Nov 20 2009 They're All The Rage: On/Off Head Switches

Want to look like you're a cyborg or some shit? I couldn't imagine why (unless you want me to brain you with a crowbar), but if you do, just glue an on/off switch to the back of your head like Dominic Wilcox did. But, WARNING: your hats won't fit the same! Neat idea, Dominic, but this is exactly the kind of thing that'll get you killed if you roll with the crew that I do. THAT SAID, I JUST I JUST HOOKED MYSELF UP WITH A VOLUME KNOB. WHAT? OH SORRY -- SOMEBODY TURNED ME UP TO 11!!

Hit the jump for a picture of the installation process.

Continue Reading " They're All The Rage: On/Off Head Switches "

Nov 11 2009 Why Not?: Interchangeable Mustache Pillow

The $60 Mr. Moustache pillow is a pillow that comes with interchangeable mustaches for the dapper bastard on the front. They're made by Etsy seller salliyenglanddesign and are fun to kiss, even if your roommate is watching. Don't be jealous just cause I gotta man!

The delightful Mr.Moustache pillow comes with four interchangeable velcro moustaches (Fu Manchu,trucker,gentleman,& salt 'n'pepper!) and a clear plastic storage pocket on the back!

Each velcro moustache is hand trimmed from faux fur, and each Mr.Moustache pillow is handmade in the s.e.d studio in Grand Rapids, Michigan!

Cool. I bought a pair so I can pretend I'm sleeping between two guys. But I make them wear different mustaches because sleeping with twins would be weird. And by weird I mean awesome. I can't quit you -- or you!

Hit the jump for two more shots of the irresistible handsomeness.

Continue Reading " Why Not?: Interchangeable Mustache Pillow "

Nov 6 2009 Dolores: Germany's Hairless Spectacled Bear

Ever wonder what a bear with no hair would look like? This. Poor Dolores has lost her coat. She's a bare bear! I know, sometimes my word wizardry amazes even me.

Vets have been left baffled by the condition of the bespectacled bear, who lives at a zoo in Leipzig.

And Dolores isn't the only one. The sudden hair loss has affected all female bears at the zoo.

Some experts believe it could be due to a genetic defect though the animals do not seem to be suffering from any other affliction.

The bears, which originate from South America, normally have fluffy dark brown fur and would now be growing a thicker fur coat to keep warm during the winter.

Well Rogaine those bitches or something -- this shit ain't right! As much as I do love hunting bears and killing the shit out of them WITH MY BEAR HANDS (more word sorcery), bald bears make me sad as hell. Remember Fuzzy Wuzzy? Brings a tear to my eye.

Hit the jump for three more shots, including one of what Dolores normally looks like.

Continue Reading " Dolores: Germany's Hairless Spectacled Bear "

Oct 22 2009 I'd Rock It: The Three Teen Wolf T-Shirt

It was only a matter of time before somebody smoked enough weed to realize how cool a Three Teen Wolf Moon t-shirt would be, and here it is. Available from 80's Tees for 20 silver bullets, the shirt is sure to be a hit at parties. Mostly sausage parties, but still, you might make some friends.

Product Site

Thanks to chris, who howls at the moon to attract girls. He's a furry lover!

Oct 22 2009 DO NOT WANT (To Pet): Chinese 'Cat Girl'

Normally I love making fun of other people's misfortune, but it's sad when it's a six year old girl. Hopefully this is fake though cause it's coming from The Sun. Although, this IS China we're talking about here, which is notorious for freaky cat shit.

Li Xiaoyuan, from Fengkai in southern China, had a small birthmark on her back just months ago, which has since grown to cover her entire back and parts of her arms and face, The Sun reports.

"None of the other children want to play with her, they are calling her cat-girl and are really mean."

A surgeon at Zhaoqing City Dermalogical l Hospital in China's Guangdong province said Li Xiaoyuan may have a rare skin disease that makes normal moles run amok.

I swear, I can't stand it when moles run amok. You know what you need to do? Pour gasoline down all their holes then light that shit. BOOM! Woops -- must have found the gas line. Remember folks: call before you dig.

Chinese 'cat-girl' baffles doctors [ninemsn]

Thanks to Sam, Turtle Boy.

Oct 10 2009 Arguably The Best Haircut OF ALL TIME

This kid has what might very well be the best haircut of all time. It definitely beats the bowl cut I used to rock as a kid. Also, I had a rat-tail. Which, I'm not ashamed to admit, my mom still has saved in an envelope somewhere (not even kidding). What?! Don't even act like your parents don't still have all your baby teeth!

My Hair is Batman, Your Argument is Invalid. [geekstir]

Thanks to cody, who didn't have hair until he was two and then only on his back. Tough break, kid. There's always the carnival.

Oct 2 2009 One Step Closer To Evolutionary 'Missing Link'

Scientists believe they're one step closer to human evolution's "missing link" with the discovery of new skeletal remains in Ethiopia.

Humanity has a new older sister. A fossilized skeleton of Ardipithecus ramidus or "Ardi" predates Lucy by over a million years. The discovery has led to new insights about human evolution, suggesting previously unknown relationships to our chimpanzee brethren.

The paleobiologists studying Ardi identify hers as an "intermediate" form, one that is bipedal, but at the same time capable of walking on all forms and traveling through trees. Still, although she represents a point past hominids' evolutionary break with gorillas and chimpanzees, she is very different from modern apes. For example, Ardi's had flat hands and feet and flexible wrists, and engaged in a form of locomotion called palmigrady, which is a trait of ancient apes and unlike gorillas and chimpanzees, which are stiff-wristed knuckle-walkers. This suggests that gorilla and chimp ancestors developed their knuckle-walking long after their evolutionary break with hominids.

Interesting. And by interesting I mean Ardi looks like your mom but with nicer tits. AND trim.

New Fossil Discovery is the Closest We've Come to the Missing Link [io9]

Thanks to Julian, who would hit anything with opposable thumbs.

Aug 24 2009 Sure, Why Not?: A Tetris Haircut Design

This is a guy with a Tetris themed shaving in the side of his head. The rest of his hair has got kind of a rainbow motif. I suspect he's French. And, not unlike that toast of theirs, delicious. Syrup me!

Hit the jump for a couple more.

Continue Reading " Sure, Why Not?: A Tetris Haircut Design "

Jun 25 2009 That's Depressing: Dead People Jewelry

Want some jewelry that will remind you of your deceased loved ones because it's made with parts of them? Then you're in luck, thanks to necromancer and design student Anna Schwamborn (not to be confused with Anna Schwamdied).

Besides pure hair being used, cremated human ashes are mixed with black bone china, the world´s highest class porcelain.

The objects are supposed to be worn close to the body of the mourner symbolizing a lasting physical connection between two individuals even after death.

Furthermore this collection is supposed to remind the wearer on the fragility and appreciation of life and most importantly, acting as a keepsake.

Wow, that was depressing. Quick, I need something entirely inappropriate. Got it -- ex-girlfriend panty collection for the save! Whew, that was a close one.

Hit the jump for a couple more pictures of the possibilities.

Continue Reading " That's Depressing: Dead People Jewelry "

May 28 2009 Bottle 'Staches: For Those Who Can't Commit

Can't commit to growing a sweet freaking mustache? Or maybe you just can't grow facial hair? Whatever the case, these Pops Staches from Shane Blomberg, Andrew Reeves and John Healy may be for you. You just pick a style, attach it to your favorite soda, and never be caught not holding the soda to your lips. This just in: work great on 40's too! Awesome. But personally, I rock a traditional handlebar. Which, due to its inherent danger, you must be this tall *flailing arms* to ride. Ladies?

Hit the jump for a picture of the different styles and a closeup.

Continue Reading " Bottle 'Staches: For Those Who Can't Commit "

Apr 8 2009 Best Mouse Ever: The LED Message Mouse

The $21 LED message mouse has an LED laden fan in it that spins around and displays whatever barely decipherable message you want, while at the same time keeping your hand sweat-free during a particularly intense "gaming" (read: fapping) session. Granted, you won't be able to actually see your message while the device is in use, but that's a small price to pay for the awesome you know is just on the other side of your hand. Obviously, I'm talking about your hairy palm. Seriously bro, give it a rest.

Hit the jump for another shot and a video of the rodent in action.

Continue Reading " Best Mouse Ever: The LED Message Mouse "

Feb 20 2009 Woman's Weave Proves Tighter Than A Speeding Bullet, Saves Life From PEW

A woman's tightly woven hair weave allegedly saved her life from a gunshot fired by her ex-boyfriend.

The 20-year-old Kansas City woman told police Juan Kemp, her ex-boyfriend, opened fire on her while she was inside her car at a Kansas City convenience store Wednesday night.

Bonds' back window and tail light were shot out, but it is what police found in her weave that is amazing. Detectives pulled a spent bullet from the back of Bonds' head. It had become lodged in her weave.

(Hairdresser Kim) Walton said while the weft is the strongest part of the weave and would be the most difficult to penetrate, she finds it hard to believe a weave could stop a bullet.

Captain Brokenheart of the USS Fails At Life and his friend were later arrested. Now, physicists out there: is this even possible? I feel like it had to be a ricochet or something. There's just no way. But, if there is a way, this guy needs a weave!

Woman's hair weave stops bullet [woai]
and
News Video [yahoonews]

Thanks to Julian, who once caught a speeding bullet in his teeth but lost a filling.

Feb 19 2009 Guy's Cabinet Door Sounds Like Chewbacca

This is a video of a guy opening and closing a cabinet door so the whole world can hear how it sounds like Chewbacca. Also, 'holy shit, this is amazing!' should never be used to describe a cabinet door. "Say, are you that guy that made the Chewbacca squeaking door video?" "I most certainly am!" "You sir, are a loser -- how much for the cabinet?"

Guys Cabinet Door Sounds Exactly like Chewbacca! [funnyordie]

Thanks to Erik, who has a screen door that sounds like Jar Jar getting shot in the face by an arrow.

Feb 12 2009 Donkey Kong T-Shirt Turns Man Into Ape

Ever wanted to pretend you were an ape? Well you don't need a novelty t-shirt. You just crouch down real low and drag your knuckles on the ground and grunt a whole bunch. That's what I do, and I, my friends, was a gorilla for Halloween one year. The defense rests. Anyway, for a spine-tingling $28 you can get this (probably unlicensed) Donkey Kong t-shirt. And speaking of Donkey Kong, the snow levels in Donkey Kong Country -- ugh! I threw my controller at the TV not once, not twice, but twenty-thrice. SCREW YOU, STUPID SPINNING LAUNCH BARRELS! And, while I'm at it, suck it Zelda II! Wait, was that....blasphemous? Oh my God, what have I done?

Product Site

Thanks to Russell, who needs no excuse to hurl barrels at unsuspecting plumbers.

Jan 17 2009 You're So Oldschool!: A NES Controller Jacket

This NES Controller Varsity Jacket is available for $200* from 80'sTees and has a giant freaking NES controller on the back, hence the name. It's only being made in a limited edition of 1,000 and allegedly they're already running out of several sizes, so if you want one, you better act quickly. Same goes for if you want some of this. No, I'm serious -- my girlfriend should be back any minute.

*Tough guy not included.

Hit the jump for a closeup of the embroidered controller above the breast.

Continue Reading " You're So Oldschool!: A NES Controller Jacket "

Dec 24 2008 A Little Holiday Something From Me To You

No need to thank me folks, just spreading some holiday, um, nipple-stache. And remember, it's not too late to add "new eyes" to your last minute Christmas list.

The nipple mustache [iosoup]

Thanks to Kevin, who allegedly grew a crotch-stache for his senior prom.

Nov 20 2008 Cooking With Wookiee: Star Wars Cookbooks

You ever spent time in the kitchen making confectionery love to a Wookiee? Ha, me neither then. But now you can whip up Star Wars-y dishes (sans Wook hair) in no time thanks to this two cookbook set.

Each volume is loaded with different types of inter-galactic recipes: drinks, breakfasts, main courses, desserts, and more. Volume 2 adds some great new culinary concoctions, such as Boss Nass Broccoli, Opee's Sea Crunch, and Darth Double Dogs (doubling as a light saber you can eat!) Age is no issue when it comes to Star Wars cuisine - kids as well as adults will have a great time with these books. Whether you drove to your first Star Wars flick or just had your fifth birthday, there's no reason you can't whip up some Crazy Cantina Chili at near light speed.

The books are available as a set from ThinkGeek and will set you back 15 space bones apiece. Unfortunately, there were no Ewok recipes. I swear, you don't cook those furry bastards just right and they end up all gamey. Now tauntauns, you can't go wrong with those guys. Hoth chickens, that's what I call them.

Product Page

Thanks to Pedro, a Brazilian reader who doesn't know it yet but is gonna let me crash at his place when I come to Brazil. Isn't that right Pedro?

Oct 17 2008 Another Literal Music Video: Head Over Heels

This is another literal music video from the same guy that brought us A-Ha's Take On Me. Except now it's Tears For Fears and Head Over Heels. Jesus, music videos were freaking weird in the 80's. Thankfully we've gotten over that. Or have we? I don't know, I don't watch MTV anymore. Because I don't have cable. Or a TV. Or electricity. Or wat -- holy shit, I live in my car.

Youtube

Thanks to RyanThePerson and Kokopure, both of whom have an open invitation to sleep in the trunk any time they want.

Sep 3 2008 Untooned Michael Jackson

Done in the same style of untooning as Mario and Jessica Rabbit comes Michael Jackson. In celebration of his 50th birthday, Photoshoppers set out to create a non-surgically enhanced Michael Jackson. As you can see, he looks like a handsome, middle-aged black man. And not a, uh, Geisha girl.

Michael Jackson Sans Surgery [buzzfeed]

Thanks to Tyson, who only believes in one kind of facial surgery -- boobs.

Aug 29 2008 Labor Day Weekend: Now With More C-String

WARNING: the gallery after the jump is probably NSFW.

What is that, a hair band? Nope, it's underwear -- a C-string. The misnamed C-string doesn't actually have any straps, it's kept on by hugging the vagina and buttcrack. Now that's sexy talk.

C-String has a flexible internal frame that hugs and holds it to the body both securely and comfortably. Your modesty remains safely covered at all times. At the front it looks like sexy underwear, to the rear it has a thong-style strip, and to the sides it has nothing at all!

Wow, this is best thing to happen to underwear since not wearing any. Each vagina-band costs about $26 and is guaranteed to turn heads. And, also, my shoe camera.

Hit the jump for a NSFW Labor Day Weekend C-String Picture Extravaganza!

UPDATE: Added a German video about the C-string with funny subtitles.

Continue Reading " Labor Day Weekend: Now With More C-String "