Nov 4 2009 The Airshake: Because Nobody Wants H1-N1
First of all, I thought we all agreed to call it H1N1 or the swine flu and NOT the Mexican Flu. Geez, no need to point fingers. Obvious racism aside, Belgian telecommunications company Telenet has suggested a way to shake hands in which we can still greet each other, but without actually making human contact: the airshake.
"...we desperately need a new way of greeting each other, since greeting is the cornerstone of our social and political life. It's a sign of mutual respect, friendship and equality. As of today we propose to replace the firm handshake by an airshake, that's a handshake without touching one another. So concerned are they, they even created a short video demonstration with Jarabe Tapatio--aka the Mexican Hat Dance--as the soundtrack.
That's right, they used the Mexican Hat Dance. Are all Belgians this racist? Because I will boycott their waffles. It won't be easy but I'll do it.
Hit the jump for a short video demonstration on airshaking.
Continue Reading " The Airshake: Because Nobody Wants H1-N1 "
Sep 11 2009 Lookin' Bad: Bluetooth Ringphone Concept
Who the hell would actually want to talk to their hand like in the picture is beyond me (where do I sign up?), but Argentinian design team BCK designed this set of rings to use as a Bluetooth headset handset. Also, anybody else notice how the thumb above the ring was drawn in, and the pinky looks like it was torn off and sewn back on by Dr. Frankenstein? I wish mine looked like that.
The user talks to the hand using the yellow ring that fits halfway down the little finger, and then listens with the pink ring on the thumb.
This is one concept that probably won't catch on, ever. Unless you can make a display to put on the palm. Maybe there is some alternate reality where this technology came into fruition.One ring to hear your calls,One ring to talk in,
Two rings to take your calls,
and with the Bluetooth bind them.
BWAAHAHAHAHAHA. A Lord of the Rings themed poem, that's too precious. See what I did there? See how I snuck the precious right on in there? Jesus I should teach lessons about being awesome.
Bluetooth Concept turns your finger phone into reality [alphabetatricks]
Thanks to Cinema Obsessed, who isn't obsessed with movies so much as the popcorn.
Aug 14 2009 Rain-Free, Hands-Free: The Shoulderbrella
This isn't the first hands-free umbrella we've ever seen, but it does rank right up there with the stupidest (you're going to get one, aren't you?). The Shoulderbrella is a $25 flexible dong that attaches to the end of any umbrella so that you can form it around your shoulder for hands-free umbrella usage. Also works with parasols! Unfortunately the Shoulderbrella does NOT work with taste and decency. Or shoulder mounted cannons. Which, okay now I'm thinking about boobs. My God I love those things.
Shoulderbrella: Because Holding Your Umbrella Is Haaaarrrd [gizmodo]
Jun 12 2009 Comfort Wipe: Holding Toilet Paper In Your Hand Is "Really Archaic And Disgusting"
The Comfort Wipe is an 18" arm extender/wad of toilet paper holder for use when you can't reach your own ass or don't like your digits coming into contact with your butthole (you're doing it wrong!). Interesting. Also, I want to know the "advantages" of being big the hefty dude is talking about. In all seriousness though, this really is a great product, I just recommend buying two (read: I lost one wiping hard).
Thanks to Wilson and gizmoduck, who just use a handful of poison ivy fashioned to a stick because they're hardcore.
Jan 29 2009 No, Nuh-Uh, No Way: The Robo-Urinal
Allegedly this robo-urinal holds your junk while you pee. For once in my life I'm really praying it's a Photoshop job or some really sick art project. You know the rule about having at least a urinal of separation between you and another dude in the bathroom? Well there are not enough urinals in the world to safely separate you from this thing. I wouldn't even feel safe pissing in the women's room sink.
Oh Hell No [tinypic]
Thanks to NinjaMuffin, who can melt enemies like butter on his top.
Jan 21 2009 Beer Hoodie: Look, Bartender -- No Hands!
I've got the feeling this has existed forever, but just in case it hasn't, here it is -- the $36 Beer Pouch Sweatshirt with Hood.
Finally! You can carry around a beer while leaving your hands free to high five a complete stranger in the stands, carry more beer, or operate your hands-free cellphone. The Beer Pouch Sweatshirt is perfect for sporting events, picnics, and really boring offices.
Features a 30 square inch pouch with elastic band and an insulating liner to keep your beer ice cold. The pouch can stretch to accommodate soda cans, bottled water, and even cans of soup and bottles of whipped cream.
Wow, I think that effectively convinced me not to buy one after all. Not that I was going to anyways -- I've already got a beer carrier. Isn't that right, wench? Wench?
NOTICE: Now hiring new beer wench. Must be able to lift 20 lbs, support 190. Large breasts a plus, penis a minus.
Product Page
Thanks to pirhan, who hand-frees beer the old fashioned way, with one of those beer helmets.
Jan 20 2009 Umm, Okay: Wooden Hand iPhone Holder
Looking for a $95 wooden iPhone holder that looks like a hand? Well look no further, you eccentric bastard you, here she blows!
This custom hand carved iPhone Holder is one-of-one worldwide! Wow you Apple loving friend with this ultra-exclusive accessory. The precise carving of this iPhone base realistically replicates the human hand. Compatible with Original iPhone and iPhone 3G for a very snug and precise fit. iPhone conveniently slides in and out vertically.
That's, uh....that's something. Not really my cup of tea, but that's just because I don't feel like lugging a giant wooden hand around in my pocket all day. I mean, I've got enough hand in my pocket as it is. And speaking of which -- two ball, change pocket.
Hit the jump for some closeups and a link to the Etsy product page.
Nov 20 2008 Must Read: Man Caught Red Handed And Hairy Palmed With Bottle Of Pasta Sauce
Hell no this doesn't have anything to do with gadgets or gizmos, but it is awesome. In a "boy, I'm really glad I'm not that guy" kind of way. Long story short: a man pleasuring himself with a jar of pasta sauce led cops on a low speed chase in Australia. Long story long:
A man caught near Nobbys (!!) Beach with his penis in a pasta sauce jar led police on a 20 km/h car chase, Newcastle Local Court heard yesterday.
Police drew their weapons when they suspected Keith Roy Weatherley, 46, was armed. Instead, they found him partially clothed with his genitals in a jar, a police statement said.The chase lasted five to 10 minutes, with a top speed of just 20 km/h, before Weatherley was stopped at Centenary Drive, Newcastle. He refused to leave the car.
Four officers used batons and capsicum spray to remove him.
They found a 750-millilitre jar around his penis and noted that Weatherley attempted to continue "pleasuring himself in between bouts of wrestling".
A search of his car uncovered pornography, a home-made sex aid, women's stockings and a Jack Russell terrier.
Wow, continuing to pleasure yourself while wrestling with the cops. That's....well that's just ballsy (ZING!). And I don't even want to discuss the contents of his car. But what I do want to discuss is what kind of pasta jar he was using. And also, was there still sauce in it? Traditional tomato-based or alfredo? Did he add pesto? I bet he added pesto.
Man caught with penis in pasta jar [theherald]
Thanks to Matt, who insists hot sauce bottles are where it's at. Thanks buddy, my penis just spontaneously combusted.
Nov 20 2008 Feel Just Like Wolverine, Minus The Cool
The Tomahawk Skull Gauntlet costs $40 and surprisingly doesn't have any customer reviews yet. Although I just wrote one. Unfortunately, it looks like it might be moderated first. Booo. UPDATE: Review is now up on the product page.
With this gauntlet strapped to your arm there is no question you are the man in charge! The three piercing spikes stretch 11 1/2" long and are constructed from solid stainless steel. The palm cover is cast metal construction with unique details down to each "bone". With an overall length of 17", this monstrous handspike will not only protect your grip but will send your foes running in the other direction.
Sweet, now you can pretend to be Wolverine. PEW PEW! What do you mean Wolverine doesn't go PEW? I mean, he has a laser blaster doesn't he? He doesn't? Well who am I thinking of then? Oh, right, me. PEW PEW bitches!
Thanks to Richthegringo, who promised me a back scratch as soon as they arrive.
Sep 18 2008 Guy Makes Steampunk Bluetooth Headset
Some guy went and made himself a steampunk Bluetooth headset to accentuate his tophat and monocle. The fully functional earpiece is made out of Sculpey clay with watch parts stuck in it. And whether you're a fan of steampunk styling or not, I think we can all agree that I wish I could grow sideburns.
UPDATE: Okay, so it might not be functional after all. Making it, well, un-postworthy. Forget you ever read this.
Steampunk Bluetooth ear piece [slipperybrick]
Thanks to Silver Sided, who loves steampunk but hates steamemo.
Sep 16 2008 Hands-Free Cellphoning Without Bluetooth
This hands-free cellphone holder was designed by Francesca Lanzavecchia and doubles as an excuse to park in handicapped spots. It comes complete with a stretchable rubber skin that fits over it so you can store your phone and cigarettes in there when not in use. Seems pretty freaking impractical. Still, it reminds me of the first time I faked an injury to get some sympathy. You ever tried to cast your own penis before? It isn't easy. I ended up just tying an athletic sock around it and calling it a sling. And you know what? Not a single 'Get Well' card.
Hit the jump for the original model.
Continue Reading " Hands-Free Cellphoning Without Bluetooth "
Jul 28 2008 Wait, What?: 25 Gesture Rock-Paper-Scissors
PRS 25 is rock-paper-scissors with 25 different gestures, also known as rock, paper, scissors, gun, dynamite, nuke, devil, laser, alien, moon, snake, sponge, cardboard, spoon, candle, dragon, geekologie writer, bowl, water, magic, dagger, tank, air, something, nachos, leopard, something, etc.. If 25 gestures is too many for you, there is also standard rock-paper-scissors and 5, 7, 9, 11, and 15 gesture varieties (and a mind-boggling 101-gesture version HERE). I like some of the explanations for why one particular sign beats another. Like, "Rock crushes woman", "Monkey flings poop at woman", and "Woman has sex with dragon". Okay, I made that last one up, but I did see it in a movie once. And that movie, my friends, was Harry Potter.
RPS-25 [newgrounds]
Thanks SomeGeek, you beat me again.
Jul 17 2008 Sweeeeet!: Hands-Free Laptop Holder
The Connect-A-Desk is a $40 hands-free laptop desk that hangs from your neck. It was designed to make you look cool and I think it's safe to say it's working perfectly. My tipster, Kenny, had this to say about the device:
hey man, saw this on thinkgeek, and figured youd find something very mean to say about it :P hahaha
Now I don't know why you think I'm the kind of person that'd write something mean, Kenny, and I hate to disappoint a loyal reader, but this thing is bad-to-the-ass. I mean, it's hands-free, so you can walk around (or drive) and still use your computer. I do suggest they sell a towel attachment though. You know, one that hangs down in front low enough to cover your junk. HA! -- there aren't enough towels in the world to cover your junk! Good one. We're like opposites.
Thanks Kenny, and I know, I'm a disappointment.
Dec 27 2007 SmartNav Controls Cursor With Your Head
The SmartNav is a system designed to control a mouse cursor with your head. You set the scary looking thing on top of your monitor, slap a reflective dot on your head, and you're good to go. Unfortunately you're not good to click on things, so you'll have to install a foot pedal or something to make that happen. The unit costs between $240 and $400 depending on the setup, and is guaranteed to make you look cool (see video). I just wish they would have made it so that you could click on things without the need for another device. Maybe if you just bob your head like a chicken twice really fast then that can count as a click. Or make like you're trying to bite your ear. I don't know, something.
A disturbing video of the system in action after the jump.
Continue Reading " SmartNav Controls Cursor With Your Head "
