Nov 5 2009 Handy, Creepy: The Hand-le Door Handle
The Hand-le is a door handle created by Amsterdam designer Naomi Thellier de Poncheville. It reminds me of the dog leash hand and is a slap in the incredibly handsome faces of lefties like myself. But that's not what's important. What's important is that my dad sent me this tip. I could have sworn I told him I was a used car salesman! Love you, dad.
Hit the jump for a closeup.
Oct 28 2009 Save The Nails For Me, Clark: Meat Hands
Meat hands are exactly what they sound like unless you thought they were gloves printed to look like your hands without skin, in which case, God you're sick. No, basically they're meatloaf molded in the shape of hands with onion slices for fingernails and arm bone and some melted cheese on a bed of mashed potatoes. Would you eat them? Because I wouldn't. I don't care how much hair you sprinkle on top! Okay, yes I do. No pubes though! Fine, MINIMUM PUBES.
Hit the jump for several closeups of the arguable deliciousness and a link to step-by-step instructions.
Continue Reading " Save The Nails For Me, Clark: Meat Hands "
Oct 5 2009 It Buuuuurns!: Laser Projection Wrist Watch
This conceptual Alessi laser watch by designer Andy Kurovets projects the time onto your wrist with lasers. Pfft, what's the matter with Indiglo technology? That shit's hot! But if you do opt for lasers, just make sure you buy the right powered battery or that bitch might burn right through your arm! Kidding, future laser technology will be kinetically powered by the motion of your arm. So no masturbating. Kidding -- I say go for it!
Concept Watch Actually Projects the Time Onto Your Wrist...With Lasers [gizmodo]
Thanks to charlie and Aisha, who don't need watches to tell what time it is cause they have magnets in their brains like birds or whatever. Yes I paid attention in school!
Sep 16 2009 Hack And Slash: College Student Kills Would-Be Robber With Samurai Sword
John Pontilillo, a Johns Hopkins undergrad, killed a would-be robber with a samurai sword after finding the thieving bastard attempting to pilfer items from his garage. Nice, John, I would have done the same thing. Except blindfolded because I'm like 30x tougher than you are.
Hours earlier, someone had broken into John Pontolillo's house and taken two laptops and a video-game console. Now it was past midnight, and he heard noises coming from the garage out back.
The Johns Hopkins University undergraduate didn't run. He didn't call the police. He grabbed his samurai sword.With the 3- to 5-foot-long (HOW LONG WAS IT?!), razor-sharp weapon in hand, police say, Pontolillo crept toward the noise. He noticed a side door in the garage had been pried open. When a man inside lunged at him, police say, the confrontation was fatal.
Pontolillo...struck the intruder no more than twice, police say, nearly severing his left hand and inflicting what police termed a "spear laceration."
Hell yeah, vigilante justice. This is exactly why I booby-trapped my Pop Tart cabinet. Next time my roommate tries to steal some, BOOM! Literally, boom: monster effing explosion. Say goodbye to your face, Dave -- it sucked anyways! Seriously, your mom doesn't even love it. I know because she told me WHEN WE WERE MAKING LOVE. She talked about you the whole time.
Hopkins student kills man with samurai sword [baltimoresun]
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Picture Source
Thanks to Justina, An, draw and jawn, muzakx, Kate from NashVegas, Alan, Alex, Carrie and e., who would have used nunchucks.
Aug 24 2009 Questionable: A Shocking Beer Bottle Opener
This is a cheap $3.50 bottle opener that shocks any idiot moron foolish enough to ignore the giant 'Shock Can Opener' graphic on the front. Plus, hopefully their hand will be wet so they really get it. Me? I wouldn't care. You could hook a car battery to my nips every time I opened a beer and I'd still drink a whole case CAUSE I AM A THIRSTY DUDE.
Product Site
via
electric shock bottle opener gives you a buzz before your booze does [technabob]
Aug 10 2009 Holodeck Coming Soon: Touchable Hologram
That's right folks, a fully functional Holodeck may be just around the corner. Using a combination of hologram and ultrasound technologies, a group of Japanese scientists have created a touchable, feelable 3-D image. Imagine the possibilities! I'm looking at you, Princess Leia.
Using ultrasonic waves to provide the resistance and tactile presence, the hologram simulates the sensation of rain drops or a small ball, all without interfering with the projected 3-D image. A couple of Wiimotes provide the tracking, and the programing provides the fun.
That's actually pretty freaking awesome. And I, for one, can't wait to see the long term, practical applications of this new technology (read: porn and video games).
Tokyo Scientists Create Touchable Hologram [popsci]
Thanks to Mih0, Will, eazie, Pete, Brocknoviatch and Daryl, who all prefer real life touching. Good, now rub my back.
Jul 30 2009 Not For My Kids!: Darth Vader Robot Arm Toy
This Darth Vader robotic arm toy from Uncle Milton (creep!) costs $30 and will be broken by day's end. God, can I sell products or what? No, seriously, I can.
Build and use a real Star Wars Darth Vader robotic arm! Grip and move objects using interactive controls. Assembles easily with snap-together parts. Kids will learn how robotic arms are being used in medical science applications! Includes stand with built-in controls. Fun and informative learning guide included.
* Assembles quickly and easily with snap-together parts.* Includes stand with built-in controls.
* Gripping, turning, and extending action.
* Grabs and holds lightweight objects.
Well if that doesn't sound funner than a bunch of Sea Monkeys I don't know what does (except everything, including watching your last Sea Monkey die). No, I hereby challenge you to an arm wrestling match, Vader Arm. Ready? Set? *SLAM* Go. Haha, you have two fingers!
Thanks to Slade, who made a necklace out of robot fingers, which is pretty sick. And to naas, who's going to use this arm to choke me for the rest of the week.
Jul 27 2009 Eye Candy: Luke Skywalker USB Drive
This is a custom made Luke Skywalker (circa Empire Strikes Back) USB drive. I assume it's painted modeling clay, but honestly it could be made out of unicorn tears for all I know. What an amazing job the artist did though -- such an expressive face. It's like you can hear him screaming, "WHY'D SHE HAVE TO BE MY SISTER!?!"
Hit the jump for several more shots of the expressiveness.
Jul 23 2009 Video Game Bling: The Halo Ring
Typically I don't wear jewelry (just makeup) but I would make an exception for this Master Chief ring. The $180 finger cuff even has the Halo 3 emblem inscribed on the inside. Plus, if you punch somebody in the face hard enough you'll leave them with a little Spartan helmet indentation. And that, my friend, is *POW* Haha -- consider yourself chiefed, sucker!
This Halo Ring is Bling [gadgetcrave]
Thanks to Clark, who says whenever he sees Master Chief he thinks of me. And not just because you never see my face. I'm a great leader too, you know.
Jul 16 2009 The Leidenfrost Effect, Or: How It's Okay To Stick Your Hand In A Can Of Liquid Nitrogen
Science is amazing. And I'm not just saying that because it's my only hope of cloning dinosaurs or inventing a time machine. Yes I am. But still, the Leidenfrost Effect is cool too.
The Leidenfrost effect is a phenomenon in which a liquid, in near contact with a mass significantly hotter than the liquid's boiling point, produces an insulating vapor layer which keeps that liquid from boiling rapidly. This is most commonly seen when cooking; one sprinkles drops of water in a skillet to gauge its temperature--if the skillet's temperature is at or above the Leidenfrost point, the water skitters across the metal and takes longer to evaporate than it would in a skillet that is above boiling temperature, but below the temperature of the Leidenfrost point. It has also been used in some dangerous demonstrations, such as dipping a wet finger in molten lead or blowing out a mouthful of liquid nitrogen, both enacted without injury to the demonstrator.
Well neato. If you don't like reading the guy in the video explains the whole Lederhosen effect and even demonstrates the water on a hot surface and dipping your hand in liquid nitrogen experiments. So, watch that while I run to the restroom.
Okay, now which one of you jokers filled the toilet bowl with liquid nitrogen? And, hypothetically, how long do you think it takes to thaw a frozen python? And, if using a microwave, should you use the defrost or popcorn button?
Thanks to towhee, who, like all women, has a heart that pumps liquid nitrogen.
May 22 2009 Fun At The Fair: Animal Hand Paintings
These is a little gallery of amazing animal hand paintings created by somebody who I don't know who is. But whoever they are, they sure did a great job. So great, in fact, I've been inspired to paint my own.
Well, what do you think? It's a robin. That? That's the worm it's eating. Oh -- looks like he's having a little trouble keeping it down! Ha -- you see where I'm going with this? Hell.
Hit the jump for a bunch of others and a link to another gallery with at least 2 or 3x more.
Apr 14 2009 'God's Hand' Spotted Using Space Telescope
That's right, son, spotted for the first time since like the year -5 billion: God's hand!
The image, taken by NASA's space-based Chandra Observatory telescope, shows an X-ray nebula 150 light years across.
NASA says the display is caused by a young and powerful pulsar, known by the rather prosaic name of PSR B1509-58.The finger-like structures are apparently caused by "energizing knots of material in a neighboring gas cloud," NASA says.
DAAAAMN! But seriously, God, you might want to have that pinky looked at.
NASA photos show giant cosmic hand [cnn]
Thanks e., I would walk 150 light years, and I would walk 150 more, just to be the man who walked 300 light years to fall down at your door.
Apr 8 2009 Best Mouse Ever: The LED Message Mouse
The $21 LED message mouse has an LED laden fan in it that spins around and displays whatever barely decipherable message you want, while at the same time keeping your hand sweat-free during a particularly intense "gaming" (read: fapping) session. Granted, you won't be able to actually see your message while the device is in use, but that's a small price to pay for the awesome you know is just on the other side of your hand. Obviously, I'm talking about your hairy palm. Seriously bro, give it a rest.
Hit the jump for another shot and a video of the rodent in action.
Apr 4 2009 Hardcore: Man Gets Hand Cut Off With Samurai Sword, Punches Attacker With Stump
Peter Rogers is a hardcore dude. First he insults some guy's girlfriend's mother, and then, in the resulting bar fight, gets his hand cut off with a samurai sword but continues to punch his attacker in the face with his bloody stump. Wow, Mr Rogers (I really loved your little train set!).
Detective Garda Tony Gleeson told Dublin Circuit Criminal Court that Russell severed Mr Roger's hand at the wrist with his first swing of the sword and his hand fell to the ground. Mr Rogers continued to struggle with Russell and at one stage punched the accused in the face with the stump of his arm.
Det Gda Gleeson said that Mr Rogers had been in the pub with a number of friends that day when he heard someone shout, "there's the c**t" before he was struck from behind with a hammer. This blow came from Russell's co-accused and friend who was then wrestled away by bar staff.Russell then swung a samurai sword at Mr Rogers and continued to strike at him four or five times before staff dragged him away. He was restrained by the bar manager but managed to escape and fled the scene.
Det Gda Gleeson said that one customer picked up Mr Rogers' hand and placed it in ice in a black bag. The victim was taken to the Mater hospital where he underwent emergency surgery to re-attach his hand. He is 'unlikely to regain full use' of limb.
First of all, good looking, Mr Rogers (I loved that episode where you visited the post office!) Secondly, how the hell do you get a samurai sword into a bar? I mean, I can't even count the times I've been frisked because a doorman suspected my penis was a WMD (which, to their credit, it totally is. Ladies?). Lastly, sorry to hear about your hand, Mr Rogers (don't forget to feed the fish!), but look on the bright side -- Best. Strangers. EVER.
Sword attacker sliced off victim's left hand [independent]
Thanks to Matthew and Cian, who once got their hands cut off but only cried about it. Wow, you two could really learn a thing or two from Mr Rogers here. Including, but not limited to: how to be a good neighbor.
Mar 10 2009 I Told You I'd Make It Up To You -- And I Keep My Promises: The Tokyoflash Hanko
Remember when I told you I'd make up for my lack of Tokyoflash posts lately? BA-DOW! I am a man of my word. And, as a man of his word (when his fingers aren't crossed), here comes Flash's latest: The Hanko.
Sharp black acrylic lenses reminiscent of a Japanese signature stamp give this watch its name and a newly designed stainless steel case with custom curves provide an additional design edge.
One touch of the upper button animates the sub-surface LEDs in a clockwise direction before the time is presented. Hours are shown in the centre circle of the watch, groups of five minutes are shown in the outer circle in the same position as numbers on a clock and single minutes are shown in the areas between.
Peep the diagram above to better understand how to read the time. The Hanko is available with blue, white or multi-colored LEDs and is one of Tokyoflash's most moderately priced time-receptacles, at about $97. So it might be a good model to get your feet wet -- you know, test the waters. Just be careful of the undertow. It caught hold of me and now I've got Tokyoflash watches coming out the wazoo. But -- I had to swallow them first.
Feb 17 2009 I Can And Will Shoot: Terminator Salvation Toys Make You Look Like A Killer Robot
Want to look like a Terminator? Well I shoot to kill, just sayin'. Apparently this Terminator Salvation toy features a fist that shoots off to hurt your enemies. It costs $74. Which is pretty steep considering you're going to lose the fist, rendering your Terminator arm stupid. Hit the jump for two more toys, a voice-changing Terminator helmet ($74) that has red glowing eyes, and some pieces of plastic that look like metal that you strap to your face ($21). Note: Wearing either of which will get you BB'ed in the neck if you walk by my house at night. Jesus, whatever happened to kids playing with good old fashioned toys? Like matches.
Hit it for the other two.
Feb 2 2009 Geekologie Reader Makes Zombie Cake
Geekologie reader Kristen went and made her boyfriend a zombie cake. That was nice of you, Kristen.
The hand was crafted out of newspaper, paper mache and tape. The cake is all chocolate with Oreo crumbles to resemble dirt. My boyfriend's name is Jonathan and he's studying Animation. He keeps the hand at the studio on his desk.
I call the ring finger! Mmmm, papery. Fiber, bitches, what?
Hit the jump for several more pictures, including one of the zombie trying to put the move on Jonathan.
Jan 29 2009 No, Nuh-Uh, No Way: The Robo-Urinal
Allegedly this robo-urinal holds your junk while you pee. For once in my life I'm really praying it's a Photoshop job or some really sick art project. You know the rule about having at least a urinal of separation between you and another dude in the bathroom? Well there are not enough urinals in the world to safely separate you from this thing. I wouldn't even feel safe pissing in the women's room sink.
Oh Hell No [tinypic]
Thanks to NinjaMuffin, who can melt enemies like butter on his top.
Jan 20 2009 Guy Gets Arm Replaced Luke Skywalker Style
Evan Reynolds, 19, got his hand and part of his arm ripped off in a car accident and has since been fitted with an i-LIMB, a robotic hand developed by an Apple/Star Wars fanboy.
The i-Limb was developed by a Scottish company, Touch Bionics, and has won awards for its innovative technology. The total cost including the hand itself and the fitting is about £30,000.
"It's so sensitive I can grip a bottle of water or a paper cup without crushing it, and even swing a racket. All I have to so is imagine picking something up or gripping it and the fingers and thumb move automatically."Mr Reynolds said his disability has not stopped him playing sport, his greatest passion, nor has it crushed his spirit.
Don't get me wrong, I'm all for fake arms and shit, but I'd still be pissed if Evan could throw the ball better than me. And that, dear reader, is only one of the thousands of reasons why I'm going to spend eternity in hell with a piece of glowing charcoal in my ass.
Bionic hand gives student new lease of life [telegraph]
Thanks to MoMan, who fears the day his robotic prosthetic turns on him and rips his penis off.
Jan 20 2009 I Can Add!: Tokyoflash's Kisai Keisan Watch
I know what you're thinking, "holy shit, we have a new president!" And also, "damnit Geekologie Writer, hit me the latest in time-telling devices". Well you got it, son. The Kisai Keisan is the latest in Tokyoflash's wrist flasherdashery. If you can add, you can tell what time it is on the Keisan.
Calculate the time with Keisan. Simply touch the button and digits will appear in four vertical lines. Add the digits in each vertical line to read the time. The date is displayed in the same way after the time. The time and date can be accelerated by pressing button A again. To find out more, take a look at the interactive manual to the right.
The Keisan is available for $255 in black with red or green LEDS, and silver with orange or yellow LEDs. But hurry -- they'll be gone in a Tokyoflash! ZOMG, I think I just reached a new level in L337 advertising: +30 selling, -20 dignity! I swear, I could sell fire to Satan -- or cans of bitch to my ex-wife!
Hit the jump for a bunch more pictures of the flashery.
Continue Reading " I Can Add!: Tokyoflash's Kisai Keisan Watch "
