gross.

Oct 15 2009 But I Wanted Braaains!: A Skull Cake Gallery

Because there's no better way to celebrate something than with a bitchin' skull cake, this is a little gallery of bitchin' skull cakes. I've decided I want a giant one for my next birthday. Except I want it to be on fire. And I want the Rockettes to leap out of that shit and kick-line me right in the face. Every last one of them, right in the face. And you know what I'll do? Spit out my teeth and smile. Hardcore, HARDCORE!

Hit the jump for the rest.

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Oct 10 2009 Arguably The Best Haircut OF ALL TIME

This kid has what might very well be the best haircut of all time. It definitely beats the bowl cut I used to rock as a kid. Also, I had a rat-tail. Which, I'm not ashamed to admit, my mom still has saved in an envelope somewhere (not even kidding). What?! Don't even act like your parents don't still have all your baby teeth!

My Hair is Batman, Your Argument is Invalid. [geekstir]

Thanks to cody, who didn't have hair until he was two and then only on his back. Tough break, kid. There's always the carnival.

Oct 7 2009 I Want One: A Dinosaur Head Belt Buckle

I can't remember the last time I had a dino's head so near my genitals because I'm like that guy in Memento, but if I were a betting man I'd say it was sometime last night. But now you can have that happy feeling all the time thanks to this t-rex head belt buckle designed by Kieselstein-Cord.

The t-rex buckle in sterling silver by Kieselstein-Cord. The piece measures 3 1/4 inches by 2 1/4 inches. $2,500.

Wait, did that say $2,500? Because that's ridiculous. I could get you a real dino head belt buckle for that price. Just sayin', I know people (Doc Brown).

Product Site

Thanks to Blackrider23, FutronicX, Dylan and Raptor on a hoverboard, who don't need belt buckles because they don't wear pants. Enough with the pictures guys, I get it.

Sep 29 2009 She's So....Beautiful: How To Fix Your Baby's Misshapen Nog

Let's be honest with ourselves: our children, when first born, are ugly and their heads are all smushed cause they just got squeezed through a vagina like the last of the toothpaste. And by "our" I mean "your" because I don't have any kids. But now there's hope for your little football-head thanks to Cranial Technologies. Basically they'll design a custom helmet for your child that exerts light pressure on their dome to mash that melon back into shape. Plus, they're fully customizable with stickers and paint! For a small fee, I'll even sign the thing like a cast. And for a large fee I'll whip anybody's ass that makes fun of your child's helmet. HELMETS ARE THE NEW HAIR, FOLKS, YOU WATCH!

Product Site

Thanks to Jordan, who was born with a perfect shaped head because he burst out of his mother's chest like an alien.

Sep 16 2009 Blockhead!: Face Rendered In Tetris Shapes

This is a head rendered in Tetris blocks as imagined by Rihards Rozans. I have no idea if he used his own face for the model, but if he did, he's a pretty handsome guy. You know, in a Donkey Kong sort of way. Speaking of which: remember Candy Kong in Donkey Kong Country? I wanted to hit that like a bushel of bananas: still green and $0.79/lb?

Hit the jump for three more shots of the blocks.

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Sep 4 2009 Balls Of Steel: F-18 Hornet Buzzes Man's Head

This is a video of an F-18 Hornet buzzing some guy's head so close you can taste the jet fuel. Now I'm not saying this thing would kill you if it hit you, but it would certainly mess your hair up. Also, not to brag or nothin', but one time I let a jet land ON MY FACE. Now who's the man?!

F-18 Hornet Ultra Low High Speed Fly By [todaysbigthing]

Thanks to Matt, who once flew a prop-plane through a barn and accidentally hit a chicken.

Jul 23 2009 By Popular Demand: Novelty Eagle Heads

Due to to the excessive interest in the novelty eagle heads available in Ghetto Baskets, Geekologie loyalist Pew³ managed to track down some relatively inexpensive ($5.68) ones for all your bird head needs. Per the review I just wrote and submitted:

By far one of the best novelty eagle heads I've owned. The beak is yellowish, I swear the eyes follow me around the room and it's plumage cascades down the rocks like a waterfall. 4.33 (repeating of course) out of 5 CAWS. CAW CAW CAW CAW C!

Wow, I should really write product descriptions. Also, romance novels. So a dinosaur walks into a bar....

Product Site

Thanks to Pew³, who knows a quality resin eagle head when he sees one.

Jun 29 2009 Billy Mays Has Left The Infomercial Set

Billy Mays, a man best known for kicking Vince "Shamwow" Shlomi's ass in a no-holds-barred cagefighting match, died over the weekend following a freak head injury heart blockage. He was 50.

Police said Mays told his wife he didn't feel well when he went to bed Saturday night. Earlier in the day, he said he was hit on the head when his airliner had a rough landing at Tampa Bay's airport.

But the airline said no passengers reported any serious injuries, and Mays himself cheerfully recounted the landing for a local TV station.

Wow, that's pretty scary. Life is short folks, fight stains while you still can.

R.I.P. Billy.

Autopsy planned for TV pitchman Billy Mays [yahoo]

Thanks to everyone who sent this in. Stay clean guys, stay OxiClean.

Jun 11 2009 Own (A Replica Of) Marty's Hat From BTTF 2!

I've got the feeling it'll look great with a neon pink track suit. Or nothing at all. Which, honestly, is the only way to wear hats. Of course, if you're a BTTF 2 purist you could whip out your shoes, jacket, hoverboard and Delorean and BAM!: dead ringer for Marty McFly.

While actually shipping July 15th, the Marty MacFly 2015 Hat Replica is available for pre-order today for the low, low price of $25.

I thought about buying one but then I realized my Hypercolor shirt stopped working years ago. Also, $25? That's a lap dance and can of beer at the strip club. That's right, can.

Buy the Hat from Back to the Future: Part II [gizmodo]

Thanks pudding, I want to eat you up. I mean, you are a chick, right? Right?

May 25 2009 The Cap-Sac Is A Fanny Pack For Your Head

The Cap-sac came out in 1987 but didn't sell very well because there was no internet then. But now, thanks to a magical series of tubes, the Cap-sac is back to the future and helping people get laid and store things at the same time. It's a fanny pack for your head, yo. Available in both neon and non-neon colors, the $13 hats promise to add a bit of retro flair and storage space to almost any domepiece. I wear two at once because I'm so fresh and also I don't like things in my pockets that make me jingle. You hear that, Santa? I can hear your ass coming from a mile away!

Hit the jump for a couple more shots because I roll deep.

Continue Reading " The Cap-Sac Is A Fanny Pack For Your Head "

May 21 2009 This Is The Awesomest Hat Ever Made

And if you could incorporate a beer helmet into it, it would be awesomest hat ever possible to make.

I made this hat for my son - he wanted a mean shark. I saw the dead fish hat pattern and loved the idea - I just varied the pattern quite a lot to make different looking species. And felted it so it looks like it jumped out of the water and landed on his head...

I basically cast 90 stitches onto a size 9 circular needle and winged it from there. I used Patons wool and it felted great.

Okay I have absolutely no idea what that means because the only thing I've ever stitched is my head to the carpet, but if somebody out there could make me one that would be just about the greatest thing that's ever happened to me. Well, besides BYOB night at the strip club. Superficial Writer -- out of my cooler!

Shark Attack Hat [craftster]

Thanks to Towee Monster and Yopoleo, who have both almost been victims of shark attacks but punched the guys before they got hold of their underwear. Good looking, guys.

May 6 2009 Needs Work: First US Full-Face Transplant

46-year old Connie Culp was nearly killed when her deranged husband literally blasted her face off with a shotgun in 2004. But now, five years later, she has a new face thanks to a recently deceased organ donor (sign your cards!).

She endured 30 operations to try to fix her face. Doctors took parts of her ribs to make cheekbones and fashioned an upper jaw from one of her leg bones. She had countless skin grafts from her thighs. Still, she was left unable to eat solid food, breathe on her own, or smell.

Then, on Dec. 10, in a 22-hour operation, Dr. Maria Siemionow led a team of doctors who replaced 80 percent of Culp's face with bone, muscles, nerves, skin and blood vessels from another woman who had just died. It was the fourth face transplant in the world, though the others were not as extensive.

"Here I am, five years later. He did what he said -- I got me my nose," Culp said of Djohan, laughing.

I got me my nose, I got me my nose. My goodness what a heartwarming story. Uncensored picture is after the jump, and, not to be insensitive, but it is a little rough on the eyes. Kind of like a belt sander, but with lasers attached. Seriously though, great job, guys.

You have been warned, now hit it.

Continue Reading " Needs Work: First US Full-Face Transplant "

May 5 2009 We Are Not Alone: Alien Skull Spotted On Mars

That's right folks, we now have 100% conclusive evidence there are, in fact, dead aliens on Mars. Or rocks, possibly just rocks.

Internet forums are full of chatter about the picture, taken by a panoramic NASA camera known as Spirit.

One alien-spotter speculated: "The skull is 15 cm with binocular eyes 5 cm apart. The cranial capacity is approximately 1400 cc.

"There appears to be a narrow pointed small mouth, so this creature most likely is a carnivore."

Another joked: "The coronal ridge shows ample structure to support the musculature of antennae, although none are visible in this view.

Joke now, but it's all fun and games until you wake up with an antennae in your you-know-what. And by 'you-know-what' I mean your girlfriend -- she's gonna cheat on you with an alien. Hey, don't cry, film it.

'Alien skull' spotted on Mars [telegraph]

Thanks to Chuck Nunchuck and Julian, whose relationships with Martian lovers have all ended the same: with them getting the shaft. The cold, metal shaft.

Apr 6 2009 Thief Uses Head As Battering Ram, Fails

A would-be thief tried to use his head as a battering ram to bust open the back door of a home in St Petersburg, Florida. He failed miserably. But I loved how he got down like a bull before charging the door, I thought that was a nice touch. Just chalk it up as a learning experience, buddy. One about God not compensating for lacking brainpower with a reinforced skull and spine.

Nutty robber uses his head [thesun]

Thanks to Richie-Con-Carne, who once laid siege to an entire castle wearing a bicycle helmet.

Mar 31 2009 Frost The Head And The Body Will Die

This is a zombie cake loyal Geekologie Reader Carol made for her boyfriend. It really made me hope that, somewhere out there, a woman is honing her baking skills and waiting to meet me. Of course, I'm not holding my breath. But I am holding my penis hopes up. Per Carol:

Apparently there isn't much of a market for face/limb based cakes so just purchasing molds was out. I ended up using about 5 layers of aluminum foil and shaped them in to a half assed face and hand.

Coat the molds with cooking spray and put them in to standard baking pans, it helps to re-enforce the mold with balled up foil underneath so it doesn't distort under the weight of the cake.

Slap your cakey zombie bits on to a sheet or round cake and get creative...

I used a shit ton of green food coloring, lindor truffles for eyes, and white chocolate for the teeth/finger nails.

Good looking, Carol. Or should I say, "NHAAAR, BRAAAAAAINS"! Oh, I shouldn't? Okay. Well good looking, Carol. Or should I say, "good tasting"? No? "NOM NOM"? I'd hit that shit like a corpse!

Thanks to Carol, who actually came up with that whole frosting the head bit, I'm just a thief. You see this? Yeah, that's your heart.

Mar 27 2009 Pillow Blanket: I Need One Like, Last Night

The Pillow Blanket is a blanket made out of interconnecting pillows that looks comfy as all hell. I want one. And not just for the pillow fights you and I could have! No, I would throw myself down on that mother after a long night of drinking and puke to my stomach's content. But not choke on it -- I ain't going out like that! Or am I? I probably am.

Hit the jump for a couple more shots.

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