Oct 28 2009 Smile Or Suffer The Wrath Of Happiness Hat!
The Happiness Hat is a little beanie that senses if you're smiling and stabs you in the back of the head with a spike if you're not. It was designed by Lauren McCarthy to train your brain to smile, but it would probably just train my brain to leak out the hole it's made. You can't teach an old blogger to smile! Or wear pants to the office. Get an eyeful, Superficial Writer, you know you want to!
Thanks to Lauren, the mad hatter herself, for Pavlovian dogging the shit out of modern facial conditioning.
Jun 11 2009 Own (A Replica Of) Marty's Hat From BTTF 2!
I've got the feeling it'll look great with a neon pink track suit. Or nothing at all. Which, honestly, is the only way to wear hats. Of course, if you're a BTTF 2 purist you could whip out your shoes, jacket, hoverboard and Delorean and BAM!: dead ringer for Marty McFly.
While actually shipping July 15th, the Marty MacFly 2015 Hat Replica is available for pre-order today for the low, low price of $25.
I thought about buying one but then I realized my Hypercolor shirt stopped working years ago. Also, $25? That's a lap dance and can of beer at the strip club. That's right, can.
Buy the Hat from Back to the Future: Part II [gizmodo]
Thanks pudding, I want to eat you up. I mean, you are a chick, right? Right?
May 25 2009 The Cap-Sac Is A Fanny Pack For Your Head
The Cap-sac came out in 1987 but didn't sell very well because there was no internet then. But now, thanks to a magical series of tubes, the Cap-sac is back to the future and helping people get laid and store things at the same time. It's a fanny pack for your head, yo. Available in both neon and non-neon colors, the $13 hats promise to add a bit of retro flair and storage space to almost any domepiece. I wear two at once because I'm so fresh and also I don't like things in my pockets that make me jingle. You hear that, Santa? I can hear your ass coming from a mile away!
Hit the jump for a couple more shots because I roll deep.
Continue Reading " The Cap-Sac Is A Fanny Pack For Your Head "
May 21 2009 This Is The Awesomest Hat Ever Made
And if you could incorporate a beer helmet into it, it would be awesomest hat ever possible to make.
I made this hat for my son - he wanted a mean shark. I saw the dead fish hat pattern and loved the idea - I just varied the pattern quite a lot to make different looking species. And felted it so it looks like it jumped out of the water and landed on his head...
I basically cast 90 stitches onto a size 9 circular needle and winged it from there. I used Patons wool and it felted great.
Okay I have absolutely no idea what that means because the only thing I've ever stitched is my head to the carpet, but if somebody out there could make me one that would be just about the greatest thing that's ever happened to me. Well, besides BYOB night at the strip club. Superficial Writer -- out of my cooler!
Shark Attack Hat [craftster]
Thanks to Towee Monster and Yopoleo, who have both almost been victims of shark attacks but punched the guys before they got hold of their underwear. Good looking, guys.
May 5 2009 Sap Cap Is Actually A Weapon In Disguise
The Sap Cap is no ordinary headwear. Oh no, the baseball hat actually has a pocket of "unique impact material that is 110% the density of lead and will not rust" sewn into the back. Granted it's no Oddjob razor hat, but may do in a pinch (also: your clumsy ass would probably cut your own arm off with an Oddjob hat). Just remove the cap, hold by the brim, and proceed to brain your opponent. Now call me old fashioned, but I still prefer a sock full of quarters. Not only is it a lethal weapon, but you can also pay strangers' expired parking meters. But not too many! Lest you find yourself wielding an empty sock. Which, as I'm sure you all know, is only effective for beating yourself. BOOM SHACKA LACKA!
Jan 13 2009 Zelda Theme A Capella: One Man, Four Hats
Zelda: I want to do her. And her video games are one of the few reasons I wake up every morning (that and writing for all you lovely people). Anyway, this is an a capella and violin version of the Zelda theme by a guy named Diwa de Leon.
This is my own rendition of the themes from Legend of Zelda game composed by Koji Kondo. Most of my picks came from Legend of Zelda: A Link to the Past originally for the Super Nintendo Entertainment System (SNES).
Awesome. And if that didn't give you goosebumps, well, you're obviously not a hat lover.
Youtube
Thanks to fabian, jackie, and Arran, who love Zelda almost as much as I do, but can't have her because I already called dibs. And also, shotgun -- I hate riding in the back.
Nov 24 2008 Now That's What I Call Hot: LEGO Fashion
Designer Jean Charles de Castelbajac, now to be known as Jean Charles Van Damme Dem Legos Are Hot, displayed some LEGO inspired outfits at a recent fashion show. If you can't tell, they're making me amorous. Gimme kissey! Haha, now that'll be a nickel. And also, why the hell am I not a fashion designer? I've got some killer ideas. Namely, a LEGO castle on some waif's head. ZOMG, I'm gonna take the fashion industry by storm! AND the lapels. See what I did there? No? Hey, I'm just flying by the seat of my LEGO pants. Jesus, I could do this all day.
Hit the jump for a worthwhile video of what the show had looked like if they had used actual minifigs.
Continue Reading " Now That's What I Call Hot: LEGO Fashion "
Oct 3 2008 Magic Hat Makes You Smarter, Look Stupid
This thinking cap promises to make its wearer smarter. How?Using a magnetic coil to send juice to portions of the left side of the brain, researchers claim that they can turn anyone into a savant, improving memory and creativity by incredible amounts.
Being a skeptic, I went ahead and rigged up my own cap on their design. I made it out of aluminum foil, a bunch of refrigerator magnets, and a car battery. Here goes nothing!
UPDATE: I smell toast.
Sep 9 2008 Make Your Own Mario Hat -- From Paper!
Always wanted Mario's iconic red cap but hate fabric? Well how about a paper one? That's right folks -- for the low, low price of some paper, printer ink, and Band-Aids you too can have your very own Mario cap. Looks too complicated for me though. The last time I made a paper hat it broke and my girlfriend got pregnant.
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Mario Cap Papercraft [paperkraft]
Thanks to Suzy, who recommends people living in paper houses not throw scissors.
Jul 14 2008 Hat Tech: Ladies, The Bang-Go Is A Must
If there's one thing I know, it's fashion. So believe me when I tell you that these hats are totally gonna be the new paisley. The Bang-Go is a hat made for women and men with bangs that want to wear a hat but don't like the wear they crush their precious hairstyle. Bang-Gos costs $20, should have been called Go-Bangs, and the top can be removed if you just want a visor. This reminds me: I was getting drunk at the bar the other day and I kept trying to take a cameraphone picture of this chick at the bar who had the most ridiculous bangs I've ever seen. They weren't even bangs, they were freaking booms. HUGE. She caught me though and I had to buy her a Budweiser and lie about how awesome I thought her bangs were and how I wanted my girlfriend to do something similar. I eventually asked if I could touch them and she let me. Long story short: I haven't washed my hand since.
Thanks Tara, I'll get one if you get one.
May 22 2008 Oh Man, I NEED One: Duckhunt Hunting Hat
Man with one of these I wouldn't feel so out of place shooting the bull with the "colorful locals" (read: rednecks) in town. A pixelated duck being shot at is the universal language of men in these parts. And at only $22 this hat is practically a steal. Although truthfully, I've never actually paid for a hat before. I just show up at the bar around 11:00 A.M. when they open and take any that were left on coat racks the night before. Then I proceed to get drunk and brag about any good finds. Which, nowadays, is anything without scabies.
Duck Hunt Trucker Hat, Not What I Always Wanted, But It'll Do [uberreview]
May 19 2008 Now That's Crabby: Half Life 2 Head-Crab Hat
This may be as old as the hills, I honestly have no idea. But if it is there's nobody to blame but yourself, for not sending me the tip earlier. So yeah, marinate on that little knowledge nugget for a minute. Anyway, a loyal reader did send the tip, and here they are -- Half Life 2 Head-Crab (aka head-humper) Hats. Made out of 100% head-crab, the $30 hats are guaranteed to turn you into a lifeless zombie (see picture, above). I just ordered one and whenever I wear it I'm going to drool a lot and pretend I'm a zombie. That's going to be funny isn't it? No, it's not. Say, did I ever tell you about the crabs I got from a toothless hooker in Baltimore? $80 for a whole bushel of jumbo Maryland blues. Freaking great deal.
Several more pictures of the hat after the jump.
Continue Reading " Now That's Crabby: Half Life 2 Head-Crab Hat "
Mar 20 2008 The Eiffel Tower's New Celebratory Party Hat
To celebrate the Eiffel Tower's 120th anniversary as one of the world's most recognizable phallic landmarks, it's going to don a temporary party hat designed by architectural firm Serero.
The design is based on a generative script, creating branches out of the primary structure of the tower. Inspired by the structural concept of Eiffel of three-dimensional cross bracing beams, the script unfolds along curved lines the “DNA” of the tower. The script used the existing structure at the top of the tower ( a 10 by 10 meters cube) to generate 3 structural weaves, which are interconnected. These layers are combined to create a woven complex, which is based on the redundancy and the non-repetition of patterns to increase its structural performance. In opposition with modern engineering (based on the concept of repetition and optimization), the project for the Eiffel tower extension is based on an alternative model of high performance.
Cool, I guess. What better way to celebrate a landmark than building it an awesome party hat? I can't think of any. I suggest we do something similar for the Statue of Liberty's upcoming 125th anniversary. Based on her pose, I'm thinking it'd be pretty easy to make Lady Liberty look like she's funneling a beer.
A ton more pictures of the tower's addition after the jump.
Continue Reading " The Eiffel Tower's New Celebratory Party Hat "
Feb 21 2008 R2-D2 Beanie Cap: Please Make Me One
This R2-D2 beanie cap is freaking awesome and comes complete with holographic projector nubbin! Oh man I want one so bad. A woman by the name of Carissa is responsible for the design, and has the pattern posted on her blog so somebody PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE make me one. My head has been so cold this winter and this is just the thing to keep it warm. You see, all my hair was scorched off when I ran into a burning building to save an elderly woman and a bunch of newborn kittens/bunnies/puppies. Pretty heroic of me huh? Okay you got me, I'm going bald.
One more picture of the back after the jump.
Jan 23 2008 Oakley Medusa Hat & Goggles Are Painful
There are people out there that want to look as stupid as possible. Thankfully for these freaks there is the Medusa hat and goggles from Oakley. The ridiculous hat goes for a paltry $500 and the bug-eyed goggles for $250 -- a steal. I can't imagine who in their right (or wrong) mind would ever, ever, ever buy these monstrosities, but I'm sure they're out there. I'm also sure they're idiots and should be sterilized. That being said, I think they'd be great for a little mythical role-playing in the bedroom. I could get my wife to put these on, then I'd pretend to cut her head off with my man-sword. You know, just like Perseus did.
Thanks to Melissa, goddess of beauty, and Sebastian, god of sexual prowess, for the tips
Dec 5 2007 Thought Screen Helmet: Stop Alien Abductions
Stopabductions.com has nothing to do with kids being snatched by men in unmarked white vans who wave candy around. No, we're talking alien abductions here. The site explains how to make a helmet out of 3M Velostat that prevents aliens from controlling your brain through the use of microwave signals. Apparently they work really well. The following testimonials are from the two people in the picture, girl first.
I have been abducted by aliens for years... the Thought Screen Helmet, invented by an expert, has stopped the unwelcome visitations and has raised me and my family`s quality of life. Therefore I highly recommend it.
Since trying Michael Menkin's Helmet, I have not been bothered by alien mind control. Now my thoughts are my own. I have achieved meaningful work and am contributing to society. My life is better than ever before. Thank you Michael for the work you are doing to save all humanity.
Well there you have it. But be warned, while highly effective, they're not foolproof.
The thought screen helmet has effectively stopped several types of aliens from abducting or controlling humans. Only two failures from standard thought screen helmets have been reported since 1998. A third failure in 2005 was from a cloth helmet with a smaller square area of Velostat and a Velcro strap which was easily removed by an alien hybrid.
Hey, it's better than nothing. I'm actually making one and typing this at the same time. I value my ass, and the last thing I need is some boogily eyed creep from outer space jamming things up it. Unless it's that hot purple one with three knockers that did it last time. She's fine. But not the ones with talons and shit, not them, they're not gentle.
Thanks always to Ben Hur, a man who can control aliens with his own brain and has no need for a stupid helmet
Dec 3 2007 Thor Helmet Is Plastic But Shoots Fire
What you see here is a replica Thor helmet ($550). It's made of plastic but has "copper flame tubes raised above the helmet so that there is no heat transfer from the tubes to the helmet." You hook that sucker up to a little propane tank tucked away in your pants and you're good to go. Use the adjustable valve to set flame height and burst action. Awesome. You can really tell this is a quality helmet. If quality is a function of the helmet's ability to burn your house down.
Several more pictures after the hammer.
