Nov 12 2009 Science-y!: Thermal Imaging Of A Toot
This is what a toot likes like under thermal imaging. Looks kind of like a ghost, don't you think? The ghost of dinners past! Get it?! Me neither. Also, I totally just made you stare at a man's ass. Women don't do that! Right? Women don't do that....right?
Thanks to Kelly, who thought it looked like musical notes.
Nov 6 2009 Gross: Spit Ball Toys Grow 200x Original Size
Spit Balls are a $ 5 toy from Edmund Scientific that grow to 200x their original size and sound like something that I don't want to touch. Still, for the sake of science, I'd put them in my mouth.
The wonder of polymers makes these slimy spit balls possible. Easy to make and fun to use, spit balls grow to 200x their original size and are slimy to the touch. Slip, slide, and bounce the balls until they explode on target.
"Growing to 200x it's original size"...."slimy to the touch"...."bouncing the balls until they explode on target"....remind you of something else? Yeah, me neither.
Product Site
via
Finally Some Real Innovation! Polymer Spit Balls Grow To 200x Their Original Size [ohgizmo]
Oct 30 2009 $899 For The World's Cleanest Keyboard
Germaphobe? Worried about the bovine flu (it's coming, you watch)? Tired of operating a keyboard when you're 99.98% sure The Superficial Writer was touching with himself while using it? Enter the $899 Vioguard self-sanitizing keyboard.
The Vioguard keyboard is aimed at medical market uses and consumers in Canada. It uses two 25-watt UV lights to kill 99.99% of viruses and bacteria in about 90 seconds. Ultraviolet light is known to be affective against harmful microorganisms such as H1N1 flu, MRSA and molds.
Alternatively, only operate the keyboard while wearing surgical gloves, which is what I do. You should see everybody in the office tense up when I'm slapping them on! I think it's the winking that really gets to them.
The Cleanest Keyboard From Vioguard [techfresh]
Thanks to naas, who doesn't need a keyboard because he rocks dual mice.
Oct 29 2009 HORF HORF HORF: Halloween Brain Shots
Listen, I love the booze more than anything, but there's no way I'm drinking a curdled shot, I don't care how much it looks like a delicious brain. I've been tricked into it before, and I'm definitely not doing it on purpose. But, if you insist on being grody:
bloody brain shooter
1 1/4 oz. strawberry vodka such as Stoli
1/8 oz. Rose's lime juice
3/4 oz. Bailey's Irish Cream
Splash of grenadinePreparation:
Chill vodka for better smoothness. Add vodka and lime juice to a shaker, shake and strain into a shot glass. Using a straw, dip some Bailey's Irish Cream into the shot. Once you submerge the straw into the Bailey's put your finger on top of the straw to hold the Bailey's in the straw. Dip the straw tip into the vodka and slowly release your top finger. The Bailey's will curdle a little bit due to the lime juice and you should be able to make strands of Bailey's.
Repeat the straw/Bailey's process to build a "brain" in the shot glass. Add a splash of grenadine to the concoction to add the 'blood' to the mix. Down the hatch as a shot.
Alternatively, have a friend hold a shot of Bailey's in their mouth and then add one of lime juice and swish it around. Cement mixer! Puke! Lose a friend!
brain shots [folkinz]
via
Bloody Brain Shooters [neatorama]
Thanks to Blastphemer, who doesn't even care if he's drinking solid booze he wants it so bad.
Oct 1 2009 For Sale: The World's Largest Gummi Bears
I have no idea if these five pound gummi bears are, in fact, the world's largest commercially available sugar bombs, but I do know they look rats and not bears.
The World's Largest Gummy Bear is the lion of the candy world. There is no candy more magnificent or more powerful. This five-pound beast is the equivalent of 1,400 regular sized gummy bears and packs a whopping 12,600 calories.
Its monstrous size is only matched by its enormous taste. The World's Largest Gummy Bear tastes just as delicious as its pint-sized counterpart.Available in several flavors: blue raspberry, red cherry, and green apple. Hand-made in the USA.
Each bear will set you back $30 plus whatever you incur at the dentist. Which, if you play your cards right and flirt with the hygienist, could be a tank of nitrous. Just saying, A-WAHWAHWAHWAHWAHWAH. I feel like I'm on a spaceship!
Hit the jump for a moderately humorous commercial for the things.
Continue Reading " For Sale: The World's Largest Gummi Bears "
Sep 28 2009 Not Just For Vampires: Blood Energy Drink
Blood Energy Potion is a $6 energy drink (availableJanuary 2010) that was made to look -- and have the same nutritional value -- of real blood. That's pretty gross.
"The fruit punch flavor packs 4 hours of energy along with iron, protein, and electrolytes. Not only does Blood Energy Potion have a similar nutritional makeup to real blood, but it has the same color, look, and consistency of blood. Get real blood nutrients without that real blood taste! The re-sealable transfusion bag style pouch provides the convenient delivery of fluids for vampires and humans alike! Contains no real blood, just synthetic! "
Pfft, forget synthetic blood. I drink the real deal. ISN'T THAT RIGHT, MY FALLEN ENEMIES?! Say, none of you had AIDS, right?
Product Site
via
Blood Energy Drink [likecool]
Thanks to Ste, who is holding out for a bile energy drink. HORF.
Sep 11 2009 Noooo!: Prego-Bot Gives Birth To Robo-Son
In one of the most f'ed up things I've seen in recent history, the University of Arizona Medical Center has a robotic woman that gives birth to a robotic son so that medical students can witness the horrors of robotic birth firsthand.
Named Noelle, she grunts, screams, yells at the doctors, pees, bleeds -- and yes, even gives birth (to a cute little robot baby named Hal).
Paid for with a $40,000 grant from Miami-based Guarnard Scientific, the university bought Noell, baby Hal, and another, smaller robot-baby in January. Then Noelle was taken out of commission for a while when medical students (yelp!) broke her pelvic bone.an average of 20 medical students a week diagnose all sorts of birth complications like cesareans and breach births. Noelle can even hemorrhage, all while screaming in pain and yelling things like "don't touch me" at the medical students.
Great, at this rate she's gonna have like 1,000 babies a year. WHO KEEPS KNOCKING THIS ROBOTIC BITCH UP? I'm looking at you, shifty night patrolman! DUM DUM DUM!
University of Arizona Medical Students Help Robot Give Birth to Baby Robot [phoenixnewtimes]
Thanks to Demon Spawn, who get it pregnant with like thirty little devil babies.
Sep 11 2009 Beef Jerky: Now With More Caffeine
Perky Jerky is beef jerky with caffeine added (via guarana) to help keep you awake and focused on trying to look busy and not like you're just reading Geekologie.
Perky Jerky caffeinated beef jerky is the world's first performance enhancing meat snack. Put simply, we've combined the most tender and flavorful beef jerky, with an extra dose of energy (caffeine, from the Guarana we add) to provide a jerky experience you won't find anywhere else.
Performance enhancing meat snack. I dunno about all that. But if you want to try it, a 2 oz bag will set you back $5. Alternatively, a 2 oz bag of good weed would be like $700. So, yeah, cheaper than good weed.
Thanks to Ryan, Mr. Robbot and Towhee Monster, who get their energy the old fashioned way, directly from the sun. Transform and photosynthesize!
Sep 2 2009 Silent But Violent: Students Made Gas Detector
Two college students went and made a fart detector. Nice one guys, but I can honestly say I never made anything like this in college. ALL I MADE WERE STRAIGHT C's AND LOVE TO WOMEN. Ooooooh!
I'm sure the two Cornell computer engineering students who made it are quite bright, and combining a hydrogen sulfide monitor, a thermometer, a microphone and custom software was impressive.
Um, no. You see, I don't know if you knew this or not but God gave us all our own fart detectors. Take a big whiff. Does it smell like ass? Congratulations, you shat yourself.
Fart detector solves a problem I've never encountered [dvice]
Aug 28 2009 Kitty Noises, Autotune Used To Make Song
This is song made using videos of kitty sounds that have been auto-tuned (think Kanye West, but with less bitching and whining) to produce some funky fresh beats. Yes, I am hip to your jive. I'm a cool cat, you dig? I jest, I am a warm dog. And speaking of which -- in college I lived in a house with five other guys, and we had this one roommate who would always boil hotdogs in the same pot of water and then lid the pot and save the water for next time. Dude got mad pissed if you even joked about touched his hotdog water. And that pot would sit there on the stove for sometimes a week between boilings. He was convinced it gave each subsequent batch of dogs more flavor. We were convinced it gave us dysentery.
Thanks to Tom and Edd, who once made a song with their voices synthesized to sound like Chipmunks but then deleted it when they realized that shit's not cool.
Aug 25 2009 Wrong, Just Plain Wrong: Two Robots Kissing
Listen, as long as you're human I firmly believe you should be able to kiss and have relations and relationships with whoever you want (provided they feel the same about you). I don't care if you're black, brown, yellow, blue, red, white, clear, striped, dotted, Canadian, from Australia, have food allergies, are bi, straight, gay or super gay, I say go for it. Robots, not so much. Robots should all burn in a fire.
Video: The first (televised) kiss between robots [engadget]
Thanks to Xavier, Mr. Robbot, Peterman, Joe Mamma, 3d, Kenneth and Captain Awesome, who swear they've never tried kissing themselves in the mirror and are all terrible liars.
Jul 31 2009 Robotic Moles To Deliver Goods Underground
An army of little robots that travel through a city's existing sewer lines delivering packages of death to unsuspecting recipients. That sounds wonderful.
The brainchild of designer Phillip Hermes, the Urban Mole is a capsule that travels through existing networks of underground pipes in order to transport packages as diverse as groceries, signed documents and any title that appears on Oprah's Book Club.
According to VisionWorks, "The pipe system is structured like a road network - the more traffic, the bigger the pipe." Electric rails within the pipes provide juice for the Mole's motors in a system that works like a miniature subway. Still more pipes run from drop-off points to delivery centers called MoleStations...where customers can retrieve their items locally. The designer estimates that the average cross-town delivery could take place in less than ten minutes.
Interesting, but it'll never work. Mainly because you and I are gonna sit down there with night vision goggles and crowbars and bash every single one of these things open waiting for a shipment of diamonds. Then, we'll order pizza and party with the ninja turtles. COWABUNGA!
Hit the jump for a coupe more shots of the conceptual couriers.
Continue Reading " Robotic Moles To Deliver Goods Underground "
Jun 12 2009 Comfort Wipe: Holding Toilet Paper In Your Hand Is "Really Archaic And Disgusting"
The Comfort Wipe is an 18" arm extender/wad of toilet paper holder for use when you can't reach your own ass or don't like your digits coming into contact with your butthole (you're doing it wrong!). Interesting. Also, I want to know the "advantages" of being big the hefty dude is talking about. In all seriousness though, this really is a great product, I just recommend buying two (read: I lost one wiping hard).
Thanks to Wilson and gizmoduck, who just use a handful of poison ivy fashioned to a stick because they're hardcore.
Jun 2 2009 Mmmm: Poisonous Snake-Bitten Chicken
Apparently poisonous snake-bitten chicken is a popular dish in a parts of China, but it's coming under the heat for being cruel and unusual deliciousness.
Chinese health authorities are putting a stop to restaurants serving chickens which have been bitten to death by poisonous snakes and cooked up for a supposedly detoxing meal.
The dish, served by a small number of eateries in the southern province of Guangdong and the southwestern city of Chongqing, has generated a storm of publicity and controversy in the Chinese media and amongst bloggers.
Wow, that's pretty effed up. Like eating dried tiger penis just so you can pop a boner -- but with even more snake. HIYO!
China puts a stop to snake-bitten cock-in-a-pot [yahoonews]
Thanks to Ken, who once bit a poisonous snake's head off and sucked the venom out just for the hell of it.
May 13 2009 SICK!: Fly Turns Ants Into Zombie Nurseries
The phorid fly turns fire ants into zombies by laying eggs inside them. When the larvae hatch, they eat their way to the ant's brain, which they also eat, leaving the fiery bastards to wander around like zombies before dying. Sick.
"At some point, the ant gets up and starts wandering," said Rob Plowes, a research associate at UT.
The maggot eventually migrates into the ant's head, but Plowes said he "wouldn't use the word 'control' to describe what is happening. There is no brain left in the ant, and the ant just starts wandering aimlessly. This wandering stage goes on for about two weeks."About a month after the egg is laid, the ant's head falls off and the fly emerges ready to attack any foraging ants away from the mound and lay eggs.
ZOMG -- it's head falls off. That reminds me of the time I was getting it on with a velociraptor when my parents came home early so I tried stuffing him in the closet but accidentally slammed the door closed on his neck and his head fell off. I buried it in the backyard, but I kept the body. What? It's okay if it's a dinosaur!
Hit the jump for a video of the flies in action (first video) as well as another of what jewel wasps do to cockroaches (same concept of zombification, but with a completely different method (read: injecting venom straight into the brain)).
Continue Reading " SICK!: Fly Turns Ants Into Zombie Nurseries "
May 11 2009 Another Montauk Monster Washes Ashore
Remember the Montauk Monster? It's back. Well, another one at least. Escaped from the same top secret government facility as the first, this monster washed up on Southhold, Long Island, just across the bay from Montauk. AND THERE'S VIDEO. AND IT'S GROSS. BUT I'D STILL EAT IT. BECAUSE I'M HUNGRY.
Hit the jump for some guy poking the thing, holding hands with it, and singing Kumbaya and shit.
May 1 2009 Swine Flu Origin, Self Diagnosis Website
If you haven't seen this already, allegedly, this is how it all began (but not really, so PLEASE don't email me about it). And, with the world in hysterics, DoIHaveSwineFlu.org has developed a web-based self diagnostic tool for the detection of swine flu. It takes just one minute to complete, so I urge you all to take the time to run through it, just to be on the safe side. Go on, do it for me. Well? Be honest. ZOMG, YOU HAVE IT DON'T YOU?!? Jesus, don't leave a comment -- you'll kill us all!
Thanks to Bailey, trishna87 and Michael, who are holding out for the ewe flu.
Apr 30 2009 Highly Questionable, Volatile: Robot Milk
I have no idea what the hell robot milk is (likely poison), but it looks thicker than the BBW in my fetish mag. Also, how the hell does one go about procuring robot milk? Because if it's anything like milking a bull, the The Superficial Writer wants in.
Robot Milk [friggingrandom]
Thanks to Bo, who once milked a goat and then made goat cheese and sold it at a farmer's market. Good looking, Bo.
Apr 30 2009 Good Eats: A Whole Chicken In A Can
Hungry? Yeah, but are you whole chicken in a can hungry? That's right folks, Sweet Sue's Canned Whole Chicken (without giblets) is an entire cooked chicken in a can (a big one). Equally perfect for camping trips or throwing up everywhere! Hit the jump to see an uncanning in progress, which will leave you wondering why you've ever eaten anything else. Then go get one. You'll be doubled over on the bathroom floor with the runs quicker than you can say "I think I ate the asshole"! Bon Appétit!
Hit it for the uncanning. Really makes me want one.
Apr 29 2009 Highly Questionable: No Wash Boxers
No Wash boxers were designed by 29-year old medical student Rob Libfeld who claims he came up with the idea when he noticed how embarrassed patients in the hospital were of their soiled, all white underwear. As you can see, the $13 drawls are all yellow in the front and brown in the back, so you can piss and shit to your incontinent heart's content with little to no visible embarrassment. However, there will still be a smell, so be sure to look around quizzically to expel any blame.
No wash underwear hides stains, not odours [newslite]
Thanks James, and remember: he who protested it, foam-crested it.
