Sep 18 2009 September 19th Is Int'l Talk Like A Pirate Day!
That's right you salty, half-masted sons of wenches, tomorrow (September 19th) be International Talk Like A Pirate Day. And to celebrate, TellTale Games is giving away free 1-part episodes of Tales of Monkey Island. Also, I will be getting drunk all day wearing an eyepatch and waving a plastic cutlass. So, if you want some free awesome gameage head over HERE tomorrow to claim your booty. Unless you already own the game like I do CAUSE YOU ARE A PIRATE 4 LIFE! Now, whattya say you and I swill some grog and yell at the wenches? What do you mean, "no"? That's it: hand me my wooden leg, I'm gonna kick your ass.
Thanks to deadbodyman, who talks like a pirate all the time because he illegally downloads copywritten files online all day.
Jul 21 2009 Blue Beer From Melted Icebergs, Seaweed
The Japanese, in their unending quest to make the awesomest stuff on the planet (minus robots), are manufacturing blue beer made from melted icebergs (take that you Titanic sinking bitch!). And, not to toot my own horn or anything, but I have already had colored beer on St. Patty's day before. It made my throw up green!
Okhotsk Blue Draft stands out for its cool color and interesting (yet not off-putting) ingredients. The brew is made using water melted from icebergs that float each year onto Hokkaido beaches from the chilly Sea of Okhotsk, an arm of the North Pacific ocean bordered by Japan and Russia.
Then Abashiri went one step further and used seaweed to give their brew and icy blue tint. Perhaps not the greatest selling point but it does make Okhotsk Blue look, well, different. As for the taste... reports state that Ryuho isn't at all bad as beers go, and if you didn't know there was seaweed in it, you likely wouldn't guess there was.
Abashiri also manufactures red and green beers (picture after the jump) because, honestly, what better way to teach your children their colors? Son, fetch daddy another purple one. I said purple, this is blue -- YOU WILL NEVER BE A PAINTER!
Hit the jump for a shot of the other colors and a commercial for the beer.
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May 21 2009 Astronauts Drink Urine, Love Every Drop
Well if those aren't the happy faces of three urine-guzzling fools, I don't know what are.
At the international space station, it was one small sip for man and a giant gulp of recycled urine for mankind.
Astronauts aboard the space station celebrated a space first on Wednesday by drinking water that had been recycled from their urine, sweat and water that condenses from exhaled air. They said "cheers," clicked drinking bags and toasted NASA workers on the ground who were sipping their own version of recycled drinking water."The taste is great," American astronaut Michael Barratt said. Then as Russian Gennady Padalka tried to catch little bubbles of the clear water floating in front of him, Barratt called the taste "worth chasing."
"The taste is great". "Worth chasing." Yeah, maybe worth chasing with a glass of battery acid. Just kidding, I'm sure urine is delicious. Like mine, but with less alcohol and cherry pits. *pew pew*
Cheers! Crew drinks up recycled urine in space [msnbc]
Thanks to Jon, who just ordered a case of the stuff because he loves outerspace.
May 5 2009 But Wait, There's More: Beer Pong Trick Shots
This is like 900 hours of beer pong trick shot footage cut down to 3:41. I'm sure most of you will hate it, but there will always be a soft spot in my heart for college-aged boys playing with their ba...ba...ba...buddies. Haha, you thought I was gonna say balls. I HAVE WHAT THEY CALL SELF CONTROL! Also, a Master's degree in Geekologie. mE=mcAwesome!
Thanks to Dave, who, for the tip, can play on my team at the weekly beer pong tournament at Orange Ball in Rockville, MD. Airfare not included, sorry buddy.
Apr 28 2009 They'll Never Find It!: Powdered Alcohol
I've known about powdered alcohol for a while now because I remember reading an article about powdered wine being available to campers (also great for water into wine tricks!). *HORF* Just kidding, I'd totally drink it. But now it's hitting the mainstream, and soon you'll see powdered alcohol mixes popping up everywhere (read: your teen's bookbag).
No word on price or availability just yet, but rest assured they'll be a ton of companies jumping on the 'sneaking alcohol into church/school' bandwagon. Which, honestly, I've been doing for years. Now I know what you're thinking, "But how, Mr. Geekologie Writer?" And the answer to that, my disciple, is in my stomach. In a tied-off balloon. Next to all the coke.
Product Page
and
Product Page (coming soon)
Thanks to Mars, who once beat the shit out of Mercury for orbiting funny.
Apr 21 2009 Cocktails For The Trekkie Boozehound
Let's face it, even Trekkies like to get all crunk on spacejuice and get into Vulcan Death Grip fights at the bar. Completely understandable. These are only two of ten Star Trek inspired cocktails, so be sure to hit the jump to see eight more. Then make one. However, I was a little sad to see there was no Red Shot (with significantly increased chance of death). Or Khaaaaanikazi. Or 3 Buttery Nipples.
Also, you show me a bar that actually keeps figs in stock and I'll show you a guy whoring himself out for drinks. Ha, or you can tell The Superficial Writer yourself, whatever.
Hit the jump for the rest. You'd howl too if your figs were frozen. Anybody?
Mar 26 2009 The Saddest 'Bottomless Beer' I've Ever Seen
The 'Endless Beer' keychain is a little keychain that gives sad alcoholics everywhere the sensation of opening the same empty beer can over and over. Because honestly, what's more fun than disappointment (besides getting hit in the nuts by the space shuttle)? Available in June, the fun-filled devices will run about $9. And, for as much shit as I talk, I'm totally buying one.
Endless Beer Can Popping Keychain! [rinkya]
Mar 6 2009 Delicious!: Bubble Buddy Blows Bacon Flavored Bubbles For Your Dog Or Child!
Sure bubble guns have existed forever, but not BACON flavored bubbles! That's right, now you can blow bacon, chicken, or peanut butter flavored bubbles for your favorite pooch or small child.
Dogs love these yummy scented bubbles. You can use these dog bubbles with the included bubble wands or with any bubble machine, bubble blower, bubble gun or bubble shooter for dogs. One thing's for sure: your dog is gonna love popping all those flavored bubbles! 100% non-toxic bubbles are and safe for dogs and kids.
The gun costs $9.25 and 2-packs of bubbles are $4.25. Cheap! Fun! Delicious! I couldn't find any nutritional info, but I'm sure it's safe to say that drinking a whole bottle constitutes a well balanced meal. *GLUG GLUG GLUG* Mmmm, bacon-y. *BURP* Oooh -- just as delicious coming back up! WHEE, BUBBLES!
Product Site
Thanks to Alex, who marinated a Bacon Explosion in bacon bubbles and swears it was delicious.
Feb 19 2009 Aaaah, College: Russian Beerbong Roulette
I remember one time in college I got so drunk I thought the electrical cord to the mini-fridge was my belt. Long story short: the milk went bad. Anyways, beer roulette: not as fun as beer darts, but how can you compete with the excitement of potentially piercing a friends nads (you can't!).
You fill the barrel in the center with beer (it holds up to two liters) and then you take turns with your companions at pulling out the bottles underneath it. The right bottle will unleash a torrent of amber pain into the unfortunate puller's gullet.
Amber pain? More like amber pleasure. And do you automatically win if you pull all the bottles at once? Yes, you do. Glug glug, bitches, glug glug. Also, that guy in the picture fails at proper bonging technique. But I do like how the chick in the back is drinking wine straight from the bottle. Marry me?
Russian Roulette Beer Bong Only Good for Irresponsible Frat House Fun [uberreview]
Jan 4 2009 Sexy Pole-Dancing LEGO Minifig Works For Tips In The Everfrost Mountain Brewery
High atop the snow-covered peak of Everfrost Mountain the elves brew a wicked batch of grog -- a grog so powerful it can etch diamonds and make a Goron's pee burn. I'm telling you, that stuff will even put hair on an infant's chest. It's true, look at my newborn. Just kidding, that's a Furby. Anyway, this is a LEGO brewpub built by a guy named Andrew. And what brewpub is complete without a pole-dancing LEGO minifig? None. And this particular dancer is powered by a 9v motor, so she spins about the pole like a champ -- in both directions (video after the jump)! Which is a lot more than I can say for the last stripper I saw -- she tried to slide down the pole upside down and fell on her neck! Needless to say, I took my dollar back while she was dazed.
Hit the jump for a short video of Plastica doing her thing on the pole.
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Dec 23 2008 Do You Piss Liquid Gold?: A $400,000 Watch
The Cabestan Winch Tourbillion Vertical Watch is utterly ridiculous and has 1,352 parts (in comparison, my sundial has two). It's "driven by a 450 link chain and nickel silver drums" and looks like it'll break just putting it on. The base model will set you back $275,000, but if you want that shit to have platinum and diamonds and a set of grillz it'll be $400,000. I have no idea what makes the thing tell time, but if I had to guess, I'd say it's something to do with a winch. And speaking of which -- more beer you wretched beast!
Mad props in advance to everyone that's going to use their comment to tell me beer wench is spelled with an e.
Hit the jump for several more pictures of the awesomely constructed movement.
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Nov 21 2008 Yarrr, Doubloons!: Live Pirate Map Shows You Where The Plundering Is Going Down
Pirates, they used to wear cool hats. Now? Not so much. But you can still check out their exploits on the International Maritime Bureau's "live piracy map" (based on Google Maps). You know, to see where the booty's being plundered.
Just drill down by using the zoom slider, and click on a flag to see what kind of crime took place. All are labeled with the type of ship, as well as whether the pirates successfully hijacked it or merely boarded. Certain areas, like this one off the coast of East Africa, are pirate paradises. The seas around Singapore and Malaysia are also packed with pirates.
You know where else is packed with pirates? My pants. Isn't that right you little swashbuckling bastards? Haha, just kidding -- they're crabs. I still gave them pirate names though. Stop it Captain Clawhands, that tickles!
Hit the jump for one more map and a link to interactive version in case you can't find the one I cleverly hid in the text of the post.
Continue Reading " Yarrr, Doubloons!: Live Pirate Map Shows You Where The Plundering Is Going Down "
