Oct 20 2009 Haha!: Home Shopping Network Wii Accident

This is a video of some idiot on the Home Shopping Network trying to sell a Wii bundle that includes the console and 15 piece of shit Wiimote attachments for a staggering $330. He doesn't do a good job, which brought great joy and happiness to my life. Just watch, you can probably guess what happens. Unless you guessed, "he stabs himself with a samurai sword or falls off a ladder", in which case, God you suck at guessing.

How not to play Wii, courtesy of the Home Shopping Network [pluggedin]

Thanks to jessica, who once put her fist through the television playing Wii boxing but it's okay because it wasn't a flatscreen.

Jul 7 2009 "Smile Checks" Ensure Employees Are Happy And Ready For Work, Next: Metal Detectors

To ensure employees at Keihin Electric Express Railway in Japan are putting their best lip forward, the company has implemented a "smile check" policy, in which workers will be required to smile into a camera and have their mug subjected to software analysis of their happiness.

The device analyzes the facial characteristics of a person, including eye movements, lip curves and wrinkles, and rates a smile on a scale between 0 and 100 percent using a camera and computer.

For those with low scores, advice like "You still look too serious," or "Lift up your mouth corners," will be displayed on the screen.

Some 530 employees of the Tokyo-based railway company will check their smiles with Smile Scan before starting work each day. They will print out and carry around an image of their best smile in an attempt to remember it.

Wow. I smell discrimination. Or fire. Shit, yep that's definitely fire. HEEEEEELP! Wait a minute. *sniff* Pork chop sandwiches!

Your Smile Will Be Monitored To Evaluate Quality Of Service [io9]

Thanks to Trin, who once killed a robot with a smile. Brave move, Trin.

Apr 16 2009 I'll Have Another: The Triforce....OF BOOZE!

The Triforce is a shot made of equal parts dark rum, banana liqueur, and Goldschläger. It sounds delicious (minus the combination of rum, banana and cinnamon), and I'm going to drink them until I start seeing fairies. You know, like Julia Roberts in Hook. But way nakeder. YOW YOW, TINK!

So all you Zelda fans know the Tri-force has three parts. Link (courage), Zelda (wisdom), Gannon (strength), and The Geekologie Writer (awesome). That was the inspiration for this drink. I chose a dark Rum for Link, since he represents courage, and the nick-name for rum is "liquid courage." Then there is 99 Bananas for Zelda. It's smooth and refreshing (and since she is a girl, she gets the fruity part - duh!). And lastly there is Goldschläger for Gannon, representing strength, because it is the part of this shot that really kicks your ass.

Cool, but Goldschläger doesn't really kick your ass. I mean, it's 87 proof cinnamon-flavored mouthwash. No, I suggest we ramp up the "strength" aspect of the drink. I'm thinking moonshine. And by thinking I mean manufacturing. Unless you're a cop, in which case I really did mean thinking.

Meet me by the old oak tree.

Gamer Drink: The Triforce [thedomesticscientist]
via
Slam Down A Triforce, Go Back In Time [kotaku]

Thanks Julian, I bought a round on your tab while you were in the bathroom. And drank them all. They tasted like happiness.

Jul 9 2008 The Jedi Gym Is Awesome, How Do I Join?

Kind of like the Jedi Academy, comes the Jedi Gym. The video is six minutes long, but actually is worth watching if/when you have the time. Mainly for the guy playing Lando Calrissian (that's him in the still) and the awesome plot twist around 4:00. Now I don't want to ruin anything, but let's just say it was pleasantly unexpected. Kind of like the time I walked in on my girlfriend with another chick. Now I know what you're wondering, and no, I was sadly not invited to participate. I was asked to leave and shut the door behind me. And that, my friends, is the story of how I was almost happy once.

Youtube

Thanks Brennan, that's just what I needed after the last few traumatizing Star Wars videos

Jun 30 2008 Sweet Wheels: Dog Born With Back Legs Only

I love dogs more than I love people and that's the truth. Ask my girlfriend if you don't believe me, she has to sleep on the floor.

Hope, a Maltese puppy, was born with two little nubbins instead of front legs. So what did the people at Southern Comfort Maltese Rescue in Chattanooga, Tennessee do? Simple, they made her a pair of wheeled front legs.

The wheeled device was created by orthotist David Turnbill free of charge with makeshift shoulder joints connected to model airplane wheels. Each of the device's 'arms' can move up or down independently of the other, allowing Hope to pivot and turn. The spring-loaded prosthetic arms hook to a custom-fitted chest plate to allow Hope to lay down or sit up without removing the prosthetic.

The wheels she uses as front legs took some getting used to and at first the tiny lap dog would tip over to one side.

Now Hope is completely accustomed to the legs and can runs laps around her other puppy pals (but please, no stairs). Wow, that really warms the heart, doesn't it? Mine sure feels like it's on fire. And that's not just the spicy breakfast tacos talking. I just hope this doesn't start some sort of sick two-legged pet craze. I catch you brandishing a saw anywhere near an animal and it's gonna be you needing wheels.

Hit the jump for a couple more pictures and a video of Hope before her wheels.

Continue Reading " Sweet Wheels: Dog Born With Back Legs Only "

Apr 25 2008 Balding Penguin Gets Custom Made Wetsuit

Sometimes it's a good idea to take a break from the inevitable human destruction by robots and read a beautiful, heartwarming story about a balding penguin. And this, my friends, is that story.

Pierre, a dapper 25-year old African penguin at the California Academy of Sciences, was going bald around his ass (I'm having trouble relating, Pierre) and getting too cold to dive into the water and swim around.

Unlike marine mammals, which have a layer of blubber to keep them warm, penguins rely on their waterproof feathers. Without them, Pierre was unwilling to plunge into the academy's penguin tank and ended up shivering on the sidelines while his 19 peers played in the water. "He was cold; he would shake," said Pam Schaller, a senior aquatic biologist at the academy.

*sniffle* So what did the good people do? They made the little guy a custom wetsuit. And it worked -- he started swimming and diving again. Now Pierre has regrown some of his feathers, is back to being alpha-male, and is even boning his mate again. He is currently being weaned off the wetsuit, and will once again swim au-naturel. Which, incidentally, I can totally relate to. I freaking love swimming naked. Or, you know, just hanging out by the kiddy pool in the front yard, drinking beer and watching traffic go by. If I ever have to stand up for any reason I just cover my junk with a koozie. Are you with me Pierre? Hell yeah you are little buddy, high flipper!

Balding penguin's wetsuit lets him swim again [msnbc]

Thanks to Matt, who looks damn good in a tuxedo himself, for the tip

Mar 14 2008 Life Isn't So Bad After All: The Rainbow Book

Rainbow in Your Hand is a little book designed by Masashi Kawamura. When you flip the pages like a flipbook a little rainbow appears. How beautiful is that? You know, this makes me think that there still is some good left in the world and everyone isn't just a bunch of a-holes. Ah, I'm really feeling some inner-peace here. What the -- some dude is letting his dog crap in my yard. "HEY YOU! YES YOU, IDIOT -- THE ONLY ONE WHOSE DOG IS SHITTING IN MY YARD! PICK THAT UP OR YOU'RE DEAD. WHOA WHOA WHOA WHERE'D THE MACHINE GUN COME FROM? Fine, I'm going back inside." Life sucks, I hate everything.

Reading Rainbow [albotas]